The Old Testament contains stern and forbidding passages like this one:
He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD. --Deuteronomy 23:1.
Ouch! Make sure you look after your stones! Some people view transgender behaviour as inherently sinful. As you know, I don't agree. I believe that this is the way I was created: a man with a generous spoonful of woman in the mixture. In addition, I think that Jesus went out of his way to befriend the marginalised people in his society: lepers and prostitutes and tax collectors and whatnot. These days, if Jesus were among us, I think he would (among others) be befriending transgender people--and no doubt attracting the same scorn and criticism for doing so, as he did back then.
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| Christina Beardsley |
Not only did she kindly agree to submit to my battery of interview questions, she provided detailed answers. I hope you will find those answers as interesting and enlightening as I did. She taught me that priest can be used as a verb, and she can spell mediaeval, and I learned a whole new (and somewhat wonderful) word: transcestors.
Can you tell us a bit about your trans journey? (A potted life story, if you will).
It’s tempting to compartmentalise our lives, and when communicating to others one might have to focus on the trans aspects of the journey, but I see my life as a whole, and am glad that you reframe this question by asking for a potted life story.
My childhood was relatively happy but my gender presentation was problematic to my father in particular. I once overheard him complaining to my maternal grandmother how unhappy he was that I was ‘so effeminate’ which came as something of a shock, though it shouldn’t have, as I can recall many occasions from my earliest childhood when he expressed disapproval with my gendered behaviour. My grandmother’s response was that he should not worry and that it was something that I would ‘grow out of’. Through therapy I have learnt to appreciate that I was feminine rather than effeminate and that my femininity is something that I have ‘grown into’, though not without a struggle because there were many years of denial and suppression before I was able to accept myself.
You said that you were "feminine rather than effeminate". Can you unpack what that means exactly?
Effeminate is a pejorative term arising from the hierarchy in which the male is considered superior to the female and feminine boys/men whether or not they turn out to be trans are taunted with all sorts of unpleasant names. To see oneself instead as feminine reclaims and owns one's behaviours or gender expression as fitting, appropriate and nothing to be ashamed of.
Like many people who are not understood within their family I found escape in study, and when it was time to go to university I went to Sussex University in Brighton, a city that has always had a liberal, even naughty reputation. That was 1970-73 and while at university I met the man who would become my husband. In my mid-teens I had begun to realise that I was attracted to males, but there was also ‘something else’ going on--cross dressing--which I was not able to talk about, and which I also associated with the childhood shame of being ‘effeminate’. I was very fortunate in my partner because he preferred feminine men and told me that was one reason that he found me attractive. We certainly talked about drag, and one of my fantasies while preparing for university, had been to join a drag entertainment collective (like Bloolips) and maybe not change back into male clothes, but I knew it was a fantasy.
I had experienced a call to ordained ministry when I was about twelve years old (in a small wood near the church) though I also had a strong sense that I should teach, and it wasn’t clear which of the two would have priority – today I realise that one could do both! I was accepted for ordination training and went to theological college, which meant another two years of study, followed by three years as an assistant curate (assistant minister) in a city parish in Portsmouth. My college principal, the bishop who ordained me, my training incumbent and the parish leadership were all aware that Rob was my partner and very affirming of us both. Sexuality was the dominating issue in my life at that point, rather than gender identity, though of course that had not gone away but, hey, there were plenty of other
things to think about and to do.
When it was time to move on my training incumbent asked me to stay on in the parish to look after one of the daughter churches, which I did for another four years before leaving the city to become the vicar of two rural/suburban parishes, where I was even busier, but it was here that the Holy Spirit broke in and ministered the divine love to my heart.
By the late 1980s I had been vicar of the two parishes for four years. It was just as the AIDS epidemic struck the UK and was a very bad time for gay people in the Church, especially gay clergy. Remember that gay and trans were still blurred in the 1970s and 80s; this was 1989. I woke in the night knowing I must include these words in my sermon the next day: ‘God loves me, including the fact that I’m gay.’ It wasn’t a good career move, but I felt an imperative and as if this was ‘meant to be’.
A few days later the Sunday School leader came to see me about something else. ‘It’s wonderful that you came out’ she said as she left, ‘It’s such a good role model to see a gay man in a caring profession.’ And I thought to myself, ‘But I never said that I was a man!’ That was when I knew, definitely, who I was, and that, however I might have appeared on the outside--and by this time testosterone had begun to masculinise my features--I was, as I began to express it at the time, ‘90% to 100% female on the inside’, though I can appreciate that may sound strange to some people; nor was I clear what it would mean for me at that stage. I’m aware that this is becoming a long answer, so let me say more about this episode and about what happened next as I try to answer the next question.
How did that overlap with your spiritual life? I know that you were ordained before you transitioned. Did you think that ordination would somehow prevent you transitioning? Or did you consider that you might pursue transition at some point post-ordination?
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| photo by Christa Holka |
When I was ordained in 1978 Church of England priests had all been male, and later, in therapy, by which time women were being priested, one of my dreams suggested that this dynamic had been going on in my mind: ‘priests are male; I am a priest; therefore I am male.’ Once women were ordained though, this stasis was undermined and I was forced to reframe it: ‘priests are male and female, I am a priest, therefore I am … female’. So, although it occasionally occurred to me that I might transition post-ordination, especially after seeing the landmark BBC programme about Julia Grant in 1980, I always found reasons why this was not appropriate – some of them to do with natural law and living with one’s given body – and just hoped this was something that would ‘go away’. The green light for women’s ordination made me face up to my gender identity.
Did you pray to God not to be transgender? (I know I have, many times).
Once I began to
recognise that I had ‘a problem’, yes, I did pray that God would take it away
permanently – on one memorable occasion I was driving along a dual carriage
making this my earnest prayer… and one of the tyres punctured! It was a
dramatic sign, but what did it mean?
It took time to sink in, but it looked as
if God was not going to magically remove this aspect of my personality, and
that, just as with my sexual attraction, my gender identity was also loved by
God, and I would need to learn to love it too. You see, those words about God’s
love that had formed during the night in 1989 had come out of considerable
pain, following the death of my training incumbent, and had set in motion a
train of events during which, as a friend remarked, I appeared to have faced my
demons. I had certainly felt as if I was experiencing death and resurrection
and I knew, just knew, that Paul’s words were true, that nothing, nothing in
all creation can separate us from the love of God. This was to give greater
depth to my work as a priest and prepared me for the intensely pastoral role I
would begin a few years later as a hospital chaplain.
A new spiritual practice that developed
from that ‘coming out’ in 1989 was that I immediately began to dance – circle
dance with friends, then movement classes in Skinner Releasing Technique, and
later still contemporary dance classes at the Brighton Natural Health Centre on
my days off. This practice helped me to relate to my body – I seemed to have
spent so much of my life in my head avoiding the body – and alongside other
women. Occasionally there would be men in the class but more often the other participants
were women and I felt wholly at ease. Eventually my dance CV was extensive
enough to gain me an interview as a part-time research supervisor at the Laban
Centre of Contemporary Dance, but I was not appointed. This was in the late
1990s, by which time I knew that I needed to transition and that I might not be
able to work for the Church, but I am a priest and it seems I was not meant to
be anything else.
How did knowledge of your transition go down with your parishioners? And what
about fellow priests and bishops? Did you meet any hostility or rejection? Is
that still going on sometimes?
In 1997, roughly seven years after the
‘coming out’, I was planning a long overdue sabbatical from the parishes, and given
my interest in dance, I assumed that I would be attending a dance academy, but
when I applied not one was able to take me during the months I was available.
Again, it was in the night that it came to me that I must use the sabbatical to
address various ‘unfinished business’, one of which was my gender identity. Just
prior to the sabbatical I took part in Diane Torr’s five day workshop ‘Gender
in Performance’ at the Chisenhale Dance Space in London’s East End, and I knew after
that that I did not want to be sometimes male and sometimes female – like Diane
who is a Drag King – but that I needed to integrate my gender identity, though
how I would do that as a parish priest was not at all clear.
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| photo by Christa Holka |
By this time I’d
been on hormones about six months, was living as a female, and working as an androgynous
male. Five months later, in November 2000, I met with my manager to raise the
possibility of transition at work, and was on the point of discussing this with
the acting bishop when the press began to track me down – I had been outed to a
journalist by another trans person who was also a Christian. (This seemed a
catastrophe at the time, but in retrospect it was a blessing as it would open up
many opportunities for me, but I was unaware of this then and it was all rather
terrifying.)
Although I was not named in the press at
that stage it made my discussions with the bishop extremely strained as there
were huge anxieties surrounding possible press exposure. I’d like to think that
the bishop might have been more understanding had we not been meeting in this
fraught context, but his opinion was that he could not support me and that I
should surrender my licence, which I needed to continue as a chaplain in that
particular hospital. This was one of the most painful episodes of my life, but
transgender people were not well understood at that date, and with the support
of the human rights organisation Liberty, I held my ground.
I also began to look
for work elsewhere because it was apparent that, whatever the outcome, I was
not being supported and I didn’t feel safe. I was now presenting as female all
the time and had three job interviews in a row, and it was after the last one
that I was appointed to the hospital where I have worked for the past fifteen
years and from which I’ve just retired. My new bishop was cautious about my
status to begin with and I was under his direct supervision, but after three or
four years it was obvious to him that there had been no ‘issues’ and that I was
in my element as a chaplain – well of course, because I was now at last able to
be myself.
Prior to taking up my new post the press did try to ‘expose’ me but
my former hospital’s press officer was ready for that, and my story in my own
words was sent off to the Press Association to prevent the newspaper concerned
claiming an exclusive. Prior to transition at work I wrote to friends, former
parishioners, and the priest who had succeeded me in the parishes, explaining
what I was about to do. Most people were supportive.
Do you know other transgender clerics? Perhaps even those of other faiths?
How do they get along?
In 2000, while I was working towards
transition, my clinician informed me that another priest was transitioning. He
could not tell me who it was of course. When the news broke in the media it
turned out to be Carol Stone with whom I had been at theological college. Carol
was supported by her bishop and her parishioners, remaining as parish priest
until her untimely death last year. Later I would meet the priest who
transitioned on retirement. I was next in line to transition after Carol.
My impression is that trans clergy and ordinands are
better supported now than when I transitioned although the Church of England
still lacks a policy for clergy who transition – something that I and other
Changing Attitude, England trustees have urged the Church to do.
I have networked with trans clergy and laity in the US and attended the Episcopal Church’s General
Convention in Indianapolis in 2012 when three trans inclusive resolutions were
passed. Yes, I do know of trans clergy from other faith traditions – one of my
friends is a rabbi – not least through Twilight People: Stories of Faith and Gender Beyond the Binary.
I am sorry to nail you down to this, but I am curious about your interpretation
of some Biblical passages, which are sometimes used to justify
trans-exclusionary views. The first is obviously Deuteronomy 22:5. Can you let
us know what your thoughts are about that passage? (You might say that you are
now a woman, and I would agree with you, but other people, as you know, might
disagree, and say that you were born a male and therefore remain one).
The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.The Deuteronomy verse troubled me a little as a child but even then I realised that the New Covenant was more gracious than the Old, and studying biblical criticism soon clarified that this verse was not about twentieth century cross dressing. Indeed, the text begins with a prohibition on women wearing men’s clothes, in particular armour, so it appears to be about prescribing gender roles and avoiding a mixing of categories that is completely broken down by the ministry of Jesus and the work of Christ.
And my second passage is Matthew 19:12. What do you suppose Matthew was talking about here when he was talking about "eunuchs"? Do you think he meant intersex people when he talked about "people born eunuchs"? Can you give us your interpretation of that passage? (As you know, some people interpret scripture very literally, so I am trying hard to get a scholarly viewpoint).
For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of [by] men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.
It’s a fascinating passage. Just as St Paul
thinks that it is better not to marry, because the end times have begun (1Corinthians 7:25-31), here Jesus seems to be saying that the arrival of the
kingdom means that some people (his apostles) are to be entirely focussed on its
concerns rather than procreation, marriage and family, which were strongly
emphasised under the Old Covenant, and, one could add, are once more in modern
Christianity. The early Christian
tradition too favoured virginity over marriage.
In this passage it seems likely that Jesus
was referring to those we would describe as intersex people, and also to the
eunuchs who played such an important mediating role in ancient societies, and who
do appear to have represented a third gender. I can relate to a theological essay
like Lewis Reay’s chapter ‘Towards a Transgender Theology: Que(e)rying the
Eunuchs’ in Trans/formations (SCM
2009) which regards the biblical eunuchs as our ‘transcestors’, but can also
appreciate the criticism that this could imply undue focus on surgery, and that
other biblical frameworks might be more appropriate – my current collaborator
Chris Dowd is working on this.
Like the virgins and infertile women of the Old Testament, the eunuchs were ‘barren’ but God seems to choose these unlikely people to demonstrate that God alone is the arbiter of fruitfulness, as Isaiah prophesied (Isaiah 56) and as the baptism of the Ethiopian eunuch in the Acts of the Apostles (Acts 8:26-end) illustrates.
Like the virgins and infertile women of the Old Testament, the eunuchs were ‘barren’ but God seems to choose these unlikely people to demonstrate that God alone is the arbiter of fruitfulness, as Isaiah prophesied (Isaiah 56) and as the baptism of the Ethiopian eunuch in the Acts of the Apostles (Acts 8:26-end) illustrates.
Are there any Biblical passages which you consider supportive to trans people?
I guess I am asking which are your personal favourites?
I have learned of many such passages from my friend Peterson Toscano, especially his show Transfigurations –Transgressing Gender in the Bible and by reading some of the scholarship that lies behind it. The gender variant people in the Bible he performs or refers to in this show are the Judge Deborah (Judges 4 & 5), Joseph in the Genesis (Chapters 37 onward) narrative (whose supposedly colourful coat is probably ‘a princess dress’), the eunuchs in the Book of Esther, the ‘man’ (though the Greek word used is for human being rather than for a male) carrying the jar of water, a woman’s role, (Mark 14:13, Luke 22:10), and a female disciple interpreted in the light of verses from the Gospel of Thomas.
There is not Jew nor Greek, there is not slave nor free, there is not male and female, for all of you are one in Christ Jesus...and my favourite New Testament book is the Gospel of John which is astonishing, powerful, utterly beautiful, and yet profoundly earthed in first century culture, the Word made flesh indeed. In this gospel Jesus sits at the well with the Samaritan woman, and we observe his affection for the family at Bethany: Martha, Mary and their brother Lazarus.
What do you think about the Biblical role of women? It certainly seems to me that
the Bible seems to regard women as being subservient to men, and many female
figures (I am thinking about, say Eve, or Delilah, or Salome, or Jezebel, or
the Whore of Babylon) are depicted as temptresses, adulteresses, and moral
corruptors of men; while all the heroic figures (Moses, Abraham, David,
Solomon, Jesus, the Apostles) are all men. (Of course there are exceptions on
both sides).
The Bible could be read as highly
misogynist were we to focus on the women mentioned here, although feminist and
queer readings are questioning such interpretations by examining the way
editors and redactors have shaped the material. These readings highlight the
strength of biblical women, and let’s be clear, there are plenty of examples of
men – even those chosen by God – behaving badly!
I love the way it is now common to name the matriarchs as well as the patriarchs: Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel and Leah are constrained by patriarchal conventions but also subvert them. When my chaplaincy role was based mainly in the women and children’s division, including maternity, I thoroughly enjoyed reading Anita Diamant’s take on Jacob’s wives and midwifery in her novel The Red Tent. The early church’s emphasis on virginity has affected traditional interpretations of Mother Mary and Mary Magdalen but there are plenty of feminist readings of both, and I loved Carlo Caretto’s Blessed are you who believed (Burns & Oates 1982) which locates Mother Mary in her middle eastern setting, and the deconstructive reflections and poetry of Nicola Slee’s The Book of Mary (SPCK 2007).
I love the way it is now common to name the matriarchs as well as the patriarchs: Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel and Leah are constrained by patriarchal conventions but also subvert them. When my chaplaincy role was based mainly in the women and children’s division, including maternity, I thoroughly enjoyed reading Anita Diamant’s take on Jacob’s wives and midwifery in her novel The Red Tent. The early church’s emphasis on virginity has affected traditional interpretations of Mother Mary and Mary Magdalen but there are plenty of feminist readings of both, and I loved Carlo Caretto’s Blessed are you who believed (Burns & Oates 1982) which locates Mother Mary in her middle eastern setting, and the deconstructive reflections and poetry of Nicola Slee’s The Book of Mary (SPCK 2007).
Can you talk more about the Sibyls? Are they an international organisation? What other organisations exist which are supportive of transgender Christians?
Sibyls, Christian Spirituality for transgender people, is a UK organisation, but it has had members from further afield, including as far away as Hong Kong.
It was founded as a support network by Jay
Walmsley in 1996, at a time when trans people were being turned away from their
churches if they came out or transitioned. Churches are much more inclusive
today, but in those days Holy Communion was celebrated at every meeting as
people were being denied this sacrament in their own churches then. Sibyls has always held meetings in both the
north and the south of England (and in Wales) and the pattern has been two
retreat weekends a year, plus social gatherings. People talk to one another on
the retreats – conversations with other transgender Christians being vitally important
– and there are prayer times morning and evening, free time, and a film or
home-made entertainment (the latter was usual in the past, and intended to help
people gain self-confidence). There is now a London meeting every two months,
which begins with Evening Prayer at St Anne’s, Soho, and then members go out
dinner together. Sibyls’ members are involved in educating the churches about
transgender people through workshops, research, speaking engagements and
writing.
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| photo by Christa Holka |
What is your relationship status currently?
I was married in 2006, following Gender Recognition and the issue of an amended birth certificate thanks to the passing of the UK Gender Recognition Act 2004.
Your husband presumably fell in love with you when he thought you were a gay man. How did he handle you becoming a woman?
Well, as I've said in the narrative I never fully saw myself as a gay man - gay yes but not really male and on reflection Rob has said that he can see now that I always was a woman looking back, for example, at the times that we were n holiday, sitting each side of a table, and irrespective of how we may have been perceived by others.
Which famous person would you most like to meet, and why?
A fun question and one I rarely get chance to think about. Recently, though, I was sad to discover that my dance heroine, Gabrielle Roth, had died five years ago and that I had left it too late to try to visit her in New York. The Five Rhythms practice she developed has been important for me and I would have loved to have heard about it directly from her rather than from her books and videos though her ‘voice’ is strong in both. I’m a big fan of the BBC television programme Call the Midwife, and as a chaplain have tended to see my better self as the rather wonderful sister superior, Sister Julienne, while knowing deep down that I am probably more like the ancient Sister Monica Joan, who is sadly teetering on the brink of dementia, but remains profound and wise, and is always raiding the biscuit tin. Tea with the two actresses who play these characters – Jenny Agutter and Judy Parfitt – would be lovely!
May I ask one last question? What advice would you personally give to people who feel a powerful conflict between what they feel their gender to be, and what their religion teaches them?
That's a big question in that it could cover so many varied experiences and, as I said in another interview, I'm not supposed to give advice, but since you ask ... I think it's wonderful that we have the internet which we didn't when I was exploring these things, so, researching via the internet, reading books on the subject and networking with other gender variant people of faith would be my initial advice.
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With all my interviews, I like to reflect on a few points. Clearly there is a lot to talk about, and since this article is already very long, I might save some of it for the next time.
First, this interview only reinforces my idea that transgender people are everywhere: in every walk of life. You need only look, and there they are; and in fact, as has often happened before when I talk to someone, I realise that not only are there transgender Christians (including some in ministry and the religious life), there are a lot more of them, being a lot more active, than I had previously thought!
It doesn't surprise me that transgender clerics exist: Jesus chose only male apostles (which has long been used as justification for keeping women out of ministry). But a lot of Jesus' behaviour is what we might associate with femininity: nurturing, avoiding conflict, kindness to the sick, the elderly and children. Therefore men who (like me) relate strongly to that aspect of Jesus' work might easily possess a strong feminine side.
I had hoped that Tina might provide some resources to those of you who might be struggling with a conflict between what your own heart tells you is your gender, and what your religion tells you is your gender. And I am delighted that she has provided several resources to consider. As someone who has been a priest for many years, she clearly has reliable credentials to draw upon. If you are questioning, or worried, or ashamed, or guilty, it's clear that you are not alone; others have walked the same path, and there is plenty out there to inform, support and guide you.
In terms of what Deuteronomy forbids and permits, I must say I don't put much store in any of that. The same chapter describes that you must build a parapet on your roof in case someone falls off it; that you must not plough your field with a donkey and an ox together; that you must not wear a garment woven of two different fibres (such as wool and linen); and that you must make tassels for the four corners of the cloak you cover yourself with.
Many of the old Testament books contain prohibitions against all kinds of things. It makes sense (to me) to advise people to build a parapet on the roof to stop somebody falling off. It makes sense if you see one of your brother's sheep straying, for you to bring it back if he is not around. It doesn't make sense (to me, at least), to prohibit wearing of garments made of two or more fibres (this practice is in any case nearly ubiquitous these days). Deuteronomy 21:15 warns of the scenario where a man has two wives, one loved and the other unloved: a man must treat his first-born son with honour, even if he is born to the unloved wife. Bigamy is illegal in the Western world, though Deuteronomy talks about it as if it's not unusual. So Deuteronomy discusses activities which are now illegal on the one hand, and near-ubiquitous on the other (for a humorous and powerful discussion along these lines, take a look here). Therefore I cannot use it, in isolation, as any sort of useful rulebook to live by.
The wonderful BBC programme The Why Factor has an episode devoted to cross-dressing. The presenter, Mike Williams, talks to consultant psychiatrist Dr. James Barrett, from London. Barrett points out that this is evidence that cross-dressing probably happened even in Old Testament times: why bother to prohibit something if nobody is doing it anyway?
To those who would argue that being transgender is inherently wrong or sinful, I would point to Tina, who has shown that one can be transgender and live a life in Christian ministry at the same time.
I hope that this article provokes more conversation on the topic of transgenderism and religion. Comments from other faiths apart from Christianity are especially welcome (though I propose to talk further about other faiths in a future article).
My thanks to Tina, for taking time to answer my questions so fully, and for providing the photos which I have used to illustrate this article.
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Tina is co-editor, with her long-time collaborator, Michelle O’Brien, of ‘the Sibyls’ book’ This is My Body: hearing the theology of transgender Christians. She also wrote, The Transsexual Person is My Neighbour: Pastoral Guidelines for Clergy, Ministers and Congregations, to which Michelle contributed an Appendix on Intersex people. Published by the Gender Trust, it is now out of print but is available online here or here or here. Tina is now working with Chris Dowd on a transgender pastoral care manual, which is due for publication in 2018 by Darton, Longman & Todd, and is based on Chris’s research into transpeople’s spirituality.
Tina is sole author of a biography of a
notable Victorian preacher, Unutterable
Love: the Passionate Life and Preaching of FW Robertson (Lutterworth 2009).
Robertson was preoccupied, both personally and theologically, with the
relations between the sexes, or as we would describe it today, ‘gender’. Follow this link for the book’s contents and free access to its Preface, Introduction
and the 2nd Chapter.
