JK Rowling and Posie Parker

You can think of this article as JK Rowling part 1.5 if you like, but it involves a significant digression which I thought deserved an article of its own.

I've worked through the whole of The Witch Trials of JK Rowling, and there's a lot to talk about. My initial thoughts about the podcast are this:

1. Megan Phelps-Roper, the presenter, has an absolutely beautiful voice, which is a complete pleasure to listen to. Interestingly I had never heard JK Rowling's voice before I started listening to the podcast, and it wasn't quite the voice I expected.
2. The podcast has a very American slant to it. It presents many of the events of Rowling's life and career set against a backdrop of American cultural trends and events. There is some discussion of things which happen in the UK or the wider world, but not very much. This is understandable--but disappointing.
3. The Guardian reviewer (that I quoted in my previous article) is right: the podcast is too long and meandering. JK Rowling herself isn't actually in it very much--certainly not as much as I thought or hoped--and doesn't appear at all in Episode 6. I found myself wishing they would skip past what Americans all thought about Harry Potter and get back to what JK Rowling was actually saying. And I wished that they would stop cutting away from what Rowling is saying to put in little asides and quotes from other people. Thankfully there are transcripts available, which feature only what Rowling says, at the Rowling Library.

Posing as Parker: Keen-Minshull

New Zealand had a recent visit by a British woman who calls herself Posie Parker. Her real name is Kellie-Jay Keen-Minshull, and she is a mother of four who styles herself as a woman's rights activist, and an anti-trans activist. I had never heard of her before a couple of months ago. It turns out that her star seemed to start to rise in 2018. She's very active (and vocal) online, and also takes part in rallies and other events, in Britain and, increasingly, the USA.

Keen-Minshull announced in January of this year her intention to travel to Australia, and across here to New Zealand, in March. This stirred up some pretty fierce opposition, both from the Aussies (they let her in, and neo-Nazis came to her rallies) and the Kiwis. Various petitions were made.  Immigration Minister Michael Wood spoke about her “inflammatory, vile and incorrect world views”. Ultimately, however, it was agreed that Keen-Minshull was not considered a risk to “public order or public interest”.

Gender Minorities Aotearoa, InsideOUT Kōaro, and Auckland Pride filed for a judicial review in the High Court. They sought an interim order to stop Keen-Minshull from entering the country until the judicial review could take place, but the following day a judge ruled that it was unlawful to keep her out.

Keen-Minshull had planned two events: one was going to be in Auckland, in the large Albert Park on 25th March; the other in Wellington.

Keen-Minshull: They [the rallies] are outside because too many venues will cancel us.

Hounded: Keen-Minshull

Nobody was under any illusions about what was going to happen. She was going to get up on a podium, with a microphone, and make anti-trans speeches, and that's what she tried to do. However, there were large organised protests against her (some of my friends went in carloads to Auckland to protest) and they chanted loudly and blew whistles and trumpets before her appearance. While she had 150-200 supporters, the protesters were far more numerous, thought to be about 2000.

Ultimately she never got to speak. A protester called Eliana Rubashkyn poured tomato juice over her hair and she was escorted away by police and security officers. Watching the events on YouTube, the mood of the crowd was angry and hostile, and it definitely looked as if the protesters outnumbered the supporters. Keen-Minshull was jostled and jeered by the protesters, and the YouTube footage shows her security team had quite a hard time getting her through the crowd to the police and safety.

Keen-Minshull decided to cancel her Wellington rally the next day, and left New Zealand instead, announcing that it was the "worst place for women she has ever visited", and apparently vowing to return to NZ to "win this war". And JK Rowling voiced support, tweeting that a mob had "had assaulted women standing up for their rights".

There was general rejoicing here; certainly among the rainbow groups. A bad lady from another country had come here to spread hate speech and was sent packing with her tail between her legs. There seemed to be general congratulation aimed at an unrepetentant Eliana Rubashkyn, who was charged with common assault but is still awaiting sentencing. No other arrests were made; no injuries were reported and no property was damaged. My impression is that the general feeling is that no great harm has been done, as this cartoon from the Otago Daily Times suggests.

But was this the right outcome after all?

One of my correspondents expressed disappointment with the way Keen-Minshull had been treated, and said she should have been allowed her platform to speak. At first, I have to say, I disagreed. However, a few things made me reflect about it a lot more.

The first was that, while trans people and supporters were in great evidence at Keen-Minshull's rally, and officials seemed to be on our side (Finance Minister Grant Robertson wrote "As a country we need to keep our trans community close, and support them through this time"), there was a sharp rise in anti-trans hatred online in this country. Was this because she was perceived to have been maltreated here? Would the hatred have been worse if she had been allowed to speak? I cannot say.

Otago Daily Times cartoon

The second thing was something JK Rowling herself said, in episode 3 of the Witch Trials podcast (which was made before Keen-Minshull's NZ trip). The italics are mine for emphasis of particular points.

Rowling: I was starting to think about this a lot, subcultures that have their own rigid rules, acceptable beliefs, non acceptable beliefs, everything becoming very reductive. (...) And I was becoming really concerned.

I think the first time I became really interested in what was going on, sort of culturally, it was Milo Yiannopoulos. The alt-right provocateur, I suppose you would call him. And I’m watching from across the pond as he tries to speak on various campuses, and there are protests, riots. You know, "We want him de-platformed, we don't want him to speak at all". And I thought it was a terrible strategic error.

And my feeling was, you are giving this man way more power than he deserves by behaving in this way. It made Milo look sexier and edgier than he deserved to look. I thought it was a strategically appalling turn. Get on that platform and eviscerate his ideas. Get on that platform and expose him for the charlatan that he is. You push back hard, but you’ve given him so much power by refusing to talk.

(...) In fact, I thought they were serving his purposes, because he was able to walk away from that saying, “Look, they don’t dare debate me! This is how dangerous and edgy I am!". And I don’t think we want to cast the alt-right in that light. But inadvertently, [that’s what they’re doing].

And this is definitely true. Immediately after returning to the UK, Keen-Minshull gave an interview with (conservative-leaning) Spectator TV, where a very sympathetic interviewer (musician Winston Marshall) gave her a very free platform, and every opportunity to spin the narrative entirely in her favour without challenge. For example, they both speak of the "violence", when there wasn't any (nothing like what happened with Milo Yiannopolous's rallies in the US). They play a clip (starting at 0:44) of Keen-Minshull being jostled by the crowd, which was filmed by her own phone. In the image, you can see a hand firmly around Keen-Minshull's neck, appearing as if she is being choked--but the NZ Herald footage shows that the hand round the neck was one of her own security guards. It makes it very easy for her to claim that she was the victim, when to trans people and our supporters, she was the aggressor.

Keen-Minshull: I don't know if some latent trauma [from these events] is going to come along and bite me soon, but I'm OK. (...) 

What they inadvertently did, they did two things. Number one they whipped up a frenzy, but the other thing they did is they told everybody my name on a repeating--like so many times that people were like "Well, what is this woman? What does she stand for? How can I-- like, why are we stopping her from coming into the country?" And then they look me up, and then they agree with what I say, and what I stand for. So it had, em, you know, they did me many favours".

Oh dear! How could it have turned out like this?

How could we have done this better?

As always in my articles, a little discussion is in order.

Mysterious: Posie Parker

First, where does the name Posie Parker come from? I assume it's some sort of online identity, so that Keen-Minshull can't be identified, although since she has come out so publicly, everyone knows her real name and identity now anyway. So why keep it? Is it because it's plainly easier to say than Kellie-Jay Keen-Minshull? Is it a play on the name Nosey Parker? The closest I can come to is a series of mystery novels set in the 1920's, written by L.B. Hathaway, which feature a female protagonist called Posie Parker. I can't imagine that either LB Hathaway, nor the actress Parker Posey are all that thrilled by the potential association with Keen-Minshull.

Second, I am forced to agree with Keen-Minshull (and JK Rowling): by not letting her speak, we have empowered her. We have given her publicity. We have given her an enduring image: looking upset, hair covered in tomato juice (symbolic blood!). As sure as eggs is eggs, she will display that image whenever she wants to appear like she is the victim of those violent, dangerous trans activists. In short, by not allowing her to speak, we've done her "many favours".

Third, where does free speech fit into all this? In retrospect, I think the decision to allow Keen-Minshull into the country was the correct one. She has a right to freedom of movement, and freedom of speech. That freedom exists, as several government officials have pointed out, even for people whose views we may disagree with. What she is not entitled to is a platform; she is not entitled to an audience; she is not entitled to not have protesters at her events (although clearly the protesters seem to energise her). NZ Prime Minister Chris Hipkins, would not respond directly to her comments, except to say that he thought they were the "comments of someone who just wants to get a headline", and I think he is right.

Self-made martyr

How could we have done it better? I'm not sure. In retrospect, it's always clearer to consider what we should have done. If nobody had made a fuss, and Keen-Minshull had turned up to a crowd of twenty people with placards, and given a speech, and then nobody would really have taken much notice. Instead, she got a large jolt of publicity in her favour.

I think it's right to protest against speech we disagree with. JK Rowling's solution is "Get on that platform and eviscerate his ideas. Get on that platform and expose him for the charlatan that he is." That sounds so easy; so reasonable. But Keen-Minshull didn't come here for a debate! She didn't come here to listen to opposing views, consider them respectfully, and potentially modify her opinions--and she certainly didn't plan to share her platform with her opponents. Instead, she came to stir up trouble. It was made very clear to her that she was not welcome, and she chose to come anyway.

And she's vowing to come back to "win this war"--a war that she, and people like her, are perpetuating, rather than suing for peace. Instead of listening, debating, discussing, they are on the offensive. We cannot simply ignore her: she is too vocal now; too well-known online; too active, and with quite a large following. How can one counter an adversary, civilly and with dignity, who isn't being either civilised or dignified? It's an election year, so it's very likely that the government--and the opposition--will be very careful to try to position themselves favourably on issues of both trans rights and free speech.

I have no easy answers; feel free to add your own in the comments. Click here for the final part of this series.

JK Rowling - Part One

The controversy around J.K. Rowling and her comments about the trans community is continuing to rumble on. There are passionate people on both sides, and the issue is not going away. The Independent writes that "The situation has now become a toxic brew of prejudice, misinformation and tragedy. How has it come to this?" It's finally time for me to take a proper look at the whole business. And, as I've often discovered when writing about a complex subject, there just isn't room in one article to put it all in, so I've decided to split this one into two parts.

The background

First, it's well worthwhile starting at the beginning. J.K. Rowling was (basically) a penniless single mother when she wrote Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. The book and its many sequels have gone on to be stratospherically successful, making her the most popular author ever. Along with this success, there have been several very positive externalities. Her books became popular with children, which encouraged them to read--many kids (including sadly, one of mine) will only read stuff on a screen, not on a page. Along with this welcome boost in literacy, the translations of the books into other languages (you can even get the first one in Latin) has improved linguistic skill too.

Joanne Rowling, the artist known as JK

Second, the popularity of Harry Potter affected the publishing industry too. The manuscript for Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone was rejected by twelve publishers (I bet they're all sorry!), before being picked up by Bloomsbury, who were, at the time, a very small publishing company. The success of Harry Potter has made Bloomsbury one of the largest publishing companies in the world. And many other authors, such as Philip Pullman, have experienced a welcome boost in their reading figures, as the newly-invigorated reading public started looking for other books while they were waiting for the next Harry Potter book. It's no exaggeration to say that Harry Potter has changed the face of publishing.

Third, adults have got in on the books too. They even started to print Harry Potter books with more "adult" covers, so that adults reading them in public places wouldn't be embarrassed by being seen reading what was ostensibly a children's book. I have devoured all seven of the Harry Potter books, and loved reading every page, and plainly I'm not alone.

Fourth, while Rowling has earned a huge fortune, she has also given away literally millions, to all sorts of charities and good causes. So her career as a philanthropist is not to be sneezed at either. And she's more than a little bit gorgeous, if I may say so. And I know two people who have interacted with her for a decent period of time and said she was thoroughly lovely in person.

Rowling and Gender

Rowling's first (publicised) encounter with gender was the name on the cover of her books. Bloomsbury decided that her books would be most popular among boys, and it was felt that they would be less likely to read a book if they thought it was written by a woman. Therefore, she was asked to put her initials on instead, to conceal her gender. Unfortunately, Rowling has no legal middle initial, so she chose the initial K from her paternal grandmother Kathleen, and the name J.K. Rowling was born.

...and stand well back.

But the big problem began on June 6th, 2020, when Rowling read an article on Devex which spoke about "people who menstruate", and took to Twitter with her response.

She's clearly using (clumsy) humour to drive home her point. This tweet was the blue touchpaper which led to the massive explosion of anger from (it seems) almost every quarter; not least many of her loyal fans, who had found great resonance in the story of Harry Potter, a lonely, unloved outcast boy who finds his true identity and place in the world. At that point, Rowling doubled down, again in a series of tweets:

Rowling: If sex isn’t real, there’s no same-sex attraction. If sex isn’t real, the lived reality of women globally is erased. I know and love trans people, but erasing the concept of sex removes the ability of many to meaningfully discuss their lives. It isn’t hate to speak the truth.

The idea that women like me, who’ve been empathetic to trans people for decades, feeling kinship because they’re vulnerable in the same way as women—i.e., to male violence—‘hate’ trans people because they think sex is real and has lived consequences—is a nonsense.

I respect every trans person’s right to live any way that feels authentic and comfortable to them. I’d march with you if you were discriminated against on the basis of being trans. At the same time, my life has been shaped by being female. I do not believe it’s hateful to say so.

Putting it in a nutshell: Rubin

I'm interested by the statement "I know and love trans people". This statement sounds a bit like the vague "some of my best friends" statement that people make when they are unsuccessfully trying to pretend they're not prejudiced against another group of people.

Since then many prominent people, including many actors from the Harry Potter films, and several large fan groups, have made statements either in opposition to Rowling's position, or in support of trans people. These are people who owe their own success and fame (and wealth) to Rowling's work, so for them to come out so publicly in opposition to her views is not trivial.

I don't need to spell out all the ructions blow by blow. There's a lot of detail on the Wikipedia page, and also excellent summary articles on Glamour.com and The Scotsman which go into much more depth.

"I don't believe it's hateful to say so"

While all this was unfolding, I wasn't too troubled. I admit, as a fan of both her stories and the woman herself, I was disappointed to hear her make these statements, but I wasn't angry or hurt. It's worth picking them apart a little. First, what she was saying was clinging to the old idea that biological sex denotes gender and that this situation is immutable. Some of the tweets she received, as quoted in The Scotsman, point out that there are plenty of women who don't menstruate.

Tweeter: I, a 37 year old woman with a uterus, have not menstruated in a decade. Women are not defined by their periods.

Not a joke: death threats

But, she isn't directly attacking anyone. It's worth re-reading her statement above, that she recognises that trans women are vulnerable to male violence, and that she supports their right to live in any way which feels "authentic and comfortable"--except she goes on to then say "but I'm female; you're not the same as me".

"I don't believe it's hateful to say so". Actually, I don't either. I think she's expressing an opinion. I think that opinion is wrong (and surely this blog has plenty of material to back up why I think that!), but the opinion is hers to express, and I believe she should be free to do so.

Of course, I don't know what was going through Rowling's mind when she met that backlash. I genuinely think she meant well. I think she probably has had sympathy for trans women. I think she meant to support women like herself, who have been the victim of male violence (and she has). I think she has been surprised, and probably hurt, by what has happened. People have showered her with hate messages; made death threats; burned her books (!). But when you're hurting, and you're one of the wealthiest, and most influential people in the world, then it must be really difficult not to hit back--and this is where she started digging in, and making things worse. She wrote this essay on her website, and it's worth a read.

Rowling: Immediately, activists who clearly believe themselves to be good, kind and progressive people swarmed back into my timeline, assuming a right to police my speech, accuse me of hatred, call me misogynistic slurs and, above all – as every woman involved in this debate will know – TERF. (...)

But accusations of TERFery have been sufficient to intimidate many people, institutions and organisations I once admired, who’re cowering before the tactics of the playground. ‘They’ll call us transphobic!’ ‘They’ll say I hate trans people!’ What next, they’ll say you’ve got fleas? Speaking as a biological woman, a lot of people in positions of power really need to grow a pair (which is doubtless literally possible, according to the kind of people who argue that clownfish prove humans aren’t a dimorphic species).

Here she goes again, using clumsy ridicule to put down her opponents. Of course nobody is suggesting that people are like clownfish--but it's clear she's unwilling to consider that her position may be wrong, or at least that she shouldn't use biology to attempt to back it up. Otherwise, her essay is articulate (of course!) and reasoned.

Where Rowling is right

I need to say that, from my perspective, some of what Rowling says is right (which is to say, that I think it is right!). I just want to unpick some of that just now.

Got a point: Rowling

First, I do have concerns about the position of women in our society. I see, for example, that hospitals have renamed their facilities from things like Labour Ward to things like Birthing Suite; the former term emphasising the medicalisation of an unpleasant experience; the latter term being more positive and welcoming. Departments of Obstetrics and Gynaecology have been renamed things like Women's Health, again to stress the positive aspects of what they are trying to do: to promote the health of women. This isn't just a trivial rebranding: it's the outward manifestation of hard-won gains in the status of women over the decades. It's partly a recognition that pregnancy isn't a disease, which needs to be treated in hospitals, but a natural (and positive!) state for women to be in.

But now, with the rise of transmen becoming pregnant (this is definitely a future subject for this blog), we're having to change our language. In my hospital, we're now talking about "pregnant people" rather than "pregnant women", so that we don't inadvertently exclude those who are pregnant but identify as men. We're doing this to include a tiny percentage of our patient population, but I do worry that we may be making these concessions to the few, at the expense of the many; robbing them of our overt recognition of their status as women. If we want to include everyone, that needs to come without a cost to existing groups.

Second, I do worry about how some people (including some trans people) are weaponising what should be a welcome progression toward a more open and inclusive society, in order to further their own toxic agendas. There are examples here on this blog.

I definitely think the response to anything which is vaguely transphobic is pounced upon, and it is widely circulated on social media, in order to stir up hatred. A core group of hardliners seemingly just waits to find something--anything!--to hit out at. I have absolutely encountered this personally. Whenever I dare to disagree with a trans person on social media or Quora, on any topic, their knee-jerk response is to call me transphobic--when in fact the complete opposite is the case. It makes it very difficult to actually have a dialogue, because people see any statement which is not wholly supportive of their position as an out-and-out attack.

Misinterpreting: Wiens

One personal example comes from Quora. The question was How do you feel about the rise of pre-teen children coming out as transgender? and my answer begins "Surprisingly uncomfortable, even as a trans person myself. Why? Because the right research hasn't been done. It hasn't even been done in adults." This statement was pounced upon by a Quoran called Tamara Wiens, who called me "infuriating" and "deeply transphobic". Eventually, however, she gave up. The upper part of this screenshot is Tamara's words, although you can read the whole conversation if you're a Quora member. (Be warned; like all social media, Quora is pretty addictive!).

I'm using this example for several reasons; first, as an illustration of how a mild statement ("uncomfortable") can be misinterpreted as hatred or transphobia by someone who is looking for an argument. Second, to highlight my own view that we do need to be pretty careful about how we treat transgender children. This is something that JK Rowling has expressed concerns about. Third, because it actually remained a conversation, rather than degenerating into a slanging match (I don't participate in those). Some people become very offensive, or block me completely.

The third point I want to make is that I'm absolutely in support of free speech. In this, Rowling and I are completely aligned:

Rowling: The third is that, as a much-banned author, I’m interested in freedom of speech and have publicly defended it, even unto Donald Trump.

She's referring, of course, not just to banning her books before the gender furore, but because her books were banned in some parts of the US because some people believed that children's stories about magic being cool are un-Christian. I wish I were making this up.

Alamogordo, New Mexico, 2001

That's why, of course, I'm arguing that JK Rowling should be free to make her points. They are hers to make. She does not deserve hatred; she does not deserve death threats. And in the magnificent words of Henry Jones, Sr: "Goose-stepping morons like yourself should try reading books, instead of burning them".

This article is already quite long enough, and there's lots more to talk about! The interesting (recent) development is that Rowling has teamed up with podcaster Megan Phelps-Roper, to produce an extended interview to put her points across: The Witch-Trials of JK Rowling. I've already listened to the first episode (there are seven). I must say I thought the podcast would be an extended, fawning hagiography of Rowling; after all, she's not going to grant a lengthy audience with someone who is really going to challenge her, or to present her in a bad light.

The Guardian has it absolutely right:

Guardian: The Witch Trials of JK Rowling is a strange podcast. Rowling’s careful, crisp mind contrasts with host Megan Phelps-Roper’s mushy Christian desire to be as kind and evenhanded as possible. That’s not to say that the podcast isn’t interesting – it is – just that it’s uneven and reeeally streeetched out. It needs a far tougher editor.

But my full thoughts on all of that will need to wait for next time. Click here for the next thrilling instalment!

Seriously not helping - Part Two

In a previous post I talked about some people whose behaviour is seriously not helping the cause of trans people. These are people whose antics and conduct are so unreasonable that they are creating a backlash of resentment which is making things worse for the rest of us.

Aaaaaand I've come across some others. The first person I've heard about lately is Jessica Yaniv, a 35-year old Canadian transwoman, described on her Wikipedia page as a "transgender activist". Yaniv has been causing all sorts of trouble in British Columbia.

Jessica: seriously??

The issue I first came across was hearing that Yaniv had brought a series of lawsuits against beauty salons in her district who had refused to perform waxing of her genitals.

The salons were all small businesses run by a single beautician, most of whom were immigrants to Canada. Yaniv sought damages of up to $15,000, alleging transphobic discrimination.

Yaniv hasn't had genital surgery, which is pertinent to this article in that the beauticians stated (very reasonably) that they didn't advertise waxing for male genitalia, that they hadn't been trained to perform it safely, and that they objected to working on male genitalia for personal or religious reasons. They all said they didn't refuse on account of Jessica's transgenderism.

So here's the thing. It's quite possible to find salons who will wax any part of you, no matter who you are. For a hilarious example from Scotland, you can read about Miss Twist's experiences here. It's just a matter of phoning around first, and asking politely. Speaking for myself, I get my legs and chest waxed regularly by a lovely woman called Lynne, and I've never had any trouble (mind you, I don't go for genital waxing).

Jessica Yaniv deliberately targeted small businesses (rather than the large beauty chains), run by women whom she knew would be uncomfortable with the request, and who would be unlikely to be in a strong position to mount a defence against legal action. In other words, her behaviour was predatory. The lawsuits were all dismissed, but the associated costs and inconvenience caused two of the beauticians to go out of business as a result, even though she was ordered to pay damages to them.

You might think that such a resounding legal defeat would deter Yaniv from further similar antics--but she's no quitter! The next thing which came to my attention was that she was protesting that a gynaecologist had refused to see her. Yaniv posts frequently on Twitter, and she wrote:

Yaniv: So a gynaecologist office that I got referred to literally told me today that 'we don't serve transgender patients', And me, being me, I'm shocked.. and confused... and hurt.

Gervais: twittering

But the thing is, any reasonable doctor looking after Yaniv would know not to refer her to a gynaecologist. A gynaecologist just isn't the right sort of specialist to be dealing with any potential problem with her equipment. She might as well complain that her electrician refused to fix her plumbing. The right doctor would have been a urologist, or maybe an endocrinologist. Although as I have written before, the Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists is demonstrating willingness to treat transwomen.

And my second comment is that she, being her, isn't shocked... or confused... or hurt, but delighted that she now has another excuse to play the despised victim, and kick up another ruckus.

But this time her comments came to the attention of comedian Ricky Gervais. I have never really enjoyed his comedy, although I came to view him in a new light as an actor. Like many comedians he can be quite vitriolic in his material, and lately he's been disappointingly transphobic very openly. In exactly the same vein, he lays into Jessica Yaniv via his Twitter account. Here's one example, but there are others.

It doesn't bother me if Jessica Yaniv annoys Ricky Gervais--but it does bother me when her antics are causing harm to the wider trans community, and they undoubtedly are. Canadian media say trans people have reported a sharp upturn in online hate toward them as a result of the publicity around Jessica Yaniv.

I find myself wondering what Jessica Yaniv gets out of all this controversy. I sense that she is using transgender rights as a shield, behind which she hides while lobbing rocks at everyone within reach. She craves attention, she craves publicity, and she enjoys exchanging Twitter insults with adversaries. I wonder what her next stunt will be--I'm sure we shall all hear about it in due course. But I'm prepared to predict that it seriously won't be helping.

Lemieux: seriously??

Still in Canada (!) we turn to the case of teacher Kayla Lemieux, who has been teaching woodwork in the Oakville Trafalgar High School near Toronto. The problem is Lemieux wears colossal prosthetic breasts (unfailingly reported as "Z-cup", although I don't know what that actually means), complete with very prominent artificial nipples, while teaching students. Understandably, this has provoked "months of debate" about her appearance.

Things seemed to develop when the New York Post reported it had followed Lemieux and discovered that she doesn't wear them all the time, and in fact usually presents as a man. Naturally, there is photographic evidence, and the testimony of a neighbour in further support.

I don't really think the New York Post represents the pinnacle of investigative reportage. Nonetheless, it seems pretty clear that Lemieux has been well and truly busted (geddit?). Lemieux has finally been suspended from her job (though without being sacked), and the New York Post is taking the credit.

"Oh, that's not me!"--seriously??

When you're discovered doing something you've been trying to keep secret, you have two options: you can come clean, or you can double down. With a weary sigh, I note that Lemieux has doubled down. She insists that the man in the New York Post's photos isn't her. You can judge for yourself here.

She insists those boobs aren't fake; that she is intersex, and has gigantomastia, although she admits she is "in transition" and has been on hormones. She also insists there's nothing wrong with the way she dresses, although there have been other complaints about her clothing, not just her boobs.

Lemieux: I don’t think there’s any problem with how I have dressed. It’s the personal opinion of other people. I don’t think I have dressed unprofessionally.

There's so much to discuss about Lemieux that I'm not quite sure where to begin!

First, let me state quite clearly that Lemieux's ginormous bazooms are plainly fake. Oversized breasts just don't have those prominent nipples. Second, large boobs are heavy, and women with very large boobs struggle with neck pain and back pain, and often have surgery to reduce their size. Only people who can take off their boobs at the end of a hard day can cope with boobs like those. (I'm also sure the man in the picture is Lemieux).

Oh wait--that's an airship!

You would wonder why a teacher in a woodworking class would be wearing huge boobs, which must surely get in the way and present a genuine hazard when using tools and other equipment.

Second, nobody (not even the New York Post) has reported that any of the complaints about Lemieux were because people objected to a transgender teacher; in the middle of all this, I think that's a positive thing to remark upon. If Lemieux just wanted to be a woman, and work as a teacher, she already had that: all she needed was to just wear what ordinary teachers wear, and buy a reasonable pair of boobs.

The fact that all that wasn't enough makes me think that there is something else going on with Kayla Lemieux. If she only presents as a woman when working at a high school, then there must be something about that which tickles her pickle, so to speak. And the parents (and staff, and school board) of the Oakville Trafalgar High School must really think so too. How did she get the job in the first place? If she was already employed, and then transitioned, it would be obvious that the boobs didn't grow gradually. If she wasn't already employed, whose idea was it to give her a job?

And if Kayla Lemieux is the only trans teacher in her locale, how much harder is she making it for the next trans teacher who comes along? If Lemieux is the only example of a trans teacher they have come across, who is going to want another?

Like Lemieux, I only present as a woman sometimes. But the difference between me and Kayla Lemieux is that I'm always very conscious of the scrutiny that I receive from other people, and I'm aware that I may be the first trans person they've encountered close up, which makes me a sort of ambassador for trans people in the cis world. And my goals are to look fabulous, feel wonderful, and enjoy the company of friends. It definitely seems that Lemieux has some other goals. I don't know what they are, but they are seriously not helping.

It will be interesting to see how things unfold with Kayla Lemieux, although I don't see those colossal melons appearing in a woodworking classroom again any time soon.

If you come across any other people out there whose antics are seriously not helping, please drop me a comment below!

What a year!

While it's still my intention with this blog to write articles exploring aspects of gender, I still want to write about my personal experiences in 2022, which seems to have been a watershed in my life as Vivienne.

Let me take us back to 2012, when I posted this article, which was about trying to evaluate the place of crossdressing in my life. At that time I was married, closeted, and dreadfully miserable. The article contains this paragraph:

Another symptom of need is that crossdressing haunts my dreams. These are frequent; at least once per week, and for the Freudians among you they are simple, straightforward, wish-fulfilment dreams. I am in some situation where crossdressing is OK: out with my friends, speaking in public, in a job interview, meeting new people. In each case, I am lavishly and wonderfully dressed: I draw compliments and warmth and enthusiasm. People find it interesting and cool. And then I wake up, and that lovely warm rosy glow fades pretty sharply in the face of the alarm.

Fast-forward a few years, and things got a lot better. I started to go out dressed; to interact with people in shops and restaurants, and to express my gender more openly. I started to tell people I'm a doctor rather than hide behind the term "academic", and to blog about medical issues.

Selfie Queen

But things were still a bit slow on the Vivienne front. Dressing was unusual. I know exactly how many times I've dressed, because I take a million selfies every time I do. I'm a complete selfie queen--and now I've become quite the expert on the various photo edits I can do on my phone, my tablet and my laptop, to make the images as flattering as possible.

About 0.00001% of my selfie collection

Part of the selfie thing is to try out various looks and see what works: and there's a lot to think about if you're trying to take a male chassis and turn it into a womanly body! Part of the selfie thing is a long-standing habit: I would use my selfies during those long periods of dressing drought, to soothe my yearnings and remind myself that lovely fem times would reappear. And part of the selfie thing is that I really, really like to look pretty, and seeing nice pictures of myself gives me a real burst of euphoria. (And for the record, while I do adjust the colour balance for the most flattering look, none of my pictures have been enhanced with any image filters, such as FaceApp).

So I know that the number of times I actually dressed enough to take selfies over the last few years is about 4 or 5 times--a year. Part of the problem was that I never quite felt like I had the look together properly. I had to have a huge lead-up to getting dressed: just getting the body hair under control was a mission. And then I didn't feel like my wardrobe was up to much, so I never quite felt the outfit worked. I had one or two go-to outfits, and a whole lot of other garments which just weren't quite right.

Another part of the problem was (and is) that we have busy lives. We both work long hours, including night shifts, and we have a cartload of kids and animals to take care of. So opportunities were quite few.

And what I wanted, most of all, was a social life. I tried to make contact with some trans people, but for various reasons I didn't really get any momentum. The turning point was making contact with the local Pride network.

Out for Coffee

I'd already had the experience of experience of going to a party at a friend's house as Vivienne, and meeting people there. But everyone there was a friend of a friend--this was a bunch of complete strangers I would be meeting.

A car selfie!

The event was called Out for Coffee, and it was a simple enough idea: turn up to a local coffee shop, meet a bunch of Pride people, and make new friends. Although I have been Vivienne my whole adult life, it's a very unusual experience to introduce yourself to someone by your fem name. At first, it felt really powerful and meaningful--I knew this was something new. Vivienne's identity was becoming more real.

On this first occasion, I brought not just Missy but my stepkids, one of whom is quite rainbow themself. It was a family-friendly event (as many Pride events are). At first I was quite nervous and we all just sat and ate together. But after we'd had breakfast, I started to mingle--and everyone was fantastically lovely.

One woman said I should join the local Queer Women group. I was delighted by the invitation--but also cautious. Would they be OK with members like me? I asked. I know that not all women's groups are welcoming to trans people, and I would hate to make anyone else feel uncomfortable--or even encounter hostility.

So I messaged one of the moderators of the Queer Women group expressing my concerns, and this is her response:

Thanks so much for reaching out with your concerns. You will be most definitely welcome in our group and if anyone makes you feel otherwise please let myself or (other moderator) know, we would hate for you to feel unwelcome or uncomfortable. Our group is about diversity and acceptance for all queer women whether you express this full time or not, it doesn't matter to us. If it makes you feel more at ease, we do have other M2F people in the group who regularly come to our events too. I hope we get to meet you at an event soon 😀 PS: that's a great photo! 

Vivienne becomes a Person

And so I started going along to social events with the Queer Women. The moderator was right: everyone is absolutely lovely, and totally welcoming and inclusive. Vivienne's identity has become completely real: I've been to so many events that I get recognised by the regulars, and I now have friends who have literally never seen me dressed as a man. That is an extraordinarily powerful feeling.

I need all the help I can get!

There have been coffee meetups, board game meetups, meals out, drinks out, social events at people's homes, book club, you name it. There have also been some outdoor things I haven't gone along to: walking trips and boating trips and cycling trips. For me, it's unbearably hot just wearing my wig and shapewear, even before there's any exercise involved!

There is a fantastic mix of women in the group--including a few M2F transwomen. There are women of all ages and backgrounds. The thing they (and I) have in common is an enjoyment of good company, and having fun. To be accepted without question and treated just like one of them is extremely affirming. Some of them even work at my hospital!

Meanwhile, as my wardrobe has expanded, and my makeup skills have improved (practice, practice!), getting dressed has become a lot easier. It still takes an hour from a standing start--but it used to take half a day! And having makeup and clothing just there on the shelf or in the drawer makes the access much easier.

I've also come out to lots of other people, including my hairdresser (who has helped with hair) and my lovely beautician. I get a full leg wax every few weeks, and of course I have been telling my beautician about Vivienne from the first day. She's always wanted to meet Vivienne, and this week we finally made it happen! She introduced me to the other staff members as Vivienne, and of course it was lovely to get pampered in a beauty salon. Another bucket list item ticked off!

Up on the Stage

One of the Queer Women events involved an open-mike evening in a local rainbow-friendly venue, where audience members would get up on stage and read some of their own writing. I decided that I had to get up and give that a go.

Is this thing on?

This time, the audience wasn't just Queer Women, but members of the public, although clearly everyone knew what the themes were going to be. I was struck by the material from the other writers. There were agonising coming-out stories. There were unrequited love stories. There was poetry, and prose. It was raw; it was real. And then there was me!

I've written quite a lot of medical stuff under my male name, and this includes a few anecdotes about inspiring patients I've met on the journey. I chose three: an inspiring one, a moral dilemma, and a funny one. They seemed to go down really well, and afterwards lots of people came up to talk to me.

So let's come back to the wording of that first paragraph:

I am in some situation where crossdressing is OK...: check.

...out with my friends...: check.

...speaking in public...: check.

...in a job interview...: we'll let that one slide!

...meeting new people: check.

In each case, I am lavishly and wonderfully dressed: I draw compliments and warmth and enthusiasm. People find it interesting and cool. Check check CHECK!

It was astonishing when I reviewed that article to discover that so many things, which were once completely unthinkable, have not only happened, but have happened joyfully, triumphantly, and there's every likelihood they will continue to happen! It goes without saying that I could never have achieved that without the love and support of the wonderful Missy.

I've already started off this year with more of the same: four outings so far, including the waxing. Who knows what will happen next?!

Prohibition Party!

It’s one of my favourite things to get an invitation where the person says “Vivienne is welcome too”. A few weeks ago I got an invitation to a friend’s birthday party. It was to be fancy dress, with a Prohibition theme. While I could use this article as an opportunity to show more pictures of myself (and I will!), there are actually other aspects to it which I’ve been reflecting on since.

How do I look?

As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t normally enjoy “dressing up”. It feels like pretending to be something I’m not, while dressing as Vivienne feels like doing something that I am. But this was an opportunity to do the latter while pretending to do the former—I don’t know if that makes any sense at all!

There were several obvious problems. I don’t possess the elegant willowy figure of the 1920’s flapper—or the gangster’s moll. But secondly I had no idea where I would come up with any sort of costume to wear.

Missy’s mum came to the rescue and had very nearly everything. She’s extremely fond of rummaging in flea markets, op shops and charity shops, and has a huge collection of all sorts of amazing stuff. She provided the dress, the wig, the fascinator, the feather boa, the pearls and rings and necklace. Even a vintage black clutch bag (foreground).

The white gloves and choker came from a dress-up shop, and the tights and shoes (which you can’t see) were model’s own. I had to take the gloves off for the mirror selfie because my phone screen wouldn’t register my touch when I had them on!

I spent ages getting ready. Among other things, I had never worn stick-on false eyelashes before. I took an hour to put them on in any sort of reasonable position, and I had to take them off and reposition them several times!

Meanwhile Missy decided to go as the gangster: the fedora, the black shirt and white tie, and a plastic gun from the dress-up shop. It was a great outfit and she looked fantastic. In fact, everyone did; it was like walking around in a scene from Bugsy Malone.

Flapper girl in a Gatsby world.

As we walked in, I realised, for the first time, that aside from a few people that we know, most people would be strangers--and not necessarily expecting to see me turn up in a frock. There were a couple of dozen people there, including teenagers, and everyone seemed to react positively. One or two of the men looked slightly taken aback when I introduced myself, but after that nobody showed the slightest discomfort. One of the women asked me where I got my tights, and I asked her where she got her corset. (Interestingly, two of the women were also dressed in male gangster gear, and looked fantastic).

The house had been done up beautifully as a speakeasy with darkened windows, decorations and soft lighting. There was a very well-stocked drinks table, and plenty of nibbles. There was even someone "on the door" and we had to pretend to give the password. But the most impressive feature was a full-on gambling den, with a full-sized roulette wheel, a blackjack table, and a professional croupier to run the whole thing. No money was won or lost--we played only for chips, though there were prizes for the biggest winners.

The croupier kept referring to me as "the gentleman with the green chips". I wasn't in the least bothered about this; I really just found it funny. In fact I joked with him: "What have I got to do here to get treated like a lady?!"

The chat and the company were outstanding. We mingled and met some lovely new people. We played roulette and blackjack. We enjoyed the nibbles and drinks. I felt wonderful. From time to time, I was suddenly struck by the realisation--all over again!--that I was out, dressed, and feeling fabulous.

Baby needs a new pair of shoes!

Looking back on this splendid evening, my first impression is how far I have come. An evening like this one--glamorously dressed and having a wonderful time with a group of lovely people--would have been pie in the sky only a few short years ago. Every time I've looked back on it, it's given me a little emotional boost.

My second reflection is that, perhaps in some sense I was also being an ambassador for trans people in company. Perhaps the people at the party hadn't come across someone like me before, and perhaps having a laugh and a chat with me might make them feel more comfortable encountering other trans people in their lives.

But the third boost it gave me is that I had told quite a lot of people, including people at work, that I was going to be going to a party "in drag". And naturally they wanted to see the photos afterward. And so I've had the experience of showing people who don't know about Vivienne some photos of Vivienne! I've had nothing but positive comments from them; many of them said they thought they were looking at a woman in the photos, although they obviously recognised it was me.

All of this makes me feel just that little more confident in myself, a little more confident about coming out to more people (slowly does it!), and a little less nervous of future encounters. How can any of this be a bad thing?

Now, let's blouse. I gotta go iron my shoelaces. Don't take any wooden nickels!

Opening the Closet

In the last couple of weeks I've finally come out to all my children.

This was a surprisingly difficult thing to do. Not because I didn't want to, but because there were significant obstacles in the way. Those of you who know me (and followers of this blog) will already know how much my ex-wife loathes cross-dressing, and how manipulative and obstructive she can be.

Without going through all the exhausting and tedious details (and there are many!) I managed to navigate the worst of her obstacles and finally do the Big Reveal.

Having been very careful in making this move has allowed several things to happen. It has allowed me to contemplate seriously, and for the first time, what my life might look like if I didn't have to hide who I am. For many years, I had to deal with a wife who told me how disgusting, how shameful, how unacceptable it is to enjoy wearing feminine clothing. This was very corrosive to my self-esteem.

During this time, hiding and pretending felt normal. It felt safe. It felt like a boat I didn't want to rock, because I was still very fearful of further negative consequences, and I didn't think I had the strength to weather them.

But the idea of no longer having to hide was beginning to take hold. Looking ahead, I could see light for the very first time--a light which I didn't dare to dream would ever shine on me. When my ex-wife's protests began to mount, the thought of moving backward was intolerable.

The Big Reveal

I've always found it amusingly ironic that a common metaphor for facing up to something difficult is to "put your big girl panties on". This was definitely one of those moments!

The star of the show was the eldest boy, in his late teens. He accepted it immediately and completely, and was so mature. He was the one I was most worried about, as he’s grown up believing his dad was an ordinary guy (albeit a geeky, scholarly one), and I wasn’t sure how he would take the news.

The one I expected would be no trouble was the eldest girl, in her middle teens. She’s very “woke”, very pro rainbow people, and has often made statements in support of minority causes. Although she also wasn’t expecting this announcement, I thought she was the one “primed” to be accepting. Instead she was quite upset, and took herself off to her mother’s place immediately.

The younger two have been fine, especially the one who is already a bit rainbow.

What I told them all is: this isn’t a secret any more. I didn’t want to pull them into the closet with me, but instead to open the door a lot wider. What that means (for me) is no more hiding. While I’m not going to wave Vivienne in people’s faces, nor am I going to be hiding away and hoping I don’t meet anyone who might recognise me.

Aftermath

I’m still processing all this. My daughter’s reaction hit me especially hard. Instead of feeling relief, or satisfaction, or triumph, I felt deflated and disheartened for a couple of weeks. It made me wonder whether I had done the right thing at all: did I push it too hard? Should I have waited longer?

I’m gradually feeling slightly better, and early indications are that she is coming around a bit more. But I still feel it’s too soon to be celebrating.

The person who has made all this possible has been my amazing partner, Missy, who has unfailingly supported me, gently coaxed me away from my tendency to catastrophise everything, and used wisdom and gentleness to help me reframe my feelings more positively. I still wonder how I’ve ended up being so fortunate.

Out, and Proud?

The word Pride is often used by rainbow people. We have Pride parades in many cities every year. They have gone from being protest marches against oppression to being (in the main) colourful parades suitable for the whole family, which is a wonderful thing. The struggle isn’t over, of course, and in some countries things seem to be actually going backwards.

It's nice to finally meet you!

But the notion of Pride is a powerful one. It’s retaliation against the sense of shame and exclusion that many of us have felt. (I know that what I’ve experienced is a drop in the bucket compared to what others have experienced!). The concept of Pride is for rainbow people to be able to say: here I am; I am a worthy person; and I am proud of who I am.

As of today, I’m not feeling proud of myself--yet. Perhaps this moment will come. And, as one person after another learns about Vivienne and responds with warmth and acceptance and curiosity, rather than revulsion or scorn, my self-image is gradually changing. And my wardrobe is improving and my makeup is looking better and I’m feeling more comfortable and natural when I go out. The overall trend is upward.

When I started talking to my trans friends and acquaintances and Facebook groups about coming out, several of them clearly saw it in very different terms from me. They saw it as a thing to celebrate. Have a party, they said (a gender-reveal party!). Make it a special day! Enjoy it!

This had never once occurred to me. Until recently, coming out has been something I dreaded, and was not looking forward to it at all. (Missy spoke of “ripping the plaster off”). Having a party to celebrate? It’s definitely something I’m thinking about, and it might make a turning point.

So what is the future going to look like? That light in the distance is beginning to look a whole lot closer. And the face that I'm going to show to the world is going to look like this one a whole lot more often.

Bits and Bobs

I've been collecting a few items of news, which aren't really worthy of a blog post all by themselves, but I have decided to put them together here.

Ukraine

Obviously, as much of the rest of the world is, I am appalled by Russia's invasion of Ukraine.

Zi Faámelu

Before this invasion, I knew very little of Ukraine. On the other hand, I was surprised to find that if you rank my blog hits by country, Ukraine comes in 10th. This is almost three times higher than my own country, New Zealand! It won't come as a surprise that hits from Ukraine have all but disappeared since the start of the invasion.

The number of hits from Ukraine made me realise that there is a trans population in Ukraine which is trying to reach out across international boundaries. I took comfort from this--until I started reading. Until recently, being trans in Ukraine could result in you being institutionalised. Ukraine ranks 39th among the 49 countries in Europe for LGBT+ freedoms and rights. Gay marriage, for example, is still illegal.

Then I read stories like this one, which describe how transwomen attempting to flee Ukraine have been detained and turned back at borders. One transwoman, Zi Faámelu, describes in Rolling Stone magazine how she was repeatedly turned back at the border, because in Ukraine, military service is now mandatory for all males, and her passport still states she is male. Eventually she escaped by swimming across the Danube river into Romania. She is now living safely in Germany.

I can understand how the presence of war, plus a country just beginning to experience a little awareness and acceptance of rainbow people, is making life extremely difficult for trans and other rainbow people. But if Ukraine isn't friendly to trans people, Russia would undoubtedly be a lot worse. Russia ranks 46th on that list, and Vladimir Putin has described gender fluidity as "a crime against humanity".

One thing is for sure: the Ukrainians are showing that they are not willing to give up their freedoms and submit to the oppression and restrictions of Mother Russia. Hopefully once they send Mr Putin back to Moscow with a bloody nose, they can get on and grow in freedom and tolerance, as they have been over the last few years.

Ukraine has also won the Eurovision Song Contest for this year. As I've written before, the contest isn't so much a competition of musical talent as a sort of political popularity contest. This victory is definitely a message of support and encouragement from the rest of Europe to the people of Ukraine.

Meanwhile, to any Ukrainian people reading this blog, I salute your courage, and I hope that the war ends soon and you can rebuild your country.

PATHA

As a doctor, I'd known that the World Professional Association for Transgender Health was a thing. However, because I was still being very stealth, I didn't really want to put my hand up, because I thought I might be traced, and that might be a "bad thing".

However, that's changed now. New Zealand has an affiliated branch of WPATH, called the Professional Association for Transgender Health Aotearoa, PATHA. I got in touch with them, and they were delightful. I've paid my membership fee, and Dr Vivienne Marcus is now a full member of PATHA.

I'm not sure what this will mean for my future. At the moment I'm just trying to cautiously reach out to the other members. It's that equivalent of slipping in at the back of the lecture theatre and hoping nobody notices you. But I'm confident of full acceptance from them.

What's not so clear is how I can contribute to the cause. I don't particularly look after trans people in my daily work. I don't think being a PATHA member is going to really change anything about how I do my job. What I am good at is writing and teaching, and I've explained that to the executive on my application. It remains to be seen what (if any) contribution I can make. I will certainly notify you of anything momentous I end up doing.

Lofi Girl

I can't remember where I first saw an animation of Lofi Girl, but it struck me immediately as being both pleasing and familiar.

Lofi Girl is the name of a French YouTube channel and music label, which, which provides an endless stream of what Wikipedia calls lo-fi hip-hop, accompanied by an endless animation of a young woman sitting writing in a diary. The music is intended to be relaxing, background music, which can be used to accompany study, relaxing or other activity; in essence, audible wallpaper.

I like lots of things about this. First, I like the animation, which is clearly inspired by the sort of Japanese anime typical of the wonderful Studio Ghibli, whose work I adore. In fact, Wikipedia says they originally used a short segment from the film Whisper of the Heart, before being legally required to take it down. Since then, they have commissioned an artist to recreate an anime-like character (whose official name is Jade) to feature.

Vivienne as Lofi Girl

The Lofi Girl sits, looking thoughtfully at her book and writing by hand. She's listening through headphones (presumably to what we hear), deep in thought. From time to time, she pauses and looks up at the cat, which sits on the windowsill looking out of the window. Then she carries on. This provides just enough action for me to sit and watch it for hours. From time to time, the weather changes outside the window, and day turns to night and vice versa.

What I love about this is that she sits exactly the way I do. I love to write in my journal; I use a gorgeous fountain pen, and delicious inks from Jacques Herbin in Paris. And while Lofi Girl is a leftie and I'm not, I do sit with my chin in my hand while I write. And from time to time I pause and look up into the middle distance. Journal writing is my happy place; both an intellectual and a sensual pleasure.

Surprisingly, the part about Lofi Girl which attracts me least is the music. There's nothing particularly wrong with it, but I find it quite samey after a few hours.

Amazingly, the Lofi Girl website allows you to customise the appearance of the Lofi Girl and create a still image. So this is what she would look like if she were Vivienne--complete with dog!