tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46425484398962445872024-03-19T08:29:13.164+13:00 Bluestocking Blue<i>Reflections of an Intellectual Crossdresser</i>Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comBlogger105125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-25493907850830750362023-11-08T00:14:00.006+13:002023-11-12T12:03:18.252+13:00Secrets and Lies in Alabama<p>Fair warning: this story doesn't end well.</p><p>On Quora this week I came across the tragic story of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bubba_Copeland" target="_blank">Fred L. "Bubba" Copeland</a>, the mayor of a small town in Alabama, in the United States. Copeland, 49, was a local businessman, the pastor of a small Baptist church, and was married with three children. Outwardly, he was a pillar of the community.</p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj-OI6N5UaW969DjjM7EilRfTRPibe5wOSMXJsMyuTnC9gE7d5neV8CX89cOfNxkrfZ8gPF_Ype9SJQ-pvO-1Z4w3PHDF1c_D6mmVBA7Xf7eMLG4a00fpOmj_n9VDLCKDacUcKQQzbNwz63-vjIcUwlvI6ceYNP3EuriGYqxqj9WQ744l-NDJzDt3kQdM/s1120/231105-fl-bubba-copeland-jm-1258-bf40ed.webp" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="998" data-original-width="1120" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj-OI6N5UaW969DjjM7EilRfTRPibe5wOSMXJsMyuTnC9gE7d5neV8CX89cOfNxkrfZ8gPF_Ype9SJQ-pvO-1Z4w3PHDF1c_D6mmVBA7Xf7eMLG4a00fpOmj_n9VDLCKDacUcKQQzbNwz63-vjIcUwlvI6ceYNP3EuriGYqxqj9WQ744l-NDJzDt3kQdM/s320/231105-fl-bubba-copeland-jm-1258-bf40ed.webp" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pillar of the community: Bubba</td></tr></tbody></table>
Behind the scenes, things were somewhat different. Bubba led a secret life as a "transgender curvy girl" (his phrase). His fem name was Brittini Blaire Summerlin, and under this pseudonym she posted social media pictures of herself; exchanged flirty messages with other users; and wrote erotic transgender fiction.<p></p><p>Unfortunately Copeland's secret was discovered by far-right Alabama news website <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1819_News" target="_blank">1819 News</a></i>. They didn't go public straight away, but approached him for an interview.</p>
<p>The <a href="https://1819news.com/news/item/the-secret-life-of-smiths-station-mayor-and-baptist-pastor-f.l.-bubba-copeland-as-a-transgender-curvy-girl-its-a-hobby-i-do-to-relieve-stress" target="_blank">original article</a> didn't give a transcript of the interview (although it does give a link to the full text of one of his pieces of erotic fiction), so it's hard to get context around Copeland's statements, and I don't believe the article intended to present Copeland in any sort of fair (let alone positive) light, so we must make some inferences.</p>
<p>Copeland apparently said he's been dressing as a woman since his youth, for relief of anxiety and "getting rid of stress", and regarded it as a "hobby". He told <i>1819 News</i> that he isn't in transition and isn't taking medical gender treatment. He said he only dressed at home, and compared it to cosplay and "dress-up".</p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6BiQlfmpHJWWBYSRXjeXPR88dYOMMxrVtzo2ie0i6juxDgAEDPXEC_SHLfXJygXARbrLbegTi5zKvhf6FLC46gQAKvVIHmUA_4qcJmbtlyfDqXabcgTs6Zu-o1wq0zE4_UbOCl5mH3utJRubR7XNfpKsHYhMb_paSQAn51r359d97tOFoy4zB7qA_Eic/s1024/Bubba-Copeland-outfit2-582x1024.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="582" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6BiQlfmpHJWWBYSRXjeXPR88dYOMMxrVtzo2ie0i6juxDgAEDPXEC_SHLfXJygXARbrLbegTi5zKvhf6FLC46gQAKvVIHmUA_4qcJmbtlyfDqXabcgTs6Zu-o1wq0zE4_UbOCl5mH3utJRubR7XNfpKsHYhMb_paSQAn51r359d97tOFoy4zB7qA_Eic/w228-h400/Bubba-Copeland-outfit2-582x1024.jpg" width="228" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Curvy: Brittini</td></tr></tbody></table>Here are some remarks that <i>1819 News</i> has quoted directly from him:<p></p>
<blockquote><p><b>Copeland</b>: Just my wife knows about it. It’s a hobby I do to relieve stress. I have a lot of stress, and I’m not medically transitioning. It’s just a bit of a character I’m playing. I don’t go out and seek solicitation or anything like that. (...) I don't do it in public.</p><p>It’s just a hobby that I have inside my own home that has not travelled outside of my home. I have not done anything outside of my own home besides post or publish anything on the internet, and that does not affect anything with inside <i>(sic) </i>my jurisdiction.</p><p>What I do in private life has nothing to do with what I do in my holy life. Does this have any effect on me being mayor, that I sometimes put on a dress or sometimes put on makeup? Does that have anything to do whatsoever with me being mayor or being a pastor?</p></blockquote><p>According to the article, Copeland asked <i>1819 News</i> not to out him, and he immediately deleted his social media accounts. There wasn't much likelihood of them agreeing to keep quiet about this: from their perspective, this must have been quite the scoop, and they gleefully published their article online on the 1st November 2023.</p><p>Ironically, the article also briefly discusses Copeland's political career. They quote him describing life as mayor of a small, close-knit community, from an earlier interview (my italics for emphasis).</p><blockquote><p><b>Copeland</b>: It really is like everybody knows your name. You know, <i>everybody dies famous in a small town</i>. That’s what it is. It is Friday Night Lights. It is mama’s apple pie. Our community is very, very low crime, very low drug abuse. <i>Our number one problem is suicide</i>. It is sad. I think a lot of it has to do with military. <i>I think some of it has to do with social media and the reality of that</i>. That’s the number one problem we have.</p></blockquote><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2S8VdYSaZSHzFrhX6cR7IrtPbP_LUt2iFcc3rZ1EMFzq8ZWV1Mf_DC-lIU7rxyhp3YVcz-HqD0QYK7yIcwuT-rfQc2DFBRhTeE2IKXLVzRUp7RoehkzY8tAJhpd7nADC2mmlcIRLHfq2197sQma9Si_xUVkIOFQSrQmW1z2X54u8D0rZrvt5e2HxyTi0/s1024/NYPICHPDPICT000071771173.webp" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="549" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2S8VdYSaZSHzFrhX6cR7IrtPbP_LUt2iFcc3rZ1EMFzq8ZWV1Mf_DC-lIU7rxyhp3YVcz-HqD0QYK7yIcwuT-rfQc2DFBRhTeE2IKXLVzRUp7RoehkzY8tAJhpd7nADC2mmlcIRLHfq2197sQma9Si_xUVkIOFQSrQmW1z2X54u8D0rZrvt5e2HxyTi0/w215-h400/NYPICHPDPICT000071771173.webp" width="215" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wife's top: Brittini</td></tr></tbody></table>On the 2nd of November, <i>1819 News</i> posted <a href="https://1819news.com/news/item/smiths-station-mayor-and-pastor-bubba-copeland-downplays-explicit-social-media-persona-i-have-nothing-to-be-ashamed-of" target="_blank">a second article</a> in which a visibly distressed Copeland addressed his parishioners from the pulpit about the revelation. They obviously had someone there to film the whole statement, which lasts over 6 minutes. That second article contains many titillating screen captures from Copeland’s social media feed.</div><blockquote><div><b>Copeland</b>: Yes, I have taken pictures with my wife in the privacy of our home in an attempt of humour, because I know I'm not a handsome man nor a beautiful woman either. I apologize for any embarrassment caused by my private, personal life that has come publicly.</div></blockquote><p>Poor Copeland was doing his best to make light of all this—but there's nothing funny about any of it. Understandably, he then went on to reiterate his devotion to his family, to his city, and to his church. He then read out the biblical passage “The Lord is my shepherd”.</p><p>The only tiny light of hope in any of this is that, during his address, Copeland mentioned that he had received many messages of support, despite the news only being public for a short time.</p><blockquote><p><b>Copeland</b>: …again, I’m sorry for what my actions have caused, and I’m thankful for the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people who have reached out to me today, in love. And I know that there are others that have not. But just know I love you, and Jesus loves you as well.</p></blockquote><p>Tragically, on the 3rd of November, 2023, only two days after <i>1819 News</i> published their article, Bubba Copeland shot himself in the head with a pistol. According to internet sources he is survived by his wife, Angela (a teacher) and a son and two daughters.</p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxzd2ATnaP8jCk1BbJgi3Jul4OvnLrWf6saJOD3ibVvUKuNLGUNA_MhjYNxgnB-dwiC_O7G9NwrO4EivYrMXtQlPcGqPNlPetca_N47BL8mfAeVCvb6PmrZVUV9v0FiNxI6PeBEtMRgIRnmdqENnAl3vUTE7YDUtlUMByavaikH8pm0vbaiT6RukMfBaA/s800/bubba-copeland-4-1911806.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="648" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxzd2ATnaP8jCk1BbJgi3Jul4OvnLrWf6saJOD3ibVvUKuNLGUNA_MhjYNxgnB-dwiC_O7G9NwrO4EivYrMXtQlPcGqPNlPetca_N47BL8mfAeVCvb6PmrZVUV9v0FiNxI6PeBEtMRgIRnmdqENnAl3vUTE7YDUtlUMByavaikH8pm0vbaiT6RukMfBaA/s320/bubba-copeland-4-1911806.jpg" width="259" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not ashamed: Brittini</td></tr></tbody></table>This story shocked me when I came across it, and it has prompted me to write a post about it. The news has gone worldwide, with many news outlets reporting what has happened. A Wikipedia page about Bubba Copeland has appeared. The editor-in-chief of <i>1819 News</i> is a man called Jeff Poor, and he has been the subject of considerable social media outrage after Copeland’s death. <a href="https://www.newsweek.com/who-jeff-poor-editor-under-fire-alabama-pastor-mayor-death-1841135" target="_blank"><i>Newsweek.com</i> reports</a> that Poor gave a message of condolence in a radio interview.<p></p><blockquote><p><b>Poor</b>: Our thoughts and prayers are with the people of Smiths Station, the parishioners of First Baptist Church of Phenix City and the victims and family of Mayor Copeland.</p></blockquote><p>Just a minute: “<i>victims</i>”? What victims? There has never been any allegation—not even by Poor’s own news agency—that Copeland had any “victims”. This is an especially ill-chosen form of words, and makes what could almost have been a gesture of apology—however late, however vague—into an insult.</p><p>There are so many aspects of this whole business which are worthy of commentary.</p><p><b>Responsibility</b></p><p>I hold <i>1819 News</i> fully responsible for the suicide of Bubba Copeland. There’s nothing to suggest that he was suicidal before their article outing him. By their own admission, they contacted him before they went public, and he asked them not to publish. They did anyway. If they hadn't gone public, he would likely have been able to continue living his double life.</p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVpiiUvGodDB4egzxrOYg2KYoYQ3EtY6my869QYQaW_yfyw-4ZcPbeCnWcBWjx_amKmMQWng01YlAe8ma8xGZbLmU2qH_nrYMxyV_NS7JC82iZTlQvcvic36wOL4k_2Vrx3WINVM2BSnbssd_Eo1ErQKPAkrQB-V6UlRYYM9JdKuARExF2RpqctNaYID8/s960/85148598_2632340167047300_9052251816703557632_n.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVpiiUvGodDB4egzxrOYg2KYoYQ3EtY6my869QYQaW_yfyw-4ZcPbeCnWcBWjx_amKmMQWng01YlAe8ma8xGZbLmU2qH_nrYMxyV_NS7JC82iZTlQvcvic36wOL4k_2Vrx3WINVM2BSnbssd_Eo1ErQKPAkrQB-V6UlRYYM9JdKuARExF2RpqctNaYID8/s320/85148598_2632340167047300_9052251816703557632_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Happier times: Bubba and Angela</td></tr></tbody></table>They must have known that this would cause outrage among the local communities in Alabama. They must have known that Bubba Copeland would receive a great deal of hatred. I don’t think they intended him to actually take his own life, but I'm certain that they wanted him to feel named and shamed. They wanted to stir up ire among those people who believe in <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Republican_Jesus" target="_blank">Republican Jesus</a>, who they knew would be vocally critical of Copeland's lifestyle. They wanted a boost to their ratings—and no doubt, they've got a much bigger boost than they expected. Without this story, nobody outside Alabama would ever have heard of them.<p></p><p><b>Nothing to be ashamed of</b></p><p>This point lies at the heart of this issue. Copeland said that he had nothing to be ashamed of. There is nothing to suggest that he was a bad mayor; a bad pastor, or a bad husband or father. How he dressed in his spare time is <i>literally nobody’s business but his own</i>.</p><p>I am still carrying decades of internalised transphobia, although gradually this burden is getting lighter. I have struggled to come to terms with my feelings, and tried to suppress them, before finally coming to embrace them, and I’m sure that Bubba Copeland had a similar journey. But that shame was still in there, and I'm certain that shame, that dissonance between who he was, and who people <i>thought</i> he was, is what caused him to take his own life.</p><p>I have republished the photos of Brittini because I think she looks really great, really happy, and because I think that dressing like that <i>is</i> absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I am absolutely certain that there are <i>loads</i> of other people secretly doing exactly what Copeland was doing. Some of them are undoubtedly very similar to him: Republican, prosperous, prominent in the community, God-fearing. Some of them may even have openly condemned Copeland, from their pulpits, or even just to the good ol’ boys in the pub. This behaviour is called signalling theory, and it's something that <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2015/03/faking-it-part-one.html" target="_blank">we all do</a>, without exception.</p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzLtw8vTrhrLA-bFD0eCxCoHKX8Do-KF6onst4hIJu55OFaK5lVupb42aHcRKf1QkLbUN1cgOBkxAdOZW6yBqYRlVdUvAg5EJ-FJ3nt8FDmP_JLe3bf6h4i5XGBxm_vUmS_Rap5pSN84hHWDS8rjCrobGBLCY7-MGs66O5PoNsDdzMDwunb8wLxU8WO0U/s1280/Dawn%20Ennis.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzLtw8vTrhrLA-bFD0eCxCoHKX8Do-KF6onst4hIJu55OFaK5lVupb42aHcRKf1QkLbUN1cgOBkxAdOZW6yBqYRlVdUvAg5EJ-FJ3nt8FDmP_JLe3bf6h4i5XGBxm_vUmS_Rap5pSN84hHWDS8rjCrobGBLCY7-MGs66O5PoNsDdzMDwunb8wLxU8WO0U/s320/Dawn%20Ennis.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not amnesic: Dawn Ennis</td></tr></tbody></table>Coming out at a time of your own choosing is extremely stressful. US Broadcaster <a href="https://lifeafterdawn.com/">Dawn Ennis</a> (formerly Don Ennis) came out as transgender in 2013. Despite apparently considerable support from her colleagues, after only 3 months, she <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2014/01/detransitioning.html" target="_blank">de-transitioned</a> back to Don, and blamed the whole business on amnesia, of all things. I'm sure that she found it just too difficult, in a personal sense, to transition so publicly.<p></p><p>Of course, I didn't believe her, and I'm sure the excuse sounded pretty flimsy to everyone else too. However, less than a year later, she re-transitioned, and has been Dawn ever since, and seems to be doing quite well.</p><p>So if that was Dawn Ennis, who presumably thought very long and hard about coming out the first time, how much more difficult must it have been for Bubba Copeland, who had no time at all to deal with the fact that everyone he knew had seen his pictures and knew the secret that he had carefully guarded (as I did) for his whole life?</p><p><b>Hypocrisy</b></p><p>There's a lot of hypocrisy in all of this. How did <i>1819 News</i> find out about Bubba? Did some other guy who likes wearing female lingerie and enjoys that sort of social media content recognise that Brittini looks a lot like Bubba, and decide it would be a good idea to out him publicly?</p><p>It seems Bubba's dressing had his wife’s knowledge and approval. That brown top with the large leopardskin pattern belongs to his wife—or at least, <i>1819 News</i> found a social media picture of her wearing it.</p><p>Did she know about the flirty, sexual social media messages? I cannot say; it's between the two of them. I'm inclined to think she probably didn't. I definitely think it’s not a good look, but again, it’s his private business, and surely everyone has their various private sexual fantasies. Did he act out those sexual fantasies with other people? I'm inclined to think not, based on his speech to his parish. If there had been evidence of this, I'm certain <i>1819 News</i> would have published it, and Copeland would likely have apologised for it. Again, it's not our business, but again, I'm absolutely certain that there are plenty of Republicans in Alabama who have broken their sacred marital vows.</p><p>My main question about hypocrisy though, is this one: did Bubba Copeland preach against trans people? I don't know; I cannot know. After his death, it seems to matter little, but Baptist preachers in the Deep South of the USA are known for their intolerant style of preaching. Perhaps Bubba was preaching that there's plenty of room around God's table for everyone. Perhaps he just avoided the topic entirely. But if he openly spoke out against gay and trans people from the pulpit, then I would be disappointed.</p><p>It has been reported recently that the gay dating site <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grindr" target="_blank">Grindr</a> has been so disgruntled by the rise in anti-gay legislation in the US state of Florida that it has threatened to publish the names of every Republican legislator and party official who secretly uses their app. Unfortunately, this has <a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/factcheck/2023/03/24/fact-check-satirical-claim-grindr-threatened-florida-lawmakers/11531938002/" target="_blank">turned out to be a hoax</a>. But the very fact that this report went viral demonstrates that there are a <i>lot</i> of people out there who think that the Republican anti-gay agenda is deeply hypocritical.</p><p><b>There but for the grace of God</b></p><p>One of the things which shocked me most was my own realisation that Copeland and I have quite a lot in common. We’re nearly the same age. I’ve got kids. I’m not a pastor, or a mayor, but I am a doctor, and I do have a <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2012/03/privacy-secrecy-and-crossdressing.html" target="_blank">secret fem identity</a>, which has been there my whole life, and has an online presence, and provides me with pleasure and fulfilment and relief from stress and anxiety. And, while I'm more out than Brittini, and my various interactions with people have been incredibly positive and affirming, I am absolutely certain that there is an element within my community that would love to report, with feigned outrage, that there’s a cross-dressing doctor looking after vulnerable people in their local hospital.</p><p>As a result, I’ve been extremely careful. I had kept this blog for about seven years before I posted a clear photo of myself on it—even now, there are only a few. My Facebook account is private. There are only a couple of photos of me on Quora. (You’re not going to find flirty or erotic social media messages or photos out there from me—because that sort of thing isn’t my cup of tea).</p><p><b>Everybody dies famous in a small town</b></p><p>Seeing what happened to Bubba Copeland made me very upset on a number of levels. How awful that a decent family man was driven to take his own life, because he had the same feelings as I do, but lived in a society which is so intolerant of those feelings and behaviours. How awful that a "news" website found something about a person's private life, and deliberately chose to publish it, knowing it would ruin him. Bubba received "hundreds" of messages of support. How awful that he found he couldn't cling to those, and the love of his family, to help him weather this storm (was his wife's reaction part of his decision to commit suicide?).</p><p>Everybody dies famous in a small town—but Copeland's story has reverberated around the world, and drawn a lot of attention to his fate. There has been a backlash against what happened, which is obviously too late for Copeland, but might possibly help the next person this happens to. Ultimately, though, I don't think that backlash will be strong enough. Jeff Poor and the <i>1819 News</i> will not be brought to account. And the secrets and the lies and the hypocrisy will continue, in Alabama, in the rest of the Deep South, and in other parts of the world where being trans is forbidden—until the next time.</p><p>Let me close by hoping that Bubba Copleand <i>and</i> Brittini Blaire Summerlin rest in peace.</p><p><b>Edit: </b>my thanks to Lynn Jones for pointing out the tragic suicide of primary school teacher Lucy Meadows in the UK, in 2013. Meadows was hounded by the right-wing UK press; in particular the <i>Daily Mail</i>. She eventually took her own life at the age of 32. You can find more detail <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Lucy_Meadows" target="_blank">here</a>.</p>Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-21129967105204989562023-08-26T16:03:00.000+12:002023-08-26T16:03:58.219+12:00Vivienne in Drag!<p>For some time now I've been considering the subject of drag. I'm still not sure about the relationship between <i>drag</i> and <i>trans</i>. I've asked quite a lot of people, without coming to any firm conclusions.</p><p>One thing is certain. Drag, as a form of entertainment, has really hit the big time, and become much more mainstream lately. I'm certain it's due, more or less completely, to <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RuPaul" target="_blank">RuPaul</a> (which, I just discovered, is actually his birth name) and his various shows, which have become popular all around the world (<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RuPaul%27s_Drag_Race_Down_Under" target="_blank">even here in New Zealand</a>).</p><p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio2a1THcI2FVYLrAA-ikKK30HtdZTfhe7UdI-AgaomuWsPEsJLP1PJ-BFmB2DvInHCFq1IkB1os6dtRMDgnlyF40WcNJp4sKIVonb5fcx39PWm05poFAHSwnGKuw_vZinVcfToaDLe1aFwbJSUS-AIay7NusLKlG2q4qdjuzqCBO0pVAkPO6sb6uOlkxI/s1024/IMG_5521%20-%20Copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="768" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio2a1THcI2FVYLrAA-ikKK30HtdZTfhe7UdI-AgaomuWsPEsJLP1PJ-BFmB2DvInHCFq1IkB1os6dtRMDgnlyF40WcNJp4sKIVonb5fcx39PWm05poFAHSwnGKuw_vZinVcfToaDLe1aFwbJSUS-AIay7NusLKlG2q4qdjuzqCBO0pVAkPO6sb6uOlkxI/s320/IMG_5521%20-%20Copy.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Condragulations!</td></tr></tbody></table>But my main discussion of drag will need to wait for another article (or twelve!). I'd been wondering for a while whether drag would have something useful to offer me, to improve my presentation. In particular, I have quite oily skin, and I find that, no matter how much primer and setting powder I use, my face starts to look shiny after only a couple of hours when I'm out--especially when it's warm! Meanwhile, drag queens do dance routines under hot stage lights, and they seem to still look fine. Secondly, I wanted to see if perhaps drag queen shapewear could improve my fem shape (that's for another time!).</p><p>So I was quite pleased when a NZ drag queen, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/@piperblaster2240/videos" target="_blank">Piper Blaster</a>, was offering a Drag Makeup Workshop in a (very cold and draughty) local theatre, and I duly signed up and went along with a friend. Piper took us through the whole makeup routine, in a workshop lasting about three hours. And this is the result!</p><p>There were some makeup techniques that I already knew about, such as applying glue to your eyebrows to conceal the brow hairs completely against the skin, so that you can paint new brows in more dramatic places. But most of it was completely new to me, including the many, <i>many</i> layers of makeup you need to apply (I basically lost count of them!). The makeup was also heavy and theatrical--as Piper says, you're putting on a face which has to be seen from the back of the room. So the contouring is deliberately emphasised to maximise contrast.</p><p>I have to say the finished outcome wasn't quite what I expected. I'd hoped to find some tricks to look more feminine, more passable, but instead I found the look too overcooked. But what did I expect? I went to a Drag Makeup Workshop and came away looking like a drag queen! This isn't, in any way, a criticism of Piper--or her excellent workshop.</p><p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu8G9Ba5qd1La3NjBIH1k1Kg4DR4qKLvRDz_ST0Xb0-GUtAmmIQrrEzpY_GVslqJCtnplTabmRNb7RlXeRBMpEPDAua_JJFxGhxryEv-UlhnOarmCX-wgAsXDVyViyAwKYaiAgGanDwx-6BErXpJOmKEwmydNCucTLECVgOmxiee3t6Chu2D4Q4oeHOU8/s3088/IMG_0489.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3088" data-original-width="2316" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu8G9Ba5qd1La3NjBIH1k1Kg4DR4qKLvRDz_ST0Xb0-GUtAmmIQrrEzpY_GVslqJCtnplTabmRNb7RlXeRBMpEPDAua_JJFxGhxryEv-UlhnOarmCX-wgAsXDVyViyAwKYaiAgGanDwx-6BErXpJOmKEwmydNCucTLECVgOmxiee3t6Chu2D4Q4oeHOU8/s320/IMG_0489.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Miss Vivi Section?</td></tr></tbody></table>Piper says that for her, the drag character emerges once the false eyelashes are in place. That's the moment when the look becomes real for her. I didn't really experience the emergence of my inner drag diva. Although I had fun striking poses with the other people there, I didn't feel dressed for the part (since I'd come in wearing a pair of jeans and a pullover!).</p><p>Would I do it again? I'm not sure I would. First, drag is about over-the-top, flamboyant performance. I'm <i>definitely</i> not the sort of person to strut into the centre of a room and greet friends and strangers alike with a shrill cry of "Eat it, bitches!" That persona, whether genuine, or merely a performance, just isn't me!</p><p>Secondly, I didn't especially like the look, although with time and practice, and learning new techniques, and a bit of costume, it could definitely be improved, and perhaps personalised--obviously the drag queens we see on television have spent years honing their appearance. From a personal point of view, I seem to have discovered that drag queen makeup stays put because there is just so damn <i>much</i> of it!</p><p>A little digital magic from <a href="https://www.faceapp.com/" target="_blank">FaceApp</a> has let me polish up one of the pictures into something a bit nicer, but I don't think RuPaul is going to be beating down my door to get me to come on the show any time soon!</p><p><br /></p>Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-9500193273509119092023-05-28T13:59:00.004+12:002023-05-28T14:21:05.809+12:00JK Rowling and Posie Parker<p>You can think of this article as JK Rowling part 1.5 if you like, but it involves a significant digression which I thought deserved an article of its own.</p><p>I've worked through the whole of <i><a href="https://www.thefp.com/witchtrials" target="_blank">The Witch Trials of JK Rowling</a></i>, and there's a lot to talk about. My initial thoughts about the podcast are this:</p><p></p><ol style="text-align: left;"><li><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Megan_Phelps-Roper" target="_blank">Megan Phelps-Roper</a>, the presenter, has an absolutely <i>beautiful</i> voice, which is a complete pleasure to listen to. Interestingly I had never heard JK Rowling's voice before I started listening to the podcast, and it wasn't quite the voice I expected.</li><li>The podcast has a very American slant to it. It presents many of the events of Rowling's life and career set against a backdrop of American cultural trends and events. There is some discussion of things which happen in the UK or the wider world, but not very much. This is understandable--but disappointing.</li><li>The <i>Guardian</i> reviewer (that I quoted in <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2023/04/jk-rowling-part-one.html" target="_blank">my previous article</a>) is right: the podcast is too long and meandering. JK Rowling herself isn't actually in it very much--certainly not as much as I thought or hoped--and doesn't appear at all in Episode 6. I found myself wishing they would skip past what Americans all thought about <i>Harry Potter</i> and get back to what JK Rowling was actually saying. And I wished that they would <i>stop cutting away</i> from what Rowling is saying to put in little asides and quotes from other people. Thankfully there are transcripts available, which feature only what Rowling says, at the <a href="https://www.therowlinglibrary.com/2023/02/21/j-k-rowling-on-the-witch-trials-of-j-k-rowling-episode-1/" target="_blank">Rowling Library</a>.</li></ol><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJPicfFDmkozG5FVuRAZQTMQQ8kxHeKR3FqGogy9cpC6tI1WTdYQ-ahqlFU6BsucdLS232sFuRC7fHA6qOLg0Q5DjiEhhtnXVsrztLASNhN8gZpvLwsiOpd0KRniioubQSs_Vb2dMA_TpQiEBuOW20_u0LDLDcviGBNEIVqhb5lJgVkgyrxbYFWF88/s1000/Kellie-Jay-Keen-Minshull-Posey-Parker.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="1000" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJPicfFDmkozG5FVuRAZQTMQQ8kxHeKR3FqGogy9cpC6tI1WTdYQ-ahqlFU6BsucdLS232sFuRC7fHA6qOLg0Q5DjiEhhtnXVsrztLASNhN8gZpvLwsiOpd0KRniioubQSs_Vb2dMA_TpQiEBuOW20_u0LDLDcviGBNEIVqhb5lJgVkgyrxbYFWF88/s320/Kellie-Jay-Keen-Minshull-Posey-Parker.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Posing as Parker: Keen-Minshull</td></tr></tbody></table>New Zealand had a recent visit by a British woman who calls herself <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kellie-Jay_Keen-Minshull" target="_blank">Posie Parker</a>. Her real name is Kellie-Jay Keen-Minshull, and she is a mother of four who styles herself as a woman's rights activist, and an anti-trans activist. I had never heard of her before a couple of months ago. It turns out that her star seemed to start to rise in 2018. She's very active (and vocal) online, and also takes part in rallies and other events, in Britain and, increasingly, the USA.<p></p><p>Keen-Minshull announced in January of this year her intention to travel to Australia, and across here to New Zealand, in March. This stirred up some pretty fierce opposition, both from the Aussies (they let her in, and <a href="https://www.thepinknews.com/2023/03/18/anti-trans-posie-parker-supporters-nazi-salutes-melbourne/" target="_blank">neo-Nazis came to her rallies</a>) and the Kiwis. <a href="https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/300838227/difficult-conversations-should-posie-parker-be-allowed-in-the-country" target="_blank">Various petitions were made</a>. Immigration Minister Michael Wood spoke about her “inflammatory, vile and incorrect world views”. Ultimately, however, it was agreed that Keen-Minshull was not considered a risk to “public order or public interest”.</p><p><a href="https://genderminorities.com/" target="_blank">Gender Minorities Aotearoa</a>, <a href="https://insideout.org.nz/" target="_blank">InsideOUT Kōaro</a>, and <a href="https://aucklandpride.org.nz/" target="_blank">Auckland Pride</a> filed for a judicial review in the High Court. They sought an interim order to stop Keen-Minshull from entering the country until the judicial review could take place, but the following day a judge ruled that it was unlawful to keep her out.</p><p></p>Keen-Minshull had planned two events: one was going to be in Auckland, in the large Albert Park on 25th March; the other in Wellington.<div><blockquote><b>Keen-Minshull: </b>They [the rallies] are outside because too many venues will cancel us.</blockquote></div><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi21gVz7Uc1_hD-ByLAT6QqjsvJ4IRijB1oSyWwOouQDGCaEvB-1Ry9Ek5OooF-ndq2lsJTCGW8CNlkOFrT-5-iaPHraQv792HlwzDrZhZJqyrdSVo-44yzKBzM0UdzFv5w5aZ-TJ4xtE4lirTCxdGCM4yGHRXqm625dchw2zfz2WvecWId637SjqUK/s2560/Kellie-Jay_Keen-Minshull_being_escorted_to_a_police_car,_Albert_Park,_Auckland,_2023-03-25.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1707" data-original-width="2560" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi21gVz7Uc1_hD-ByLAT6QqjsvJ4IRijB1oSyWwOouQDGCaEvB-1Ry9Ek5OooF-ndq2lsJTCGW8CNlkOFrT-5-iaPHraQv792HlwzDrZhZJqyrdSVo-44yzKBzM0UdzFv5w5aZ-TJ4xtE4lirTCxdGCM4yGHRXqm625dchw2zfz2WvecWId637SjqUK/s320/Kellie-Jay_Keen-Minshull_being_escorted_to_a_police_car,_Albert_Park,_Auckland,_2023-03-25.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hounded: Keen-Minshull</td></tr></tbody></table>Nobody was under any illusions about what was going to happen. She was going to get up on a podium, with a microphone, and make anti-trans speeches, and that's what she tried to do. However, there were large organised protests against her (some of my friends went in carloads to Auckland to protest) and they chanted loudly and blew whistles and trumpets before her appearance. While she had 150-200 supporters, the protesters were far more numerous, <a href="https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/posie-parker-says-i-will-come-back-controversial-british-anti-transgender-activist-plans-return-to-nz/PPTIXN72ZBHUHETEI42DOXVUFU/" target="_blank">thought to be about 2000</a>.</div><div><br /></div><div>Ultimately she never got to speak. A protester called <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eliana_Rubashkyn" target="_blank">Eliana Rubashkyn</a> poured tomato juice over her hair and she was escorted away by police and security officers. Watching the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1QkXFHKCtM" target="_blank">events on YouTube</a>, the mood of the crowd was angry and hostile, and it definitely looked as if the protesters outnumbered the supporters. Keen-Minshull was jostled and jeered by the protesters, and the YouTube footage shows her security team had quite a hard time getting her through the crowd to the police and safety.</div><div><p></p><p>Keen-Minshull decided to cancel her Wellington rally the next day, and left New Zealand instead, announcing that it was the "worst place for women she has ever visited", and apparently vowing to return to NZ to "win this war". And JK Rowling voiced support, tweeting that a mob had "had assaulted women standing up for their rights".</p><p>There was general rejoicing here; certainly among the rainbow groups. A bad lady from another country had come here to spread hate speech and was sent packing with her tail between her legs. There seemed to be general congratulation aimed at an <a href="https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/300839804/no-charges-arrests-after-protest-against-antitrans-speaker-posie-parker" target="_blank">unrepetentant</a> Eliana Rubashkyn, who was <a href="https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/woman-accused-of-throwing-juice-over-womens-rights-activist-posie-parker-pleads-not-guilty/QI24T5Z5BBCG5GDEDAP6I7KIEI/" target="_blank">charged with common assault</a> but is still awaiting sentencing. No other arrests were made; no injuries were reported and no property was damaged. My impression is that the general feeling is that no great harm has been done, as this cartoon from the <i><a href="https://www.odt.co.nz/" target="_blank">Otago Daily Times</a></i> suggests.</p><p><b>But was this the right outcome after all?</b></p><p>One of my correspondents expressed disappointment with the way Keen-Minshull had been treated, and said she should have been allowed her platform to speak. At first, I have to say, I disagreed. However, a few things made me reflect about it a lot more.</p><p>The first was that, while trans people and supporters were in great evidence at Keen-Minshull's rally, and officials seemed to be on our side (Finance Minister Grant Robertson wrote "As a country we need to keep our trans community close, and support them through this time"), there was a <a href="https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/national/487306/spike-in-online-hate-toward-trans-community-after-posie-parker-visit-researchers" target="_blank">sharp rise in anti-trans hatred online in this country</a>. Was this because she was perceived to have been maltreated here? Would the hatred have been worse if she had been allowed to speak? I cannot say.</p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiG2FyYb1uVeBBB9JHUfyWq_m_diVteeve-_7kQ6H9ttrv_6ch7R0UMzX5avtIkLhHE6rGerV2dhnI553fSUOgzTC8kjRmZ9Rm6TG4Kz8oteoYmlBWlYBR7n4Jil2FE0CwX_oyLXBMTzDgkMIQQAZq4KbiOYIuhl-vTtOXvuaGTABiwBiFE6CugsV_/s1465/yeo_cartoon_270323.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="1465" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiG2FyYb1uVeBBB9JHUfyWq_m_diVteeve-_7kQ6H9ttrv_6ch7R0UMzX5avtIkLhHE6rGerV2dhnI553fSUOgzTC8kjRmZ9Rm6TG4Kz8oteoYmlBWlYBR7n4Jil2FE0CwX_oyLXBMTzDgkMIQQAZq4KbiOYIuhl-vTtOXvuaGTABiwBiFE6CugsV_/s320/yeo_cartoon_270323.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Otago Daily Times</i> cartoon</td></tr></tbody></table>The second thing was something JK Rowling herself said, in episode 3 of the <i>Witch Trials</i> podcast (which was made before Keen-Minshull's NZ trip). The italics are mine for emphasis of particular points.<p></p><blockquote><p><b>Rowling:</b> I was starting to think about this a lot, <i>subcultures that have their own rigid rules, acceptable beliefs, non acceptable beliefs, everything becoming very reductive</i>. (...) And I was becoming really concerned.</p><p>I think the first time I became really interested in what was going on, sort of culturally, it was <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milo_Yiannopoulos" target="_blank">Milo Yiannopoulos</a>. The alt-right provocateur, I suppose you would call him. And I’m watching from across the pond as he tries to speak on various campuses, and there are protests, riots. You know, "We want him de-platformed, we don't want him to speak at all". And I thought it was a terrible strategic error.</p><p>And my feeling was, <i>you are giving this man way more power than he deserves</i> by behaving in this way. It made Milo look sexier and edgier than he deserved to look. I thought it was a strategically appalling turn. Get on that platform and eviscerate his ideas. Get on that platform and expose him for the charlatan that he is. You push back hard, but you’ve given him so much power by refusing to talk.</p><p>(...) In fact, I thought they were serving his purposes, because he was able to walk away from that saying, “Look, they don’t dare debate me! This is how dangerous and edgy I am!". And I don’t think we want to cast the alt-right in that light. But inadvertently, [that’s what they’re doing].</p></blockquote><p>And this is definitely true. Immediately after returning to the UK, Keen-Minshull <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8e83KoJb00" target="_blank">gave an interview</a> with (conservative-leaning) <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Spectator" target="_blank">Spectator TV</a></i>, where a very sympathetic interviewer (musician <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winston_Marshall" target="_blank">Winston Marshall</a>) gave her a very free platform, and every opportunity to spin the narrative entirely in her favour without challenge. For example, they both speak of the "violence", <a href="https://omny.fm/shows/in-the-loop-2/posie-parker-and-the-worst-country-for-women" target="_blank">when there wasn't any</a> (nothing like what happened with Milo Yiannopolous's rallies in the US). They play a clip (starting at 0:44) of Keen-Minshull being jostled by the crowd, which was filmed by her own phone. In the image, you can see a hand firmly around Keen-Minshull's neck, appearing as if she is being choked--but the <i>NZ Herald</i> footage shows that the hand round the neck was one of her own security guards. It makes it very easy for her to claim that she was the <i>victim</i>, when to trans people and our supporters, she was the aggressor.</p><blockquote><p><b>Keen-Minshull:</b> I don't know if some latent trauma [from these events] is going to come along and bite me soon, but I'm OK. (...) </p><p>What they inadvertently did, they did two things. Number one they whipped up a frenzy, but the other thing they did is they told everybody my name on a repeating--like so many times that people were like "Well, what is this woman? What does she stand for? How can I-- like, why are we stopping her from coming into the country?" And then they look me up, and then they agree with what I say, and what I stand for. So it had, em, you know, <i>they did me many favours</i>".</p></blockquote><p>Oh dear! How could it have turned out like this?</p><p><b>How could we have done this better?</b></p><p>As always in my articles, a little discussion is in order.</p><p>First, where does the name Posie Parker come from? I haven't been able to find out. I assume it's some sort of online identity, so that Keen-Minshull can't be identified, although since she has come out so publicly, everyone knows her real name and identity now anyway. So why keep it? Is it because it's plainly easier to say than Kellie-Jay Keen-Minshull? Is it a play on the name <i>Nosey</i> Parker? I can't imagine the actress <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parker_Posey" target="_blank">Parker Posey</a> is all that thrilled by the potential association. If anyone knows, please post below in the comments.</p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg56eAIzikoysX_9dGQAkOXzOJXHCOKCJw2dAAQNGONoCul6kqHVmSHlb9pO-6A-iTO0pBw3j8IEQ6iXsIpWwhD3PiWSHrDOK_JFvK01C21ULEdm-Qr-DkdpSqRO-DYANSWSA_DqFdOU9pn9u9IAxI0WrU_VELo1ixVunXerk8z1ozYszyOP84Mm6EP/s1024/f80f7f7933b3fa02cfd8c7cc9192a228.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="1024" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg56eAIzikoysX_9dGQAkOXzOJXHCOKCJw2dAAQNGONoCul6kqHVmSHlb9pO-6A-iTO0pBw3j8IEQ6iXsIpWwhD3PiWSHrDOK_JFvK01C21ULEdm-Qr-DkdpSqRO-DYANSWSA_DqFdOU9pn9u9IAxI0WrU_VELo1ixVunXerk8z1ozYszyOP84Mm6EP/s320/f80f7f7933b3fa02cfd8c7cc9192a228.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Self-made martyr</td></tr></tbody></table>Second, I am forced to agree with Keen-Minshull (and JK Rowling): by not letting her speak, we have empowered her. We have given her publicity. We have given her an enduring image: looking upset, hair covered in tomato juice (symbolic blood!). As sure as eggs is eggs, she will display that image whenever she wants to appear like she is the victim of those violent, dangerous trans activists. In short, by not allowing her to speak, we've done her "many favours".<p></p><p>Third, where does free speech fit into all this? In retrospect, I think the decision to allow Keen-Minshull into the country was the correct one. She has a right to freedom of movement, and freedom of speech. That freedom exists, as several government officials <a href="https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/politics/anti-trans-activist-posie-parkers-nz-visit-national-leader-luxon-says-not-a-good-enough-reason-to-ban-her-cites-free-speech/25G32W25Q5GWLL4CFNGWVRH7EQ/" target="_blank">have pointed out</a>, even for people whose views we may disagree with. What she is not entitled to is a platform; she is not entitled to an audience; she is not entitled to not have protesters at her events (although clearly the protesters seem to energise her). NZ Prime Minister Chris Hipkins, would not respond directly to her comments, <a href="https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/politics/anti-trans-activist-posie-parkers-nz-visit-national-leader-luxon-says-not-a-good-enough-reason-to-ban-her-cites-free-speech/25G32W25Q5GWLL4CFNGWVRH7EQ/" target="_blank">except to say</a> that he thought they were the "comments of someone who just wants to get a headline", and I think he is right.</p><p>How could we have done it better? I'm not sure. In retrospect, it's always clearer to consider what we should have done. If nobody had made a fuss, and Keen-Minshull had turned up to a crowd of twenty people with placards, and given a speech, and then nobody would really have taken much notice. Instead, she got a large jolt of publicity in her favour.</p><p>I think it's right to protest against speech we disagree with. JK Rowling's solution is "Get on that platform and eviscerate his ideas. Get on that platform and expose him for the charlatan that he is." That sounds so easy; so reasonable. But Keen-Minshull didn't come here for a debate! She didn't come here to listen to opposing views, consider them respectfully, and potentially modify her opinions--and she certainly didn't plan to share her platform with her opponents. Instead, she came to stir up trouble. It was made very clear to her that she was not welcome, and she <i>chose to come anyway</i>.</p><p>And she's<a href="https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/posie-parker-says-i-will-come-back-controversial-british-anti-transgender-activist-plans-return-to-nz/PPTIXN72ZBHUHETEI42DOXVUFU/" target="_blank"> vowing to come back</a> to "win this war"--a war that she, and people like her, are perpetuating, rather than suing for peace. Instead of listening, debating, discussing, they are on the offensive. We cannot simply ignore her: she is too vocal now; too well-known online; too active, and with quite a large following. How can one counter an adversary, civilly and with dignity, who isn't being either civilised or dignified? It's an election year, so it's very likely that the government--and the opposition--will be very careful to try to position themselves favourably on issues of both trans rights and free speech.</p><p>I have no easy answers; feel free to add your own in the comments.</p></div>Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-6458586070563399532023-04-09T16:19:00.000+12:002023-04-09T16:19:12.971+12:00JK Rowling - Part One<p>The controversy around J.K. Rowling and her comments about the trans community is continuing to rumble on. There are passionate people on both sides, and the issue is not going away. The <i>Independent</i> <a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/jk-rowling-brianna-ghey-trans-transgender-b2284869.html" target="_blank">writes</a> that "The situation has now become a toxic brew of prejudice, misinformation and tragedy. How has it come to this?" It's finally time for me to take a proper look at the whole business. And, as I've often discovered when writing about a complex subject, there just isn't room in one article to put it all in, so I've decided to split this one into two parts.</p><p><b>The background</b></p><p>First, it's well worthwhile starting at the beginning. J.K. Rowling was (basically) a penniless single mother when she wrote Harry Potter. The book and its many sequels have gone on to be stratospherically successful, making her the most popular author ever. Along with this success, there have been several very <a href="https://www.economicshelp.org/micro-economic-essays/marketfailure/positive-externality/" target="_blank">positive externalities</a>. Her books became popular with children, which <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2005/jul/10/books.harrypotter" target="_blank">encouraged them to <i>read</i></a>--many kids (including sadly, one of mine) will only read stuff on a screen, not on a page. Along with this welcome boost in literacy, the translations of the books into other languages (you can even get the first one in Latin) has improved linguistic skill too.</p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk8DJpFwuD4mVM2hOQkXeUuU3tpCLEeezpyawJPlOb8EJyMfTbi-BuZrHG4ypYUjYmKaJ0pE7TBj4_-ePrIwjDDrrCob8OD5hUUAEg0LD2vJSj6bYS7OTqMA8ew4R1R33pc3TSKnojkYSqGnLqsccEpi9O3tQOuZFuUCkzuvrDMjYDsdUohr3GWNFu/s920/JK1.png" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="920" data-original-width="684" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk8DJpFwuD4mVM2hOQkXeUuU3tpCLEeezpyawJPlOb8EJyMfTbi-BuZrHG4ypYUjYmKaJ0pE7TBj4_-ePrIwjDDrrCob8OD5hUUAEg0LD2vJSj6bYS7OTqMA8ew4R1R33pc3TSKnojkYSqGnLqsccEpi9O3tQOuZFuUCkzuvrDMjYDsdUohr3GWNFu/s320/JK1.png" width="238" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Joanne Rowling, the artist known as JK<br /></td></tr></tbody></table>Second, the popularity of Harry Potter affected the publishing industry too. The manuscript for <i>Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone</i> was rejected by twelve publishers (I bet <i>they're</i> all sorry!), before being picked up by Bloomsbury, who were, at the time, a very small publishing company. The success of Harry Potter has made Bloomsbury one of the largest publishing companies in the world. And many other authors, such as Philip Pullman, have experienced a welcome boost in their reading figures, as the newly-invigorated reading public started looking for other books while they were waiting for the next Harry Potter book. It's no exaggeration to say that Harry Potter has changed the face of publishing.<p></p><p>Third, adults have got in on the books too. They even started to print Harry Potter books with more "adult" covers, so that adults reading them in public places wouldn't be embarrassed by being seen reading what was ostensibly a children's book. I have devoured all seven of the Harry Potter books, and loved reading every page, and plainly I'm not alone.</p><p>Fourth, while Rowling has earned a huge fortune, she has also given away literally millions, to all sorts of charities and good causes. So her career as a philanthropist is not to be sneezed at either. And she's more than a little bit gorgeous, if I may say so. And I know two people who have interacted with her for a decent period of time and said she was thoroughly lovely in person.</p><p><b>Rowling and Gender</b></p><p>Rowling's first (publicised) encounter with gender was the name on the cover of her books. Bloomsbury decided that her books would be most popular among boys, and it was felt that they would be less likely to read a book if they thought it was written by a woman. Therefore, she was asked to put her initials on instead, to conceal her gender. Unfortunately, Rowling has no legal middle initial, so she chose the initial K from her paternal grandmother Kathleen, and the name J.K. Rowling was born.</p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijMzJZ0spYOOoc4RSkkw2XFIEeqU7dag0O6NjnA5NxBZ_RwyVjUFcw1HbfClJE8hmxOx3_gxaHR7PZ56LRM_xq0S7sgtCLOniW9saIOpM8DOfqIhiOFsx8I9nG6xbkelmI6BHywaYGB3k_knxipGWJTJfHYuIQe-h7wVOyDmmifF_QTaPoHFizRRSi/s590/JK-Rowling-2511236.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="375" data-original-width="590" height="203" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijMzJZ0spYOOoc4RSkkw2XFIEeqU7dag0O6NjnA5NxBZ_RwyVjUFcw1HbfClJE8hmxOx3_gxaHR7PZ56LRM_xq0S7sgtCLOniW9saIOpM8DOfqIhiOFsx8I9nG6xbkelmI6BHywaYGB3k_knxipGWJTJfHYuIQe-h7wVOyDmmifF_QTaPoHFizRRSi/s320/JK-Rowling-2511236.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">...and stand well back.</td></tr></tbody></table>But the <i>big</i> problem began on June 6th, 2020, when Rowling read an article on <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devex" target="_blank"><i>Devex</i></a> which spoke about "people who menstruate", and took to Twitter with her response.<p></p><p>She's clearly using (clumsy) humour to drive home her point. This tweet was the blue touchpaper which led to the massive explosion of anger from (it seems) almost every quarter; not least many of her loyal fans, who had found great resonance in the story of Harry Potter, a lonely, unloved outcast boy who finds his true identity and place in the world. At that point, Rowling <i>doubled down, </i>again in a series of tweets:</p><blockquote><p><b>Rowling:</b> If sex isn’t real, there’s no same-sex attraction. If sex isn’t real, the lived reality of women globally is erased. I know and love trans people, but erasing the concept of sex removes the ability of many to meaningfully discuss their lives. It isn’t hate to speak the truth.</p>
<p>The idea that women like me, who’ve been empathetic to trans people for decades, feeling kinship because they’re vulnerable in the same way as women—i.e., to male violence—‘hate’ trans people because they think sex is real and has lived consequences—is a nonsense.</p><p>I respect every trans person’s right to live any way that feels authentic and comfortable to them. I’d march with you if you were discriminated against on the basis of being trans. At the same time, my life has been shaped by being female. I do not believe it’s hateful to say so.</p></blockquote>
<p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjBFObEhYSTXZGgw1-oOQtrNKXq1g-ze-cnEkpUkoCFUq6YxR7fOfsYwB6PdSJVgz5UIZMaDcyVljMm_S--DqOQ7iAIK7KGmL7ObZhJscuuc_ZfWqcBZfFaU6EEiRXuZwk6jtm6Vl0meqE3C1J0nvKb22xhBP1NPEgk-4EQ7lJBBddWDW4HWjUAmVd/s1174/Tweet%202.png" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="652" data-original-width="1174" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjBFObEhYSTXZGgw1-oOQtrNKXq1g-ze-cnEkpUkoCFUq6YxR7fOfsYwB6PdSJVgz5UIZMaDcyVljMm_S--DqOQ7iAIK7KGmL7ObZhJscuuc_ZfWqcBZfFaU6EEiRXuZwk6jtm6Vl0meqE3C1J0nvKb22xhBP1NPEgk-4EQ7lJBBddWDW4HWjUAmVd/s320/Tweet%202.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Putting it in a nutshell: Rubin</td></tr></tbody></table>I'm interested by the statement "I know and love trans people". This statement sounds a bit like the vague "some of my best friends" statement that people make when they are unsuccessfully trying to pretend they're not prejudiced against another group of people.<p></p><p>Since then many prominent people, including many actors from the Harry Potter films, and several large fan groups, have made statements either in opposition to Rowling's position, or in support of trans people. These are people who owe their own success and fame (and wealth) to Rowling's work, so for them to come out so publicly in opposition to her views is not trivial.</p><p>I don't need to spell out all the ructions blow by blow. There's a lot of detail on the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Political_views_of_J._K._Rowling#Transgender_rights" target="_blank">Wikipedia page</a>, and also excellent summary articles on <i><a href="https://www.glamour.com/story/a-complete-breakdown-of-the-jk-rowling-transgender-comments-controversy" target="_blank">Glamour.com</a></i> and <i><a href="https://www.scotsman.com/arts-and-culture/books/jk-rowling-on-twitter-why-the-harry-potter-author-has-been-accused-of-transphobia-on-social-media-platforms-2877977" target="_blank">The Scotsman</a></i> which goes into much more depth.</p><p><b>"I don't believe it's hateful to say so"</b></p><p>While all this was unfolding, I wasn't too troubled. I admit, as a fan of both her stories and the woman herself, I was disappointed to hear her make these statements, but I wasn't angry or hurt. it's worth picking them apart a little. First, what she was saying was clinging to the old idea that biological sex denotes gender and that this situation is immutable. Some of the tweets she received, as quoted in <i><a href="https://www.scotsman.com/arts-and-culture/books/jk-rowling-on-twitter-why-the-harry-potter-author-has-been-accused-of-transphobia-on-social-media-platforms-2877977" target="_blank">The Scotsman</a></i>, point out that there are plenty of women who don't menstruate.</p><blockquote><p><b>Tweeter:</b> I, a 37 year old woman with a uterus, have not menstruated in a decade. Women are not defined by their periods.</p></blockquote><p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMTb-MewO7keV3lP6o7cvhmaIo3bYCwYrdqyU47nEplglrMtMeSEq21QoyJa8x4Nw0HnlSpwuu85gIgpw-c8IuKquI_bCXamW0THMrn1ZP48FOqoyXJ9qCjAqtwsw36yQImfCavLZ-aQOVbnLTfyEApIB0DBDHxmL_n8cuW7N82N00Gk7ubTl-LaUk/s514/Twitter%20death%20threat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="514" data-original-width="412" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMTb-MewO7keV3lP6o7cvhmaIo3bYCwYrdqyU47nEplglrMtMeSEq21QoyJa8x4Nw0HnlSpwuu85gIgpw-c8IuKquI_bCXamW0THMrn1ZP48FOqoyXJ9qCjAqtwsw36yQImfCavLZ-aQOVbnLTfyEApIB0DBDHxmL_n8cuW7N82N00Gk7ubTl-LaUk/s320/Twitter%20death%20threat.jpg" width="256" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not a joke: death threats</td></tr></tbody></table>But, she isn't <i>directly</i> attacking anyone. It's worth re-reading her statement above, that she recognises that trans women are vulnerable to male violence, and that she supports their right to live in any way which feels "authentic and comfortable"--except she goes on to then say "but I'm female; you're not the same as me".</p><p>"I don't believe it's hateful to say so". Actually, <i>I don't either.</i> I think she's expressing an opinion. I think that opinion is wrong (and surely this blog has plenty of material to back up why I think that!), but the opinion is hers to express, and I believe she should be free to do so.</p><p>Of course, I don't know what was going through Rowling's mind when she met that backlash. I genuinely think <i>she meant well</i>. I think she probably <i>has</i> had sympathy for trans women. I think she meant to support women like herself, who have been the victim of male violence (and she has). I think she has been surprised, and probably hurt, by what has happened. People have showered her with hate messages; made death threats; burned her books (!). But when you're hurting, and you're one of the wealthiest, and most influential people in the world, then it must be really difficult not to hit back--and this is where she started digging in, and making things worse. She wrote <a href="https://www.jkrowling.com/opinions/j-k-rowling-writes-about-her-reasons-for-speaking-out-on-sex-and-gender-issues/" target="_blank">this essay</a> on her website, and it's worth a read.</p>
<blockquote><p><b>Rowling: </b>Immediately, activists who clearly believe themselves to be good, kind and progressive people swarmed back into my timeline, assuming a right to police my speech, accuse me of hatred, call me misogynistic slurs and, above all – as every woman involved in this debate will know – <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TERF" target="_blank">TERF</a>. (...)</p>
<p>But accusations of TERFery have been sufficient to intimidate many people, institutions and organisations I once admired, who’re cowering before the tactics of the playground. ‘They’ll call us transphobic!’ ‘They’ll say I hate trans people!’ What next, they’ll say you’ve got fleas? Speaking as a biological woman, a lot of people in positions of power really need to grow a pair (which is doubtless literally possible, according to the kind of people who argue that clownfish prove humans aren’t a dimorphic species).</p></blockquote><p>Here she goes again, using clumsy ridicule to put down her opponents. <i>Of course</i> nobody is suggesting that people are like clownfish--but it's clear she's unwilling to consider that her position may be wrong, or at least that she shouldn't use biology to attempt to back it up. Otherwise, her essay is articulate (of course!) and reasoned.</p><p><b>Where Rowling is right</b></p><p>I need to say that, from my perspective, some of what Rowling says is right (which is to say, that <i>I</i> think it is right!). I just want to unpick some of that just now.</p><p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmr_dqPXOJHLLwl5NHdKoxktRIAMU5vIM-pQ_mv483HW6lwbZb5Giv03pH0RnCUKzy5bv6I8kg1gbLpPKjgY9tg4HEm5MDqI3ynoX2nxtUxGW5ax5BMnoK4Qf7mLTjIP_w6JT30z1FWyRQfdjiK0H0f_Pz_mZV5CZZ7cUc7T3rQlCuWXJfSyv2KJEC/s615/Glasses.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="595" data-original-width="615" height="310" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmr_dqPXOJHLLwl5NHdKoxktRIAMU5vIM-pQ_mv483HW6lwbZb5Giv03pH0RnCUKzy5bv6I8kg1gbLpPKjgY9tg4HEm5MDqI3ynoX2nxtUxGW5ax5BMnoK4Qf7mLTjIP_w6JT30z1FWyRQfdjiK0H0f_Pz_mZV5CZZ7cUc7T3rQlCuWXJfSyv2KJEC/s320/Glasses.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Got a point: Rowling</td></tr></tbody></table>First, I do have concerns about the position of women in our society. I see, for example, that hospitals have renamed their facilities from things like <i>Labour Ward</i> to things like <i>Birthing Suite</i>; the former term emphasising the medicalisation of an unpleasant experience; the latter term being more positive and welcoming. Departments of <i>Obstetrics and Gynaecology</i> have been renamed things like <i>Women's Health</i>, again to stress the positive aspects of what they are trying to do: to promote the health of women. This isn't just a trivial rebranding: it's the outward manifestation of hard-won gains in the status of women over the decades. It's partly a recognition that pregnancy isn't a <i>disease</i>, which needs to be treated in hospitals, but a natural (and positive!) state for women to be in.</p><p>But now, with the rise of transmen becoming pregnant (this is definitely a future subject for this blog), we're having to change our language. In my hospital, we're now talking about "pregnant people" rather than "pregnant women", so that we don't inadvertently exclude those who are pregnant but identify as men. We're doing this to include a tiny percentage of our patient population, but I do worry that we may be making these concessions to the few, at the expense of the many; robbing them of our overt recognition of their status as women. If we want to include everyone, that needs to come without a cost to existing groups.</p><p>Second, I do worry about how some people (including some trans people) are weaponising what should be a welcome progression toward a more open and inclusive society, in order to further their own toxic agendas. There are examples <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2023/03/seriously-not-helping-2.html" target="_blank">here</a> on this blog.</p><p>I definitely think the response to anything which is vaguely transphobic is pounced upon, and it is widely circulated on social media, in order to stir up hatred. A core group of hardliners seemingly just waits to find something--anything!--to hit out at. I have absolutely encountered this personally. Whenever I dare to disagree with a trans person on social media or Quora, on any topic, their knee-jerk response is to call me transphobic--when in fact the complete opposite is the case. It makes it very difficult to actually have a dialogue, because people see any statement which is not wholly supportive of their position as an out-and-out attack.</p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuWV6_BeDeBBc_zglww9LqrPNSd23AEY2SwezuFXmVtDxsIMiUQMSKaLmfW_1JHwBUqUEjxy1if49vYioZchXHDKjtikK06rOCrbtUjZithRmCP9ivnuiOHKm1LYlMWmGjPgi5cdcOrPICfRbA0Z3KH1Ian95V0nURyg7ePEvu8ngDPwY4_9nZb5TF/s1016/Quora.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="906" data-original-width="1016" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuWV6_BeDeBBc_zglww9LqrPNSd23AEY2SwezuFXmVtDxsIMiUQMSKaLmfW_1JHwBUqUEjxy1if49vYioZchXHDKjtikK06rOCrbtUjZithRmCP9ivnuiOHKm1LYlMWmGjPgi5cdcOrPICfRbA0Z3KH1Ian95V0nURyg7ePEvu8ngDPwY4_9nZb5TF/s320/Quora.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Misinterpreting: Wiens</td></tr></tbody></table>One personal example comes <a href="https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-feel-about-the-rise-of-pre-teen-children-coming-out-as-transgender/answer/Vivienne-Marcus" target="_blank">from Quora</a>. The question was <b>How do you feel about the rise of pre-teen children coming out as transgender? </b>and my answer begins "Surprisingly uncomfortable, even as a trans person myself. Why? Because the right research hasn't been done. It hasn't even been done in adults." This statement was pounced upon by a Quoran called <a href="https://www.quora.com/profile/Tamara-Wiens" target="_blank">Tamara Wiens</a>, who called me "infuriating" and "deeply transphobic". Eventually, however, she gave up. The upper part of this screenshot is Tamara's words, although you can read the whole conversation if you're a Quora member. (Be warned; like all social media, Quora is pretty addictive!).<p></p><p>I'm using this example for several reasons; first, as an illustration of how a mild statement ("uncomfortable") can be misinterpreted as hatred or transphobia by someone who is looking for an argument. Second, to highlight <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2014/03/more-about-children-and-gender.html" target="_blank">my own view</a> that we <i>do</i> need to be pretty careful about how we treat transgender children. This is something that JK Rowling has expressed concerns about. Third, because it actually remained a conversation, rather than degenerating into a slanging match (I don't participate in those). Some people become very offensive, or block me completely.</p><p>The third point I want to make is that I'm absolutely in support of free speech. In this, Rowling and I are completely aligned:</p><blockquote><p><b>Rowling:</b> The third is that, as a much-banned author, I’m interested in freedom of speech and have publicly defended it, even unto Donald Trump.</p></blockquote><p>She's referring, of course, not just to banning her books before the gender furore, but because her books were banned in some parts of the US because some people believed that children's stories about magic being cool are un-Christian. I wish I were making this up.</p><p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVCA-q9tP0-NsMWinrYRW7gOKJf8Di6phKVbVyCmNvQhFbeTd8eXw1ToV8M-BP6JVPyh_VO_-oCwiUryq-fXnj5_EljcWCSImEvQct1tVA74youFpLoAwWzOtbGtupfkosb984Ui6ixyJ5fgvur71Tn6Isv3Pfy66VnGmE5DbHW5_b4IhsyXwvD-nr/s2182/Burning.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1566" data-original-width="2182" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVCA-q9tP0-NsMWinrYRW7gOKJf8Di6phKVbVyCmNvQhFbeTd8eXw1ToV8M-BP6JVPyh_VO_-oCwiUryq-fXnj5_EljcWCSImEvQct1tVA74youFpLoAwWzOtbGtupfkosb984Ui6ixyJ5fgvur71Tn6Isv3Pfy66VnGmE5DbHW5_b4IhsyXwvD-nr/s320/Burning.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Alamogordo, New Mexico, 2001</td></tr></tbody></table>That's why, of course, I'm arguing that JK Rowling should be free to make her points. They are hers to make. She does not deserve hatred; she does not deserve death threats. And in the magnificent words of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QSaJji6kQ8" target="_blank">Henry Jones, Sr</a>: "Goose-stepping morons like yourself should try reading books, instead of burning them".</p><p>This article is already quite long enough, and there's lots more to talk about! The interesting (recent) development is that Rowling has teamed up with podcaster Megan Phelps-Roper, to produce an extended interview to put her points across: <i><a href="https://www.thefp.com/witchtrials" target="_blank">The Witch-Trials of JK Rowling</a></i>. I've already listened to the first episode (there are seven). I must say I thought the podcast would be an extended, fawning hagiography of Rowling; after all, she's not going to grant a lengthy audience with someone who is <i>really</i> going to challenge her, or to present her in a bad light.</p><p><i><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2023/mar/04/the-witch-trials-of-jk-rowling-review-dear-daughter-sisters-kaitlin-prest-the-heart-natalie-ken-bruce-vernon-kay-gary-davies-radio-2" target="_blank">The Guardian</a></i> has it absolutely right:</p><blockquote><p><b>Guardian:</b> The Witch Trials of JK Rowling is a strange podcast. Rowling’s careful, crisp mind contrasts with host Megan Phelps-Roper’s mushy Christian desire to be as kind and evenhanded as possible. That’s not to say that the podcast isn’t interesting – it is – just that it’s uneven and reeeally streeetched out. It needs a far tougher editor.</p></blockquote><p>But my full thoughts on all of that will need to wait for next time.</p><p><br /></p>Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-13868219121405193122023-03-04T22:29:00.004+13:002023-04-09T13:56:36.329+12:00Seriously not helping - Part Two<p>In a <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2013/08/seriously-not-helping.html" target="_blank">previous post</a> I talked about some people whose behaviour is seriously not helping the cause of trans people. These are people whose antics and conduct are so unreasonable that they are creating a backlash of resentment which is making things worse for the rest of us.</p><p>Aaaaaand I've come across some others. The first person I've heard about lately is <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jessica_Yaniv" target="_blank">Jessica Yaniv</a>, a 35-year old Canadian transwoman, described on her Wikipedia page as a "transgender activist". Yaniv has been causing all sorts of trouble in British Columbia.</p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeUtzPDtymcw9OmzQMfR5BeCiEnXlZdemxgPYeFPO4u1vAzvL6mAilqr3vMu8mfGwzOYG7S_Xx8Hjcsa0-4--FwfXCwxZFxXNVCUgI2U5aSzhfWMUrJ6FEWxCaGayifsx6951q0zvkzlj0lVBpKenpw5LJwyj2abMCQdfqlQOnikoXxLs9M96MuEAp/s1688/Jessica%20Yaniv%201.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1134" data-original-width="1688" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeUtzPDtymcw9OmzQMfR5BeCiEnXlZdemxgPYeFPO4u1vAzvL6mAilqr3vMu8mfGwzOYG7S_Xx8Hjcsa0-4--FwfXCwxZFxXNVCUgI2U5aSzhfWMUrJ6FEWxCaGayifsx6951q0zvkzlj0lVBpKenpw5LJwyj2abMCQdfqlQOnikoXxLs9M96MuEAp/s320/Jessica%20Yaniv%201.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jessica: seriously??</td></tr></tbody></table>The issue I first came across was hearing that Yaniv had brought a series of lawsuits against beauty salons in her district who had refused to perform waxing of her genitals.<p></p><p>The salons were all small businesses run by a single beautician, most of whom were immigrants to Canada. Yaniv sought damages of up to $15,000, alleging transphobic discrimination.</p><p>Yaniv hasn't had genital surgery, which is pertinent to this article in that the beauticians stated (very reasonably) that they didn't advertise waxing for male genitalia, that they hadn't been trained to perform it safely, and that they objected to working on male genitalia for personal or religious reasons. They all said they didn't refuse on account of Jessica's transgenderism.</p><p>So here's the thing. It's quite possible to find salons who will wax <i>any</i> part of you, no matter who you are. For a hilarious example from Scotland, you can read about Miss Twist's experiences <a href="https://misstwists.wordpress.com/2022/11/29/back-sack-and-craic-waxing/" target="_blank">here</a>. It's just a matter of phoning around first, and asking politely. Speaking for myself, I get my legs and chest <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2023/02/what-year.html" target="_blank">waxed regularly</a> by a lovely woman called Lynne, and I've never had any trouble (mind you, I don't go for genital waxing).</p><p>Jessica Yaniv deliberately targeted small businesses (rather than the large beauty chains), run by women whom she knew would be uncomfortable with the request, and who would be unlikely to be in a strong position to mount a defence against legal action. In other words, her behaviour was <i>predatory</i>. The lawsuits <a href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/transgender-woman-human-rights-waxing-1.5330807" target="_blank">were all dismissed</a>, but the associated costs and inconvenience caused two of the beauticians to go out of business as a result, even though she was ordered to pay damages to them.</p><p>You might think that such a resounding legal defeat would deter Yaniv from further similar antics--but she's no quitter! The next thing which came to my attention was that she was protesting that a gynaecologist had refused to see her. Yaniv posts frequently on Twitter, and she wrote:</p><blockquote><p><b>Yaniv:</b> So a gynaecologist office that I got referred to literally told me today that 'we don't serve transgender patients', And me, being me, I'm shocked.. and confused... and hurt.</p></blockquote><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiwAMLcEqbjgBjnu5ppmy-jPHk9YBKLWesMBWXMA5SRn-S3N-YRtSZoI9HWdU9kmKij0hbTDqPmcpYyDYFZVy97R5nPojFU1gm9P1cPedNB7dM3Th2e0UaSjh4XBTVpxPobAwVFaAUBfkbxG_qXcMaRPnRFPmLfZ-3PXulREXMzMcWMo2M9_Exfmdx/s1138/Ricky%20Gervais.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="592" data-original-width="1138" height="166" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiwAMLcEqbjgBjnu5ppmy-jPHk9YBKLWesMBWXMA5SRn-S3N-YRtSZoI9HWdU9kmKij0hbTDqPmcpYyDYFZVy97R5nPojFU1gm9P1cPedNB7dM3Th2e0UaSjh4XBTVpxPobAwVFaAUBfkbxG_qXcMaRPnRFPmLfZ-3PXulREXMzMcWMo2M9_Exfmdx/s320/Ricky%20Gervais.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gervais: twittering</td></tr></tbody></table>But the thing is, any reasonable doctor looking after Yaniv would know not to refer her to a gynaecologist. A gynaecologist just isn't the right sort of specialist to be dealing with any potential problem with her equipment. She might as well complain that her electrician refused to fix her plumbing. The right doctor would have been a urologist, or maybe an endocrinologist. Although as I have written before, the Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists <i>is</i> demonstrating willingness <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2019/12/shifting-sands.html" target="_blank">to treat transwomen</a>.<p></p><p>And my second comment is that she, being her, isn't shocked... or confused... or hurt, but <i>delighted</i> that she now has another excuse to play the despised victim, and kick up another ruckus.</p><p>But this time her comments <a href="https://www.nzherald.co.nz/entertainment/ricky-gervais-unloads-on-transgender-activist-jessica-yaniv/VVO6RXLEXSHSWIVECN4RLPO33Y/" target="_blank">came to the attention of comedian Ricky Gervais</a>. I have never really enjoyed his comedy, although I came to view him in a new light as an actor. Like many comedians he can be quite vitriolic in his material, and lately he's been <a href="https://ew.com/tv/ricky-gervais-slammed-trans-jokes-supernature-netflix-special/" target="_blank">disappointingly transphobic</a> very openly. In exactly the same vein, he lays into Jessica Yaniv via his Twitter account. Here's one example, but there are others.</p><p>It doesn't bother me if Jessica Yaniv annoys Ricky Gervais--but it does bother me when her antics are causing harm to the wider trans community, and they undoubtedly are. <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20191029022259/https://www.thestar.com/vancouver/2019/10/23/jessica-yaniv-fallout-vancouver-transgender-activists-says-high-profile-case-has-been-massively-negative-for-community.html" target="_blank">Canadian media say</a> trans people have reported a sharp upturn in online hate toward them as a result of the publicity around Jessica Yaniv.</p><p>I find myself wondering what Jessica Yaniv gets out of all this controversy. I sense that she is using transgender rights as a <i>shield</i>, behind which she hides while lobbing rocks at everyone within reach. She craves attention, she craves publicity, and she enjoys exchanging Twitter insults with adversaries. I wonder what her next stunt will be--I'm sure we shall all hear about it in due course. But I'm prepared to predict that it seriously won't be helping.</p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmUzchMHY-VCUOU2f7S48AqJstwMujJRm_TKGWNS1njixNbdURBt2fwZKiTgLZiBUDc3_TfFnGRl3NO6CsN1BF0xqVhiRzMCZvhvsvnbk_S7hiHg_Jz1jPStF956AC8c8rspMBlBwf_YV1hrCJ8xwfjUY3IBlSZ2wSnCnZyvjIaEvFclo7Ym59XUxp/s1024/kayla-lemieux-canadian-teacher-with-size-z-prosthetic-v0-mty1qbyvqfla1.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="1024" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmUzchMHY-VCUOU2f7S48AqJstwMujJRm_TKGWNS1njixNbdURBt2fwZKiTgLZiBUDc3_TfFnGRl3NO6CsN1BF0xqVhiRzMCZvhvsvnbk_S7hiHg_Jz1jPStF956AC8c8rspMBlBwf_YV1hrCJ8xwfjUY3IBlSZ2wSnCnZyvjIaEvFclo7Ym59XUxp/s320/kayla-lemieux-canadian-teacher-with-size-z-prosthetic-v0-mty1qbyvqfla1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lemieux: seriously??</td></tr></tbody></table>Still in Canada (!) we turn to the case of teacher Kayla Lemieux, who has been teaching woodwork in the Oakville Trafalgar High School near Toronto. The problem is Lemieux wears <a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/canada-teacher-prosthetic-breasts-ontario-b2292969.html" target="_blank">colossal prosthetic breasts</a> (unfailingly reported as "Z-cup", although I don't know <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bra_size" target="_blank">what that actually means</a>), complete with very prominent artificial nipples, while teaching students. Understandably, this has provoked "months of debate" about her appearance.<p></p><p>Things seemed to develop when the <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_York_Post" target="_blank">New York Post</a></i> reported it had followed Lemieux and discovered that she doesn't wear them all the time, and in fact usually presents as a man. Naturally, there is photographic evidence, and the testimony of a neighbour in further support.</p><p>I don't really think the <i>New York Post</i> represents the pinnacle of investigative reportage. Nonetheless, it seems pretty clear that Lemieux has been well and truly <i>busted</i> (geddit?). Lemieux has finally been suspended from her job (though without being sacked), and the <i>New York Post</i> is <a href="https://nypost.com/2023/03/02/kayla-lemieux-canadian-teacher-with-size-z-prosthetic-breasts-on-paid-leave/" target="_blank">taking the credit</a>.</p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNjBKcshx-i838Qpuz6xNngJD3qJA_RgGpIpcFoLhmVZ09FTa3Pq3T1gUGlqAfukDgBHnKZyGzWTv8kHAtY42GsU4tvqPvF6Vt01YpHlEMlcWkTgCQg2AQAQVjoFfjnj_yksHccaFtH5LSVTqgDnZYUF3UPl0HDvrjiI95KBq8uF3eN4vOAT4JAS8V/s1024/lemieux-side-by-side-1024x635.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="635" data-original-width="1024" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNjBKcshx-i838Qpuz6xNngJD3qJA_RgGpIpcFoLhmVZ09FTa3Pq3T1gUGlqAfukDgBHnKZyGzWTv8kHAtY42GsU4tvqPvF6Vt01YpHlEMlcWkTgCQg2AQAQVjoFfjnj_yksHccaFtH5LSVTqgDnZYUF3UPl0HDvrjiI95KBq8uF3eN4vOAT4JAS8V/s320/lemieux-side-by-side-1024x635.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Oh, that's not me!"--seriously??</td></tr></tbody></table>When you're discovered doing something <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2018/01/rachel-dolezal.html" target="_blank">you've been trying to keep secret</a>, you have two options: you can come clean, or you can double down. With a weary sigh, I note that Lemieux has doubled down. She insists that the man in the <i>New York Post</i>'s photos isn't her. You can judge for yourself here.<p></p><p>She insists those boobs aren't fake; that she is intersex, and has <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breast_hypertrophy" target="_blank">gigantomastia</a>, although she admits she is "in transition" and has been on hormones. She also insists there's nothing wrong with the way she dresses, although there have been other complaints about her clothing, not just her boobs.</p><blockquote><p><b>Lemieux:</b> I don’t think there’s any problem with how I have dressed. It’s the personal opinion of other people. I don’t think I have dressed unprofessionally.</p></blockquote><p>There's so much to discuss about Lemieux that I'm not quite sure where to begin!</p><p>First, let me state quite clearly that Lemieux's ginormous bazooms are <i>plainly</i> fake. Oversized breasts just don't have those prominent nipples. Second, large boobs are <i>heavy</i>, and women with very large boobs struggle with neck pain and back pain, and often have surgery to reduce their size. Only people who can take off their boobs at the end of a hard day can cope with boobs like those. (I'm also sure the man in the picture is Lemieux).</p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxAOM19jb5DBOWEWWXa-lvEyF1iBJCWgvZvMurjjblFiAG-Ltu5cUA5AxvIT_aWSELc-8poEwJgBDwnKhQJRsCUIEZ8Y4CzQQ1tNtfWwghCNc1qNYW_drA4qJNlJAgwYifT5RzfYnyBc9FXdJvtFKp7jGEuThPCSMxMd6G_dPRc7x8mbh1_qg1ZDh_/s1200/Airship.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1200" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxAOM19jb5DBOWEWWXa-lvEyF1iBJCWgvZvMurjjblFiAG-Ltu5cUA5AxvIT_aWSELc-8poEwJgBDwnKhQJRsCUIEZ8Y4CzQQ1tNtfWwghCNc1qNYW_drA4qJNlJAgwYifT5RzfYnyBc9FXdJvtFKp7jGEuThPCSMxMd6G_dPRc7x8mbh1_qg1ZDh_/s320/Airship.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh wait--that's an airship!</td></tr></tbody></table>You would wonder why a teacher in a woodworking class would be wearing huge boobs, which must surely get in the way and present a genuine hazard when using tools and other equipment.<p></p><p>Second, nobody (not even the <i>New York Post</i>) has reported that any of the complaints about Lemieux were because people objected to a transgender teacher; in the middle of all this, I think that's a positive thing to remark upon. If Lemieux just wanted to be a woman, and work as a teacher, <i>she already had that</i>: all she needed was to just wear what ordinary teachers wear, and buy a reasonable pair of boobs.</p><p>The fact that all that <i>wasn't</i> enough makes me think that there is <i>something else going on</i> with Kayla Lemieux. If she only presents as a woman when working at a high school, then there must be something about that which tickles her pickle, so to speak. And the parents (and staff, and school board) of the Oakville Trafalgar High School must really think so too. How did she get the job in the first place? If she was already employed, and then transitioned, it would be obvious that the boobs didn't grow gradually. If she wasn't already employed, whose idea was it to give her a job?</p><p>And if Kayla Lemieux is the only trans teacher in her locale, <i>how much harder</i> is she making it for the next trans teacher who comes along? If Lemieux is the only example of a trans teacher they have come across, who is going to want another?</p><p>Like Lemieux, I only present as a woman sometimes. But the difference between me and Kayla Lemieux is that I'm always very conscious of the scrutiny that I receive from other people, and I'm aware that I may be the first trans person they've encountered close up, which makes me <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2022/08/prohibition-party.html" target="_blank">a sort of ambassador</a> for trans people in the cis world. And <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2023/02/what-year.html" target="_blank">my goals</a> are to look fabulous, feel wonderful, and enjoy the company of friends. It definitely seems that Lemieux has some other goals. I don't know what they are, but they are <i>seriously</i> not helping.</p><p>It will be interesting to see how things unfold with Kayla Lemieux, although I don't see those colossal melons appearing in a woodworking classroom again any time soon.</p><p>If you come across any other people out there whose antics are seriously not helping, please drop me a comment below!</p>Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-80396739425987024162023-02-05T14:51:00.001+13:002023-02-05T14:51:14.332+13:00What a year!While it's still my intention with this blog to write articles exploring aspects of gender, I still want to write about my personal experiences in 2022, which seems to have been a watershed in my life as Vivienne.<div><br /></div><div>Let me take us back to 2012, when I posted <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2012/07/wants-and-needs.html" target="_blank">this article</a>, which was about trying to evaluate the place of crossdressing in my life. At that time I was married, closeted, and dreadfully miserable. The article contains this paragraph:<div><blockquote>Another symptom of need is that crossdressing haunts my dreams. These are frequent; at least once per week, and for the Freudians among you they are simple, straightforward, wish-fulfilment dreams. I am in some situation where crossdressing is OK: out with my friends, speaking in public, in a job interview, meeting new people. In each case, I am lavishly and wonderfully dressed: I draw compliments and warmth and enthusiasm. People find it interesting and cool. And then I wake up, and that lovely warm rosy glow fades pretty sharply in the face of the alarm.<br /><div></div></blockquote><div>Fast-forward a few years, and t<a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2019/10/vivienne-at-large.html" target="_blank">hings got a lot better</a>. I started to go out dressed; to interact with people in shops and restaurants, and to express my gender more openly. I started to tell people I'm a doctor rather than hide behind the term "academic", and to <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2019/12/shifting-sands.html" target="_blank">blog about medical issues</a>.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Selfie Queen</b></div><div><br /></div><div>But things were still a bit slow on the Vivienne front. Dressing was unusual. I know exactly how many times I've dressed, because I take a million selfies every time I do. I'm a <i>complete</i> selfie queen--and now I've become quite the expert on the various photo edits I can do on my phone, my tablet and my laptop, to make the images as flattering as possible.</div><div><br /></div><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6nd2zMREJbD515s2Kb4JBfzA7oRtS1YbVDrxgwCkLWERgRKXayoKUdUYG1GAh2g9X3biU6-I07dE72lE-ZoBS5L5En6kwMTbuc09Nu9zeuwGjLZ6QOmQSzVtH1y5PlGAxQtTkHcTPfXHNzhsmDPXBIAmq2FAHBw2gG5nqjQTnku8Dv49Q0_l8rdhD/s927/IMG_1164%20reduced.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="927" data-original-width="695" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6nd2zMREJbD515s2Kb4JBfzA7oRtS1YbVDrxgwCkLWERgRKXayoKUdUYG1GAh2g9X3biU6-I07dE72lE-ZoBS5L5En6kwMTbuc09Nu9zeuwGjLZ6QOmQSzVtH1y5PlGAxQtTkHcTPfXHNzhsmDPXBIAmq2FAHBw2gG5nqjQTnku8Dv49Q0_l8rdhD/s320/IMG_1164%20reduced.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">About 0.00001% of my selfie collection</td></tr></tbody></table>Part of the selfie thing is to try out various looks and see what works: and there's a <i>lot</i> to think about if you're trying to take a male chassis and turn it into a womanly body! Part of the selfie thing is a long-standing habit: I would use my selfies during those <i>long</i> periods of dressing drought, to soothe my yearnings and remind myself that lovely fem times would reappear. And part of the selfie thing is that I really, <i>really</i> <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2019/10/in-search-of-beauty.html" target="_blank">like to look pretty</a>, and seeing nice pictures of myself gives me a real burst of euphoria. (And for the record, while I do adjust the colour balance for the most flattering look, none of my pictures have been enhanced with any image filters, such as FaceApp).</div><div><br /></div><div>So I know that the number of times I actually dressed enough to take selfies over the last few years is about 4 or 5 times--a year. Part of the problem was that I never quite felt like I had the look together properly. I had to have a huge lead-up to getting dressed: just getting the body hair under control was a mission. And then I didn't feel like my wardrobe was up to much, so I never quite felt the outfit worked. I had one or two go-to outfits, and a whole lot of other garments which just weren't quite right.</div><div><br /></div><div>Another part of the problem was (and is) that we have busy lives. We both work long hours, including night shifts, and we have a cartload of kids and animals to take care of. So opportunities were quite few.</div><div><br /></div><div>And what I wanted, most of all, was a social life. I tried to make contact with some trans people, but for various reasons I didn't really get any momentum. The turning point was making contact with the local <a href="https://www.facebook.com/HamiltonPrideNZ/" target="_blank">Pride network</a>.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Out for Coffee</b></div><div><br /></div><div>I'd already had the experience of experience of going to a party at a friend's house as Vivienne, and meeting people there. But everyone there was a friend of a friend--this was a bunch of complete strangers I would be meeting.</div><div><br /></div><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlX-I646XjrUt_UaXFVeLHzMZ5zjKhQMSvQSgbml5Q1dLpgBI71BbmXssuQC4lk9t-FpcdQRdXyShgKe81oZm6R7mgeXrA1rX5bdSF2auCVt8qWLhhjPh9Rmqg4dyqQss5ygs1fq8bhh8Djc4KLIiHbnNFF2pQPElASjpumtv5_-Dh-Gp86UUaXTtf/s927/IMG_8376%20crop%20reduced.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="927" data-original-width="670" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlX-I646XjrUt_UaXFVeLHzMZ5zjKhQMSvQSgbml5Q1dLpgBI71BbmXssuQC4lk9t-FpcdQRdXyShgKe81oZm6R7mgeXrA1rX5bdSF2auCVt8qWLhhjPh9Rmqg4dyqQss5ygs1fq8bhh8Djc4KLIiHbnNFF2pQPElASjpumtv5_-Dh-Gp86UUaXTtf/s320/IMG_8376%20crop%20reduced.jpg" width="231" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A car selfie!</td></tr></tbody></table>The event was called Out for Coffee, and it was a simple enough idea: turn up to a local coffee shop, meet a bunch of Pride people, and make new friends. Although I have been Vivienne my whole adult life, it's a very unusual experience to introduce yourself to someone by your fem name. At first, it felt really powerful and meaningful--I knew this was something new. Vivienne's identity was becoming more real.</div><div><br /></div><div>On this first occasion, I brought not just Missy but my stepkids, one of whom is quite rainbow themself. It was a family-friendly event (as many Pride events are). At first I was quite nervous and we all just sat and ate together. But after we'd had breakfast, I started to mingle--and everyone was fantastically lovely.</div><div><br /></div><div>One woman said I should join the local <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/waikatoqueerwomen/" target="_blank">Queer Women group</a>. I was delighted by the invitation--but also cautious. Would they be OK with members like me? I asked. I know that not all women's groups are welcoming to trans people, and I would hate to make anyone else feel uncomfortable--or even encounter hostility.</div><div><br /></div><div>So I messaged one of the moderators of the Queer Women group expressing my concerns, and this is her response:</div><div><blockquote>Thanks so much for reaching out with your concerns. You will be most definitely welcome in our group and if anyone makes you feel otherwise please let myself or (other moderator) know, we would hate for you to feel unwelcome or uncomfortable. Our group is about diversity and acceptance for all queer women whether you express this full time or not, it doesn't matter to us. If it makes you feel more at ease, we do have other M2F people in the group who regularly come to our events too. I hope we get to meet you at an event soon 😀 PS: that's a great photo! </blockquote></div><div><b>Vivienne becomes a Person</b></div><div><br /></div><div>And so I started going along to social events with the Queer Women. The moderator was right: everyone is absolutely <i>lovely</i>, and totally welcoming and inclusive. Vivienne's identity has become completely real: I've been to so many events that I get recognised by the regulars, and I now have friends who have literally never seen me dressed as a man. That is an extraordinarily powerful feeling.</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM_hSAb25UWSoedKshNwFZsUtqj8b7e1hfsXOCQ_s3ocILZM-9A6alhm7ocz4Mnt6nTjMcBZlfaV9juJ1EW2bBFFR5gDZ9cJMFoAJUz1qxVFZhWjVcLG61WWpGm_xiezsabSQhSqIcDARu9269jIqdfk5ris1bAGbBQDViApTZZWs-WmvdQ2qrYvTM/s926/IMG_1329%20reduced.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="695" data-original-width="926" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM_hSAb25UWSoedKshNwFZsUtqj8b7e1hfsXOCQ_s3ocILZM-9A6alhm7ocz4Mnt6nTjMcBZlfaV9juJ1EW2bBFFR5gDZ9cJMFoAJUz1qxVFZhWjVcLG61WWpGm_xiezsabSQhSqIcDARu9269jIqdfk5ris1bAGbBQDViApTZZWs-WmvdQ2qrYvTM/s320/IMG_1329%20reduced.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I need all the help I can get!</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div>There have been coffee meetups, board game meetups, meals out, drinks out, social events at people's homes, book club, you name it. There have also been some outdoor things I haven't gone along to: walking trips and boating trips and cycling trips. For me, it's unbearably hot just wearing my wig and shapewear, even before there's any exercise involved!</div><div><br /></div><div>There is a fantastic mix of women in the group--including a few M2F transwomen. There are women of all ages and backgrounds. The thing they (and I) have in common is an enjoyment of good company, and having fun. To be accepted without question and treated just like one of them is extremely affirming. Some of them even work at my hospital!</div><div><br /></div><div>Meanwhile, as my wardrobe has expanded, and my makeup skills have improved (practice, practice!), getting dressed has become a lot easier. It still takes an hour from a standing start--but it used to take half a day! And having makeup and clothing just there on the shelf or in the drawer makes the access much easier.</div><div><br /></div><div>I've also come out to lots of other people, including my hairdresser (who has helped with hair) and my lovely beautician. I get a full leg wax every few weeks, and of course I have been telling my beautician about Vivienne from the first day. She's always wanted to meet Vivienne, and this week we finally made it happen! She introduced me to the other staff members as Vivienne, and of course it was lovely to get pampered in a beauty salon. Another bucket list item ticked off!</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Up on the Stage</b></div><div><br /></div><div>One of the Queer Women events involved an open-mike evening in a local rainbow-friendly venue, where audience members would get up on stage and read some of their own writing. I decided that I had to get up and give that a go.</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitT9GFKFbMD0j3RIv_a3v56TqZ0NEyiu_EjsfHdB9hWBrkExZL-JdRHiU3r0t5-AVB8TobytV6Ocy9YNfRygSWKWbav_OA1NZPpPTFFa9cbpSYUOgHLILB3-5lUhIDYpg4FrIbwOtwGBil7VaYkQM1FmPsAK5F8WqLyGlRF3watk7XWiKQgFjyGlSh/s1209/IMG_8268%20reduced.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1209" data-original-width="907" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitT9GFKFbMD0j3RIv_a3v56TqZ0NEyiu_EjsfHdB9hWBrkExZL-JdRHiU3r0t5-AVB8TobytV6Ocy9YNfRygSWKWbav_OA1NZPpPTFFa9cbpSYUOgHLILB3-5lUhIDYpg4FrIbwOtwGBil7VaYkQM1FmPsAK5F8WqLyGlRF3watk7XWiKQgFjyGlSh/s320/IMG_8268%20reduced.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Is this thing on?</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div>This time, the audience wasn't just Queer Women, but members of the public, although clearly everyone knew what the themes were going to be. I was struck by the material from the other writers. There were agonising coming-out stories. There were unrequited love stories. There was poetry, and prose. It was raw; it was real. And then there was me!</div><div><div><br /></div><div>I've written quite a lot of medical stuff under my male name, and this includes a few anecdotes about inspiring patients I've met on the journey. I chose three: an inspiring one, a moral dilemma, and a funny one. They seemed to go down really well, and afterwards lots of people came up to talk to me.</div><div><br /></div><div>So let's come back to the wording of that first paragraph:</div></div><div><br /></div><div><i>I am in some situation where crossdressing is OK...</i>: <b>check.</b></div><div><i>...out with my friends...</i>: <b>check.</b></div><div><i>...speaking in public...</i>: <b>check.</b></div><div><i>...in a job interview...</i>: we'll let that one slide!</div><div><i>...meeting new people</i>: <b>check.</b></div><div><i>In each case, I am lavishly and wonderfully dressed: I draw compliments and warmth and enthusiasm. People find it interesting and cool</i>. <b>Check check CHECK!</b></div><div><br /></div><div>It was astonishing when I reviewed that article to discover that so many things, which were once completely unthinkable, have not only happened, but have happened joyfully, <i>triumphantly</i>, and there's every likelihood they will continue to happen! It goes without saying that I could never have achieved that without the love and support of the wonderful Missy.</div></div></div><div><br /></div><div>I've already started off this year with more of the same: four outings so far, including the waxing. Who knows what will happen next?!</div>Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-89837026567480168922022-08-03T21:47:00.001+12:002022-08-10T19:35:53.322+12:00Prohibition Party!<p>It’s one of my favourite things to get an invitation where the person says “Vivienne is welcome too”. A few weeks ago I got an invitation to a friend’s birthday party. It was to be fancy dress, with a Prohibition theme. While I could use this article as an opportunity to show more pictures of myself (and I will!), there are actually other aspects to it which I’ve been reflecting on since.</p><p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj09C3c5DFqnNoTDC3iwZ1Wj-CyttimALX6JsrW7h1672YAxVVgmH6MWLqIRZw8K5Ovt5-xKWg91x6qgZpHkGbAtJPqXJTXGVa4dRmuATCqg-4Lq-0oUvN8_tqub2SLfdJv_DT3iIRtBNGUUqffJ5ocMLdVknVCMpcFN9ugLz199nFlT1lsUetHhmNy/s2048/7A74396D-3BE7-4AEB-AAA8-F8FA58E88831.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1382" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj09C3c5DFqnNoTDC3iwZ1Wj-CyttimALX6JsrW7h1672YAxVVgmH6MWLqIRZw8K5Ovt5-xKWg91x6qgZpHkGbAtJPqXJTXGVa4dRmuATCqg-4Lq-0oUvN8_tqub2SLfdJv_DT3iIRtBNGUUqffJ5ocMLdVknVCMpcFN9ugLz199nFlT1lsUetHhmNy/s320/7A74396D-3BE7-4AEB-AAA8-F8FA58E88831.jpeg" width="216" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How do I look?</td></tr></tbody></table>
As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t normally enjoy “dressing up”. It feels like pretending to be something I’m <i>not</i>, while dressing as Vivienne feels like doing something that I <i>am</i>. But this was an opportunity to do the latter while pretending to do the former—I don’t know if that makes any sense at all!<p></p><p>There were several obvious problems. I don’t possess the elegant willowy figure of the 1920’s flapper—or the gangster’s moll. But secondly I had no idea where I would come up with any sort of costume to wear.</p><p>Missy’s mum came to the rescue and had very nearly <i>everything</i>. She’s extremely fond of rummaging in flea markets, op shops and charity shops, and has a huge collection of all sorts of amazing stuff. She provided the dress, the wig, the fascinator, the feather boa, the pearls and rings and necklace. Even a vintage black clutch bag (foreground).</p><p>The white gloves and choker came from a dress-up shop, and the tights and shoes (which you can’t see) were model’s own. I had to take the gloves off for the mirror selfie because my phone screen wouldn’t register my touch when I had them on!</p>
<p>I spent ages getting ready. Among other things, I had never worn stick-on false eyelashes before. I took an hour to put them on in any sort of reasonable position, and I had to take them off and reposition them several times!</p><p>Meanwhile Missy decided to go as the gangster: the fedora, the black shirt and white tie, and a plastic gun from the dress-up shop. It was a great outfit and she looked fantastic. In fact, everyone did; it was like walking around in a scene from <i>Bugsy Malone</i>.</p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghI0iEBMVNTy298RC1TUuRIhWOyZTNnOwl71wu9Lt3luyvHdzczH5Gv83S3ORDacriq9oSJS8V9AphWvtkJbMiFCxfhuPaxu-Io82tLnYGoLah3GzRkG7VrOFMA3e7xqfEwXdRKItqMT8IFoTzG40fC7JXTNF-UL38PPKr_ZhndstjMVdrhR0V5QZ4/s3088/IMG_7550(Edited).jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3088" data-original-width="2316" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghI0iEBMVNTy298RC1TUuRIhWOyZTNnOwl71wu9Lt3luyvHdzczH5Gv83S3ORDacriq9oSJS8V9AphWvtkJbMiFCxfhuPaxu-Io82tLnYGoLah3GzRkG7VrOFMA3e7xqfEwXdRKItqMT8IFoTzG40fC7JXTNF-UL38PPKr_ZhndstjMVdrhR0V5QZ4/s320/IMG_7550(Edited).jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Flapper girl in a Gatsby world.</td></tr></tbody></table>As we walked in, I realised, for the first time, that aside from a few people that we know, most people would be strangers--and not necessarily expecting to see me turn up in a frock. There were a couple of dozen people there, including teenagers, and everyone seemed to react positively. One or two of the men looked slightly taken aback when I introduced myself, but after that nobody showed the slightest discomfort. One of the women asked me where I got my tights, and I asked her where she got her corset. (Interestingly, two of the women were also dressed in male gangster gear, and looked fantastic).<p></p><p>The house had been done up beautifully as a speakeasy with darkened windows, decorations and soft lighting. There was a very well-stocked drinks table, and plenty of nibbles. There was even someone "on the door" and we had to pretend to give the password. But the most impressive feature was a full-on gambling den, with a full-sized roulette wheel, a blackjack table, and a professional croupier to run the whole thing. No money was won or lost--we played only for chips, though there were prizes for the biggest winners.</p><p>The croupier kept referring to me as "the gentleman with the green chips". I wasn't in the least bothered about this; I really just found it funny. In fact I joked with him: "What have I got to do here to get treated like a lady?!"</p><p>The chat and the company were outstanding. We mingled and met some lovely new people. We played roulette and blackjack. We enjoyed the nibbles and drinks. I felt wonderful. From time to time, I was suddenly struck by the realisation--all over again!--that I was out, dressed, and feeling fabulous.</p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyJjMV_H3UAhFP4vzO9oG36DuSIGlNnC5LYeLzMknIXHVwmfbWud2wzSURi5SN4BPmpNzv8NWzLysolsCjiokYyzWVgKx0n8p2U41PkEg_zZ8Htff1iYCwq8w8iCOWi5t9_E0smi7UUzGS87J-vX1M2Qf8zf5ozl_j992cQc5S4GTYlBSsdbvPS3e3/s1863/IMG_0030%20cropped.JPG" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1220" data-original-width="1863" height="210" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyJjMV_H3UAhFP4vzO9oG36DuSIGlNnC5LYeLzMknIXHVwmfbWud2wzSURi5SN4BPmpNzv8NWzLysolsCjiokYyzWVgKx0n8p2U41PkEg_zZ8Htff1iYCwq8w8iCOWi5t9_E0smi7UUzGS87J-vX1M2Qf8zf5ozl_j992cQc5S4GTYlBSsdbvPS3e3/s320/IMG_0030%20cropped.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Baby needs a new pair of shoes!</td></tr></tbody></table>Looking back on this splendid evening, my first impression is how far I have come. An evening like this one--glamorously dressed and having a wonderful time with a group of lovely people--would have been pie in the sky only a few short years ago. Every time I've looked back on it, it's given me a little emotional boost.<p></p><p>My second reflection is that, perhaps in some sense I was also being an ambassador for trans people in company. Perhaps the people at the party hadn't come across someone like me before, and perhaps having a laugh and a chat with me might make them feel more comfortable encountering other trans people in their lives.</p><p>But the third boost it gave me is that I had told quite a lot of people, including people at work, that I was going to be going to a party "in drag". And naturally they wanted to see the photos afterward. And so I've had the experience of showing people who don't know about Vivienne some photos of Vivienne! I've had nothing but positive comments from them; many of them said they thought they were looking at a woman in the photos, although they obviously recognised it was me.</p><p>All of this makes me feel just that little more confident in myself, a little more confident about coming out to more people (slowly does it!), and a little less nervous of future encounters. How can any of this be a bad thing?</p><p>Now, let's blouse. I gotta go iron my shoelaces. Don't take any wooden nickels!</p>Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-81695537530659482812022-05-31T20:11:00.000+12:002022-05-31T20:11:08.054+12:00Opening the ClosetIn the last couple of weeks I've finally come out to all my children.
<div><br /></div><div>This was a surprisingly difficult thing to do. Not because I didn't want to, but because there were significant obstacles in the way. Those of you who know me (and followers of this blog) will <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2016/09/the-end-of-days.html" target="_blank">already know</a> how much my ex-wife loathes cross-dressing, and how manipulative and obstructive she can be.</div><div><br /></div><div>Without going through all the exhausting and tedious details (and there are many!) I managed to navigate the worst of her obstacles and finally do the Big Reveal.</div><div><br /></div><div>Having been very careful in making this move has allowed several things to happen. It has allowed me to contemplate seriously, and for the first time, what my life might look like if I didn't have to hide who I am. For many years, I had to deal with a wife who told me how disgusting, how shameful, how unacceptable it is to enjoy wearing feminine clothing. This was very corrosive to my self-esteem.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrs_ogTh6H_I5EKmKjRH2QkBxcO6HbO3x_qm_lBqchBq73UIqpL8wxVVlnw03ZhAgieKrDvWzB6dCaMogll4l8dZbJ3RnuZAhXw5JTARn4lB80tRVKLdEl5g7-0stWhKqB_L1-WJSYUichQgarHFr0ga8YxK_l516omPAJ1fb3yUaN6QJ7hGHZn6CJ/s1140/End%20of%20the%20tunnel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="1140" height="140" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrs_ogTh6H_I5EKmKjRH2QkBxcO6HbO3x_qm_lBqchBq73UIqpL8wxVVlnw03ZhAgieKrDvWzB6dCaMogll4l8dZbJ3RnuZAhXw5JTARn4lB80tRVKLdEl5g7-0stWhKqB_L1-WJSYUichQgarHFr0ga8YxK_l516omPAJ1fb3yUaN6QJ7hGHZn6CJ/s320/End%20of%20the%20tunnel.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>During this time, hiding and pretending felt <i>normal</i>. It felt safe. It felt like a boat I didn't want to rock, because I was <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2021/12/ten-year-anniversary-but-still-not.html" target="_blank">still very fearful</a> of further negative consequences, and I didn't think I had the strength to weather them.</div><div><br /></div><div>But the idea of no longer having to hide was beginning to take hold. Looking ahead, I could see light for the very first time--a light which I didn't dare to dream would ever shine on me. When my ex-wife's protests began to mount, the thought of moving backward was intolerable.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>The Big Reveal</b></div><div><br /></div><div>I've always found it amusingly ironic that a common metaphor for facing up to something difficult is to "put your big girl panties on". This was definitely one of those moments!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbE1EliBTSk4VMAvCg_zADrHZsKZ76s5-VKudJTwZ2A0JssVV3fn_6PwP467oz5WLQ1sIIrRkjHCTVrFiHotK2g-dSOgEHI0zcpSajGgzDCVTBi-s5BfHRnyeupyfmZOutJiJSch92je7awWtynAv76coToV-ORXMC9Pm72Xth4oKkzy5JpuxUDAY8/s750/Big%20Girl%20Panties.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbE1EliBTSk4VMAvCg_zADrHZsKZ76s5-VKudJTwZ2A0JssVV3fn_6PwP467oz5WLQ1sIIrRkjHCTVrFiHotK2g-dSOgEHI0zcpSajGgzDCVTBi-s5BfHRnyeupyfmZOutJiJSch92je7awWtynAv76coToV-ORXMC9Pm72Xth4oKkzy5JpuxUDAY8/s320/Big%20Girl%20Panties.png" width="256" /></a></div><br /><div>The star of the show was the eldest boy, in his late teens. He accepted it immediately and completely, and was so mature. He was the one I was most worried about, as he’s grown up believing his dad was an ordinary guy (albeit a geeky, scholarly one), and I wasn’t sure how he would take the news.</div><div><br /></div><div>The one I expected would be no trouble was the eldest girl, in her middle teens. She’s very “woke”, very pro rainbow people, and has often made statements in support of minority causes. Although she also wasn’t expecting this announcement, I thought she was the one “primed” to be accepting. Instead she was quite upset, and took herself off to her mother’s place immediately.</div><div><br /></div><div>The younger two have been fine, especially the one who is already a bit rainbow.</div><div><br /></div><div>What I told them all is: <i>this isn’t a secret any more</i>. I didn’t want to pull them into the closet with me, but instead to open the door a lot wider. What that means (for me) is <i>no more hiding</i>. While I’m not going to wave Vivienne in people’s faces, nor am I going to be hiding away and hoping I don’t meet anyone who might recognise me.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Aftermath</b></div><div><br /></div><div>I’m still processing all this. My daughter’s reaction hit me especially hard. Instead of feeling relief, or satisfaction, or triumph, I felt deflated and disheartened for a couple of weeks. It made me wonder whether I had done the right thing at all: did I push it too hard? Should I have waited longer?</div><div><br /></div><div>I’m gradually feeling slightly better, and early indications are that she is coming around a bit more. But I still feel it’s too soon to be celebrating.</div><div><br /></div><div>The person who has made all this possible has been my amazing partner, Missy, who has unfailingly supported me, gently coaxed me away from my tendency to catastrophise everything, and used wisdom and gentleness to help me reframe my feelings more positively. I still wonder how I’ve ended up being so fortunate.<br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Out, and Proud?</b></div><div><br /></div><div>The word <i>Pride</i> is often used by rainbow people. We have Pride parades in many cities every year. They have gone from being protest marches against oppression to being (in the main) colourful parades suitable for the whole family, which is a wonderful thing. The struggle isn’t over, of course, and in some countries things seem to be actually going backwards.</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5WsXLyDXGPJivqKdRoxWHkYko6L_MTdE0zRs_YLgeYfF6El7GLhHvjXAUZKDT6mN7O-lfoLqJdBfHcYJi9Obn_Ra3OEzusY5rK1vbiXtR1YDC67XdqitiEEYRWkeZ0SfTm7KpIEtLuZbse4z3KAhXI6Zx1ixlpsr-kJYtWovQBRl0oLTuGR1Qbr45/s3088/IMG_5215(Edited).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3088" data-original-width="2316" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5WsXLyDXGPJivqKdRoxWHkYko6L_MTdE0zRs_YLgeYfF6El7GLhHvjXAUZKDT6mN7O-lfoLqJdBfHcYJi9Obn_Ra3OEzusY5rK1vbiXtR1YDC67XdqitiEEYRWkeZ0SfTm7KpIEtLuZbse4z3KAhXI6Zx1ixlpsr-kJYtWovQBRl0oLTuGR1Qbr45/s320/IMG_5215(Edited).jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's nice to finally meet you!</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div>But the notion of Pride is a powerful one. It’s retaliation against the sense of shame and exclusion that many of us have felt. (I know that what I’ve experienced is a drop in the bucket compared to what others have experienced!). The concept of Pride is for rainbow people to be able to say: <i>here I am</i>; I am a worthy person; and I am proud of who I am.</div><div><br /></div><div>As of today, I’m not feeling proud of myself--yet. Perhaps this moment will come. And, as one person after another learns about Vivienne and responds with warmth and acceptance and curiosity, rather than revulsion or scorn, my self-image is gradually changing. And my wardrobe is improving and my makeup is looking better and I’m feeling more comfortable and natural when I go out. The overall trend is upward.</div><div><br /></div><div>When I started talking to my trans friends and acquaintances and Facebook groups about coming out, several of them clearly saw it in very different terms from me. They saw it as a thing to celebrate. Have a party, they said (a gender-reveal party!). Make it a special day! Enjoy it!</div><div><br /></div><div>This had never once occurred to me. Until recently, coming out has been something I dreaded, and was not looking forward to it at all. (Missy spoke of “ripping the plaster off”). Having a party to celebrate? It’s definitely something I’m thinking about, and it might make a turning point.</div><div><br /></div><div>So what is the future going to look like? That light in the distance is beginning to look a whole lot closer. And the face that I'm going to show to the world is going to look like this one a whole lot more often.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-68105669414924107732022-05-16T18:36:00.003+12:002022-05-17T13:33:11.953+12:00Bits and Bobs<p>I've been collecting a few items of news, which aren't really worthy of a blog post all by themselves, but I have decided to put them together here.</p><p><b>Ukraine</b></p><p>Obviously, as much of the rest of the world is, I am appalled by Russia's invasion of Ukraine.</p><p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7PoKgE5EQ78atF4CDfD9ifNKjdrB0-K5zVm3WrfUEFjsEAHW0Zzh_IYc0D-7EuX-0-FTu9q6__cUjQKqN9dc4G_BV6IYWf55kdf1r9d5RFEcnEFbWL7YmMLA9f14Z56FWVXWzIbZ7FbiAucYE-xaY3fTrs6nI2S0Cd3F2IbrijHZklR-41_tvqYy4/s768/Zi%20Faamelu.webp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="768" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7PoKgE5EQ78atF4CDfD9ifNKjdrB0-K5zVm3WrfUEFjsEAHW0Zzh_IYc0D-7EuX-0-FTu9q6__cUjQKqN9dc4G_BV6IYWf55kdf1r9d5RFEcnEFbWL7YmMLA9f14Z56FWVXWzIbZ7FbiAucYE-xaY3fTrs6nI2S0Cd3F2IbrijHZklR-41_tvqYy4/s320/Zi%20Faamelu.webp" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Zi Faámelu</td></tr></tbody></table>Before this invasion, I knew very little of Ukraine. On the other hand, I was surprised to find that if you rank my blog hits by country, Ukraine comes in 10th. This is almost three times higher than my own country, New Zealand! It won't come as a surprise that hits from Ukraine have all but disappeared since the start of the invasion.</p><p>The number of hits from Ukraine made me realise that there is a trans population in Ukraine which is trying to reach out across international boundaries. I took comfort from this--until I started reading. Until recently, being trans in Ukraine could result in you being institutionalised. <a href="https://rainbow-europe.org/country-ranking" target="_blank">Ukraine ranks 39th</a> among the 49 countries in Europe for LGBT+ freedoms and rights. Gay marriage, for example, is still illegal.</p><p>Then I read stories like <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2022/mar/22/i-will-not-be-held-prisoner-the-trans-women-turned-back-at-ukraines-borders" target="_blank">this one</a>, which describe how transwomen attempting to flee Ukraine have been detained and turned back at borders. One transwoman, <a href="https://zifaamelu.de/" target="_blank">Zi Faámelu</a>, describes in <a href="https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-features/ukraine-russia-transgender-women-lgbtq-1325813/" target="_blank">Rolling Stone</a> magazine how she was repeatedly turned back at the border, because in Ukraine, military service is now mandatory for all males, and her passport still states she is male. Eventually she escaped by swimming across the Danube river into Romania. She is now living safely in Germany.</p><p>I can understand how the presence of war, plus a country just beginning to experience a little awareness and acceptance of rainbow people, is <a href="https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(22)00726-7/fulltext" target="_blank">making life extremely difficult</a> for trans and other rainbow people. But if Ukraine isn't friendly to trans people, Russia would undoubtedly be a <i>lot</i> worse. Russia ranks 46th on that list, and Vladimir Putin has described gender fluidity as "a crime against humanity".</p><p>One thing is for sure: the Ukrainians are showing that they are not willing to give up their freedoms and submit to the oppression and restrictions of Mother Russia. Hopefully once they send Mr Putin back to Moscow with a bloody nose, they can get on and grow in freedom and tolerance, as they have been over the last few years.</p><p>Ukraine has also won the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eurovision_Song_Contest_2022" target="_blank">Eurovision Song Contest</a> for this year. <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2014/05/wurst-case-scenario.html" target="_blank">As I've written before</a>, the contest isn't so much a competition of musical talent as a sort of political popularity contest. This victory is definitely a message of support and encouragement from the rest of Europe to the people of Ukraine.</p><p>Meanwhile, to any Ukrainian people reading this blog, I salute your courage, and I hope that the war ends soon and you can rebuild your country.</p><p><b>PATHA</b></p><p>As a doctor, I'd known that the <a href="https://www.wpath.org/" target="_blank">World Professional Association for Transgender Health</a> was a thing. However, because I was <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2021/12/ten-year-anniversary-but-still-not.html" target="_blank">still being very stealth</a>, I didn't really want to put my hand up, because I thought I might be traced, and that might be a "bad thing".</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLYEq-2X9ZtY94vmAFXKyIeeRcEz2yQX3oVjb3L4zDM6Je0dxoPdydBKgvwzGOEf2CR2GXr66dmacANO6XcouKboC7xbw8LXHL1WDUOYN9q1qEut2eo3hGmkhlo_BFn2mv5XoBrUPAi_Z2vEwz-sY6gqVDqcdvAKCY_OvJl9GgnKlhWW2CiRulCTXp/s1299/PATHA-full%20colour%20landscape%20logo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="591" data-original-width="1299" height="146" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLYEq-2X9ZtY94vmAFXKyIeeRcEz2yQX3oVjb3L4zDM6Je0dxoPdydBKgvwzGOEf2CR2GXr66dmacANO6XcouKboC7xbw8LXHL1WDUOYN9q1qEut2eo3hGmkhlo_BFn2mv5XoBrUPAi_Z2vEwz-sY6gqVDqcdvAKCY_OvJl9GgnKlhWW2CiRulCTXp/s320/PATHA-full%20colour%20landscape%20logo.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>However, that's changed now. New Zealand has an affiliated branch of WPATH, called the <a href="https://patha.nz/" target="_blank">Professional Association for Transgender Health Aotearoa</a>, PATHA. I got in touch with them, and they were delightful. I've paid my membership fee, and Dr Vivienne Marcus is now a full member of PATHA.<p></p><p>I'm not sure what this will mean for my future. At the moment I'm just trying to cautiously reach out to the other members. It's that equivalent of slipping in at the back of the lecture theatre and hoping nobody notices you. But I'm confident of full acceptance from them.</p><p>What's not so clear is how I can contribute to the cause. I don't particularly look after trans people in my daily work. I don't think being a PATHA member is going to really change anything about how I do my job. What I am good at is writing and teaching, and I've explained that to the executive on my application. It remains to be seen what (if any) contribution I can make. I will certainly notify you of anything momentous I end up doing.</p><p><b>Lofi Girl</b></p><p>I can't remember where I first saw an animation of <a href="https://lofigirl.com/" target="_blank">Lofi Girl</a>, but it struck me immediately as being both pleasing and familiar.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXqZJSYJgbmOXYsqL4KeC8R9MpyzLHbk6Aa8T8Hsupd-kPgNgJywwux3lmzlAyllGfRArAUiV5cxuGb61MOHqB8fPUDhzpFm5G226nUG174rBoOd4vAgan3HDfXwTU9s2t9fMHq0EH2RJcxGowgS-4zcFIGaWU5OtXiDummqUm1dpsrubCTVZJIP_z/s1280/Lofigirl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXqZJSYJgbmOXYsqL4KeC8R9MpyzLHbk6Aa8T8Hsupd-kPgNgJywwux3lmzlAyllGfRArAUiV5cxuGb61MOHqB8fPUDhzpFm5G226nUG174rBoOd4vAgan3HDfXwTU9s2t9fMHq0EH2RJcxGowgS-4zcFIGaWU5OtXiDummqUm1dpsrubCTVZJIP_z/s320/Lofigirl.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Lofi Girl is the name of a French YouTube channel and music label, which, which provides an endless stream of what <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lofi_Girl" target="_blank">Wikipedia calls</a> lo-fi hip-hop, accompanied by an endless animation of a young woman sitting writing in a diary. The music is intended to be relaxing, background music, which can be used to accompany study, relaxing or other activity; in essence, audible wallpaper.<p></p><p>I like lots of things about this. First, I like the animation, which is clearly inspired by the sort of Japanese anime typical of the wonderful <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Studio_Ghibli" target="_blank">Studio Ghibli</a>, whose work I adore. In fact, Wikipedia says they originally used a short segment from the film <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whisper_of_the_Heart" target="_blank"><i>Whisper of the Heart</i></a>, before being legally required to take it down. Since then, they have commissioned an artist to recreate an anime-like character (whose official name is Jade) to feature.</p><p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5C8L-YgEdfhH3GGDo2dDnyD416ISd_EWVCvtPx2QCg20UYGB_OyCeQO9gnyfWv9Fg8qSDL5WhoH3W4XkBsZ4mvm1P8wguhmqGHkBik7fNPotlclFBLC3f_Gj2qpYnOIWZ9sjLj3pKOIDvVMcH7kPooKusgW2M1H07PrSPD2RmWK3ChaQTVA-LNXtb/s1504/Vivienne%20Lofigirl%202.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="878" data-original-width="1504" height="187" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5C8L-YgEdfhH3GGDo2dDnyD416ISd_EWVCvtPx2QCg20UYGB_OyCeQO9gnyfWv9Fg8qSDL5WhoH3W4XkBsZ4mvm1P8wguhmqGHkBik7fNPotlclFBLC3f_Gj2qpYnOIWZ9sjLj3pKOIDvVMcH7kPooKusgW2M1H07PrSPD2RmWK3ChaQTVA-LNXtb/s320/Vivienne%20Lofigirl%202.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Vivienne as Lofi Girl</td></tr></tbody></table>The Lofi Girl sits, looking thoughtfully at her book and writing by hand. She's listening through headphones (presumably to what we hear), deep in thought. From time to time, she pauses and looks up at the cat, which sits on the windowsill looking out of the window. Then she carries on. This provides <i>just enough</i> action for me to sit and watch it for hours. From time to time, the weather changes outside the window, and day turns to night and vice versa.</p><p>What I love about this is that she sits exactly the way I do. I love to write in <a href="https://www.paperblanks.com/en/" target="_blank">my journal</a>; I use a gorgeous fountain pen, and delicious inks from <a href="https://www.jacquesherbin.com/en/ink.html" target="_blank">Jacques Herbin</a> in Paris. And while Lofi Girl is a leftie and I'm not, I do sit with my chin in my hand while I write. And from time to time I pause and look up into the middle distance. Journal writing is my happy place; both an intellectual and a sensual pleasure.</p><p>Surprisingly, the part about Lofi Girl which attracts me least is the music. There's nothing particularly <i>wrong</i> with it, but I find it quite samey after a few hours.</p><p>Amazingly, the Lofi Girl website allows you to <a href="https://lofigirl.com/pages/lofigirl-generator" target="_blank">customise the appearance</a> of the Lofi Girl and create a still image. So this is what she would look like if she were Vivienne--complete with dog!</p>Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-17363319202296099602022-01-15T21:14:00.007+13:002022-01-16T13:55:42.258+13:00Doctors as GatekeepersLet me open this first post of 2022 by wishing all of you a very happy and productive New Year, and let me also hope that COVID-19, in whichever variant, doesn't interfere too much with your plans and your lifestyle.<div><br /></div><div>I came across a cartoon this week on my Facebook feed<b>*</b>. It was drawn by <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sophie_Labelle" target="_blank">Sophie Labelle</a> at <a href="https://www.serioustransvibes.com/" target="_blank">Serious Trans Vibes</a>. She also has a Facebook feed called <a href="https://www.facebook.com/assignedmale" target="_blank">Assigned Male Comics</a>. Some of her comics have been anthologised into printed volumes which are available from her website store in both English and French.</div><div><br /></div><div>According to the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assigned_Male" target="_blank">Wikipedia page</a>, the comics have been produced since 2014, and have received positive reviews from critics. Certainly she seems to attract very positive and supportive comments on Facebook, although she has also occasionally been the target of hate. From my perspective, the medium of comics is a very effective way of communicating transgender topics, and I've written about this before, <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2013/09/transgender-superheroes.html" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2011/11/school-days.html" target="_blank">here</a>.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh5xvJbA2tKmVFfpSaUgknvk574tV3DGZTteHZgwhWgfhjxIFm26CWryBxb3ArgVfEMV9JaQwOxi7yxRiYkxV9oKhgJR-kGtf-oztREE0PNs8Zlr_SRen-4oJYY73PNHmWlMaVfk8JY5JuKPTWET-HpsltbXiInHyDm_zFxvd1wDBc6UqC7wK8I8pe5=s597" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="597" data-original-width="526" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh5xvJbA2tKmVFfpSaUgknvk574tV3DGZTteHZgwhWgfhjxIFm26CWryBxb3ArgVfEMV9JaQwOxi7yxRiYkxV9oKhgJR-kGtf-oztREE0PNs8Zlr_SRen-4oJYY73PNHmWlMaVfk8JY5JuKPTWET-HpsltbXiInHyDm_zFxvd1wDBc6UqC7wK8I8pe5=s320" width="282" /></a></div><br /><div>Here's the cartoon which caught my eye<b>*</b>. I hadn't come across any of Labelle's work before. I did not recognise the character depicted (it turns out to be one of Labelle's main characters, a young trans-girl called Stephie).</div><div><br /></div><div>As of today, 15th January 2022, this cartoon has had over 6,700 likes, 172 comments, and 1,700 shares, although these numbers seem to be par for the course for Labelle's cartoons on Facebook.</div><div><br /></div><div>But what troubled me about it was the implication that that doctors are deliberately obstructive to trans people; deliberately causing them to experience "unbearable pain or intense suffering"; and deliberately inflicting "torture" upon them. This view struck me as unfair and I wanted to explore it further.</div><div><br /></div><div>Being both a trans person myself, and a doctor, I'm aware of the tension that exists between the two groups. I'm aware (of course) of the frustration that exists from trans people who cannot get doctors to listen to them, believe them, or treat them. And I'm aware (of course) of the antics which some trans people sometimes resort to, such as lying or manipulation, to try to get their way. Others resort to hormones they buy online, or travel overseas to get surgery.</div><div><br /></div><div>And I want to explain why I think "gatekeeper" is very much the wrong metaphor for what doctors are doing.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>There is definitely a problem</b></div><div><br /></div><div>Before I go further, I want to state that there is definitely a problem in the medical treatment of transgender people. I am, in my professional and online lives, trying to help to put it right, and I have discussed this matter before on this blog, for example <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2019/12/shifting-sands.html" target="_blank">here</a>.</div><div><br /></div><div>I wrote a long comment on Labelle's page, attempting to explain a more balanced view. She deleted it, and posted this:</div><blockquote><div><b>Labelle</b>: got a few truscums who wrote 10 pages long comments on how gatekeeping is essential to be truly trans, I got to delete their comments before anyone saw them, as a morning treat! I hope they didn't save their essays anywhere and they're lost forever.</div></blockquote><div>I had no idea what a <i>truscum</i> is, although it's obviously intended to be an insult. You can find a discussion of its meaning <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transmedicalism" target="_blank">here</a> on Wikipedia. From what I have read, that description doesn't apply to me.</div><div><br /></div><div>This exchange was not the most heartening opening to a discussion I've ever had. I contacted Sophie Labelle again for her comments, and she blocked me. But I nonetheless thought it was worth exploring the two aspects of it: why do (some) trans people feel that they are being tortured by doctors, and what could actually be going on from the doctors' point of view? And, most pertinently, can anything be done to fix it?</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Why is it so <i>hard</i> to get good transgender medical care?</b></div><div><br /></div><div>I want to begin this section by pointing out that I believe most doctors genuinely want to help transgender people, and that good gender treatment is <i>fully</i> in accordance with good medical practice. But there are several obstacles to achieving this, some larger than others.</div><div><br /></div><div><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh_eXPlP1RXnSHy4juS8GoIV4ELgL0-OecQs4ltU-T9BCRugD7LzI3h2G91me3RG0_GIB2Uma4EaF3_FJcFOiaG8h2S6tZHam2QQLiLMmZQdtTmsRya-qM6UdoWo4XjkUZKpVSdutC61-7sGPA7upcwXn5YtlPaUtjOIeDoEU89h95qFcP3Xkoyjsm-=s800" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="450" data-original-width="800" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh_eXPlP1RXnSHy4juS8GoIV4ELgL0-OecQs4ltU-T9BCRugD7LzI3h2G91me3RG0_GIB2Uma4EaF3_FJcFOiaG8h2S6tZHam2QQLiLMmZQdtTmsRya-qM6UdoWo4XjkUZKpVSdutC61-7sGPA7upcwXn5YtlPaUtjOIeDoEU89h95qFcP3Xkoyjsm-=s320" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Road ahead closed</td></tr></tbody></table>First, most doctors have very little or no training in gender treatment. That means that few doctors have personal experience to draw upon. In addition, guidance from professional bodies is extremely sparse. When I was a medical student, in the last century, gender identity problems were not taught at all, though we did learn about intersex conditions in paediatrics. In endocrinology, we learned about people with hormone disorders: too much of <i>this</i>, or too little of <i>that</i>, and how to help, but none of this was in the context of people who want hormones to help with their gender.</div><div><br /></div><div>Second, many (but not all) doctors are commonly faced with patients asking for (even demanding) treatments which could be potentially harmful. Strong painkillers are a great example, and I've seen patients who have resorted to ingenious methods to circumvent the system to obtain them. We've all been bitten, sometimes very hard, by such patients, and therefore many of us are understandably suspicious of people who don't seem genuine.</div><div><br /></div><div>Put another way, if you are lying to your doctor, there is a very good chance that your doctor knows or suspects that, and this is likely to erode their sympathy and work against getting their cooperation. There is often a distrustful undertone to the relationship between the doctor and the transgender patient, where neither of them feels that the other is being completely open or completely helpful. The whole purpose of this post is to try to improve that situation.</div><div><br /></div><div>Third, there is a very good rule of medicine: <i>first, do no harm</i>. This advice is so old and venerable that people think it was written by Hippocrates. (<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Sydenham#Quotations_and_Attributions" target="_blank">It wasn’t</a>). But the meaning of the statement is clear: before you give a treatment you hope will help, you need to really make sure it isn’t going to make things worse. It encapsulates a theme of being cautious in the practice of medicine, which in general is a good thing (I believe). And its core is the patient’s wellbeing, which is paramount. If you are asking for a treatment which your doctor thinks may harm you, they are very unlikely to comply.</div><div><br /></div><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjjzhgA8uBcC2buD5-R4gZgxAYweYVKLx8AIJJUInqAMJ3Sv3lJlHdlKjkA-ddjavD2P-alvzvGBT9GX-PXg9GGMplMv0R1RnL9a4ZQ7_0Zu3T3BirU7geFxieoReOgkNgR-ejkTSy-30Z-EQCqM8QDgsdBtyarbw64xRemFE7iVlo7s6dowI4pW2m9=s753" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="753" data-original-width="727" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjjzhgA8uBcC2buD5-R4gZgxAYweYVKLx8AIJJUInqAMJ3Sv3lJlHdlKjkA-ddjavD2P-alvzvGBT9GX-PXg9GGMplMv0R1RnL9a4ZQ7_0Zu3T3BirU7geFxieoReOgkNgR-ejkTSy-30Z-EQCqM8QDgsdBtyarbw64xRemFE7iVlo7s6dowI4pW2m9=s320" width="309" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No doctor wants headlines like this.</td></tr></tbody></table>Fourth, there is little good science in the field of gender treatment. What good science there is is drowned amid flag-waving, virtue-signalling, politics and wishful thinking. See <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2016/04/outcomes-of-sex-reassignment-surgery.html" target="_blank">my post here</a> for a detailed discussion of these issues. This is especially true for gender treatment in children.</div><div><br /></div><div>Fifth, those few doctors who have courageously taken on the treatment of transgender people sometimes run into serious professional trouble, threatening their career or livelihood.</div><div>Dr Helen Webberley (whom <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2016/05/the-gender-gp.html" target="_blank">I interviewed here</a>) has been treating thousands of transgender patients (including children) for some years, but has got into some <a href="https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/gp-facing-tribunal-running-illegal-21122035" target="_blank">serious hot water</a> with medical authorities in the UK. (As I write, Webberley is still under suspension from practising as a doctor, and her tribunal is ongoing).</div><div><br /></div><div>This sort of thing acts as a powerful disincentive to doctors to advocate for transgender people or treat them. Those doctors who are interested in training in gender issues will be looking at Webberley's case, and some will decide that the risk of getting into trouble is just too great. </div><div><br /></div><div>All of these things make it very difficult for doctors to effectively treat transgender patients.</div></div><div><br /></div><div><b>The fictional case of "Bob"</b></div><div><br /></div><div><div>I've created this fictional scenario to illustrate how an ordinary family doctor, without any training in gender treatments, might approach a consultation with a late-transitioning person. I'm not trying to suggest every transgender patient presents like this. I'm not trying to suggest every doctor would feel the same (and in particular, I would not). But hopefully this scenario will illustrate some potential ways of medical thinking.</div><div><br /></div><div>Imagine you are that ordinary family doctor, and a patient comes to see you. You have known Bob and his family for 10 years. He is 52. He likes golf and fishing. He was a bank manager until last year, when he lost his job. Since then he has put on a lot of weight and begun to drink more heavily.</div><div><br /></div><div>Bob tells you he is transgender. He is actually a woman inside, something he has felt for his whole life, but kept hidden from everyone, including his wife. He has been cross-dressing in secret for many years. But now he feels he cannot remain hidden any more, and wants to transition. He wants hormones. He wants surgery. He wants a legal name change.</div><div><br /></div><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjHMmLFTtudFt4qhqfE_Qx2QQDl-iWJ5oyveR-ecvqUfVhsdCgOBUVb5HzRKqErOe2U8NEUI_1A6ojd3LdDaAEESv-zRveD-Tque8Ll5dTwm1nvIcdhncrmB3k67dXVsXO2pEx8FSuH316uzRMLMULRKS4k-Z1SfhhWvTUskIHK8GIKzHhNZOpMKzA5=s600" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="400" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjHMmLFTtudFt4qhqfE_Qx2QQDl-iWJ5oyveR-ecvqUfVhsdCgOBUVb5HzRKqErOe2U8NEUI_1A6ojd3LdDaAEESv-zRveD-Tque8Ll5dTwm1nvIcdhncrmB3k67dXVsXO2pEx8FSuH316uzRMLMULRKS4k-Z1SfhhWvTUskIHK8GIKzHhNZOpMKzA5=s320" width="213" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Burdened: Bob</td></tr></tbody></table>How do you react? You’ve been Bob’s doctor for years, but he has never mentioned this before. Nothing about him seems remotely feminine.</div><div><br /></div><div><i>From one perspective</i>, the story is true. Bobbie could have kept her feelings and behaviour <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2015/07/caitlyn-jenner.html" target="_blank">hidden successfully for year</a>s, but could carry the burden no longer. This is her chance to be true to herself; to finally become a woman. You look up the referral pathway to the nearest gender clinic, which has a waiting list of two years. Bobbie says she can’t wait that long and wants to travel to Thailand for surgery. She asks you to prescribe female hormones for her, but you are not familiar with these treatments, their doses, or their side-effects. You really want to help Bobbie, and you tell her you will try talking to some colleagues for advice, and you will do what you can, but from Bobbie’s perspective, what you are offering is not enough, and far too slow.</div><div><br /></div><div>Are you acting as a “gatekeeper” here? I argue not, though Bobbie might feel that you are. <i>Who is right?</i></div><div><br /></div><div><i>From another perspective</i>, Bob’s story doesn’t ring true for you. Bob has always looked and acted like a man’s man: coaching the football team, golf, fishing, powerful cars. Losing his job hit him really hard. He is probably clinically depressed. He is certainly drinking too much, and you suspect his marriage is in trouble. He certainly isn’t the first middle-class, middle-aged guy who has had an unexpected mid-life crisis, even if most of them buy a motorbike or get a tattoo. You think that it would be better for Bob to sort himself out: cut down the drinking, get another job, lose a bit of weight, take more care of himself. You offer him antidepressants and recommend exercise. You tell him that if he still feels the same once those other things are sorted out, you will help him with his request to change sex, but you think in a year or so Bob’s feelings could well have changed and he might feel very differently.</div><div><br /></div><div>Are you acting as a “gatekeeper” here? Maybe yes (Bob would certainly think so), but are you a bad doctor for doing so? For listening to your patient, making the very best, compassionate, objective assessment of what you think is really wrong, and trying to put it right? I would certainly argue no.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Aye, there's the rub!</b></div><div><br /></div><div>And that's where the scissor-point is. Bob's story is fictional, of course, but there is enough truth to it that many elements are recognisable. A doctor, with either perspective of dealing with Bob, is <i>practising good medicine</i>. They are not being a bastard. They are not being cruel. They are not, in any way, deliberately attempting to hurt Bob or cause him distress. <i>They are not torturing Bob!</i> And they are not acting from a perspective that "gatekeeping is essential to be truly trans".</div><div><br /></div><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiHYShdGVvOUjQkxlO7pL5Xcw3eluHluMTwxB26O_-2zfdZlVreC50Adu4c5FRQyebLY4qF392vjQEvuLFPS0RRanLxgjd4s-ZnMiPuTsmT6KAPSXLzq643o8dpTckH8SjnUR9xgMDYt5lxtudDQwnfQAf2r6_mS3y7kzruG6Lqnq_UYBLxqn5wEO6h=s584" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="584" data-original-width="414" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiHYShdGVvOUjQkxlO7pL5Xcw3eluHluMTwxB26O_-2zfdZlVreC50Adu4c5FRQyebLY4qF392vjQEvuLFPS0RRanLxgjd4s-ZnMiPuTsmT6KAPSXLzq643o8dpTckH8SjnUR9xgMDYt5lxtudDQwnfQAf2r6_mS3y7kzruG6Lqnq_UYBLxqn5wEO6h=s320" width="227" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No way, <i>sucka</i>!</td></tr></tbody></table>The image of the doctor as gatekeeper requires that there is this wondrous place, filled with bountiful hormones and surgery and unlimited gender treatments, but there's a huge steel door, and like a big mean bouncer, your doctor is looking you up and down and saying in a gravelly voice: <i>Yer name's not down, yer not coming in</i>.</div><div><br /></div><div>But no such bounty exists! From a doctor's perspective, the official pathways are swamped and waiting lists are long. Some transgender people have other issues: depression, drug and alcohol use, self-harm, which can complicate the picture. (If you treat Bob’s depression, will his desire to transition go away?) Some transgender people point to gender as their one biggest problem, and play down other concerns, even though they seem important from the doctor's viewpoint. Some transgender people seem to have unrealistic expectations of how rosy their lives will be after treatment, even though this isn’t necessarily what happens. And some people <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2014/01/detransitioning.html" target="_blank">change their minds</a> about what’s best for them, as their lives unfold.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'm not saying that trans people who are trying to get treatment are not suffering. I am not trying to suggest they should just suck it up and forget the whole thing. Instead I am trying to point out that what doctors do is not deliberate cruelty. The situation involving children is even more fraught. Gender services for children are even fewer than for adults, and a child who is growing rapidly creates even more pressure in an already pressured situation.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>So what's the solution?</b></div><div><br /></div><div>The solutions are clear, but none of them is easy. First we need good science to inform medical practice. That, in itself, is difficult, slow and expensive. As <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2015/10/galileos-middle-finger-part-one.html" target="_blank">I've written here</a>, if your science produces conclusions which some transgender people find unpalatable, you are likely to face powerful negative repercussions. That in turn provides powerful disincentives to scholars to pursue the science around transgenderism.</div><div><br /></div><div>Second, we need better training for doctors in the treatment of gender conditions. The good news is that there is some evidence that this is starting to happen, although obviously it will take a while to work through the system.</div><div><br /></div><div>Third, we need clear professional guidance from professional bodies to existing doctors, about treatment regimes, referral pathways, and so on. Again, this is happening, with organisations such as <a href="https://www.wpath.org/" target="_blank">WPATH</a> setting out standards of care (currently brewing up their 8th edition) for transgender people worldwide.</div><div><br /></div><div>Fourth, we need better investment and funding for those systems which currently exist, to match the increasing demand for their services, cut waiting lists, and improve access to treatment. For these outcomes, you need to lobby your politicians, not your doctors.</div><div><br /></div><div>Meanwhile, transgender people, and the doctors looking after them, will struggle to make anything successful happen with what already exists out there.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>How can I get the best out of my doctor?</b></div><div><br /></div><div>The first thing to say is that doctors are people, which means there are some who are brilliant, <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-birmingham-49904997" target="_blank">some who are dreadful</a> (sadly I've met some of them), and most of the rest are perfectly OK in the middle somewhere. Most of us went into medicine because we actually want to help people, after all. We are also aware that the power-balance in the doctor-patient relationship very much favours the doctor. While <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_paternalism" target="_blank">medical paternalism</a> is still (unfortunately) a thing, the old notion that "doctor knows best" is obsolete, and practised only by a few, aging doctors.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>But if you understand how your doctor is thinking, it is likely to result in a better outcome all round. You will be able to reassure them and defuse some of their reluctance. You will be able to put forward your goals in a way which seem to be in accordance with good medical practice, not against it.</div><div><br /></div><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEimEpeRzZEirqfUzzWZ96m4hQNjh74faDeb99ENWn-VdU1WzgpexkI762e7ttZOngzplGXYg6m9SAe2wYI_ULa9mzAOJcyZlDOBakQU1dYg4Giu4pUosTX4wJdpiYWJTt1WuMkWWI0UqcR2Qak825_2D8_ve91k2a30k9qCrFuZbRBkz4jRmfbQsew1=s640" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="427" data-original-width="640" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEimEpeRzZEirqfUzzWZ96m4hQNjh74faDeb99ENWn-VdU1WzgpexkI762e7ttZOngzplGXYg6m9SAe2wYI_ULa9mzAOJcyZlDOBakQU1dYg4Giu4pUosTX4wJdpiYWJTt1WuMkWWI0UqcR2Qak825_2D8_ve91k2a30k9qCrFuZbRBkz4jRmfbQsew1=s320" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It doesn't have to be a conflict.</td></tr></tbody></table>If you happen to run into a dreadful doctor, <i>get another doctor</i>! If your doctor is uncaring, brusque, unsympathetic, or otherwise unsuitable, vote with your feet. Change to another doctor in the practice, or change to another practice entirely. There is likely to be a social media page for trans people in your area. Ask around for recommendations about a supportive doctor near you.</div><div><br /></div><div>If your doctor seems willing to help, but unsure what to do, point them to the <a href="https://www.wpath.org/" target="_blank">WPATH website</a>, which is positively bursting with resources to help: medical guidance, standards of care, a comprehensive reading list, a search facility for colleagues and experts around the world. If they really want to talk to an actual transgender doctor, I'm happy for them to <a href="mailto:vivienne_marcus@yahoo.co.uk" target="_blank">contact me by email</a>.</div><div><br /></div><div>Try to work <i>with</i> your doctor, not <i>against</i> them. Try not to take it as a personal attack if they don't fall over themselves to do whatever you ask. It's fine to <i>negotiate</i>, with statements like "I know that if I start with the higher dose, I might have more side-effects, but I'm willing to accept that risk for myself, and I will cut down the dose if I start to run into problems". Most doctors will respond very well to this approach, and many doctors like it if you've done your homework first: "I know I will have to keep an eye on my blood pressure and my blood sugar too, but I've been losing weight and keeping fit".</div><div><br /></div><div>Plain honesty is likely to work very positively. "Look, I know it wasn't very smart, but I'm desperate, and I've been taking these hormones I got from the Internet. I brought you the box so you can take a look at them. They don't seem to be working very well. I really want to be on something safer and more effective".</div><div><br /></div><div>Manipulation, lies ("Oh no, doctor, I would never take anything that I bought online") and subtle threats ("If you don't prescribe these for me, I'm going to start getting them online anyway, so you might as well") are likely to make things very rocky.</div><div><br /></div><div>The hardest part (understandably) is to be patient with your doctor if they seem too slow. You may well be that doctor's first ever transgender patient. Your interaction with them will likely colour all future interactions with trans patients. Most doctors (as I've said before) will be willing to work together with you toward you meeting your goals, which will be rewarding for you both, and will likely make things easier for the next trans person that doctor has to treat.</div><div><br /></div><div>The situation is changing. I know it's too slow for many people, but it's going to be better. Meanwhile, let's all try to understand one another a little better.</div><div><br /></div><div>===</div><div><br /></div><div>* I believe that my sharing of this image on this page consitutes <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fair_use" target="_blank">Fair Use</a>. The original cartoon was published on a public forum (Facebook), where it has been viewed many thousands of times. I have not changed or altered the image in any way. I have attributed the artist, and added links to her Facebook stream, her website, and her Wikipedia page. I have not attacked the artist or the image, but used it to illustrate a discussion point which is very strongly in the interests of the trans community--in other words, my use is in alignment with the implied original purpose of the image. I do not earn money or other reward for this blog. The image has already been shared over 1800 times without apparent objection from the artist, which indicates implied permission for its being shared online.</div>Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-78016294132193764802021-12-24T11:39:00.001+13:002022-01-15T21:19:47.303+13:00The Red-Nosed ReindeerSince Christmas is fast approaching, every shop and radio station is playing Christmas songs all the time, and one which has always stood out for me is <i>Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer</i>.<div><br /></div><div>I'd always thought Rudolph had started life as a song, but <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rudolph_the_Red-Nosed_Reindeer_(song)" target="_blank">Wikipedia says</a> the story was originally written in verse for the Montgomery Ward chain of department stores in the US in 1939, and only became a song in 1949, popularised by Gene Autry.</div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEglsCtz31UGzZmg_vQGKfmdJbXp-qhkkre55HDUMMUxqmGwV75U9vddSQOdMIj9fiVzWUUIDezqmTW5Yrg03rkVibTVG4Q6lPvCtmy3GjxxGUPRcOhi6WkqNTn_roF1nyFDhXanCzKl8QSwPalIqViSG0Az1dL7UxZEgFPm3MsMg3XqyJ53AmUQw70b=s800" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEglsCtz31UGzZmg_vQGKfmdJbXp-qhkkre55HDUMMUxqmGwV75U9vddSQOdMIj9fiVzWUUIDezqmTW5Yrg03rkVibTVG4Q6lPvCtmy3GjxxGUPRcOhi6WkqNTn_roF1nyFDhXanCzKl8QSwPalIqViSG0Az1dL7UxZEgFPm3MsMg3XqyJ53AmUQw70b=s320" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rudolph leading the other eight</td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div>
Before Rudolph came along, the names of Santa's other reindeer had come from the familiar poem <i>A Visit From St. Nicholas </i>by Clement C. Moore, first published in 1823. It's the one that begins <i>'Twas the night before Christmas</i>. The poem gives the names as Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder and Blitzen. (Not <i>Donner</i>, although he did name the last two reindeer after thunder and lightning).</div><div><br /></div>
<div>In any case, <i>Donder</i> has now become <i>Donner</i>, and the list of reindeer that every scholarly child (such as I was) commits to memory is the eight names above, plus Rudolph, who is of course the youngest.</div><div><br /></div><div>From the famous song, here's the bit which troubled me then, and still does today, enough to want to write about it here. Everybody knows that Rudolph isn't like the other reindeer. His shiny red nose marks him out as different:</div><div></div><blockquote><div><i>All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names.<br />They wouldn't let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games</i>.</div></blockquote>
<p>When I was a child, I didn't have a shiny red nose, but there was definitely something palpably different about me. I didn't fit in with the boys, no matter how I tried, and therefore I was always an outsider, yearning to be accepted. I remember being lonely and perplexed, wishing I could like football, wishing I could like rough-and-tumble play, and wondering what it was that was so intangible, and yet at the same time so inescapable. Not only were the boys unwilling to play with an atypical boy, so were the girls.</p><p>For Rudolph, the story ends happily. One foggy Christmas Eve, Santa realises that Rudolph's shiny red nose is just the thing to light the way for the sleigh. Hurrah.</p><blockquote><i>All of the reindeer loved him, and they shouted out with glee<br />"Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, you'll go down in history!"</i></blockquote><p>As a child, I thought the other reindeer were a bunch of two-faced bastards. Santa decides Rudolph is cool, so suddenly they all change their tune? Partly I wanted Rudolph to tell the other reindeer to bugger off: partly I was pleased for Rudolph that he found the acceptance he had craved.</p><p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi3Wo9w93rfz6kiacVY_AVd9_gFkk6Pr3Oo7UlNEunf-154V7AYpxub4lRNRKZTjBvWgYYToX26ywbONjDksN6RFInHoqrkMGmgUHuiAVb2Ks3_pH5eHzMGZ3Np3dbkCJwQo_W2b6u17Rfk5QrI8jrwRdtLl28gZC20PlYANt5Zqgrp6gDSo9gXfMQ1=s700" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="700" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi3Wo9w93rfz6kiacVY_AVd9_gFkk6Pr3Oo7UlNEunf-154V7AYpxub4lRNRKZTjBvWgYYToX26ywbONjDksN6RFInHoqrkMGmgUHuiAVb2Ks3_pH5eHzMGZ3Np3dbkCJwQo_W2b6u17Rfk5QrI8jrwRdtLl28gZC20PlYANt5Zqgrp6gDSo9gXfMQ1=s320" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!</td></tr></tbody></table>You may say (and you could be right) that I'm completely overthinking all of this. It's just a children's Christmas story, after all, and therefore it requires a happy ending with a perfect resolution.</p><p>But there is, I think a deeper interpretation, which is that those people who seem to not fit in--the one that other people laugh at, and call names--not only have something valuable to contribute, but can actually lead, and become popular, and become famous. Can, in fact, "go down in history".</p><p>So if I have one Christmas wish for us all, it is this. I wish that we get recognised as being special, and wonderful, and that we are loved, not just by Santa but by everyone.</p><p>Wherever you are, I wish you a glorious, sparkly, magical Christmas.</p>Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-59426092224221691952021-12-19T20:31:00.003+13:002021-12-19T20:35:18.575+13:00Ten Year Anniversary, but Still Not Brave Enough...Yet!<p>Since I started writing this blog, almost exactly ten years ago, so much has changed.</p><p>When I first started writing, I was unhappily married, with two small children, to a woman who despised everything to do with crossdressing. We had some counselling, but nothing changed. What really made a difference was coming out to a close friend. My ex-wife was determined that nobody should ever know--I mean, what would people <i>think</i>?</p><p>It turns out that people wouldn't mind very much at all, as I found out when I continued to come out to close friends and family members. Then <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2016/09/the-end-of-days.html" target="_blank">there was the divorce</a>, which was unbearably awful, and then a period of readjustment to my life as a divorced person.</p><p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgzRo5lQoEx9mjpxKdB0-a559cqChUsBkNC04jdd7zBBtmiTOoA7t-qkddkqx6Fz1u5rO60N4kLLLDIExyc6-HRRDS-YbEyQ5KzbDO461H1OwUHaCR0zjMZz0nzgBruZaYgqmsD-31de19zPJO0Wh8XjKSWQQui-Ek7djJybdoSQaS1FDWJ0UTKGkoY=s268" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="188" data-original-width="268" height="188" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgzRo5lQoEx9mjpxKdB0-a559cqChUsBkNC04jdd7zBBtmiTOoA7t-qkddkqx6Fz1u5rO60N4kLLLDIExyc6-HRRDS-YbEyQ5KzbDO461H1OwUHaCR0zjMZz0nzgBruZaYgqmsD-31de19zPJO0Wh8XjKSWQQui-Ek7djJybdoSQaS1FDWJ0UTKGkoY" width="268" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bluestocking Blue: Ten Years On</td></tr></tbody></table>Then I met someone, whom I call Missy on this blog. I told her very early on, and to my delight and astonishment, <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2019/10/vivienne-next-steps.html" target="_blank">she was completely supportive</a>. We moved in together, and blended our families, with the usual bumps along the way.</p><p>Since then, my life is completely transformed. <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2019/10/vivienne-at-large.html" target="_blank">We go out together</a> when I'm dressed. Admittedly, with a bunch of kids who have swimming lessons and sports fixtures and music lessons and all that, there isn't an abundance of opportunity for us, but it's unfailingly amazing and never gets old. We were invited once to a friend's birthday party, and I turned up as Vivienne to meet a houseful of strangers--who were all lovely.</p><p>My fem clothes hang in the wardrobe, next to my drab male clothes (not hidden in the suitcase in the attic). My heels are next to my man shoes. My makeup is in the drawer. She borrows my nail polish remover; I borrow her foundation brush. She helps me pick out what to wear.</p><p>Once a month I go to a very nice beautician (recommended by Missy) who does my leg waxing. We gossip like she would with any client, and she's super lovely. And I've been getting makeup tips from a local makeup artist, who had never had a trans client before but again is super lovely.</p><p>I'd love to say that I can be Vivienne whenever I want, but this isn't true. Overall, though, I could not have envisaged the direction my life would take. Where will it lead? I do not know, of course, but I am reminded of a line from the theme song of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ally_McBeal" target="_blank">Ally McBeal</a> (remember that show?), which resonated with me at the time: <i>One by one, the chains around me unwind</i>.</p><p>I even "came out" on this blog and admitted I'm a doctor, having previously pretended to be something else. I've been exploring the situation of transgender doctors, and have now made contact with several, as well as other professionals (an artist, a statistician, a novelist).</p><p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEitJiYQ1i_jXioz8q6Qyiq4JS22Q5MnMEEGaiaJqTzapU777g-w6ZErQp1B0TIoFEG72f_wR8SatQ8M0z1SgWYc7ecw87DsYH3oMnhuOxZqvdTBv23XCCtb9v4kEeLc905lTUtKmvSgQasgA768Lmi9o4bUiriLgjqfVd72fNbx7F8GfmU8gelyZkL3=s1200" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="674" data-original-width="1200" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEitJiYQ1i_jXioz8q6Qyiq4JS22Q5MnMEEGaiaJqTzapU777g-w6ZErQp1B0TIoFEG72f_wR8SatQ8M0z1SgWYc7ecw87DsYH3oMnhuOxZqvdTBv23XCCtb9v4kEeLc905lTUtKmvSgQasgA768Lmi9o4bUiriLgjqfVd72fNbx7F8GfmU8gelyZkL3=s320" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Which box should I be ticking?</td></tr></tbody></table>I've also seen an increase in rainbow awareness happening around me. The other day, I met a medical student who was wearing a name badge which said "<Name>, Medical Student, Pronouns she/her". Formerly I'd always assumed that people who put their pronouns up front like this were either trans themselves, or had a close friend or family member who was trans. But no. Apparently there are lots of students wearing these badges now.</p><p>Once a year, however, my hospital sends around a staff survey. It asks for lots of details, such as what your hours of work are, what mode of transport you take to get to work, whether you feel safe leaving in the dark, and so on. I assume they are trying to make sure that the requirements of staff to get safely to work are met. They also ask about ethnicity, and I'm assuming that they're trying to make sure that the ethnic makeup of the staff is a reflection of the ethnic makeup of the community.</p><p>But they also ask about gender orientation.</p><p>When that question comes up anywhere else, in online applications, or other form-filling, I click on "non-binary" or "other" or whatever third option they give other than "male" and "female". But at work, I don't. I still click on "male".</p><p>I've found myself reflecting on why I do this, but basically, it's a form of cowardice. I know other people, more out than I, who have experienced real difficulties created by their gender identity. Yet, they persist, driven by courage, or determination, or the desire perhaps to blaze a trail for those who follow. Like water on stone, eventually the stone will be worn away. Why don't I click that third box, and prepare myself for whatever follows?</p><p>Because a close friend once warned me that our city is still quite conservative. You can only come out once. There could still potentially be adverse consequences of being open. She would know; it's happened to her.</p><p>And so, for the moment, I don't click the box. It turns out, that, even ten years on, I <i>am</i> still worried about what people would think.</p><p>===</p><p>While my input to this blog has dwindled a bit since I started writing (far too much!) on Quora, I'm delighted to find that I'm still ranked at number 55 on the Feedspot <a href="https://blog.feedspot.com/crossdressing_blogs/" target="_blank">Top 60 Crossdressing Blogs and Websites</a>, updated on 11th December 2021, so I suppose I'm still allowed to have my gold medal displayed on the home page.</p>Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-69638677338496774582020-09-08T07:04:00.000+12:002020-09-08T07:04:38.976+12:00Transgender ActorsHere's a question. You want to make a film where a transgender character is the lead. Do you need to cast a transgender actor or actress in the role?<div><br /></div><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ2q4PPffDwJtETEJuxjSkQ47rPZ3_Pk5KY5Ao9prGa-B9rFMgq22GkPNH9OtplgFFwJJyKTPbXe774SzVaa1LW0xd5WkN9OMpnLdSAD8k2Bcx3ME05ue2ZS9zPymXxkeMRMfNQcZE5Ts/s1150/p3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="646" data-original-width="1150" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ2q4PPffDwJtETEJuxjSkQ47rPZ3_Pk5KY5Ao9prGa-B9rFMgq22GkPNH9OtplgFFwJJyKTPbXe774SzVaa1LW0xd5WkN9OMpnLdSAD8k2Bcx3ME05ue2ZS9zPymXxkeMRMfNQcZE5Ts/w410-h230/p3.jpg" width="410" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Victor Polster in <i>Girl</i> (2018)<br /></td></tr></tbody></table>For mainstream cinema at least, the choice is easy: you pick a cisgender actor or actress and cast them. That has been true over many years, from Felicity Huffman in <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transamerica_(film)" target="_blank">Transamerica</a> to Cillian Murphy in <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breakfast_on_Pluto_(film)" target="_blank">Breakfast on Pluto</a>, to Terence Stamp in <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Adventures_of_Priscilla,_Queen_of_the_Desert" target="_blank">Priscilla</a>, right up to Eddie Redmayne in <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Danish_Girl_(film)" target="_blank">The Danish Girl</a> and most recently Victor Polster in <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Girl_(2018_film)" target="_blank">Girl</a>.</div><div><br /></div><div>For some trans people, this is definitely a problem. The film <i>Girl, </i>which I haven't yet seen, has stirred up quite a lot of protest, in particular because there seems to be a lot of depiction of genitalia. Several questions about transgender actors have been debated on <a href="www.quora.com" target="_blank">Quora</a>, and some of the answers and comments are very interesting. All of the quotes come from Quora and are unchanged from the original authors' text, though they are not all in response to the same question.</div><div><br /></div><div>The first comment people make is that there are plenty of trans actors out there now.</div><div><b></b></div><blockquote><div><b>Elliott Mason: </b>There are hundreds of working trans actors, of all stripes and appearances. If none of them are considered "bankable" it's because productions won't cast them to play cis, but won't let them play trans either.</div><div></div></blockquote><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNOkr_FtwIsacVowgXeMkGjkgElWXcnqcL7-jo87guMkgIeQXjdz9BW487ru3DlWI3Zb0W_Q1julz3XyK_de9hpbRSVbGzv_PlZQpUB8PUYOyW7sC9dihWKCdJs0MKUtcPe1XDvtO4www/s1600/The-Danish-Girl-Movie-2015-Transgender.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1400" data-original-width="1600" height="286" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNOkr_FtwIsacVowgXeMkGjkgElWXcnqcL7-jo87guMkgIeQXjdz9BW487ru3DlWI3Zb0W_Q1julz3XyK_de9hpbRSVbGzv_PlZQpUB8PUYOyW7sC9dihWKCdJs0MKUtcPe1XDvtO4www/w328-h286/The-Danish-Girl-Movie-2015-Transgender.jpg" width="328" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Eddie Redmayne in <i>The Danish Girl </i>(2015)</td></tr></tbody></table>This is a very fair point: if you are a trans actor, then you might find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place: no trans roles-- and no cis ones either!</div><div><br /></div><div>The next point is that it’s not acceptable to have black or Asian parts played by white actors in makeup—and for the same reason we should have trans actors playing trans characters.</div><div><b></b><blockquote><b>Joanne C Wittstock: </b>There was a time when women were not allowed on stage. Then a time when no suitable black actors were available and the roles went to whites. For decades there were apparently no Asians with theatrical skills. The frontier is slowly moving. To a large extent trans people are the visible minority of this moment.</blockquote></div><div>I completely take this point. One of the things which spoils what would otherwise be one of my favourite ever movies, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breakfast_at_Tiffany%27s_(film)" target="_blank">Breakfast at Tiffany's</a>, is the dreadful "comic relief" turn of Mickey Rooney in yellowface as Mr. Yunioshi. And one of the best of the classic <i>Doctor Who </i>stories, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Talons_of_Weng-Chiang" target="_blank">The Talons of Weng-Chiang</a>, features John Bennet in the role of the villainous Li H'Sen Chang. This time, it's not played for laughs, but the show still manages to throw in some dreadful Chinese stereotypes. The few actual Asian actors in the production are relegated to non-speaking parts.</div><div><br /></div><div>Another common theme is the failure of Hollywood to recognise the legitimacy of trans people themselves; instead making them out to be a pretence.</div><blockquote><div><b>Helena Almagest</b>: The persistent practice of Hollywood to have cis men portray trans women and cis women trans men promotes the misconception that transgender is merely a disguise, and that trans women are merely men dressing up, and trans men, women dressing up. <i>A misconception that gets us killed</i>. (her emphasis).</div></blockquote><div><blockquote>A trans woman should be portrayed by a woman. It needn’t even be a trans woman (although suitable trans actresses are out there and desperately seeking jobs), it could also be a cis woman. Just not a man.<br /><br />Likewise, a trans man should be portrayed by a man, trans or cis.</blockquote><p></p><blockquote><p><b>Tara Nitka</b>: Hollywood has made me quite skeptical about the ability of cis people to write and portray trans characters, but that might only be true of Hollywood.</p><p>But ultimately, casting cis men and boys to play trans women and girls sends the message that we’re men pretending to be women. If you can’t cast a trans girl, at least cast a girl.</p></blockquote><p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoSp61BObxBuXbGqEDKvrgHgV0s1pxWHPZu-AQjejC5ibfOYPsQAGzubM47eXAMm-G8FCvQAxI1I8pSZMcya4PH6qrd27RFhAntWAvrZB7O36h5tTReOMd250ITEzWGHaYY-AQLOnWXw0/s1024/felicity-huffman1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="666" data-original-width="1024" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoSp61BObxBuXbGqEDKvrgHgV0s1pxWHPZu-AQjejC5ibfOYPsQAGzubM47eXAMm-G8FCvQAxI1I8pSZMcya4PH6qrd27RFhAntWAvrZB7O36h5tTReOMd250ITEzWGHaYY-AQLOnWXw0/w328-h213/felicity-huffman1.jpg" width="328" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Felicity Huffman in <i>Transamerica</i></td></tr></tbody></table>From the (short) list of famous movies at the start of this article, only <i>Transamerica</i> would meet with approval here, with Felicity Huffman cast as a transwoman.</p><p><b></b></p><blockquote><b>Sara Clarke</b>: When we cast a cis person to play a trans person, we’re at the mercy of that person (and their most likely cis director and writer) to tell us what trans people look and act like, how they feel about things, what choices they would make, etc. Considering how ignorant most cis people are of the trans experience, that’s not doing anybody any favors: either other cis people learning about trans issues through the lens of other cis people who may or may not know what they’re talking about, or other trans people who want to see authentic versions of their lives represented in the media.</blockquote><p></p><p></p>These are powerful points. The criticism is that the films don't depict trans people, or how they feel, but only what cisgender people <i>think</i> trans people are like, and how they feel. I definitely share this point of view: several times during <i>The Danish Girl, </i>I found myself thinking that elements of the plot didn't strike me as real.</div><div><blockquote><b>Chrystal Andros</b>: My issue is what is called agency. With women it used to be (and still is in some aspects) that men define what is good for them. They cannot speak for themselves, so they have to have someone else speaking for them.<div><br /></div><div>In the same way in Hollywood, managers and focus groups define what is good for the audience and define their selection of actors.</div><div><br /></div><div>With trans-actors and trans-actresses they fit into a certain category - they are becoming more mainstream, but they are considered like women from 1950s who go out and become professionals - the freaks of today.</div></blockquote><div></div>
Three of the films I have mentioned have received very positive reviews. On <a href="www.rottentomatoes.com" target="_blank">Rotten Tomatoes</a>, <i>Priscilla </i>has a 96% approval rating; <i>Girl </i>has achieved 84% and <i>Transamerica</i> has 76%. Meanwhile, <i>The Danish Girl </i>managed only 67% and <i>Breakfast on Pluto</i> achieved 57%. So the filmmakers are doing something right (if not exactly breaking box-office records with any of them). But of course, if these are films made by cisgender film-makers, pitched for a (predominantly) cisgender audience, I suppose that doesn't necessarily mean they please transgender people.</div><div><br /></div><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWiMDt4d-hzfMv6-NW-WuuuccZO3T7lhwrukSeLQrlok7eCI5iPYQepEvhonPAZH6yqvoUYG1GWSQoNhk9bCZhFr7g8r_UwUEejBIDeHcM56AwOyW-mhQVnq_MpbQKQxQNOJG7sF2z2uk/s689/499full-breakfast-on-pluto-photo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="689" data-original-width="499" height="410" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWiMDt4d-hzfMv6-NW-WuuuccZO3T7lhwrukSeLQrlok7eCI5iPYQepEvhonPAZH6yqvoUYG1GWSQoNhk9bCZhFr7g8r_UwUEejBIDeHcM56AwOyW-mhQVnq_MpbQKQxQNOJG7sF2z2uk/w297-h410/499full-breakfast-on-pluto-photo.jpg" width="297" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cillian Murphy in <i>Breakfast on Pluto</i><br /></td></tr></tbody></table>But not everyone agrees with the sentiments above. Some commentators reported that, as long as the actor does a decent job, it shouldn't matter whether they are cisgender or transgender.</div><div><b></b></div><blockquote><div><b>Mark Grinstein-Camacho</b>: Actors play different characters all the time. It is their job. You can find actors who play straight people, gay people, billionaires, emperors of the galaxy, penniless street urchins, genius computer programmers, or zombies hungry for human flesh.</div><div><br /></div><div>Studying for those roles and preparing for them is a big part of an actor’s work. Maybe it means watching Hitler’s speeches, or spending a day at a boot camp, or attending a conference. Maybe it means learning to play the violin for a year. Maybe it means watching other movies. Maybe it means interviewing people who were there. Any good actor can do this.</div></blockquote><div></div><div><blockquote><b>Karissa Cook</b>: One point that most people seem to miss with these questions is that an actor acts. That is what they do.<div><br /></div><div>Would it be a good thing for more transgender actors to get cast? Absolutely! Should we get bent out of shape about who is portraying trans characters? Not unless they are doing a poor job.</div><div><br /></div><div>Look folks. If you want only trans actors to have trans roles then you aren't really looking for actors, you are looking for representatives.</div><div><br /></div><div>Actors play a part. Their job is to make us believe that they really are the characters they portray. Stop worrying about who is playing the role, just pay attention to how well or poorly they did.</div></blockquote><div></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp7XExNLp652MUKqLa7IrujT4Fq-cGoinhzJPFtndXttCdIiRh2kiLQVJrbNsKK40o5qmqJrVoI5PAczb_2VVT6s_BHOtWzZK0_8jFf85YO-l4ShmWxMJVu_DSXOI8SZHkBApPNNMWBNM/s790/Benedict-6-e1558352018983.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="790" data-original-width="622" height="410" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp7XExNLp652MUKqLa7IrujT4Fq-cGoinhzJPFtndXttCdIiRh2kiLQVJrbNsKK40o5qmqJrVoI5PAczb_2VVT6s_BHOtWzZK0_8jFf85YO-l4ShmWxMJVu_DSXOI8SZHkBApPNNMWBNM/w322-h410/Benedict-6-e1558352018983.jpg" width="322" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Benedict Cumberbatch as Alan Turing<br /></td></tr></tbody></table>This is also a point I have some sympathy with, although my own point of view comes from a different angle. Film-making is driven by economics. Film-makers make films because they want people to pay money to see them. Along the way, they may inspire, entertain, or inform--they may even achieve art--but those are very secondary considerations.</div><div><br /></div><div>In <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Imitation_Game" target="_blank">The Imitation Game</a>, Benedict Cumberbatch plays cryptanalyst <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Turing" target="_blank">Alan Turing</a> (who happens to be one of my heroes). Turing was gay, but Cumberbatch isn’t; nonetheless Cumberbatch gives an extraordinary performance.</div><div>
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People have criticised the considerable liberties with historical events which the director took. But the director Morten Tyldrum has said that the film was really about using the medium of film to give the audience a flavour of what Turing was really like (rather than to just make a historical documentary). In this, I think he succeeds. The role of the tortured genius has been done dozens of times, but Cumberbatch manages to bring a nuanced performance which includes the awkwardness, the vulnerability and the arrogance of the character, without ever feeling forced or unnatural. Though we sympathise deeply with Cumberbatch's portrayal of Turing, he doesn't make the character necessarily <i>likeable</i>.<br />
<br />By casting a star like Cumberbatch in the role of Alan Turing, I believe people will watch the film <i>who otherwise wouldn’t</i>. And I believe that, unless they have hearts of stone, they will come away feeling sympathy for Turing and how he was treated, perhaps in a way they haven’t sympathised with gay people before. Other recent films which show gay men in a very positive light are <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rocketman_(film)" target="_blank">Rocketman</a> and <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bohemian_Rhapsody_(film)" target="_blank">Bohemian Rhapsody</a>.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijlsEdqOiWs2Iq_aB66BHNge1_-SpRTJwwutB7tY6g59lXcDIpr-P1wh8Bi9Qbr3jJhoZU1b4Gd_jpTZ-A50kzf-U28Ys2rKYFQC-W_1ZGob6QnWdQ3-NHSR1OtE7gocMbWVzbbdV8rRo/s960/https___blogs-images.forbes.com_maddieberg_files_2017_11_landscape-1474470339-transparent-season-3-review.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="960" height="164" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijlsEdqOiWs2Iq_aB66BHNge1_-SpRTJwwutB7tY6g59lXcDIpr-P1wh8Bi9Qbr3jJhoZU1b4Gd_jpTZ-A50kzf-U28Ys2rKYFQC-W_1ZGob6QnWdQ3-NHSR1OtE7gocMbWVzbbdV8rRo/w328-h164/https___blogs-images.forbes.com_maddieberg_files_2017_11_landscape-1474470339-transparent-season-3-review.jpg" width="328" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jeffrey Tambor in <i>Transparent</i><br /></td></tr></tbody></table>I think that we are in this place right now. I believe it’s more important for the public to see us, and to sympathise with and accept us, (even using the medium of fiction and the artifice of film) than it is for trans actors to be cast in those roles. Some cisgender actors have also done a wonderful job, such as Jeffrey Tambor in <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transparent_(TV_series)" target="_blank">Transparent</a>.<br />
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I hope that the day will come when trans actors are just actors. We are not there yet. Meanwhile, cisgender actors playing transgender parts is fine by me. What I want, right now, is awareness and exposure, and for people to view us with sympathy rather than scorn or discomfort. I think overall that we should be pleased that films with a transgender theme are being made and released. While they may not be perfect, I think that the casting of cisgender actors in transgender parts is doing more good than harm.<br />
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<br /><br /></div>Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-6249451902277747782020-08-31T13:18:00.001+12:002020-08-31T13:18:15.648+12:00In Search of BeautyHallowe'en is a time of year when a lot of closeted cross-dressers feel safe to dress in public. It's acceptable to put on a face and a costume you wouldn't normally wear, and show yourself off. I've read quite a few descriptions of this online. It tends to be more marked in the US, where Hallowe'en is an enormously popular occasion, and where people seem to spend a lot more time and effort on the whole business than the rest of the world, though what I see is that, year on year, Hallowe'en is growing, everywhere.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbz0PBmTKPgsIqoJAM-AoBydHTLjXcHVHkRcgd5_05xpZ4jYMkFYCqERhO2tXAp9xDX4tbCt7IT_aKbs0b_yRYr4sQkx0yr0aWun4e_DT36RMHYqtzDLhe-Q7ScoOyvsRSLC3o_lCClV4/s836/tumblr-linklings.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="836" data-original-width="540" height="512" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbz0PBmTKPgsIqoJAM-AoBydHTLjXcHVHkRcgd5_05xpZ4jYMkFYCqERhO2tXAp9xDX4tbCt7IT_aKbs0b_yRYr4sQkx0yr0aWun4e_DT36RMHYqtzDLhe-Q7ScoOyvsRSLC3o_lCClV4/w330-h512/tumblr-linklings.jpg" width="330" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One leg to rule them all...</td></tr></tbody></table>So imagine my discomfort when I was invited to a very large and "authentic" Hallowe'en party last year. The party was hosted by a woman I work with. Unfortunately my partner couldn't attend, so it was up to me to go along, with the kids.<br />
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I very quickly dismissed the idea that I would go dressed as a woman. First, I'm not out to this woman. Second, I didn't know who else from work might be invited and show up. Third, the irony is not lost on me that Hallowe'en costumes are supposed to be a <i>costume</i>; as I've mentioned before, putting on a costume feels like pretending to be something I'm <i>not</i>, while getting dressed as a woman feels like becoming something I <i>am </i>(even if not every day). I definitely didn't want to do some sort of costume version of Vivienne; I couldn't imagine something less comfortable than turning up dressed as a pantomime dame. While if I dressed nicely, it could be a dead giveaway that this wasn't a once-in-a-year costume, but something I do much more frequently.<div><br /></div><div>Mind you this Gandalf outfit, by Melbourne student Tjitske van Vark, might possibly work for this year. Gandalf the Pink, anyone?<br />
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But there was a further catch, which is that the hostess herself is <i>extremely</i> good at both makeup and costume. I've seen some of her work before, in pictures, and it's dazzling. So I knew she was going to set the bar very high, which in turn meant I didn't feel I could just cut two holes in a sheet, put it over my head, and call myself a ghost. In the end, I got a decent fantasy swordsman costume, and some decent props, and I didn't disgrace myself. But that's not what this post is about.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpwrL4X12r9veKc2zI13J7v_FR9dwbD4ubu28FXSIkeM1p8f9I_vMiOD0K3h12BecomUfkYhChXvOku7w-yFtIfOCu0oQsZRxiOuvk9zKHkpM0hr51CwGgjSkDlKhhZAdI4JeZMFHcls4/s1600/_109463580_0d085732-df56-4786-86ad-ec905f594494.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="351" data-original-width="624" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpwrL4X12r9veKc2zI13J7v_FR9dwbD4ubu28FXSIkeM1p8f9I_vMiOD0K3h12BecomUfkYhChXvOku7w-yFtIfOCu0oQsZRxiOuvk9zKHkpM0hr51CwGgjSkDlKhhZAdI4JeZMFHcls4/s320/_109463580_0d085732-df56-4786-86ad-ec905f594494.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lex Fleming from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiXoZHFowJUlDVMuRFAwVAw" target="_blank">MadeYewLook</a></td></tr>
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The hostess had indeed gone to great lengths. Her house was lavishly decorated, inside and out, with skulls and spiders and pumpkins and gravestones. But her own makeup was simply <i>extraordinary</i>; it was clearly professional-quality work. In addition, she had spent a lot of time getting her costume just right. It must have taken weeks of planning to put the whole thing together. While I am not going to include any photographs of the hostess herself, here is a comparable image of a young woman doing something similar, and let me say, the hostess was every bit as striking as this image here; not just her face, but also her costume.<br />
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Understandably there were a lot of photographs. The hostess took photos of all the guests; in groups, posed and unposed. And she was also in lots of photos, including photos of me. Standing beside her while those photos were taken made me feel uncomfortable, and I've been reflecting for some time on why this should be.<div><br /></div><div>First, I am extremely conscious of beauty around me. When people talk about beauty privilege, I completely understand exactly what they mean. I cannot help paying attention to beautiful people, and it's almost always female beauty that I am talking about here. So when there is someone beautiful near me, and I want to just have a normal conversation (with someone else, about something else), I can sometimes find it difficult to concentrate unless I sit where I cannot be distracted by the view.</div><div><br /></div><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdf3MZCxJsA3iFFmZ-RAroWtxNJg0G1O7DJS__B_210v0VPHfLFjujP-1jFjWeqpKq1KgzQbjA5QcufKG0ciPO3yreUOFTd9GTPifH1qwKfmlEanYRG9dgmhbz_otCKmDbMY1BNLY3di4/s1200/N0A5167.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1200" height="274" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdf3MZCxJsA3iFFmZ-RAroWtxNJg0G1O7DJS__B_210v0VPHfLFjujP-1jFjWeqpKq1KgzQbjA5QcufKG0ciPO3yreUOFTd9GTPifH1qwKfmlEanYRG9dgmhbz_otCKmDbMY1BNLY3di4/w410-h274/N0A5167.jpg" width="410" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Has anyone got a pen I could borrow?<br /></td></tr></tbody></table>For me (at least) beauty doesn't necessarily have to be the sort of thing you would put on a magazine cover. There are a thousand things which women around me do which I think are beautiful. It can be as simple as a particular smile, a turn of phrase, or an endearing gesture (such as putting your pencil into your bun, which I think is gorgeous), while others might see nothing particularly special.</div><div><br /></div><div>Second, beauty is something I really aspire to. Perhaps it's because I had a rough time at school (as a sensitive child I was commonly picked on), I tend to equate beauty with popularity, and I am envious of people who are beautiful.</div><div><br /></div><div>This is something which I have really struggled with. As I've <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2012/12/cloudy-with-chance-of-insights.html" target="_blank">mentioned before</a> on this blog, it's not enough to look feminine: I really want to look pretty. I don't think that the camera is anywhere near as flattering as the mirror, but I also think the camera comes a lot closer to showing me <i>what other people see</i> when they look at me. I love to take photos when I'm dressed, and I can feel very flat afterward when I look at the photos and don't feel great about what I see.</div><div><br /></div><div>Meanwhile it's hard not to feel even more dejected when I look at the Internet and see what seem to be thousands of gorgeous images of trans women, and I think that, in a month of Sundays, I could never look that good. I know I am not alone in feeling this. Even <a href="https://hannahmcknight.org/" target="_blank">Hannah McKnight</a> (whom I admire for many reasons) <a href="https://hannahmcknight.org/2020/08/22/the-unbearable-lightness-of-being-a-t-girl/">has posted lately</a> about feeling this way, and I've had conversations with some of my Facebook friends about it. Sometimes I think: why should I even bother? What would be the point?</div><div><br /></div><div>The third thing which I really noticed about my Hallowe'en friend is that she wasn't just looking spectacular, she was also acting differently. She was definitely acting more flirty, more sexy, especially in front of the camera. She was owning it. She was <i>doing </i>beauty.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>So there I was, feeling awkward and foolish in my own costume, seeing my friend completely owning the Hallowe'en <i>femme fatale</i> thing, and knowing I will never look remotely as good. That was a potent stew of emotions indeed. My costume was no disgrace, and I could have been strutting around and posing like Conan the Barbarian--but honestly I just wanted to get it over with and go home.</div><div><br /></div><div>I know that these feelings are temporary; that there will be times when I feel fantastic--both pretty and feminine--again. I am also enough of a realist to recognise that probably everyone feels a bit like this, when they try to compare themselves to others. And of course the people on the Internet post their best photos--of course they do!-- and they don't show you their mascara malfunctions or their bad hair days or their photos taken at unflattering angles.</div><div><br /></div><div>Mind you, it's interesting to consider: if I were an attractive <i>man</i>, would I be less bothered about trying to look pretty as a woman? Would I be able to get some of that beauty "fix" in my male persona? It's impossible to know. If Timberland decides to pick up my modelling contract again, perhaps I will be able to let you know.</div>Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-34046782852863160042019-12-24T11:27:00.000+13:002019-12-24T11:27:07.202+13:00The Medical Profession is Female<div>
A man and his son are terribly injured in an accident. They are taken to hospital requiring surgery. A surgeon is called, but looks at the boy and says "I can't operate on this boy: he's my son!" How is this possible?</div>
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Does this riddle perplex you? If so, you may be demonstrating your innate gender bias, that surgeons ought to be male, and therefore you expect the surgeon to be the boy's father. Of course, the common answer is that the surgeon is the boy's <i>mother </i>(though it's becoming increasingly possible that the boy is the child of a gay couple).</div>
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My media feed this week sparked my interest with its announcement that the "Medical Profession is Female", and I followed the link.<br />
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Professor <a href="https://www.bmj.com/about-bmj/editorial-staff/elizabeth-loder" target="_blank">Elizabeth Loder</a> is a professor of neurology at Harvard, and the head of research at the <i>British Medical Journal. </i>She writes (my italics):</div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>Loder</b>: Soon, most doctors in the US, the UK, and Europe will be women; this is already the case in many countries (...) The stereotype that doctors are men persists at a time when almost half of physicians are female—and it has been internalised by women physicians like me—so it’s a problem that needs to be fixed. How to do this? It would help to retire “he,” “him,” and “his” as the default pronouns for doctors and make a deliberate switch to “she,” “her,” and “hers.” Pronouns are in flux, and it’s possible that “they,” “them,” and “theirs” will become standard. Until that happens, I have a proposal: when in doubt, and the gender of the doctor is unknown, <i>let’s use female pronouns to send a message and open minds</i>.</blockquote>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Professor Elizabeth Loder</td></tr>
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There is no doubt that she is right. Women outnumber men at admission to medical school already, and my own belief is that more than half of all doctors are already women.</div>
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Loder's piece was prompted by a paper <a href="https://www.bmj.com/content/367/bmj.l6573" target="_blank">recently published in the <i>BMJ</i></a> which shows that female scientists are less likely to use positive terms to describe their research findings compared to male scientists. The men tend to use positive-sounding words like <i>novel</i>, <i>unique</i>, or <i>unprecedented, </i>and papers with this more positive language get cited more often.</div>
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Academic papers are usually cited in a way which masks the first name of the authors. They are usually given by their initials only: (Lennon J, McCartney P, Harrison G, Starr R), which makes it pretty hard to infer anyone's gender. I had always considered that this made academic publishing encouragingly gender-neutral, but the <i>BMJ</i> paper shows that there is a measurable male-female difference.</div>
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As an amusing aside, those of you who are familiar with British English will know the expression "old Uncle Tom Cobley and all", meaning "everyone imaginable". I was delighted to discover that there are <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncle_Tom_Cobley#Scientific_papers" target="_blank">several listings in academic journals</a> where Cobley UT has been listed as a co-author!</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>Loder</b>: Using female pronouns for doctors would force everyone, on a regular basis, to remember that women can be doctors. Soon the default use of female pronouns will make sense for the same reason we’ve defaulted to male pronouns: it will be the best reflection of reality and the new gender makeup of the physician workforce. Furthermore, in situations where most doctors are male (surgical subspecialties, for example), it’s then even more desirable to use a default pronoun of “she” to expand people’s ideas of who can be a doctor.</blockquote>
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I'm already doing this very deliberately in my Quora answers, and at work I am careful to deliberately avoid assuming male pronouns for doctors (instead I tend to use <i>they</i>). The <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2011/10/pronouns-and-gender-identity.html" target="_blank">very first post</a> I ever wrote on this blog, back in 2011 (!) was about pronouns, although I must say that the invented, gender-neutral pronouns still grate with me wherever I see them.<br />
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What I saw, twenty or more years ago, is that to succeed in medicine, women had to outperform the men. That meant that the few female consultants and professors, that I knew then, tended toward the ferocious spinster archetype. I got the impression these were women who had sacrificed a lot (personal life, family life) to get their positions. Many seemed to me to be bitter and battle-hardened: sick of proving themselves right in front of mansplaining men who were not as good as they were.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQsUHHRd8Ab3pe1zUb0Owo4lkQFXApOe1XVgI4FkhHkt5ReBrgIqPX6ynmNK4wCSKDZI0BWt60PYxtLArFhfB5KvXI986nbJgkEPCj_F0zlDCtf_MZb91RgQCeZn34oPg7d-s-qa8GqqA/s1600/NINTCHDBPICT000344648691-e1561576331820.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1115" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQsUHHRd8Ab3pe1zUb0Owo4lkQFXApOe1XVgI4FkhHkt5ReBrgIqPX6ynmNK4wCSKDZI0BWt60PYxtLArFhfB5KvXI986nbJgkEPCj_F0zlDCtf_MZb91RgQCeZn34oPg7d-s-qa8GqqA/s320/NINTCHDBPICT000344648691-e1561576331820.jpg" width="222" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Before she was <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2012/06/doctor-what-are-you-wearing.html" target="_blank">that doctor</a>, she was <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trust_Me_(British_TV_series)" target="_blank">this doctor</a>.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It was considered acceptable for women to do the “touchy-feely” specialties, such as general practice or psychiatry. But women found it very difficult to succeed in the “tougher, harder” specialties such as surgery (especially orthopaedics). The following quote comes from my favourite dark medical drama, the wonderful <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cardiac_Arrest_(TV_series)" target="_blank">Cardiac Arrest</a></i>:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Just because surgery involves a bit of sewing doesn’t mean it’s any job for a housewife!</blockquote>
I personally witnessed the deliberate, ritualised bullying of a highly capable surgical trainee who had committed two grave sins: being a woman, and having brown skin.<br />
<br />
But things have changed, and are still changing. Those battle-hardened spinsters have blazed the trail, and women are streaming into specialties which have previously been off limits. And they no longer need to do battle with the boys, which means they are more relaxed and able to express themselves. Some female surgeons operate with little feminine touches: fabulous pink surgical boots (instead of boring white) or operating spectacles with little sparkly bits glued onto the legs and rims. These sound like little things, almost trivial, but they represent ground which was hard-fought for, inch by inch.<br />
<br />
The men are, in general, much more respectful and better-behaved. Some of the older ones have ascended to higher echelons, which means that Medical College councils and presidents still tend to be mostly men. But even here I am hearing new dialogue. The president of my Medical College (a man) announced that, considering all the Annual Scientific Meetings our College has ever held, over 100 keynote speakers have presented, and <i>only six were women</i>. Imagine, he said with genuine sincerity, all the talented speakers we have missed out on. (This year nearly all the keynote speakers were women).<br />
<br />
That talented surgical trainee I knew back in the day has made it; she was far too talented not to. But she lost something along the way: her compassion is far less now than it was when I knew her. She too has been battle-hardened.<br />
<br />
I remain hopeful that these trends continue, and I remain certain that medicine (and hence patients) will benefit from improved gender balance.<br />
<br />
But there is one thing still missing: where are the trans doctors? If, as I suspect, there are just as many transgender doctors as there are in the general population, <i>where are they all</i>? This is a subject I intend to explore more fully in a later post, because I've been doing a lot of looking. Meanwhile, if you have a story or viewpoint to share, please leave a comment.</div>
</div>
Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-9180771656213504322019-12-06T11:44:00.001+13:002019-12-06T14:07:12.773+13:00Shifting SandsAlthough it's over a year since its release, I came across this amazing publication, and I wanted to give it wider recognition.<br />
<br />
The Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (<a href="https://ranzcog.edu.au/" target="_blank">RANZCOG</a>) is the medical college responsible for setting training standards for doctors specialising in the field of Obstetrics and Gynaecology in Australasia. So it's a very large, prestigious, academic organisation.<br />
<br />
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As most medical colleges do, it publishes a flagship academic journal; but also a more informal publication, <a href="https://ranzcog.edu.au/members/publications/ogmagazine" target="_blank"><i>O&G Magazine</i></a>, which I admit I had never come across until I saw a pile of them lying in my hospital. The top one caught my eye, because it was colourful, and because it looked like <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tetris" target="_blank">Tetris</a> (which is one of my favourite games). When I looked closer, I saw that the theme of this particular issue was "LGBTQIA", so I picked it up to have a read. I was immediately captivated. Best of all, the entire issue is available free online <a href="https://www.ogmagazine.org.au/category/20/4-20/" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhasgfsbLAMgxrugyy5W5Vk5zNvk-SQu2soRl7vU8FGUBdyUiK-nWKmImTXn1WQCY_JWIE6EH3WJskyHzw9WfUfozizfDEBqzIPyS6LZpXipGkdd4EeuyfKDwYvuCakrWbKzas0fuz-7XM/s1600/O%2526G+Mag+Cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="971" data-original-width="682" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhasgfsbLAMgxrugyy5W5Vk5zNvk-SQu2soRl7vU8FGUBdyUiK-nWKmImTXn1WQCY_JWIE6EH3WJskyHzw9WfUfozizfDEBqzIPyS6LZpXipGkdd4EeuyfKDwYvuCakrWbKzas0fuz-7XM/s320/O%2526G+Mag+Cover.jpg" width="224" /></a></div>
<br />
Let's start with the editorial, from incoming RANZCOG President Dr Vijay Roach:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>Roach</b>: This issue of O&G Magazine addresses an important aspect of social, cultural and clinical life in Australia and New Zealand. Members of the LGBTI community have experienced a long history of marginalisation and discrimination, often to the detriment of their physical and mental healthcare. While the College acknowledges a diversity of opinion in the community and among our members on many issues, on one thing we are united: RANZCOG believes that every person, independent of their sexual orientation, has the right to high-quality medical care. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
In 2017, the RANZCOG Board issued a statement on same-sex marriage which read, in part '… the Board affirms its support for marriage equality and calls upon the Australian Parliament to ensure equal opportunity for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex (LGBTI) Australians in same-sex relationships and their families …' I was proud to be a member of that Board and grateful to then-President Prof Steve Robson for his leadership.</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
In this issue, the O&G Magazine editors have assembled a diverse series of articles relevant to the care of the LGBTI community. It is compelling reading and relevant to everyone’s practice.</blockquote>
The list of articles is impressive:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Fertility options for gender and sexually diverse people</i> (Bronwyn Devine)<br />
<i>Rainbow IVF</i> (Sarah van der Wal)<br />
<i>Gender dysphoria</i> (Simone Buzwell)<br />
<i>Gender dysphoria: a paediatric perspective</i> (Noel Friesen)<br />
<i>Fertility preservation in the transgender child and adolescent</i> (Tamara Hunter)<br />
<i>Intersex: variations in sex characteristics</i> (Jennifer Beale)<br />
<i>What do intersex people need from doctors?</i> (Morgan Carpenter)<br />
<i>Hormonal treatment of the transgender adult</i> (Rosemary Jones)<br />
<i>Surgery for transgender individuals</i> (Charlotte Elder)<br />
<i>LGBTQIA gynaecological screening</i> (Kimberley Ivory)<br />
<i>Takatāpui</i> (Elizabeth Kerekere)<br />
<i>Tekwabi Giz National LGBTI Health Alliance</i> (Rebecca Johnson)<br />
<i>Glass closets and the hidden curriculum of medical school</i> (Amy Coopes)<br />
<i>Australia's queer history</i> (Robert French)</blockquote>
I read these articles with two sets of eyes. The first were my medical eyes: was this the sort of thing that, as a doctor, would be helpful for me to read? The answer is clearly yes. The second were my transgender eyes: was this the sort of thing that, as a trans person myself, I would want doctors to read and know? The answer is also a clear yes. There is no doubt that transgender people are becoming more and more visible; their care has been, in the main, not that great; most doctors have very little training in care of transgender people, and reliable resources for doctors to draw upon are few.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The various authors all have special expertise and interest in their various fields, which is commendable. But it's the range of subjects which strikes me as particularly noteworthy. I've sometimes felt that the <i>T</i> is kind of tacked on to the end of LGB as an afterthought. But here we are, right in the middle, with articles dealing with not just hormones and surgery but issues like fertility and childhood and emotional wellbeing. Amazing.<br />
<br />
I was pleased to note that the tone of all the articles was spot on, from the acceptance of the individuals, to recognition that care matters but is frequently lacking, to pragmatic information and guidance for practitioners.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiS7O6fWuTSWF6F1kdDFoXJmY3ccv8RrLULe4O6F0MlO8WBYICLO_ruxRmVIVmIf95ntwilxso25gJeh8IRZHJ2HGw8qIeD_q98G1I9ZQDcuSubJ5N3g_Zg69wRTBmZU1-nrNXRT5Ifumg/s1600/1260-women-149577_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="485" data-original-width="1260" height="123" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiS7O6fWuTSWF6F1kdDFoXJmY3ccv8RrLULe4O6F0MlO8WBYICLO_ruxRmVIVmIf95ntwilxso25gJeh8IRZHJ2HGw8qIeD_q98G1I9ZQDcuSubJ5N3g_Zg69wRTBmZU1-nrNXRT5Ifumg/s320/1260-women-149577_1280.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
There are several points which are very much worth making about a publication of this type.<br />
<br />
(1) First, it's great that a major medical college is being so overtly inclusive. That alone is magnificent. RANZCOG is setting an example for others to follow. There has been lots of Twitter support for the issue.<br />
<br />
(2) Second, most medical colleges publish guidelines for the care of patients with X condition. What strikes me about this one is a subtle but powerful shift in tone: not "this is what these patients are like" but "<i>this is us</i>, and that's OK". As Amy Coopes points out in her article, there is still great stigma in medicine if you are gay or non-binary. So a publication like this is extremely affirming. As a transgender person with a medical degree myself, I immediately wanted to reach out and make contact, so I wrote to RANZCOG and congratulated them on their magazine (and I’m not the only one: there is a very heartfelt response from a gay obstetrician in the following issue <a href="https://www.ogmagazine.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Autumn-2019-For-Web.pdf" target="_blank">here</a>).<br />
<br />
(3) I wouldn't have necessarily expected O&G to be the specialty which would deal with the care of transwomen. Post-transition, care could potentially be complex, since O&G specialists are more used to the care of people with a uterus and vagina than a prostate gland. But this issue seems to be saying to its readers: <i>don't panic, you can do it</i>! It's started me discussing these issues with some of my colleagues much more openly than previously.<br />
<br />
Whether you are medical or not, it's well worth having a browse through this magazine. If you're aware of any other medical organisations being explicitly rainbow-inclusive, please let me know.<br />
<br />Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-68356029938405423872019-10-10T22:09:00.001+13:002019-10-10T22:17:24.268+13:00Vivienne at large!In the last few weeks my desire to express Vivienne has risen enormously, culminating in a series of public outings over the last couple of weeks, which have been unbelievably successful and affirming.<br />
<br />
Having Vivienne time isn't easy. We both have full-time jobs, and between us we have a bunch of kids that have all sorts of things on: school, sports, music, social lives, you name it. However, there has been a series of days where I have managed to get some completely free time. It was time--it was <i>past</i> time--for Vivienne to get out and about.<br />
<br />
My partner Missy could see that I had been getting cranky because I was feeling increasingly feminine, but had no opportunities to express it. So she asked me what I wanted to do. The top item on the bucket list was to go dressed to the cinema, so that's what we did.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhr0eC-YmI6Fq4JODxLFAP6xAB2bhQCPsNhTFp_BZLTOibqa_kBYhrt2VHFzdSPRB_PD1anXjSWlY5unPZHqfV1ZZwL6a_02ookVdU6CZE5kTq1WoLyWAyVTOocJAOvjHT_obp32Ga6qY/s1600/IMG_8200+tweak.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1006" data-original-width="864" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhr0eC-YmI6Fq4JODxLFAP6xAB2bhQCPsNhTFp_BZLTOibqa_kBYhrt2VHFzdSPRB_PD1anXjSWlY5unPZHqfV1ZZwL6a_02ookVdU6CZE5kTq1WoLyWAyVTOocJAOvjHT_obp32Ga6qY/s320/IMG_8200+tweak.JPG" width="274" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Please turn your phone to silent.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
There were a few matinees which I wanted to see. Normally I like thrilling action-adventure blockbusters--but as Vivienne, I feel much more comfortable to watch more emotional, dramatic or historical films, and in my town there is a cinema which specialises in arty-type films. We settled on a historical costume drama, which had no lightsabres or giant robots to be seen anywhere.<br />
<br />
Missy helped me to pick out an outfit which would work. My tendency is to do more. More makeup! More nails! More shoes! She suggested that I tone it down to an outfit which a woman would actually wear, and she had a really good point. I've <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/search?q=voracious" target="_blank">pointed out before</a> how I tend to become voracious when dressing after a drought.<br />
<br />
I am naturally aiming for a compromise with both my outfit and makeup. In one direction, there is too much, and I look like a clown, or a bad drag queen, or a caricature of a woman. In the other direction, there is too little, and I look like a <i>man</i>. Somewhere in the middle is a sweet spot, where I can look, if not exactly like a woman, at least like someone who is trying to make a go of looking like one. Previously I only had my own frame of reference to guide my choices; now I have Missy's sensible viewpoint.<br />
<br />
<b>Day One</b><br />
<br />
I felt completely comfortable until we got to the mall and I got out of the car. Suddenly I was aware that everyone's eyes would be on me. This wasn't a frightening sensation, but probably the sensation that the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meerkat" target="_blank">meerkat</a> has when out on the Kalahari desert. We walked into the cinema. Missy ordered the tickets, and I stood behind. The attendant (a woman) spotted my nails, and said they were lovely. I was taken aback by this sudden compliment, having been out for a total of about ten minutes. "Thank you!" I responded. Then she looked at me, having not really looked at me at all. She must have clocked my man-voice, and I braced myself for some sign of discomfort, but there was none. (Missy chided me jokingly for my deep manly voice, but I don't have a fem voice, and I was totally unprepared!)<br />
<br />
We made our way into the cinema, which of course was dark and quiet. We got the luxury seats and watched the film. I couldn't believe how lovely it felt. I wanted to pinch myself. None of the other people paid us the slightest attention, though I felt as if I had a huge flashing neon sign above my head.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I came out of the cinema floating on air. This is the sensation some people call the <i>pink fog</i>; others <i>gender euphoria</i>. I drank it all in. I wanted to absorb as much of it as I possibly could.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU68KXVoYDw4_6wiosgHW3c4slGOaRKqr5SgYBQi_ijcdTSKXtsevVttFF-yUg6R1yv74ASqQIpYioXnSd_6TTt5mjJlUHxbzwo_ncD5vktlZqiPu-65bYEdLTYle7gHpir1SqmSY7cgQ/s1600/IMG_8234+tweak.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="940" data-original-width="907" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU68KXVoYDw4_6wiosgHW3c4slGOaRKqr5SgYBQi_ijcdTSKXtsevVttFF-yUg6R1yv74ASqQIpYioXnSd_6TTt5mjJlUHxbzwo_ncD5vktlZqiPu-65bYEdLTYle7gHpir1SqmSY7cgQ/s320/IMG_8234+tweak.JPG" width="308" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Still getting used to the handbag thing.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Missy had an appointment for about an hour. I could retreat home, or I could go to a cafe and wait for her. Cafe of course! This meant two new things: going somewhere on my own (already!) and also visiting the ladies' room. But I felt pretty comfortable and pretty confident, and I walked into the cafe. The ladies' room was near the entrance, so I went straight in. It was empty, so I just used a stall, straightened up my clothing, checked my makeup, and came out. I took a table, ordered a drink, and sat looking out of the window, unable to believe this was actually happening. My interactions with the wait staff (male and female) were pleasant and ordinary; again they must have clocked me instantly, but they seemed completely comfortable with me for a customer. When Missy came back to pick me up I was still happy and floaty, and this feeling lasted for the rest of the day and into the evening.<br />
<br />
<b>Day Two</b><br />
<br />
The following day, Missy was at work. I had the option to dress again--or I could do ordinary stuff (as if!). I decided to dress and go out on my own. I wore the same outfit as I had before, and I went back to the same mall. It was much more crowded than the day before!<br />
<br />
I was so nervous at first that I decided to just stroll around. I was extremely self-conscious! There were so many things to remember, including a whole new way to walk and carry myself. I had, of course, been practising, but it's one thing to practise when there is nobody looking, and it's a different kettle of fish if you feel like everyone is looking at you!<br />
<br />
At first I jumped at every noise. As I passed a sports store, I heard a burst of male laughter from within. At the time I was sure it was directed at me, but in retrospect, there is no reason at all to think it was. I began to look up and take notice of the people around me more. A woman coming the other way caught my eye, and smiled. I smiled back. Was it because she clocked me, and was being reassuring? Or was it because women sometimes smile at one another when they make brief eye contact in the mall? I was especially fearful of large, muscular men. I fear that, of all people, they are the ones who would express their discomfort most vocally.<br />
<br />
I braced myself for strange looks; for weird expressions; for expressions of distaste. Nothing. Nothing at all. Nobody seemed to pay me the slightest notice. Was that, I wonder now, because they were silently sniggering and pointing behind my back? Maybe. Or maybe I just didn't stand out enough for people to notice me (and I am sure most people are wrapped in their own business, so that if you mostly blend in, you become effectively invisible). Or maybe (and here's the kicker) they did actually notice, and clock me, but were <i>not bothered in the slightest</i>?<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwzNs4OOwUJDX2mpfez3Ct_4bZDDZixrLcH52N73JeAKx4K4N8K99S2V0gfrM7wVpdgtifZor2GdaIVY1xkyarOmiA5h0DCt4LOpsl_-rvhrZmK-BjzSBMxWQcxAcg9UsLULMILNxnD0U/s1600/IMG_8534+tweak+reduced.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="926" data-original-width="696" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwzNs4OOwUJDX2mpfez3Ct_4bZDDZixrLcH52N73JeAKx4K4N8K99S2V0gfrM7wVpdgtifZor2GdaIVY1xkyarOmiA5h0DCt4LOpsl_-rvhrZmK-BjzSBMxWQcxAcg9UsLULMILNxnD0U/s320/IMG_8534+tweak+reduced.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hot as any Hottentot?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
My self-imposed task was to buy sunglasses for Vivienne. The weather has been bright and sunny lately. I could hardly buy sunglasses for Vivienne in male mode ("Do you think these would look good on me if I was wearing a wig and a frock?"). And sunglasses add a layer of disguise.<br />
<br />
I went into the sunglasses shop, and approached the counter. The assistant, a young woman, said "Can I help you?" I smiled and said "Yes, I'm looking for sunglasses to go with <i>this</i> look," and indicated myself. She didn't seem fazed in the slightest, but asked me how much I wanted to spend, and then showed me lots and lots of frames, several of which I tried on.<br />
<br />
Every time--<i>every time</i>--I looked in the mirror, it was a surprise to see Vivienne's face looking back out at me. The assistant was lovely. I told her I wanted large round lenses, but she suggested a few alternate frames. Some of them didn't work at all, but some of them looked really good. Eventually, I settled on a pair, and bought them. She asked me if I had shopped there before, and I laughed and said "Yes, but I didn't look like this!" and she laughed too.<br />
<br />
When it came time to pay for my parking ticket, the attendant smiled and asked if I was having a nice day, and I said "Yes, it's lovely, thanks!"<br />
<br />
In the afternoon I went for a long stroll round the park. With my sunglasses on, nobody looked at me at all, and I seemed to blend right in. I went into the little cafe next to the park and ordered a drink, and sat writing my journal with my lovely fountain pen and its lovely sparkly ink. Other patrons came and went, and nobody seemed in the least troubled. I once <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-beaumont-society.html" target="_blank">wrote in this blog</a> I considered this simple activity to be pie in the proverbial sky, and here I was, doing it and loving every moment.<br />
<br />
<b>Reflections</b><br />
<br />
You would think that no human being could stand this amount of pink fog, and perhaps you would be right. There is a definite sense in which Vivienne time seems to stand apart from ordinary time; no work, no commitments, no obligations. It's probably the same sense of "getting away from it all" that some men enjoy when golfing or fishing--but surely it's <i>much</i> more pleasurable than either of those activities? In any case, after a couple of days, I had to come back down to Earth.<br />
<br />
But my reflections are these. First, going out as Vivienne seems to be <i>OK</i>. That is, nobody seems offended or horrified. The people of my town seem very tolerant, which is extraordinarily gratifying to me. Why should this come as a surprise? Perhaps because I've had about 20 years of being told how disgusting crossdressing is (by my ex-wife), and though I knew that her view was very skewed, some of it had inevitably sunk in. To discover that it isn't right; that people are apparently totally fine with it, has come as a revelation, and a delightful one. My biggest goal, in all of this, is simply acceptance, as I have <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2016/09/the-end-of-days.html" target="_blank">written before</a>.<br />
<br />
Second, I think for me, the key is to <i>not</i> pretend to be a woman: I shall surely fall short. Instead, I can simply be <i>myself</i>, and let people make of me what they will. The woman in the sunglasses shop didn't seem remotely uncomfortable with my attitude or presentation. I am hopeful that with time and practice the anxiety will fade and the pleasure and comfort will grow, but even if it doesn't, where I am right now is fabulous.<br />
<br />
So far, everything has been completely wonderful. I fear that there may yet be an event, which in my mind I am calling The Puncture, where I have a truly unpleasant encounter with someone, or some other experience which really puts me off going out like this. The reason I think such a thing will happen is that a part of me thinks that moments of bliss must be balanced out somehow, for the universe to keep turning. But the reason I think it might not, is that very few people (and I've read a lot of stories) mention events like this.<br />
<br />
In any case, for each time I go out, and meet smiles and acceptance, it adds to the store of goodwill and optimism in the bank. As these experiences accumulate, it will become harder and harder to demolish the pile, and easier and easier to accept that an occasional uncomfortable encounter represents the exception, not the norm.Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-46639907293878112542019-10-06T22:10:00.001+13:002019-10-06T22:10:41.031+13:00Vivienne-- The Next StepsIt's been a little under three years since I wrote <a href="https://bluestockingblue.blogspot.com/2016/09/the-end-of-days.html" target="_blank">this post</a>, about the end of my marriage. During that time I've been going through a tremendous reframing of my life. There were several things which happened which were quite surprising, and I wanted to put them down here.<br />
<br />
<b>Meeting someone new</b><br />
<br />
It will come as no surprise at all that I adore women. I always have. I'm more comfortable in their company, and I just feel better being around them. It was therefore inevitable that I would start dating again.<br />
<br />
To get a few things out of the way, this was not about "sowing wild oats". I've never been that person before, and I am not that person now (even though one of my male friends, with the best of intentions, but without much delicacy, told me it was time to get shagging). So I was just looking forward to dinner, wine, and pleasant company.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLx3N4F6Us1S2WxKJK1D6qNy6RdH9x2VWV7tTrcLaGOJHksbN-iMvtwXnvVuBX7vsL-jVQj5dj67eAs5dBjATduSYDa43OVZedl2a_ZiWHnESLgclsilPL0dTHxNMdfilpOgfbSlz_yv8/s1600/shutterstock_458902306.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="333" data-original-width="499" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLx3N4F6Us1S2WxKJK1D6qNy6RdH9x2VWV7tTrcLaGOJHksbN-iMvtwXnvVuBX7vsL-jVQj5dj67eAs5dBjATduSYDa43OVZedl2a_ZiWHnESLgclsilPL0dTHxNMdfilpOgfbSlz_yv8/s320/shutterstock_458902306.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Actually neither of us drinks coffee!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
To my surprise, on one of my very first dates, I really clicked with a woman from work. We found we had a lot in common, and we were texting each other constantly. This presented a problem: to <i>tell</i>, or not to tell?<br />
<br />
On the one hand, Missy was lovely, and funny, and had a host of good features. I was enjoying feeling attractive again, and I was looking forward to spending more time with her. On the other, I had escaped from a previous relationship which had been ruined, in large part, because of cross-dressing. I didn't think it was fair on this woman to take the relationship further without her knowing. I didn't think it was fair on <i>me</i>, to have to keep hiding who I am. So, on our second date, I told her there was something important she needed to know.<br />
<br />
She blanched immediately. If you ask her about it now, she will tell you that the expression on my face made her think it was something dreadful, such as terminal cancer. But I slid my phone across to her, and showed her some pictures of Vivienne. She was surprised, of course, but her response was basically "Is that all?" And she was completely fine with it.<br />
<br />
Having got that out of the way, the relationship blossomed. We moved in together a year ago, and things are looking great. I am enormously fortunate.<br />
<br />
<b>Vivienne went away</b><br />
<br />
Missy wanted to meet Vivienne. I was incredibly nervous, but again, it was a lovely encounter. She didn't laugh. She didn't wince. She gave me makeup tips and bought me thoughtful gifts, including perfume, and a lovely handbag.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-TuAsaGsnkqHdDWPHg35KG7-IINYUNizxNVEePWqe56QiS2NwMznJ6ptznse6xVtt1npOzYUkNAVANZ8ETU27ed2dhCVHczkU5JMwRIIImjilDBswtf_Ot1q3o68LI4i89vqbxx7l0ms/s1600/IMG_4852+reduced.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1008" data-original-width="756" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-TuAsaGsnkqHdDWPHg35KG7-IINYUNizxNVEePWqe56QiS2NwMznJ6ptznse6xVtt1npOzYUkNAVANZ8ETU27ed2dhCVHczkU5JMwRIIImjilDBswtf_Ot1q3o68LI4i89vqbxx7l0ms/s320/IMG_4852+reduced.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Vivienne in the kitchen</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
We went out together for a stroll round the town. I was unbelievably nervous, but I can't tell you how much I wanted this experience. I wanted to know what it would be like--for me, for her, and for other people. Amazingly, it was completely fine. We hosted a dinner for friends at home. It was bliss.<br />
<br />
Having spent nearly 20 years being told that Vivienne was grotesque and perverse, I struggled to process all these feelings. I couldn't believe, at first, that being Vivienne was suddenly OK. One night I was in the bath, with lots of bubbly foam, and shaving my legs. Missy texted me to ask what I was doing, and I told her, and she responded very positively and said she hoped I was enjoying it. I was!<br />
<br />
I found myself dreading, at any moment, that she was going to turn round at some vulnerable moment and say "Ha! Fooled you, you horrible tranny freak!" And of course she hasn't done this. After 3 years, it's beginning to sink in that she isn't going to. The trust is building, and it's a feeling which doesn't get old.<br />
<br />
But the next part was another surprise: the compulsion to dress nearly vanished. I didn't change who I was. I continued to be Vivienne online. I continued to buy nice Vivienne things when I saw them. But the drive to dress, to express myself openly, seemed to go away nearly completely.<br />
<br />
I wondered why this was. Was it because Vivienne was forbidden fruit, which, when suddenly available, lost some of its sweetness? Was it because I was so wrapped up in a new relationship that Vivienne was forgotten? Was it because there was so much else going on, with kids and work and school? Was it because all of us wax and wane with time; that we are not constant in our feelings and wishes?<br />
<br />
There have been times when this has happened before, and I reasoned that Vivienne would return in time. Meanwhile, I wanted to be ready! I had new clothes, cosmetics, accessories. Not grabbed off the rail in the back of gloomy charity shops, but carefully considered to be part of a look that works well; <i>these</i> shoes would look great with <i>that</i> skirt.<br />
<br />
<b>Vivienne came back</b><br />
<br />
And then, Vivienne came back. I gradually became aware of an insistent nagging feeling, which became more and more prominent with time. I realised that the feeling was unstoppable, and that it was time. So I've just gone with it. And there has been an explosion of experiences; more Vivienne time in the last month than there has been in the past three years put together. It's been amazing, and intoxicating, and it's still going on. Where will it lead to next?<br />
<br />
<br />Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-12980136786507851832018-01-19T23:31:00.003+13:002020-09-09T19:21:30.518+12:00Rachel DolezalHere is a question. Is a person's <i>identity</i> something they determine for themselves? Or is it something which is imposed upon them by society? Is it a bit of both? Or is it neither, but somewhere in between?<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I do not have an answer to it, but I do believe that a consideration of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rachel_Dolezal" target="_blank">Rachel Dolezal</a>* is pertinent to the discussion.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWSePf39jrmc6ZRzLBDkoVNSd_j9XxJ9iV_k3uvXHOSoeQS1cmHEFWCY9RLC7AlM2gPeEOPAS8Qv63tGI4fOJRSTMdnYc87BJ9ZRTtMbVebMDe7QimwSdOVuc79-R2B4PEuSauUCfRTZI/s1600/224.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="938" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWSePf39jrmc6ZRzLBDkoVNSd_j9XxJ9iV_k3uvXHOSoeQS1cmHEFWCY9RLC7AlM2gPeEOPAS8Qv63tGI4fOJRSTMdnYc87BJ9ZRTtMbVebMDe7QimwSdOVuc79-R2B4PEuSauUCfRTZI/s320/224.jpg" width="312" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rachel Dolezal as an adult</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
First, a brief bit of background. Born in the United States in 1977, Dolezal attended <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Howard_University" target="_blank">Howard University</a>, a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Historically_black_colleges_and_universities" target="_blank">historically-black university</a> in Washington, DC, and obtained a Master of Fine Arts degree in 2002. She taught part-time in Africana at the Eastern Washington University. In 2014, Dolezal was elected the president of the Spokane chapter of the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NAACP" target="_blank">National Association for the Advancement of Colored People</a>. By all accounts, she fulfilled her duties with energy and enthusiasm.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But in June 2015, things hit a real snag. I need to pause now to make a few further points. I don't live in the US, although I have spent some time there. I don't pretend to understand much about race relations in the US, although I have read about it to some extent. But the simplistic bottom line is that, up until this point, nearly everyone thought Rachel Dolezal was a black woman.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
In June 2015, Dolezal's parents publicly announced that Dolezal wasn't black. They themselves are European Americans, of Czech, Swedish and German descent. And they released photographs and even a birth certificate to prove it. "She’s clearly our birth daughter, and we’re clearly Caucasian", they said. Dolezal had been estranged from her parents for some time prior.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPTIS7W0zAnWUH-LFhS5CbpA103gEPq-7n7N1cBEgiTAlxTEZKNvRIUEXhE4Ifv-FChJO4LHu-FrTFQnSb7lxuLRQRYTnW5ofAWzFDz9AV6Ogm9F5J9pESQ0UrN7ik1oN2u6COXdF3xRM/s1600/1351.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="375" data-original-width="300" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPTIS7W0zAnWUH-LFhS5CbpA103gEPq-7n7N1cBEgiTAlxTEZKNvRIUEXhE4Ifv-FChJO4LHu-FrTFQnSb7lxuLRQRYTnW5ofAWzFDz9AV6Ogm9F5J9pESQ0UrN7ik1oN2u6COXdF3xRM/s320/1351.jpg" width="256" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not actually black? Dolezal as a teenager</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
There followed an explosion of interest in Dolezal. She was immediately scrutinised from all quarters, and came under an enormous barrage of criticism. <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/jun/16/rachel-dolezal-today-show-interview" target="_blank">She stated</a>:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>Dolezal: </b>I acknowledge that I was biologically born white to white parents, but I identify as black. (...) I don’t, as some of the critics have said, put on blackface as a performance.</blockquote>
She was forced to resign from her post in the NAACP, and was later dismissed from her post at the Eastern Washington University. Later there was some confusion when Dolezal seemed to use terms such as <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transracial_(identity)" target="_blank">transracial</a></i> to describe herself; this term was already employed to describe children adopted and raised by a different race.<br />
<br />
In a detailed <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/dec/13/rachel-dolezal-i-wasnt-identifying-as-black-to-upset-people-i-was-being-me" target="_blank">interview with the <i>Guardian</i></a>, Dolezal "rejects the idea that she is a black person in a white person’s body – and spurns the concept of <i>transracial</i>. (...) Dolezal has made a point of describing herself as black, not African American, a distinction derided by <i>Vanity Fair</i>, but one that black Africans in the US would recognise. She describes African American as a particular historical experience. To be black is broader, unbound by dates or borders."<br />
<br />
Let's steer clear of any further terminological confusion, and get right into some of the criticisms.<br />
<br />
<i>Guardian</i> writer <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jun/16/transracial-definition-destructive-rachel-dolezal-spokane-naacp" target="_blank">Syreeta McFadden writes</a>:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>McFadden: </b>Dolezal’s messy theft and fiction of a black American identity uses the currency of a subculture of privilege that is rooted in white supremacy too. If anything, to believe that one can transfer one’s identity in this way is a privilege – maybe even the highest manifestation of white privilege. The ability to accept marginalization, to take on the identity of blackness without living the burdens of it and always knowing you could, on a whim, escape it, is not a transition to blackness; to use it to further your career or social aspirations is not to become black.</blockquote>
Meanwhile, across the pond, <a href="https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2017/03/03/518184030/why-rachel-dolezal-can-never-be-black" target="_blank">Denene Millner writes</a> that Dolezal's chosen (African-derived) name represents "doubling down on her insistence" of her black identity in response to the controversy:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>Millner:</b> The woman formerly known as Dolezal is still a white lady with fussy hair and a bad tan, trying to make fetch happen. Snatching two words from two separate African languages and claiming them as a reflection of her connection with blackness cannot — and will not ever — earn her the soul of black folk.<br />
<br />
Blackness is a bright and shiny diamond, and here in America, everyone wants to wear it like a Rockafella chain around their neck. (...) Like diamonds, blackness is created under extreme pressure and high temperature, deep down in the recesses of one's core.<br />
<br />
And it is the ultimate in white privilege, really, for a white woman to see that diamond, all shiny and hard and unbreakable, and pluck it for her own, like it's a gift from Tiffany's, with seemingly zero regard for the pressure, the heat, the pain it went through — that <i>we</i> went through — to earn that shine.</blockquote>
And Britain's <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-3123995/DOMINIC-LAWSON-truth-black-white-today-victimhood-s-seen-morally-superior.html" target="_blank">Dominic Lawson writes</a>:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>Lawson</b>: Rachel Dolezal is merely the most spectacular example of the growing phenomenon of people posing as victims — itself the consequence of a culture which portrays victimhood as a form of moral superiority.</blockquote>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4BulA3_BP0X1WyyuWmTn_D5rktAtfSRkbwfHqWDFRfiDHvXbmd-vZBOKM9hwHc5vtx4bLxyyyM4VVeCpw0IiCnpfWxSfYR3WE3SiAIWBZe1Q0d-KTF4HgwsPaASl9WBW4Y5Kna5KHYxI/s1600/Rachel+Dolezal.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1150" data-original-width="766" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4BulA3_BP0X1WyyuWmTn_D5rktAtfSRkbwfHqWDFRfiDHvXbmd-vZBOKM9hwHc5vtx4bLxyyyM4VVeCpw0IiCnpfWxSfYR3WE3SiAIWBZe1Q0d-KTF4HgwsPaASl9WBW4Y5Kna5KHYxI/s320/Rachel+Dolezal.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I was being me: Rachel Dolezal</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Criticism was not confined to Dolezal herself. An article supportive of her entitled "In Defense of Transracialism" and published in April 2017 in peer-reviewed feminist philosophy journal <a href="http://hypatiaphilosophy.org/" target="_blank"><i>Hypatia</i></a>, provoked a storm of protest on social media, culminating in an open letter to the editorial board demanding that the article be retracted, and a subsequent (unauthorised) apology from some of the associate editors. The Editor-in-Chief and the Board of Directors have stood by the article, and have refused to take it down. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypatia_transracialism_controversy" target="_blank">The Wikipedia article</a> offers a good summary and is well worth a read.<br />
<br />
The author of the article, Rebecca Tuvel, pointed out that in 2015 <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2015/07/caitlyn-jenner.html" target="_blank">Caitlyn Jenner</a> came out as trans, and was widely praised and accepted, appearing on the cover of <i>Vanity Fair</i> and being named one of <i>Glamour</i>'s <a href="https://www.glamour.com/story/caitlyn-jenner-speech" target="_blank">Women of the Year 2015</a>. In contrast, Rachel Dolezal was widely vilified and lost her job and status. I think Tuvel has a very good point in highlighting the significant contrast there.<br />
<br />
<b>So where is the damage?</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Until I started to write this article, the above was all I knew of Rachel Dolezal, and it prompted me to consider several points.<br />
<br />
First, until her parents outed her, Rachel Dolezal was accepted to be black by everyone around her: her employers, her friends, her students, and the wider community. <i>Nobody seemed to notice</i>. Nobody seemed to point at her and say "Hey, you know, you don't seem very black to me?" Nobody seemed to think she was doing harm. Nobody seemed to think she couldn't do her job, and it certainly doesn't seem as if she was breaking any laws. What, I wonder, was she doing <i>wrong</i> up until this point? Where was the damage?<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/jun/16/rachel-dolezal-today-show-interview" target="_blank">The <i>Guardian</i> quoted</a> NAACP president Cornell William Brooks, who said that the NAACP is “not concerned with the racial identity of our leadership”, and went on: “Our focus must be on issues, not individuals.” And her colleague at NAACP, Cedric Bradley, spoke up in favour of Dolezal's positive work in social justice. Some of her other colleagues and friends have spoken in support of her.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilQyQX2afNLmICDaepcbQ_ou0-DGbwGJP7X_VSlbcq_Y5zDTeXVxxa2DP3LEfoRt20rHV7b0VwQ3OGiilramfmBkQ-EefHHGJfwNhTZZHmKy2ZH8jr6dyYLPccmeUkCndXU5ncYOwftxo/s1600/4584.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="961" data-original-width="1600" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilQyQX2afNLmICDaepcbQ_ou0-DGbwGJP7X_VSlbcq_Y5zDTeXVxxa2DP3LEfoRt20rHV7b0VwQ3OGiilramfmBkQ-EefHHGJfwNhTZZHmKy2ZH8jr6dyYLPccmeUkCndXU5ncYOwftxo/s320/4584.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rachel Dolezal's biological family, with her four adopted brothers</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
My next question was: why was she outed in the first place? And that's where the story takes a darker turn. Dolezal seems to have been very creative with her own life story. She has stated that she was born in a teepee and that her parents hunted for food with a bow and arrow. She told people that several different black men, most commonly a friend called Albert Wilkerson, were her father, (while her biological father was only her stepfather); and that her adoptive brother Izaiah was her son. She described herself on some websites as a professor, without ever having been one.<br />
<br />
Worse, Dolezal complained to police on several occasions that she had been a victim of hate crime, presumably race-related. <a href="http://www.krem.com/news/local/spokane-county/spd-suspends-all-cases-involving-rachel-dolezal/124154306" target="_blank">Police investigations</a> revealed no evidence of crime, but did reveal strong suggestions that Dolezal had fabricated racially-motivated threats against <i>herself</i>. It was as part of the wider investigations into Dolezal's background which turned up her true biological parentage.<br />
<br />
So now the question of where the damage is can be answered. Dolezal's fabrications have wasted police time and resources investigating crimes which never took place, invented for the purposes of attracting sympathy and validating Dolezal's own identity and sense of victimhood. There was a deception there. One can argue about whether it was malicious or not, but it was deliberate and indisputable.<br />
<br />
<b>A bright and shiny diamond?</b><br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYKWell11Ao54vbtZhqCWdpN62ddBgJ5UFSOyBI0yHklVY1agx-brbDCwQu-L1a3KV2thsrkjr9rPK5pyXFdaBiwx_RcgRNrJ_AIys0pV1ReEDSGEM6SXTGRekB6memFLvLcMZtBAoHTI/s1600/2446.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYKWell11Ao54vbtZhqCWdpN62ddBgJ5UFSOyBI0yHklVY1agx-brbDCwQu-L1a3KV2thsrkjr9rPK5pyXFdaBiwx_RcgRNrJ_AIys0pV1ReEDSGEM6SXTGRekB6memFLvLcMZtBAoHTI/s320/2446.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dolezal's birth certificate</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
So the next question becomes: why did all this arise? Dolezal's upbringing in rural Montana was pretty tough. In the 2015 <i>Guardian</i> interview, journalist Chris McGreal writes "Life was dictated by the couple’s strict interpretation of the Bible, including a strong belief in creationism and a puritan-like commitment to simple living and harsh punishment". Even the identity of the medic who delivered her as a baby is recorded, on her birth certificate, as "Jesus Christ". Perhaps he works for the State of Montana.<br />
<br />
She grew up with her natural brother <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joshua_Dolezal" target="_blank">Joshua</a>, and they were home-schooled. Her parents adopted four further children when she was a teenager; three African-American boys and a Haitian boy. Dolezal accuses her parents of frequent beatings, and these accounts are corroborated to some extent by her brothers. It certainly seems pretty likely that her childhood was unhappy, and probably pretty miserable and cruel at times. The <i>Guardian</i> reports that she used to imagine herself as really an Egyptian princess who had been kidnapped by her parents.<br />
<br />
We can only speculate on where the idea of associating herself with black identity came from. Was it distancing herself from her parents' culture? Or attempting to pursue a new identity (Denene Millner's bright and shiny diamond)? Some people have accused her of mental illness, which seems to me unduly harsh. She told the <i>Guardian</i>:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>Dolezal:</b> As long as I can remember, I saw myself as black. I was socially conditioned to discard that. It was an all-white town. I was very unhappy. I felt like I was constantly self-sabotaging in order to conform to religion, culture dynamics. I was censoring myself. I was shutting down inside.</blockquote>
Given some of Dolezal's other porkies, I think it's reasonable to take some of this with a grain of salt, although I accept her point that she felt stifled and unhappy by her strict parenting, and I feel reasonably sure that Dolezal's attempt to switch race has been triggered by her difficult and painful childhood.<br />
<br />
Let's set aside, for a moment, what Dolezal's motivations are, and accept at face value her comments that she identifies with being black; she feels black (and always has); and that she wants to continue to be black. Let's also set aside the lies she told to get into her jobs, and the indisputible hurt and anger she has caused to lots of people by pretending to be black.<br />
<br />
Let's just consider this one point. Consider a white woman, born to white parents and raised accordingly, who describes herself as black. She has adopted brothers who are black. She was married to a black man between 2000 and 2004, and the first child she bore is thereby of mixed race (therefore black). She went to a formerly black university; taught African studies; and worked for a group to further black rights. I have no doubt that she affects mannerisms of speech, posture, gesture, dress and custom which would be considered "black". Not least, she was accepted and taken to be black by hundreds of people over many years. Is that enough for her to be accepted as black? And, if the answer is yes, is that OK?<br />
<br />
<b>Establishing race and identity</b><br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Black and white: not as simple as that</td></tr>
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How much of "you" has to be black, for you to "be" black? Is it enough if you are one half? One quarter? One eighth? Is it a matter of inheritance of genetic material at all? Is it a matter of exactly what tone your skin is? Is it a matter of your upbringing, your culture? Is it (as Denene Millner writes) a matter of shared experiences? Is it a matter (as <a href="https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2015/06/16/toure_roasts_rachel_dolezal_the_one_thing_that_binds_black_people_is_the_experience_of_racism.html" target="_blank">Touré Neblett insists</a>) that the one thing all black people share is experience of racism? Or is it something intangible, something indefinable?<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/jun/15/bliss-broyard-father-black-roots-race-ethnicity-rachel-dolezal" target="_blank">Bliss Broyard writes</a> an excellent piece exploring what it means to be black, having first discovered that her father was of mixed race, literally as he lay dying. This revelation had a subtle but far-reaching impact on her image of herself and how others related to her. Broyard's article points out that, since 1970, Americans are allowed to "self-identify" their race on the Federal census. Nobody checks up on which box you tick, and the results form national statistics guiding official policies. Since 2000, Americans have been allowed to tick more than one box to identify their race.<br />
<br />
And her piece was linked to <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jun/12/rachel-dolezal-delusional-construction-perception-of-race" target="_blank">this article</a> by Steven Thrasher (my italics for emphasis).<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>Thrasher:</b> I have zero personal insight into why Dolezal chose to perform race as she did. But the reason that her story is so fascinating to me and to the rest of the world is that it exposes in a disquieting way that <i>our race is performance</i> – that, despite the stark differences in how our races are perceived and privileged (or not) by others, they are all predicated on a <i>myth that the differences are intrinsic and intrinsically perceptible</i>. (...) Like it or not, she’s exposed how shaky and ridiculous the whole centuries-old construct of individual “race” is.</blockquote>
This certainly feeds into my own thoughts, which I touched on five years ago on this blog, writing about <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2012/11/jaye-davidson.html" target="_blank">Jaye Davidson</a>, who is considered "Black British" by virtue of his Ghanian father, even though he doesn't <i>look</i> black. Does blackness "trump" other aspects of your ethnicity? And it brings me back to the essence of this article. Is your identity something which you determine for yourself? Or is it something which is imposed upon you by others?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieUXj49dAmvK5AkJ0qOAkyF0Rr6UryMpMWzhoFjLUG_pDuew6xrwsa1ek9mSOS8Knf8MUgvaaxKbQuSG4a_jL2qbwwWAam0OFUobtTv6horL6ssbD5a2bIPRxVAPuCqnLi8dGh3On96Kw/s1600/31d19988-fdbe-4379-939e-afcbf3538029-2060x1236.jpeg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="744" data-original-width="1240" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieUXj49dAmvK5AkJ0qOAkyF0Rr6UryMpMWzhoFjLUG_pDuew6xrwsa1ek9mSOS8Knf8MUgvaaxKbQuSG4a_jL2qbwwWAam0OFUobtTv6horL6ssbD5a2bIPRxVAPuCqnLi8dGh3On96Kw/s320/31d19988-fdbe-4379-939e-afcbf3538029-2060x1236.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dolezal: Black like me</td></tr>
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Rebecca Tuvel's article considers four questions about Dolezal's purported black identity. The first is the necessity of cultural experience, including the experience of racism (as per Touré Neblett's article). Dolezal seems to have been so determined to experience this that she concocted it for herself. The second is the question of ancestry; the truth is that we are <i>all</i> mixtures of various races and ethnic groups, and Bliss Broyard has had her DNA tested four times with four different results.<br />
<br />
The third is the idea that the black community could be harmed when a white individual seeks to enter. For me, it seems plain that nobody seems to have complained that Rachel Dolezal harmed the black community, until she was revealed to be white.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
And the fourth question is an extremely sensitive one: the idea that Dolezal is wrongfully exerting white privilege. As touched upon by Syreeta McFadden, this would mean appropriating black identity without accepting any of its burdens, and with the luxury of being able to leave it at any time. Tuvel quotes the writer Tamara Winfrey Harris: "I will accept Ms. Dolezal as black like me only when society can accept me as white like her". My point is that Dolezal seems to not have changed her mind in response to some extremely negative experiences, and (in the words of Denene Millner) "doubled down" on her identity. If she could retreat, wouldn't she do it?<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
Tuvel considers these questions and argues against them all, drawing parallels with gender reassignment, and coming to the conclusion that Dolezal should be accepted to be black. It is this conclusion which led to the outburst of protest against her paper. I am pleased with the decision by <i>Hypatia</i> to let the paper stand. <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2015/10/galileos-middle-finger-part-two.html" target="_blank">As I have written elsewhere</a>, protesters should not be allowed to silence considered, peer-reviewed publications, just because they get upset about them.<br />
<br />
<b>Wrapping it all up</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
So let's try to wrap this all up. As always, there are many layers of complexity to consider.<br />
<br />
We don't know why Rachel Dolezal chose to attempt to switch races, and we will never know. I think it's likely she will say whatever casts her in the best possible light, so I don't think her own personal accounts of her motivations are completely reliable. The best we can do is to accept her statements that "I wasn't identifying as black to upset people. I was being me."<br />
<br />
It's clear that, along the way, she fooled a lot of people, to her own advantage. In other countries, I suspect people would be much less bothered about what Dolezal's purported race was, but this was the United States, where a lot of people take race identity extremely seriously, and <i>she must certainly have known that, and how upset they would be if they knew the truth</i>. As a result, her deception was harmful, and deliberately so. In addition, there was the issue with fabricating the hate crimes, and a further issue around legal action against Howard University. (This article is already too long to go into this!)<br />
<br />
Nonetheless, I have some sympathy for Rachel Dolezal. I don't know if it would be possible for her to try to live her desired black lifestyle without an element of deception. At first, she seems to have achieved a sense of belonging, only to have it torn painfully away when her deceptions were revealed. Ironically, if she hadn't cooked up her stories of experiencing hate crime (which presumably she did to validate her identity), she might never have been outed. In any case, it will now be extremely difficult for her to escape from the shadow of what has happened. She has written a book about her experiences, entitled <i>In Full Color</i>. Although I disagree with her wrongdoing, I cannot find it in me to condemn her for wanting to live and identify, and be accepted, in the way she chooses.<br />
<br />
It certainly seems to me, as per Steven Thrasher's article, that the notion of race is very vague. Nobody can quite agree on how it can be defined, or determined empirically. It clearly isn't based just on what you <i>look</i> like. It's a phenomenon which comedian Sasha Baron Cohen has deliberately satirised in his <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ali_G" target="_blank">Ali G persona</a>. ("Is it because me is black?") I will not be convinced that blackness is something indefinable, intangible; something I couldn't possibly understand because I am white.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIpZqNphaaYCmf7Ts6dQcCCVg7nfD8Q8bX7ERCj7vny5xDmdT2A_Kkbrtoh38spNpz-AOHIMBl1W3ZKkgVLNVyke1BRkAaCvKltCzzLVKr2zmSx7lkU3pje8hrL_zm3gLUxcqV6VkTb84/s1600/Obama.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIpZqNphaaYCmf7Ts6dQcCCVg7nfD8Q8bX7ERCj7vny5xDmdT2A_Kkbrtoh38spNpz-AOHIMBl1W3ZKkgVLNVyke1BRkAaCvKltCzzLVKr2zmSx7lkU3pje8hrL_zm3gLUxcqV6VkTb84/s1600/Obama.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Is he <i>really</i> black?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Are there others like Dolezal? Living "stealth" in different races or cultures? Should we be asking ourselves, when we meet a black person: is this person <i>really</i> black? Or are they an impostor? There are, as Bliss Broyard points out, many people of black ancestry who are pale enough to pass for white, getting by and wisely keeping their mouths shut. Before today, the only person I know of who was even remotely similar to Rachel Dolezal was the writer <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Howard_Griffin" target="_blank">John Howard Griffin</a>, who passed as a black man in the Deep South in 1959, and wrote the book <i>Black Like Me</i> about his experiences of racism from the opposite side. Griffin's project also necessitated deception, of course, but this deception was not to Griffin's personal advantage, and Griffin resolved not to hide either his name or his true identity if confronted. His book is well worth a read.<br />
<br />
And then today, I learned of the existence of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martina_Big" target="_blank">Martina Big</a>. She is a white German woman who has taken medication in order to darken her skin, seemingly with considerable success. She also has gargantuan breast implants. Deary, deary me.<br />
<br />
But that aside, I wonder about what happens in other countries. India, for example, has a rigid and elaborate <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caste_system_in_India" target="_blank">caste system</a>, which prescribes rigid social codes for people at every level. Nonetheless, it must be the case that people purport to be in a different caste, from time to time, and I bet you can't always tell by looking who is whom.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Race and gender</b><br />
<br />
And of course I need to consider this aspect of the discussion. There are so many parallels between Rachel Dolezal and trans people that I don't know where to begin. And there are comments from across the board (which are hard to refute): if someone is born and raised as a boy, how can that person become a woman (and legally recognised as such)? And if we accept that this is possible, how can we refuse to allow a similar change of identity for Rachel Dolezal? Some of the statements made by Dolezal sound very like the statements made by trans people. And some of the criticisms aimed at Dolezal sound very like the criticisms aimed at trans people, including the one that a transwoman in a female-only environment is merely trying to enact male privilege.<br />
<br />
There is certainly a very blurry area between the <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2016/08/the-story-of-two-boxes.html" target="_blank">two conceptual boxes</a> labelled "male" and "female". Likewise, there is a very blurry area between the two races labelled "black" and "white". There are some people who are incredibly uncomfortable about these blurry areas; and some people seem to be fine with one but not with the other.<br />
<br />
For their part, many trans people seem to be falling over themselves to distance themselves from Dolezal, when in fact I think the parallels are clear, and certainly worthy of exploration and discussion. This distancing seems understandable, given the amount of ire which Dolezal has provoked. On the other hand, not all of it is objectively demonstrable. Statements like "I am a <i>woman</i>, while Rachel Dolezal is only <i>pretending</i> to be black," just aren't persuasive enough for me. And statements like "Transgender brains are different; it's medically proven," are just not convincing enough for this neuroscientist to accept. And the idea that, while gender and race are both social constructs, there exist fundamental differences between them, seems unsupportable to me.<br />
<br />
I think a discussion of Rachel Dolezal is very pertinent to a discussion about gender. I think there are many more similarities than differences, and writers like Rebecca Tuvel are right to consider them and debate them in the scientific literature. I think that ultimately, even if a person asserts a particular identity, there are always going to be other members of society who will reject that identity, if it doesn't fit their own world view.<br />
<br />
The last words will go to <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypatia_transracialism_controversy#Author's_statement" target="_blank">Tuvel</a> and Dolezal.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>Tuvel</b>: I wrote this piece from a place of support for those with non-normative identities, and frustration about the ways individuals who inhabit them are so often excoriated, body-shamed, and silenced. (...) My article is an effort to extend our thinking alongside transgender theories to other non-normative possibilities.</blockquote>
Rachel Dolezal told the <i>Guardian</i>: “The discussion’s really about what it is to be human."<br />
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<div>
* Although her birth name is Rachel Anne Dolezal, she legally changed her name to Nkechi Amare Diallo in 2016. For clarity I have stuck with her original name, since that's where most of the information out there on the Internet is to be found.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Update: 8th September 2020</b></div><div><br /></div><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhthIk-66O21K73p5M8E01JSYPClXDpj6IICCktPZzXmx78QoV4js-Nyp4loJKZo9fghDEmTmhImKGddoTWNDq48FfoPWr0DAXCKj_ONd0_Nn41EKD29Zt3Eg9oR6fEYXtQ-AqKiLZrXAM/s550/JessicaKrug.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="303" data-original-width="550" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhthIk-66O21K73p5M8E01JSYPClXDpj6IICCktPZzXmx78QoV4js-Nyp4loJKZo9fghDEmTmhImKGddoTWNDq48FfoPWr0DAXCKj_ONd0_Nn41EKD29Zt3Eg9oR6fEYXtQ-AqKiLZrXAM/s320/JessicaKrug.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jessica Krug</td></tr></tbody></table>Although I wrote this post some years ago, I hadn't heard of anyone else doing what Rachel Dolezal did--until this week, when a BBC news article caught my eye. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jessica_Krug_academic_scandal" target="_blank">Jessica A. Krug</a>, an associate professor of history at George Washington University lived for years pretending to everyone that she was black. The BBC story can be found <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-54008495" target="_blank">here</a>.</div><div><br /></div><div>Krug did not give a reason for her decision to come clean, though she was full of apology. (Unlike Dolezal, she hasn't seemed to double down on her black identity but to relinquish it immediately). The BBC reports that screenwriter Hari Ziyad said her admission came "because she had been found out".</div><div><br /></div><div>Wikipedia gives two more people who have apparently feigned a different race. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H._G._Carrillo" target="_blank">H.G. Carillo</a>, also an assistant professor at George Washington University (perhaps there's something in the water) claimed to be a Cuban immigrant, although he was born in Michigan. When Carillo died (of COVID-19), the true details of his life became publicly known. And <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrea_Smith_(academic)" target="_blank">Andrea Smith</a> maintains she is a Cherokee, but actual Cherokee scholars have claimed she has no family connections to documented Cherokee ancestors or relatives.</div>
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Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-19363426484468786012017-02-12T11:41:00.001+13:002017-02-12T11:41:39.550+13:00Christina BeardsleyIt's <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2012/04/just-like-me.html" target="_blank">been a while</a> since I considered religion as a topic, but it's been in my mind a lot lately. I was raised in a strongly Christian family, but have been increasingly critical and questioning of much of that for many years now. I have nonetheless experienced quite a considerable amount of existential guilt about exploring my gender identity. Not all of that relates, of course, to religion, but it all fitted together: religious views of sex as dirty, impure and shameful featured large in my upbringing, and there was no tolerance whatever of any idea of homosexuality or transgenderism.<br />
<br />
The Old Testament contains stern and forbidding passages like this one:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD. --</i><a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Deuteronomy%2023:1-2&version=AKJV" target="_blank">Deuteronomy</a><i><a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Deuteronomy%2023:1-2&version=AKJV" target="_blank"> 23:1</a>.</i></blockquote>
<div>
Ouch! Make sure you look after your stones! Some people view transgender behaviour as inherently sinful. As you know, <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2012/04/just-like-me.html" target="_blank">I don't agree</a>. I believe that this is the way I was created: a man with a generous spoonful of woman in the mixture. In addition, I think that Jesus went out of his way to befriend the marginalised people in his society: lepers and prostitutes and tax collectors and whatnot. These days, if Jesus were among us, I think he would (among others) be befriending transgender people--and no doubt attracting the same scorn and criticism for doing so, as he did back then.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT-6Pct2bBwll-lE6Q01SvYtbLKkS6teGF0bYOy-rEDwf_ZB924fyaQUGwFvN4uLvDnipZvnWsfynr5-7NMDs0pSnTPikBDL8u_6u71U4DnwH99elCR0eMH0PLV66TU2pFpdY3NETf0u0/s1600/christina_beardsley.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="156" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT-6Pct2bBwll-lE6Q01SvYtbLKkS6teGF0bYOy-rEDwf_ZB924fyaQUGwFvN4uLvDnipZvnWsfynr5-7NMDs0pSnTPikBDL8u_6u71U4DnwH99elCR0eMH0PLV66TU2pFpdY3NETf0u0/s320/christina_beardsley.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Christina Beardsley</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
We seem to be in the midst of a landslide in transgender acceptance, where transgender people seem to be everywhere: in the <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2015/07/caitlyn-jenner.html" target="_blank">media</a>, in <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2016/08/sex-and-gender-in-sports-part-1.html" target="_blank">sports</a>, in <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2014/10/georgina-beyer.html" target="_blank">politics</a>, in the <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2014/05/big-brave-soldier.html" target="_blank">military</a>, in <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2014/05/wurst-case-scenario.html" target="_blank">entertainment</a>, in <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2012/04/grayson-perry.html" target="_blank">the arts</a>, and so on. So what of deeply religious people, those in ministry? Are there any transgender clerics out there? The answer turns out to be <i>yes</i>, although they are not easy to track down. I wanted to talk to them: to ask them about their own journeys; how their gender conflicted (or perhaps not) with their faith; about how they face up to those disapproving biblical passages. And I was delighted when I was able to make contact with the Rev. Dr. Christina "Tina" Beardsley, an ordained woman priest in the Church of England, who happened to be born a boy. Tina has been in ministry for nearly four decades, and worked as a hospital chaplain in the UK for the last 15 years, and has recently retired. She is the author of several books, and a blog (see the end of this article for details).</div>
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<br /></div>
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Not only did she kindly agree to submit to my battery of interview questions, she provided detailed answers. I hope you will find those answers as interesting and enlightening as I did. She taught me that <i>priest</i> can be used as a verb, and she can spell <i>mediaeval,</i> and I learned a whole new (and somewhat wonderful) word: <i>transcestors</i>.</div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><b>Can you tell us a bit about your trans journey? (A potted life story, if you will).</b></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">It’s tempting to compartmentalise our lives, and when communicating to others one might have to focus on the trans aspects of the journey, but I see my life as a whole, and am glad that you reframe this question by asking for a potted life story.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">I’m 65 years old now so that’s a fairly long life history. I was born in West Yorkshire, in the north of England, near an industrial town, but grew up in a small town on the edge of the Peak District. I am the eldest of two, and my brother was born when I was 6. My family was working class – I come from a long line of miners on my father’s side (though my dad did not work down the pit) and country house (the home of industrialists) gardeners on my mother’s side. I was the first person from my family to go to university. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">My childhood was relatively happy but my gender presentation was problematic to my father in particular. I once overheard him complaining to my maternal grandmother how unhappy he was that I was ‘so effeminate’ which came as something of a shock, though it shouldn’t have, as I can recall many occasions from my earliest childhood when he expressed disapproval with my gendered behaviour. My grandmother’s response was that he should not worry and that it was something that I would ‘grow out of’. Through therapy I have learnt to appreciate that I was feminine rather than effeminate and that my femininity is something that I have ‘grown into’, though not without a struggle because there were many years of denial and suppression before I was able to accept myself.</span></div>
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<b>You said that you were "feminine rather than effeminate". Can you unpack what that means exactly?</b><br />
<br />
<i>Effeminate</i> is a pejorative term arising from the hierarchy in which the male is considered superior to the female and feminine boys/men whether or not they turn out to be trans are taunted with all sorts of unpleasant names. To see oneself instead as <i>feminine</i> reclaims and owns one's behaviours or gender expression as fitting, appropriate and nothing to be ashamed of.<br />
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<span lang="EN-GB">Like many people who are not understood within their family I found escape in study, and when it was time to go to university I went to Sussex University in Brighton, a city that has always had a liberal, even naughty reputation. That was 1970-73 and while at university I met the man who would become my husband. In my mid-teens I had begun to realise that I was attracted to males, but there was also ‘something else’ going on--cross dressing--which I was not able to talk about, and which I also associated with the childhood shame of being ‘effeminate’. I was very fortunate in my partner because he preferred feminine men and told me that was one reason that he found me attractive. We certainly talked about drag, and one of my fantasies while preparing for university, had been to join a drag entertainment collective (like <a href="http://www.unfinishedhistories.com/history/companies/bloolips/" target="_blank">Bloolips</a>) and maybe not change back into male clothes, but I knew it was a fantasy. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">Courtesy of the State I was receiving a wonderful education in the study of religion, mediaeval philosophy and church history, and when I graduated I had the opportunity to go to Cambridge to do doctoral research. That kept me occupied for the next three years, and even though I was vaguely aware of another student who was in transition in Cambridge, and was intrigued, I didn’t see that as being for me at that time. Despite being in a loving relationship I think my self-awareness
about being transgender (though that wouldn’t have been the term used then) was poor and my emotional intelligence still fairly limited. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">I had experienced a call to ordained ministry when I was about twelve years old (in a small wood near the church) though I also had a strong sense that I should teach, and it wasn’t clear which of the two would have priority – today I realise that one could do both! I was accepted for ordination training and went to theological college, which meant another two years of study, followed by three years as an assistant curate (assistant minister) in a city parish in Portsmouth. My college principal, the bishop who ordained me, my training incumbent and the parish leadership were all aware that Rob was my partner and very affirming of us both. Sexuality was the dominating issue in my life at that point, rather than gender identity, though of course that had not gone away but, hey, there were plenty of other
things to think about and to do.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">When it was time to move on my training incumbent asked me to stay on in the parish to look after one of the daughter churches, which I did for another four years before leaving the city to become the vicar of two rural/suburban parishes, where I was even busier, but it was here that the Holy Spirit broke in and ministered the divine love to my heart.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">By the late 1980s I had been vicar of the two parishes for four years. It was just as the AIDS epidemic struck the UK and was a very bad time for gay people in the Church, especially gay clergy. Remember that gay and trans were still blurred in the 1970s and 80s; this was 1989. I woke in the night knowing I must include these words in my sermon the next day: ‘God loves me, including the fact that I’m gay.’ It wasn’t a good career move, but I felt an imperative and as if this was ‘meant to be’.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">A few days later the Sunday School leader came to see me about something else. ‘It’s wonderful that you came out’ she said as she left, ‘It’s such a good role model to see a gay man in a caring profession.’ And I thought to myself, ‘But I never said that I was a man!’ That was when I knew, definitely, who I was, and that, however I might have appeared on the outside--and by this time testosterone had begun to masculinise my features--I was, as I began to express it at the time, ‘90% to 100% female on the inside’, though I can appreciate that may sound strange to some people; nor was I clear what it would mean for me at that stage. I’m aware that this is becoming a long answer, so let me say more about this episode and about what happened next as I try to answer the next question. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><b>How did that overlap with your spiritual life? I know that you were ordained before you transitioned. Did you think that ordination would somehow prevent you transitioning? Or did you consider that you might pursue transition at some point post-ordination?</b></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo by Christa Holka</td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-GB">In terms of gender awareness I had always been intellectually committed to the ordination of women, and after ordination became a member of Priests for the Ordination of Women. It was apparent to those around me that I was a feminist. The <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ordination_of_women_in_the_Anglican_Communion" target="_blank">ordination of women as priests</a> in the Church of England proved a much longer struggle than any of us had anticipated, but when it eventually happened (the successful vote was in 1992) I was not as elated as I had expected to be.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">When I was ordained in 1978 Church of England priests had all been male, and later, in therapy, by which time women were being priested, one of my dreams suggested that this dynamic had been going on in my mind: ‘priests are male; I am a priest; therefore I am male.’ Once women were ordained though, this stasis was undermined and I was forced to reframe it: ‘priests are male and female, I am a priest, therefore I am … female’. So, although it occasionally occurred to me that I might transition post-ordination, especially after seeing the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Change_of_Sex" target="_blank">landmark BBC programme about Julia Grant</a> in 1980, I always found reasons why this was not appropriate – some of them to do with natural law and living with one’s given body – and just hoped this was something that would ‘go away’. The green light for women’s ordination made me face up to my gender identity.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><b style="text-align: start;">Did you pray to God not to be transgender? (I know I have, many times).</b></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">Once I began to
recognise that I had ‘a problem’, yes, I did pray that God would take it away
permanently – on one memorable occasion I was driving along a dual carriage
making this my earnest prayer… and one of the tyres punctured! It was a
dramatic sign, but what did it mean?</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">It took time to sink in, but it looked as
if God was not going to magically remove this aspect of my personality, and
that, just as with my sexual attraction, my gender identity was also loved by
God, and I would need to learn to love it too. You see, those words about God’s
love that had formed during the night in 1989 had come out of considerable
pain, following the death of my training incumbent, and had set in motion a
train of events during which, as a friend remarked, I appeared to have faced my
demons. I had certainly felt as if I was experiencing death and resurrection
and I knew, just knew, that Paul’s words were true, that nothing, nothing in
all creation can separate us from the love of God. This was to give greater
depth to my work as a priest and prepared me for the intensely pastoral role I
would begin a few years later as a hospital chaplain.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">A new spiritual practice that developed
from that ‘coming out’ in 1989 was that I immediately began to dance – circle
dance with friends, then movement classes in <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skinner_Releasing_Technique" target="_blank">Skinner Releasing Technique</a>, and
later still contemporary dance classes at the Brighton Natural Health Centre on
my days off. This practice helped me to relate to my body – I seemed to have
spent so much of my life in my head avoiding the body – and alongside other
women. Occasionally there would be men in the class but more often the other participants
were women and I felt wholly at ease. Eventually my dance CV was extensive
enough to gain me an interview as a part-time research supervisor at the Laban
Centre of Contemporary Dance, but I was not appointed. This was in the late
1990s, by which time I knew that I needed to transition and that I might not be
able to work for the Church, but I am a priest and it seems I was not meant to
be anything else. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><b>How did knowledge of your transition go down with your parishioners? And what
about fellow priests and bishops? Did you meet any hostility or rejection? Is
that still going on sometimes?</b></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">In 1997, roughly seven years after the
‘coming out’, I was planning a long overdue sabbatical from the parishes, and given
my interest in dance, I assumed that I would be attending a dance academy, but
when I applied not one was able to take me during the months I was available.
Again, it was in the night that it came to me that I must use the sabbatical to
address various ‘unfinished business’, one of which was my gender identity. Just
prior to the sabbatical I took part in <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diane_Torr" target="_blank">Diane Torr</a>’s five day workshop ‘Gender
in Performance’ at the Chisenhale Dance Space in London’s East End, and I knew after
that that I did not want to be sometimes male and sometimes female – like Diane
who is a <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2012/10/women-who-crossdress.html" target="_blank">Drag King</a> – but that I needed to integrate my gender identity, though
how I would do that as a parish priest was not at all clear. </span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo by Christa Holka</td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-GB">I was not aware of any transgender role
models for clergy: the one clergy person who transitioned at this time did so
on retirement, nor did I think it was fair to the parishes where I worked to
land them with another coming out! They had been affirming in 1989 but I did
not want to impose ‘my stuff’ on them again; and in any case, after fifteen
years in post, I was ready for a move. In my annual ministerial reviews it
emerged that I ought to work part-time (in my mind to deal with the rigours of
transition), that I should work in a non-parochial role (to establish better
boundaries between work and home) and that, ideally, I should live in our own
home. This would happen in 2000 when I was appointed to a very part-time post
as a chaplain at a hospital ten minutes’ drive from our house.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">By this time I’d
been on hormones about six months, was living as a female, and working as an androgynous
male. Five months later, in November 2000, I met with my manager to raise the
possibility of transition at work, and was on the point of discussing this with
the acting bishop when the press began to track me down – I had been outed to a
journalist by another trans person who was also a Christian. (This seemed a
catastrophe at the time, but in retrospect it was a blessing as it would open up
many opportunities for me, but I was unaware of this then and it was all rather
terrifying.) </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">Although I was not named in the press at
that stage it made my discussions with the bishop extremely strained as there
were huge anxieties surrounding possible press exposure. I’d like to think that
the bishop might have been more understanding had we not been meeting in this
fraught context, but his opinion was that he could not support me and that I
should surrender my licence, which I needed to continue as a chaplain in that
particular hospital. This was one of the most painful episodes of my life, but
transgender people were not well understood at that date, and with the support
of the human rights organisation <a href="https://www.liberty-human-rights.org.uk/" target="_blank">Liberty</a>, I held my ground.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">I also began to look
for work elsewhere because it was apparent that, whatever the outcome, I was
not being supported and I didn’t feel safe. I was now presenting as female all
the time and had three job interviews in a row, and it was after the last one
that I was appointed to the hospital where I have worked for the past fifteen
years and from which I’ve just retired. My new bishop was cautious about my
status to begin with and I was under his direct supervision, but after three or
four years it was obvious to him that there had been no ‘issues’ and that I was
in my element as a chaplain – well of course, because I was now at last able to
be myself.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Prior to taking up my new post the press did try to ‘expose’ me but
my former hospital’s press officer was ready for that, and my story in my own
words was sent off to the Press Association to prevent the newspaper concerned
claiming an exclusive. Prior to transition at work I wrote to friends, former
parishioners, and the priest who had succeeded me in the parishes, explaining
what I was about to do. Most people were supportive.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><b>Do you know other transgender clerics? Perhaps even those of other faiths?
How do they get along?</b></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">In 2000, while I was working towards
transition, my clinician informed me that another priest was transitioning. He
could not tell me who it was of course. When the news broke in the media it
turned out to be <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carol_Stone" target="_blank">Carol Stone</a> with whom I had been at theological college. Carol
was supported by her bishop and her parishioners, remaining as parish priest
until her untimely death last year. Later I would meet the priest who
transitioned on retirement. I was next in line to transition after Carol.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">Some
of those who followed me were less fortunate. One was given an ultimatum – give
this up or resign: she chose to resign and is no longer in public ministry. Another
was told to withdraw from her parish until her transition was complete: it
would be a decade before she returned to ministry. Those who were ordained
after transition – I am aware of two such clergy and of others currently in
training – seem to have a better time. Another friend lost her public ministry
because of transition.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">My impression is that trans clergy and ordinands are
better supported now than when I transitioned although the Church of England
still lacks a policy for clergy who transition – something that I and other
Changing Attitude, England trustees have urged the Church to do.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">I have <a href="http://www.transepiscopal.org/" target="_blank">networked with trans clergy and laity</a> in the US </span>and attended the Episcopal Church’s General
Convention in Indianapolis in 2012 when three trans inclusive resolutions were
passed. Yes, I do know of trans clergy from other faith traditions – one of my
friends is a rabbi – not least through <a href="http://www.twilightpeople.com/the-project/" target="_blank">Twilight People: Stories of Faith and Gender Beyond the Binary</a>.<br />
<b><br /></b></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><b>I am sorry to nail you down to this, but I am curious about your interpretation
of some Biblical passages, which are sometimes used to justify
trans-exclusionary views. The first is obviously <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Deuteronomy+22%3A5&version=AKJV" target="_blank"><i>Deuteronomy</i> 22:5</a>. Can you let
us know what your thoughts are about that passage? (You might say that you are
now a woman, and I would agree with you, but other people, as you know, might
disagree, and say that you were born a male and therefore remain one).</b></span></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.</i></span></blockquote>
<span lang="EN-GB">The Deuteronomy verse troubled me a little
as a child but even then I realised that the New Covenant was more gracious
than the Old, and studying biblical criticism soon clarified that this verse
was not about twentieth century cross dressing. Indeed, the text begins with a
prohibition on women wearing men’s clothes, in particular armour, so it appears
to be about prescribing gender roles and avoiding a mixing of categories that
is completely broken down by the ministry of Jesus and the work of Christ. </span></div>
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<br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><b>And my second passage is <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+19%3A12&version=AKJV" target="_blank"><i>Matthew</i> 19:12</a>. What do you suppose Matthew was talking
about here when he was talking about "eunuchs"? Do you think he meant
intersex people when he talked about "people born eunuchs"? Can you
give us your interpretation of that passage? (As you know, some people
interpret scripture very literally, so I am trying hard to get a scholarly
viewpoint).</b></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span lang="EN-GB"><i>For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of </i>[by]<i> men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.</i></span></blockquote>
</div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">It’s a fascinating passage. Just as St Paul
thinks that it is better not to marry, because the end times have begun (<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+7%3A25-31&version=KJV" target="_blank">1<i>Corinthians</i> 7:25-31</a>), here Jesus seems to be saying that the arrival of the
kingdom means that some people (his apostles) are to be entirely focussed on its
concerns rather than procreation, marriage and family, which were strongly
emphasised under the Old Covenant, and, one could add, are once more in modern
Christianity. The early Christian
tradition too favoured virginity over marriage. </span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB">In this passage it seems likely that Jesus
was referring to those we would describe as intersex people, and also to the
eunuchs who played such an important mediating role in ancient societies, and who
do appear to have represented a third gender. I can relate to a theological essay
like Lewis Reay’s chapter ‘Towards a Transgender Theology: Que(e)rying the
Eunuchs’ in <i>Trans/formations </i>(SCM
2009) which regards the biblical eunuchs as our ‘transcestors’, but can also
appreciate the criticism that this could imply undue focus on surgery, and that
other biblical frameworks might be more appropriate – my current collaborator
Chris Dowd is working on this.</span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-GB">Like the virgins and infertile women of the Old
Testament, the eunuchs were ‘barren’ but God seems to choose these unlikely people
to demonstrate that God alone is the arbiter of fruitfulness, as Isaiah
prophesied (<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah+56&version=KJV" target="_blank"><i>Isaiah</i> 56</a>) and as the baptism of the Ethiopian eunuch in the <i>Acts
of the Apostles</i> (<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts+8%3A26-39&version=KJV" target="_blank"><i>Acts</i> 8:26-end</a>) illustrates.</span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><b> Are there any Biblical passages which you consider supportive to trans people?
I guess I am asking which are your personal favourites?</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-GB">I have learned of many such passages
from my friend Peterson Toscano, especially his show <a href="https://petersontoscano.com/portfolio/transfigurations/" target="_blank">Transfigurations –Transgressing Gender in the Bible</a> </span>and by reading some of the scholarship that
lies behind it. The gender variant people in the Bible he performs or refers to
in this show are the Judge Deborah (<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Judges+4-5&version=KJV" target="_blank"><i>Judges</i> 4 & 5)</a>, Joseph in the <i>Genesis</i> (<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=genesis+37&version=KJV" target="_blank">Chapters 37 </a>onward) narrative (whose supposedly colourful coat is probably ‘a princess
dress’), the eunuchs in the <i>Book of Esther</i>, the ‘man’ (though the Greek word
used is for <i>human being</i> rather than for a male) carrying the jar of water, a
woman’s role, (<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=mark+14%3A13&version=KJV" target="_blank"><i>Mark</i> 14:13</a>, <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+22%3A10&version=KJV" target="_blank"><i>Luke</i> 22:10</a>), and a female disciple interpreted in
the light of verses from the <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gospel_of_Thomas" target="_blank">Gospel of Thomas</a></i>.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQ8-HKN-0MEU5U92MiMPXJe8oz5I1c1t3OIEbSi4M3Yu3oUB0JFNyWfq41ZjTDqw1qkRyW48pJ7cuUCKG3MhjG019o1FBgXGt_rok5D5ehYSXvvP6vt9xqKh4yg_RXMxMF3vo3Cd2mwS8/s1600/Tina+with+headphones+at+Twilight+Exhibition.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQ8-HKN-0MEU5U92MiMPXJe8oz5I1c1t3OIEbSi4M3Yu3oUB0JFNyWfq41ZjTDqw1qkRyW48pJ7cuUCKG3MhjG019o1FBgXGt_rok5D5ehYSXvvP6vt9xqKh4yg_RXMxMF3vo3Cd2mwS8/s320/Tina+with+headphones+at+Twilight+Exhibition.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
In the Old Testament my
favourite passage is the Joseph narrative in <i>Genesis</i>, not least because there God
turns disaster into blessing, as God seemed to do for me following the
attempted outing during my transition. My New Testament favourite is <i>Galatians</i>
3:28:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>There is not Jew nor Greek, there is not slave nor free, there is not male
and female, for all of you are one in Christ Jesus</i></blockquote>
...and my favourite New
Testament book is the <i>Gospel of John</i> which is astonishing, powerful, utterly
beautiful, and yet profoundly earthed in first century culture, the Word made
flesh indeed. In this gospel Jesus sits at the well with the Samaritan woman,
and we observe his affection for the family at Bethany: Martha, Mary and their
brother Lazarus.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><b>What do you think about the Biblical role of women? It certainly seems to me that
the Bible seems to regard women as being subservient to men, and many female
figures (I am thinking about, say Eve, or Delilah, or Salome, or Jezebel, or
the Whore of Babylon) are depicted as temptresses, adulteresses, and moral
corruptors of men; while all the heroic figures (Moses, Abraham, David,
Solomon, Jesus, the Apostles) are all men. (Of course there are exceptions on
both sides).</b></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">The Bible could be read as highly
misogynist were we to focus on the women mentioned here, although feminist and
queer readings are questioning such interpretations by examining the way
editors and redactors have shaped the material. These readings highlight the
strength of biblical women, and let’s be clear, there are plenty of examples of
men – even those chosen by God – behaving badly!</span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-GB">I love the way it is now
common to name the matriarchs as well as the patriarchs: Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel
and Leah are constrained by patriarchal conventions but also subvert them. When
my chaplaincy role was based mainly in the women and children’s division, including
maternity, I thoroughly enjoyed reading Anita Diamant’s take on Jacob’s wives and
midwifery in her novel <i>The Red Tent</i>.
The early church’s emphasis on virginity has affected traditional
interpretations of Mother Mary and Mary Magdalen but there are plenty of
feminist readings of both, and I loved Carlo Caretto’s <i>Blessed are you who believed </i>(Burns & Oates 1982) which locates
Mother Mary in her middle eastern setting, and the deconstructive reflections
and poetry of Nicola Slee’s <i>The Book of Mary</i> (SPCK 2007). </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-GB"><b>Can you talk more about the Sibyls? Are they an international organisation?
What other organisations exist which are supportive of transgender Christians?</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-GB"><a href="http://sibyls.gndr.org.uk/" target="_blank">Sibyls</a>, Christian Spirituality for
transgender people, is a UK organisation, but it has had members from further
afield, including as far away as Hong Kong.</span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">It was founded as a support network by Jay
Walmsley in 1996, at a time when trans people were being turned away from their
churches if they came out or transitioned. Churches are much more inclusive
today, but in those days Holy Communion was celebrated at every meeting as
people were being denied this sacrament in their own churches then. Sibyls has always held meetings in both the
north and the south of England (and in Wales) and the pattern has been two
retreat weekends a year, plus social gatherings. People talk to one another on
the retreats – conversations with other transgender Christians being vitally important
– and there are prayer times morning and evening, free time, and a film or
home-made entertainment (the latter was usual in the past, and intended to help
people gain self-confidence). There is now a London meeting every two months,
which begins with Evening Prayer at St Anne’s, Soho, and then members go out
dinner together. Sibyls’ members are involved in educating the churches about
transgender people through workshops, research, speaking engagements and
writing. </span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjraCYqyFXsilXaGhLr_-KVysYIzna2nqnY6YRFukbQr4SpRepe6GgXjmojZ85-dubuXu0YTa3ujVsgGG5n0M0IdDRcYoqaxnlp8e_7tl8hz4MAjsZGK-JvLppPj909nN49zvBMjEJWAkc/s1600/TinaChristaHolka+reduced.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjraCYqyFXsilXaGhLr_-KVysYIzna2nqnY6YRFukbQr4SpRepe6GgXjmojZ85-dubuXu0YTa3ujVsgGG5n0M0IdDRcYoqaxnlp8e_7tl8hz4MAjsZGK-JvLppPj909nN49zvBMjEJWAkc/s320/TinaChristaHolka+reduced.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo by Christa Holka</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span lang="EN-GB">The Sibyls is the main organisation for transgender Christians, but LGBTI Christian organisations like Changing Attitude, England (which had three trans trustees at one point) and the Lesbian & Gay Christian Movement (LGCM), whose former CEO identified as genderqueer, (these two organisations are about to merge) are supportive of gender variant people and campaign on their behalf, as does the LGBTI Anglican Mission, Inclusive Church, Accepting Evangelicals, Diverse Church (aimed at younger people) and others beside.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-GB"><b>What is your relationship status currently?</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-GB">I was married in 2006, following Gender
Recognition and the issue of an amended birth certificate thanks to the passing
of the UK Gender Recognition Act 2004.</span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span>
<b>Your husband presumably fell in love with you when he thought you were a gay man. How did he handle you becoming a woman?</b><br />
<br />
Well, as I've said in the narrative I never fully saw myself as a gay man - gay yes but not really male and on reflection Rob has said that he can see now that I always was a woman looking back, for example, at the times that we were n holiday, sitting each side of a table, and irrespective of how we may have been perceived by others.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-GB"><b>Which famous person would you most like to meet, and why?</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-GB">A fun question and one I rarely get chance
to think about. Recently, though, I was sad to discover that my dance heroine,
<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gabrielle_Roth" target="_blank">Gabrielle Roth</a>, had died five years ago and that I had left it too late to try to visit her in New York. The Five Rhythms practice she developed has been important for me and I would have loved to have heard about it directly from her rather than from her books and videos though her ‘voice’ is strong in both.
I’m a big fan of the BBC television programme <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Call_the_Midwife" target="_blank">Call the Midwife</a></i>,<i> </i>and as a chaplain have tended to see my better self as the rather wonderful sister superior, Sister Julienne, while knowing deep down that I am probably more like the ancient Sister Monica Joan, who is sadly teetering on the brink of dementia, but remains profound and wise, and is always raiding the biscuit tin.
Tea with the two actresses who play these characters – <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jenny_Agutter" target="_blank">Jenny Agutter</a> and <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judy_Parfitt" target="_blank">Judy Parfitt</a> – would be lovely!</span><br />
<br />
<b>May I ask one last question? What advice would you personally give to people who feel a powerful conflict between what they feel their gender to be, and what their religion teaches them?</b><br />
<br />
That's a big question in that it could cover so many varied experiences and, as I said in another interview, I'm not supposed to give advice, but since you ask ... I think it's wonderful that we have the internet which we didn't when I was exploring these things, so, researching via the internet, reading books on the subject and networking with other gender variant people of faith would be my initial advice.<br />
<br />
===<br />
<br />
With all my interviews, I like to reflect on a few points. Clearly there is a lot to talk about, and since this article is already very long, I might save some of it for the next time.<br />
<br />
First, this interview only reinforces my idea that transgender people are <i>everywhere</i>: in every walk of life. You need only look, and there they are; and in fact, as has often happened before when I talk to someone, I realise that not only are there transgender Christians (including some in ministry and the religious life), there are a lot more of them, being a lot more active, than I had previously thought!<br />
<br />
It doesn't surprise me that transgender clerics exist: Jesus chose only male apostles (which has long been used as justification for keeping women out of ministry). But a lot of Jesus' behaviour is what we might associate with femininity: nurturing, avoiding conflict, kindness to the sick, the elderly and children. Therefore men who (like me) relate strongly to that aspect of Jesus' work might easily possess a strong feminine side.<br />
<br />
I had hoped that Tina might provide some resources to those of you who might be struggling with a conflict between what your own heart tells you is your gender, and what your religion tells you is your gender. And I am delighted that she has provided several resources to consider. As someone who has been a priest for many years, she clearly has reliable credentials to draw upon. If you are questioning, or worried, or ashamed, or guilty, it's clear that you are not alone; others have walked the same path, and there is plenty out there to inform, support and guide you.<br />
<br />
In terms of what <i>Deuteronomy</i> forbids and permits, I must say I don't put much store in any of that. The same chapter describes that you must build a parapet on your roof in case someone falls off it; that you must not plough your field with a donkey and an ox together; that you must not wear a garment woven of two different fibres (such as wool and linen); and that you must make tassels for the four corners of the cloak you cover yourself with.<br />
<br />
Many of the old Testament books contain prohibitions against all kinds of things. It makes sense (to me) to advise people to build a parapet on the roof to stop somebody falling off. It makes sense if you see one of your brother's sheep straying, for you to bring it back if he is not around. It doesn't make sense (to me, at least), to prohibit wearing of garments made of two or more fibres (this practice is in any case nearly ubiquitous these days). <i>Deuteronomy</i> 21:15 warns of the scenario where a man has two wives, one loved and the other unloved: a man must treat his first-born son with honour, even if he is born to the unloved wife. Bigamy is illegal in the Western world, though <i>Deuteronomy</i> talks about it as if it's not unusual. So Deuteronomy discusses activities which are now illegal on the one hand, and near-ubiquitous on the other (for a humorous and powerful discussion along these lines, take a look <a href="http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/drlaura.asp" target="_blank">here</a>). Therefore I cannot use it, in isolation, as any sort of useful rulebook to live by.<br />
<br />
The wonderful BBC programme <i><a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00xtky9" target="_blank">The Why Factor</a></i> has an episode <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p01mxt88" target="_blank">devoted to cross-dressing</a>. The presenter, Mike Williams, talks to consultant psychiatrist Dr. James Barrett, from London. Barrett points out that this is evidence that cross-dressing probably happened even in Old Testament times: why bother to prohibit something if nobody is doing it anyway?<br />
<br />
To those who would argue that being transgender is inherently wrong or sinful, I would point to Tina, who has shown that one can be transgender and live a life in Christian ministry at the same time.<br />
<br />
I hope that this article provokes more conversation on the topic of transgenderism and religion. Comments from other faiths apart from Christianity are especially welcome (though I propose to talk further about other faiths in a future article).<br />
<br />
My thanks to Tina, for taking time to answer my questions so fully, and for providing the photos which I have used to illustrate this article.<br />
<br />
===<br />
<br />
Tina is co-editor, with her long-time
collaborator, Michelle O’Brien, of ‘the Sibyls’ book’ <i><a href="http://dltbooks.com/titles/2168-9780232532067-this-is-my-body" target="_blank">This is My Body: hearing the theology of transgender Christians</a>. </i>She also wrote, <i>The Transsexual Person is My Neighbour: Pastoral Guidelines for Clergy,
Ministers and Congregations</i>, to which Michelle contributed an Appendix on
Intersex people. Published by the Gender Trust, it is now out of print but is
available online <a href="http://sibyls.gndr.org.uk/documents/SuA0110c%20The%20Transexual%20Person%20is%20my%20Neighbour%202007.pdf" target="_blank">here</a> or <a href="http://changingattitude.org.uk/resources/publications/the-transsexual-person-is-my-neighbour" target="_blank">here</a> or <a href="http://www.lgbtianglican.org.uk/2011/01/10/the-transsexual-is-my-neighbour-pastoral-guidelines/" target="_blank">here</a>. Tina is now working with Chris Dowd on a
<a href="http://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/transgendered-pastoral-care-manual" target="_blank">transgender pastoral care manual</a>, which is due for publication in 2018 by Darton,
Longman & Todd, and is based on <a href="http://etheses.bham.ac.uk/5936/1/Dowd15ThD.pdf" target="_blank">Chris’s research into transpeople’s spirituality</a>.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Tina is sole author of a biography of a
notable Victorian preacher, <i>Unutterable
Love: the Passionate Life and Preaching of FW Robertson</i> (Lutterworth 2009).
Robertson was preoccupied, both personally and theologically, with the
relations between the sexes, or as we would describe it today, ‘gender’. <a href="http://www.lutterworth.com/product_info.php/cPath/21_40/products_id/1354" target="_blank">Follow this link</a> for the book’s contents and free access to its Preface, Introduction
and the 2<sup>nd</sup> Chapter.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB">Tina has also blogged for some time about
transgender people and faith <a href="http://changingattitude.org.uk/category/blogs/christina-beardsley" target="_blank">here</a>. You can also read her interview with the Cambridge Festival of Ideas <a href="http://www.festivalofideas.cam.ac.uk/speaker-spotlight-reverend-dr-christina-beardsley" target="_blank">here</a>.</span></div>
</div>
Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-26079679840585027702016-11-27T19:39:00.001+13:002016-12-01T08:55:19.388+13:00If I Was Your GirlI was browsing in an airport bookshop lately, and noticed the cover of this book, <i>If I Was Your Girl</i>, by Meredith Russo. The book was displayed reasonably prominently, and was featured as part of the <a href="https://www.whsmith.co.uk/dept/zoella-book-club-2016" target="_blank">Zoella book club</a>, as a work of fiction for young adults (which is what they are calling teenagers these days, apparently).<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijzu9PywfZH_Gep-SjhrVqoBPxmr-UdBw8WBoPaBgw_5v97D2c7BYUcWz6VYLQRBAr9pCYQ4T7Vfm077Ya-l2vYl2GjYv4yuiPfzT0uPZn7PXGf0Zmj3cVd_wtv65YiFmcTzwDFGpI6tU/s1600/9781474923835.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijzu9PywfZH_Gep-SjhrVqoBPxmr-UdBw8WBoPaBgw_5v97D2c7BYUcWz6VYLQRBAr9pCYQ4T7Vfm077Ya-l2vYl2GjYv4yuiPfzT0uPZn7PXGf0Zmj3cVd_wtv65YiFmcTzwDFGpI6tU/s320/9781474923835.jpg" width="207" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If I <i>were</i> your girl: <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subjunctive_mood" target="_blank">subjunctive</a>, people!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Normally I wouldn't be too interested in fiction for young adults. When I was a young adult myself, I just read fiction for adults. My sister used to read books by <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judy_Blume" target="_blank">Judy Blume</a>, and she would usually show me the juicy parts. These astonished me in two ways. They astonished me because these were books marketed at teenagers, containing detailed descriptions of sexual activity that would likely cause many parents (including ours) to have conniptions. Second, they astonished me because they were depicting a world where teenagers seemed to have no trouble having sex; <i>lots</i> of sex. This seemed like a glimpse into some alien world. As a teenager who was having real trouble finding someone willing even to snog me, reading the books made me feel envious and uncomfortable.<br />
<br />
Now that I am an adult, I don't see any reason to read young adult fiction at all. Unless it seems to feature the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender_flags" target="_blank">transgender flag</a> on the cover, which is what drew my eye.<br />
<br />
Naturally I bought it, and read it on the flight, all the way through. And now I thought I would write a review of it.<br />
<br />
The book centres around the life of Amanda, an 18-yr old girl in her final year of high school. She joins a new school, and falls in love with Grant, a football player. The hook (at least from a transgender point of view) is that Amanda used to be Andrew. Their relationship goes through some ups and downs, before the big reveal, and the aftermath.<br />
<br />
I read to the end of the book before I realised that the author herself, <a href="http://www.meredithrusso.com/" target="_blank">Meredith Russo</a>, is a transwoman. She even includes a page of comments for cisgendered readers, as well as another page of comments for transgendered readers. She explains some of the fictional devices she required to use to make the story work. One obvious one is that nobody ever doubts or guesses Amanda's trans nature, because she is already "fully formed": post-surgery, post-hormones, and with a completely realistic face and body. Russo admits this is pretty unrealistic, and I am pleased that she did; for me it was one of the most difficult parts of the story to accept.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij1c8ie1_gqW_mUV5qpFrxnnqajAsGnz7oZ7w37hAA0gJF5S5OljTMtHWwOcg0TpKYUjtCc9r7MMVpM36NkeKcFWPaH_U4nLUYUGy6n49H6p9SE3qHfZIvKnDQzhPwgYQdUIrTwBIvlgc/s1600/Meredith-Russo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij1c8ie1_gqW_mUV5qpFrxnnqajAsGnz7oZ7w37hAA0gJF5S5OljTMtHWwOcg0TpKYUjtCc9r7MMVpM36NkeKcFWPaH_U4nLUYUGy6n49H6p9SE3qHfZIvKnDQzhPwgYQdUIrTwBIvlgc/s320/Meredith-Russo.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Meredith Russo</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Russo was raised in Tennessee, and sets the story in a district she is familiar with. I can't help associating that region of the southern United States with God-fearin', gun-totin', Republican-votin' good-ole-boys. To be a transgender child growing up in that environment would be, no doubt, exceptionally difficult, lonely and painful. Amanda, our protagonist, is exposed to a series of very unpleasant events: parental rejection, violent beatings at school (where she is considered to be gay by the other students), and a failed suicide attempt. These events are described starkly (in a series of flashbacks), and the writing is powerful. I dare say they will resonate with young adults who feel different (for any reason), isolated and desperate. Even I got a few pangs.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I brought my wrist up to my chest and looked down. The identification bracelet said my name was Andrew Hardy. If I died, I realized, Andrew would be the name they would put on my tombstone. I thought of the words I wrote down for the counsellor: <i>I should have been a girl.</i></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
Amanda begins to settle into her new school, and begins to make friends. She is pleased and gratified to find that she is accepted, though this pleasure is tempered with the knowledge that, if the truth of her background were known, she would surely be rejected.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
The cicadas buzzed persistently in the growing dusk. I had read once that they lived underground for most of their lives, only emerging as adults to live out their final days. Was that going to be me? Was I going to live underground for the better part of my life, never coming out into the world? (...) I wondered if joy could ever be felt by itself without being tainted with fear and confusion, or if some level of misery was a universal constant, like the speed of light.</blockquote>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD8ZXW0Y0lb46ONuE-yTxA3wClQKpINPYeskY_MXvaD5dJJklBUH9qimPmFoNj3il-gxo9H4OWUwsBDyg_We7UHs_na47dg4ghlAKEGrd5csxoc-I-0Bv_T8Xp85B5VAhz4zVjL3aCqnM/s1600/If-I-Was-Your-Girl-by-Meredith-Russo.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD8ZXW0Y0lb46ONuE-yTxA3wClQKpINPYeskY_MXvaD5dJJklBUH9qimPmFoNj3il-gxo9H4OWUwsBDyg_We7UHs_na47dg4ghlAKEGrd5csxoc-I-0Bv_T8Xp85B5VAhz4zVjL3aCqnM/s320/If-I-Was-Your-Girl-by-Meredith-Russo.jpeg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Trans model <a href="http://wwd.com/fashion-news/fashion-features/model-kira-conley-360-management-10189423/" target="_blank">Kira Conley</a> on the US cover</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The parts of the story with which I found most resonance are where Amanda discovers her trans identity, and meets other trans people for the first time. She is mentored in her early journey by Virginia, who introduces her to members of her local transgender support group.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
A woman with broad shoulders and a faint shadow of a beard under her make-up entered next. She looked strong and stout, but the longer I looked, the more I saw the beauty in her--here a light step, here a brief touch of the hair, here a wide, open smile. Boone said, "Evening, Rhonda," to greet her.</blockquote>
This resonates with me because of my preoccupation with how people see Vivienne. Since I started my journey, I have come out to a couple of dozen people, and they have all been complimentary about my appearance, even the ones who met Vivienne face to face. But did they have to make an effort to see past the man in the dress to <i>really</i> see Vivienne? And how much of an effort did they make?<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I looked Virginia up and down and saw two separate people. One was the beautiful, statuesque angel who had been there to guide me through some of the hardest steps of my transition. The other was a woman with a jaw just a little too strong, forehead just a little too high, shoulders just a little too wide, and hands just a little too big.</blockquote>
Without giving the story away, Amanda begins to find fulfilment and happiness in her new life. Her relationship with her parents improves. She realises other students have their secrets too: one girl takes drugs; another is a lesbian. For me, Amanda's parents and schoolmates are somewhat simple and one-dimensional. Grant, the love interest, is more interesting, though again he is cast as someone who is all goodness: good-looking, pleasant, sensitive, humble, hard-working, popular, kind to his family. The most interestingly subtle character (Amanda aside) is the villain, Parker, another student, whose complex feelings and motives are explored.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
His shadow stretched out past mine. I remembered Mom telling me how frightening men were, all men really, how helpless it often felt to be a woman among men, and for the first time I understood what she meant.</blockquote>
The romantic aspects of the plot are well-drawn: the breathless first kiss, and other faltering steps as the relationship between Grant and Amanda begins to play out. I am relieved beyond measure to report that Judy Blume's intimate depictions are largely absent. Though the book doesn't insult its readers by pretending everyone is a virgin when they leave high school, the sexual content is handled deftly and with subtlety, just as (in my opinion) it ought to be.<br />
<br />
So in summary, what can I say about the book? I cannot judge it as a piece of young adult fiction, since I have so little knowledge of that genre with which to compare it. I have a friend who writes romantic fiction for a living, and she tells me there is a remarkably strict pattern that her books are expected to follow. I hope the same is not true of young adult fiction, but I wouldn't be surprised (only disappointed) to find that there is. Overall, I think the story is compelling enough, and readable enough (certainly I didn't get bored or struggle to finish it). I think some of the characters are a bit flat. I think that the story of Amanda's life is told with enough sympathy and emotional resonance that transgendered readers (like me) will find much to resonate with, and there is a reasonably positive ending to look forward to.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHDxqCsZ3PN-r-uWInc9iJc5TRqLiOk9RWwSWWVkOlxjFY_Xlw-2kNyCadjb2h2m4AYmi_VBt02ABsBXuy6890gZaNfO_t5U6JrBhq_kyA1fxsqMCHelEIMatLzT-i3Z9PiGa_vCHc8Js/s1600/Luna_novel_hardback_cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHDxqCsZ3PN-r-uWInc9iJc5TRqLiOk9RWwSWWVkOlxjFY_Xlw-2kNyCadjb2h2m4AYmi_VBt02ABsBXuy6890gZaNfO_t5U6JrBhq_kyA1fxsqMCHelEIMatLzT-i3Z9PiGa_vCHc8Js/s320/Luna_novel_hardback_cover.jpg" width="211" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Blazing the trail: <i>Luna</i> in 2004</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Russo clearly hopes that cisgendered young adults will also read the book and come away with more awareness and more sympathy towards transgendered people (of all ages). And it's this, I think, which holds the book back slightly for me. It just has a hint of being slightly contrived for this purpose; as if Amanda's relationship with Grant is shown to be completely pure and perfect to show just how much of a real girl Amanda actually is.<br />
<br />
Nonetheless, Russo deserves encouragement. I think this book represents one more snowflake in the blizzard of transgender-related material in the popular media, to which we are now exposed, and it can only do us good to get more exposure, more sympathy and more conversations started. This is <a href="http://www.timesfreepress.com/news/life/entertainment/story/2015/jan/27/going-girl-local-transgender-woman-lands-100000-book-deal/284681/" target="_blank">Russo's first book</a>, and I hope she writes many more. I also hope that she isn't the "token trans writer" when young adult fiction is considered.<br />
<br />
And there are very few other similar books out there. One which Russo mentions is <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luna_(Peters_novel)" target="_blank">Luna</a></i>, by Julie Anne Peters. Another is a book which I have <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2011/11/school-days.html" target="_blank">touched on before</a> on this blog, <i>Boy2Girl</i> by Terence Blacker. To my knowledge, neither Peters nor Blacker are transgendered, and both have had success with many other books; therefore they are not as brave as Russo. They can afford to experiment with new themes, while Russo has put all her chips on this debut novel. Thankfully it seems to have gone down very well, and it has favourable reviews on <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26156987-if-i-was-your-girl" target="_blank">GoodReads</a> and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/If-I-Was-Your-Girl/dp/1250078407" target="_blank">Amazon</a>, but the Guardian reviewer (like me) <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/childrens-books-site/2016/jun/19/if-i-was-your-girl-meredith-russo-review" target="_blank">had some reservations</a>.<br />
<br />
I haven't read <i>Luna</i>, but I will order it and let you know my thoughts in due course. Meanwhile, I recommend that you get hold of <i>If I Was Your Girl</i> and give it a read. Or perhaps wave it under the nose of a nearby young adult for their comments. And yours, of course, are always welcome below.Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-20646113429608772892016-11-03T04:32:00.000+13:002016-11-03T04:32:15.754+13:00The End of DaysThis is a post which I have been dreading to write for a very long time: the one where I talk about the end of my marriage.<br />
<br />
Despite my very best efforts, my marriage has ended. And the ultimate reason is my cross-dressing. I guess by posting this I can both help myself to go through the necessary grieving process, and also help other people out there who might be contemplating similar problems.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSlJYFyoPwVn4JlX54wdGbx0nb7H7MfZvz-iJFUwUMul4vIsWchiAzCQhedjqp8BakTUuxsaXFOej0aQuqiw585tri_ek0v6ns0XYGGBSe78oXVtPateZ_SdEo5VT1b8ELcuvNA4QZgeM/s1600/Plane+Crash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="258" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSlJYFyoPwVn4JlX54wdGbx0nb7H7MfZvz-iJFUwUMul4vIsWchiAzCQhedjqp8BakTUuxsaXFOej0aQuqiw585tri_ek0v6ns0XYGGBSe78oXVtPateZ_SdEo5VT1b8ELcuvNA4QZgeM/s320/Plane+Crash.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What it feels like when your marriage is ending</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
My wife and I met in continental Europe in the early nineties. I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She was living in another country, and spoke several languages. She was artistic and adventurous, where I was scholarly and conventional. We were both students at the time, and we were both seeing someone else. But there was definite chemistry. In the days before the Internet, we wrote long letters to one another. By a series of very unlikely steps, we saw each other again. I graduated, took a job, and in my first holiday, I went to visit her. By this time, she was living in the US, and we were both single.<br />
<br />
I persuaded her to come to the UK, which she did, and we immediately moved in together. We married in the late nineties. My family adored her. My uncle (an academic) praised how clever she was. My grandfather said she was the most beautiful bride to walk down the aisle of our local church. Many people have, over many years, complimented me on how lucky I was to be married to someone like her.<br />
<br />
I <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2012/01/pinnacles-of-masculinity.html" target="_blank">knew all along</a>, of course, that my gender was not completely congruent with my apparent identity. I have known this ever since I can remember. I can remember wanting a pink blanket in kindergarten and being told I had to have a blue one. But I did not tell my wife any of these things.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDZVtfNcWKOGrVXimc_Jo6vkmVR_a9V7JvOoRTYK2lLXT6qI77qPlDyk0tqkfI-76gL32o3xO5-DUA1ytAEM9jzRND7cp-2qYhwbrmp74fuY29puITXeW38oqDzYXraAicqhybTErzQUI/s1600/T0CNKnQB_400x400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDZVtfNcWKOGrVXimc_Jo6vkmVR_a9V7JvOoRTYK2lLXT6qI77qPlDyk0tqkfI-76gL32o3xO5-DUA1ytAEM9jzRND7cp-2qYhwbrmp74fuY29puITXeW38oqDzYXraAicqhybTErzQUI/s320/T0CNKnQB_400x400.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Grotesque: Corporal Klinger</td></tr>
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<br />
Partly I did not tell her because of <em>shame</em>: I was in my mid-twenties, and I knew next to nothing about my gender. Wherever I looked, crossdressers were figures of scorn, of ridicule. They seemed grotesque, repulsive. A great example would be <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_M*A*S*H_characters#Maxwell_Klinger" target="_blank">Corporal Klinger</a>, the MASH character who is trying to convince everyone he is crazy by dressing as a woman, so they will throw him out of the Army (har-har, what a wheeze). My internal identity was completely different to that. She already had a name in my mind. I pictured Vivienne as being like a wild animal, trapped and roaring in an unbreakable cage. Although I didn't quite know who Vivienne was, I knew that she and Klinger had <em>nothing</em> in common.<br />
<br />
The other reason I didn't tell my wife was that I believed that being married to her would cure me. My trans feelings largely disappeared when I was with her, and I believed that I could choose to put crossdressing aside permanently. ("<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1_Corinthians_13" target="_blank">When I became a man, I put away childish things</a>"). This was (I now realise) a very naïve belief, but nonetheless a fervent one. I was trying <em>very hard not to be trans</em>.<br />
<br />
Of course it didn't last. About three years into the marriage, I broke down in tears, and told her my secret: that sometimes I like to dress in women's clothing. She was utterly shocked and horrified. That was the inflection point, the point which marked the start of the downward slope which has led to the end of the marriage.<br />
<br />
At first things didn't really change. I purged. That didn't last. In all fairness, my wife tried to have a look at crossdressing, and see what it's about. One time we even went to a transvestite ball (I was in male mode) and she spoke to the other people to hear their stories. She was fascinated, sympathetic, charming. She made a very powerful impression on the people there. But as we came out, it was as if the door slammed. We got in the car to drive home. She didn't want to talk about it; didn't want to acknowledge it. Sitting in the darkness, I realised that she was probably shocked, digesting the implications of all of this. But she would come around. In a few days, we would be able to talk about it. But we never have; not one word from that day to this.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnR9L05fhuquow5NMa2B-U1dX50KblGADaSdN-XrUWobcVDhlCagg5Yaj60ABWVWNvjVthiqS3pIzsweaogToA3wcRS4TJYvjE3xj90SM2bRsMKXHHEPQX6La1-CdNvLrPxQZDEGQnKOg/s1600/shhh.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="175" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnR9L05fhuquow5NMa2B-U1dX50KblGADaSdN-XrUWobcVDhlCagg5Yaj60ABWVWNvjVthiqS3pIzsweaogToA3wcRS4TJYvjE3xj90SM2bRsMKXHHEPQX6La1-CdNvLrPxQZDEGQnKOg/s320/shhh.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Never mentioned: crossdressing</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
And then there was the Dolly incident. My wife went to Manchester with her friend for a girly weekend. Unknown to them, their hotel was hosting an extravagant transvestite event in the ballroom. It was big, brash, loud and undeniable. My wife and her friend, both very attractive women, were cajoled to join the fun, and they did: laughing and dancing the night away with glamorous trannies. The following day, they got talking at breakfast to a few of them, and my wife said she was amazed by how normal they seemed: ordinary, pleasant guys. One of them, "Dolly", gave my wife his website details. She checked his website a day or so after coming home (without telling me) and was horrified to see pictures of him pouting in lingerie with his penis on display.<br />
<br />
This one individual didn't intend to harm me, but did so very severely. What was he thinking? That she would be aroused? That she would think it was cool? Instead, she formed the very solid (and hard to dislodge) impression, that crossdressers, even the nice ones, even the "normal" ones, are not just after glamorous frocks, drinking and dancing, but are perverts behind closed doors. Thanks, Dolly.<br />
<br />
It took me a while to realise how my wife has the ability to <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compartmentalization_(psychology)" target="_blank">compartmentalise</a> things in her life. It is as if she can take the idea of Vivienne, and all the trappings, all the accoutrements, and put them in a box, which is never acknowledged, never opened.<br />
<br />
My wife came from a non-Western culture, where the behaviour of both men and women is rigidly proscribed. Even though she has lived in the West for decades, there are certain things which, to her, were not negotiable, and one of those things was that her husband mustn't wear a frock. It was even OK for other people to do that, as long as it wasn't <em>her</em> husband. She expected an alpha-male: indestructible, unshakeable, always in control. Never uncertain. Never vulnerable. Never tearful. Such a man would make her feel safe. That seems not wholly unreasonable, but there are two problems with it. The first is that I am not that man. I am not him today, and I have <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2016/08/the-man-from-venus.html" target="_blank">never been him</a>. The second problem is that such a man doesn't actually exist.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXfY_v5tKqWodgm-hisTZW01sj4mNVSmLCpJvJNRr1DjUh_8181XCWl0WpFIqo6bDE8fJcLFOS5edlzIcXqb5P3B6asuqXIVdecSSx_u-V4VG9PiCN7E4Xr5Rm2HcVrwa8ia_tbTwVe5g/s1600/Fotolia_40329063_Subscription_Monthly_M-1038x1200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXfY_v5tKqWodgm-hisTZW01sj4mNVSmLCpJvJNRr1DjUh_8181XCWl0WpFIqo6bDE8fJcLFOS5edlzIcXqb5P3B6asuqXIVdecSSx_u-V4VG9PiCN7E4Xr5Rm2HcVrwa8ia_tbTwVe5g/s320/Fotolia_40329063_Subscription_Monthly_M-1038x1200.jpg" width="276" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Trapped: Vivienne</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
So she put Vivienne into that box, sealed the lid tightly, and pretended that Vivienne didn't exist. But it seemed that the harder my wife tried to suppress Vivienne, the harder Vivienne demanded to be expressed, to be heard, to be acknowledged. I searched for ways to explore Vivienne's identity without threatening my marriage. I joined the <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2012/10/the-beaumont-society.html" target="_blank">Beaumont Society</a>, in the hope of opening a dialogue with like-minded people, but (as I say in my article) that didn't help much. I explored dressing, and had one or two <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2012/03/makeover.html" target="_blank">makeovers</a>. Eventually I started this blog.<br />
<br />
What I wanted, most of all (and still do, I suppose) was simply <em>acceptance</em>. I wanted to be able to express this tender, vulnerable side of myself to the person who mattered most to me in the world. Vivienne <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2016/08/the-man-from-venus.html" target="_blank">wasn't just about the clothing;</a> she was about the roles and expectations placed upon me because I happened to be born a boy. I wanted to have conversations with my wife about it, not strangers on the Internet. I wanted to dress at home, not in makeover shops in other cities. I wanted to be accepted for who I <em>am</em>, not for who she (and in fairness, everyone else during my upbringing) told me I <em>ought</em> to be. <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2012/07/wants-and-needs.html" target="_blank">I wanted to enjoy being myself</a>, being whole.<br />
<br />
Instead, she insisted that this side of me was disgusting, unbearable. It must never be spoken of, never acknowledged, never accepted, never tolerated. But gradually that disgust, that poison, began to leak out of the box. It began to be aimed at aspects of me which were not associated with Vivienne. My wife began to gradually shut me out, to express John Gottman's <a href="http://relationshipresourcecenter.com/articles-concerning-relationships/relationship-articles/the-four-horsemen-of-the-apocalypse/" target="_blank">Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse</a>: the evocative name he gave to the behaviours which start to appear when the death-knell of a relationship is ringing loud and clear. We were four for four. And it was utter agony for me.<br />
<br />
It didn't matter that I put rigid boundaries around my dressing. Four episodes a year, or less, and always, <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2012/03/privacy-secrecy-and-crossdressing.html" target="_blank">always in complete secrecy</a>. We could not go shopping to a department store without her fearing that I was looking at the female mannequins and picturing myself in their clothing. She came to view Vivienne as <em>the other woman</em>, the one who came first in my affections.<br />
<br />
It didn't matter that the other aspects of our lives were good: I had a good job and provided a good standard of living; we lived in a lovely house and had lovely kids and lovely friends. I didn't have any other obnoxious habits: gambling, drinking, drugs. That was all outweighed by the fact that I was not the alpha male that she thought she married.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc-t2QI_24OPaqapOnz4EGHHnuZiTWSY2BQLYJEI7L2UB3W8k5xVDgT0IRhIruk5Qnn1xgYbQ8NWjm2MsQt5U6hx6RPx1XWYbSymCQG_uCqt7qv_U6gtodPaUwlBljR3BbceTRSuEb10I/s1600/fear1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc-t2QI_24OPaqapOnz4EGHHnuZiTWSY2BQLYJEI7L2UB3W8k5xVDgT0IRhIruk5Qnn1xgYbQ8NWjm2MsQt5U6hx6RPx1XWYbSymCQG_uCqt7qv_U6gtodPaUwlBljR3BbceTRSuEb10I/s320/fear1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Corrosive to relationships: fear</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I see now that she was motivated by <em>fear.</em> Fear that I was going to start having sex with men. For the record, this was never my plan, and still isn't. Fear that I was going to start taking hormones and having surgery. Again, this was never the plan, and it still isn't. Fear that I was going to completely come out, and start showing up at the school parents' evening in a skirt and heels, where I would be a figure of contempt and ridicule (no matter how polite they might be to my face), and a cause for the kids to be mocked or bullied. Fear that other people would look down upon <u>her</u>: <em>what on Earth possessed you to marry that freak</em>?<br />
<br />
The antidote to fear is communication, and this was another sticking point: she just would not communicate. The prospect, the existence of Vivienne, was so terrifying, so repugnant to her, that she could not have an ordinary conversation about it. I would talk, and she would not listen. I would listen, and she would not talk. It wasn't just that she didn't talk to me. She didn't talk to <em>anyone</em>: didn't confide in a close friend. Her fears were grinding around inside her, destroying her on the inside. On the outside, she began to shun me openly. The intimacy dried up years ago. To describe what happened, I can't do better than the words of Yoda:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"<strong>Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering</strong>".</blockquote>
But we still pretended, to the outside world, that everything was fine. For myself, I did everything I possibly could to keep the show on the road. I moved us here to New Zealand. But coming here permanently, we brought Vivienne, and all the other problems, right along with us.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCk87osfOI7z5BZn4lIxKvfojawDt3NuBELbju9WhtJTHj-xSU2f4LvcZKdjjvWsdczil6EIOo60xV_QyYhm2a3sWnbWw_6lXFIx6EGez1snua9XKQa9P9Kye-iBTF0xF0QewAty6sahw/s1600/IMG_3604+tweaked.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCk87osfOI7z5BZn4lIxKvfojawDt3NuBELbju9WhtJTHj-xSU2f4LvcZKdjjvWsdczil6EIOo60xV_QyYhm2a3sWnbWw_6lXFIx6EGez1snua9XKQa9P9Kye-iBTF0xF0QewAty6sahw/s320/IMG_3604+tweaked.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fabulous but unworn: shoes</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
In among all the agony were glimpses of hope. Just occasionally, she would buy me girly gifts, such as this pair of fabulous wedge heels. As soon as I opened the box, I was excited and I wanted to try them on. But the look of disgust on her face, as I did so, made me instantly take them off, and I have never worn them since. I think she was really trying to make it work. But in one sense, these glimpses of hope (she bought me the shoes; she must hope I liked them) were actually <em>worse</em> than nothing at all, because the false hope, and the let-down afterward, were especially difficult to bear.<br />
<br />
I started to take antidepressants. They were not a solution, but they helped me cope with the daily grinding agony of my life. I am still on them. And I took us to counselling. <em>Good</em> counselling, with a highly-recommended professional psychologist, who saw us for two years, together and separately. But even with his help, we were unable to negotiate, to compromise. My intake of alcohol and comfort food jumped sharply upwards.<br />
<br />
In order to illustrate my despair and agony at my situation, I often used the phrase <em>burning to death</em> to describe how I was feeling. I was trying to show how desperately miserable I was in my life: I was desperate to change, to move, to get out of where I was. But, in a very real way, I was also being <em>consumed</em>. Each time we had an argument; each time she stonewalled my feelings, I lost a bit more energy, a bit more commitment. I knew I could not hold on much longer. I knew that one day, the last bit of energy would be gone, and the marriage would be dead.<br />
<br />
It didn't matter. My wife was unable to change. And I don't mean this harshly. I realise now that, whether she chose to or not, she could not change her feelings. As for me, I had played my last card. I had nothing left to offer.<br />
<br />
I remember the exact moment I realised that the marriage was over. For years, there had been two paths in front of me: the path to <em>stay</em> and try to fix things (which was painful, and exhausting) and the path to <em>leave</em> and start again (which was painful, and exhausting). But always, when I looked at those two paths, the path to leave always seemed the more painful. But one day, the see-saw just tipped the other way, and it has never tipped back. I realised, with sudden clarity: <em>I was never going to be happy if I stayed in this marriage</em>. The realisation was terrible but inescapable.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihqlICUlM_pxWOPLCau61ipJu4s1GXb0OsGwAsrgIdbwTTAY57beco3wj3hla7M__CNfZ34i-SG-d8u04wbIUv8GzgHdNaiyC0ZS1_F05ZrIbyJ2PODAbJRl7XEsEpOIOKzHH2Kx5kJ3c/s1600/fingers-in-ears1+tweaked.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihqlICUlM_pxWOPLCau61ipJu4s1GXb0OsGwAsrgIdbwTTAY57beco3wj3hla7M__CNfZ34i-SG-d8u04wbIUv8GzgHdNaiyC0ZS1_F05ZrIbyJ2PODAbJRl7XEsEpOIOKzHH2Kx5kJ3c/s320/fingers-in-ears1+tweaked.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I can't heeeeeear you!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
When I told my wife it was over, she was astonished. <em>Where did this come from?</em> she wanted to know. Didn't you hear me when I said I was burning to death? I replied. But it turns out she didn't get it: she couldn't grasp it. She had denied it, pushed it away, in the same way she did with Vivienne: it's too painful to contemplate, so I will pretend it doesn't exist.<br />
<br />
Since then, her anger has gone from being red hot to being blue hot, like a blowtorch. The thing she feared most, that her husband would leave, has come to pass. She cannot--yet--accept that she helped to bring this about. She cannot accept one iota of responsibility for what happened. It's all my fault; that's her truth. And it's OK.<br />
<br />
I have called this post <em>The End of Days</em>, because it really feels like that from my point of view. I am losing my lovely home, and I now live in a small rental house. I will get shared custody of my children. That cosy image I once had, of having a nice job, a nice wife, a nice house, and nice kids, and being happy, has turned out to be an empty dream. And unfortunately that dream ends here.<br />
<br />
This blog has been profoundly healing for me in so many ways. It has helped me to crystallise my feelings about myself, and my gender, and my identity. Although it's long, this article is only a drop in the bucket compared to thirty-odd volumes of hand-written journals. That banner at the top of the screen? That's one of my journals, and one of my collection of fountain pens. I write every day, when I get the chance, and I have used those journals to explore every possible avenue, every possible way, to keep the marriage on the road, to keep myself sane until the kids got a bit older, to conceptualise my wife's behaviour in different, more manageable ways. I know I am leaving this marriage having tried my absolute best to save it, using every resource I possess.<br />
<br />
I also offer these experiences to you, my readers, in case some of you are in a similar position, and these insights help to crystallise your position.<br />
<br />
I know that all is not lost; that there will be a new chapter in my life soon. But I don't know what it will look like, and that uncertainty is a fresh kind of agony for me. Where will I live? What will I look like? What will I wear? What will happen to the kids? What will happen to my wife? What role will Vivienne play in my life? I have no answers to any of this, and discussion will need to wait for another day, and another blog post. Meanwhile, let's close the book.<br />
<br />
===<br />
<strong>Addendum</strong><br />
<br />
Katie Robbins wrote a powerful and thought-provoking article, with a similar theme, which you can <a href="https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/i-am-a-monster-a-lament/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=SocialWarfare" target="_blank">read here</a>. And hers is a lot shorter!Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com55tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-13886403003228524392016-08-30T21:52:00.001+12:002016-11-04T00:57:02.118+13:00Faking It - Part TwoIt's taken me a while to come round to writing the second part of this article. You can read the first one (written in March 2015) <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2015/03/faking-it-part-one.html" target="_blank">here</a>. Now that I read that article again, I am amazed to realise how far my journey has come.<br />
<br />
Much as I adore <em><a href="http://freakonomics.com/archive/" target="_blank">Freakonomics Radio</a></em>, that wasn't where I first heard the idea of <em>Faking It</em>. Instead, it was a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faking_It" target="_blank">British TV show</a> which premiered in the year 2000. The premise was simple: they would take an unlikely ordinary person, have them intensively transformed and coached by a team of experts in a particular field--for a short time--then the contestant (known as the "faker") would have to perform in front of a panel of judges (who know they are looking to spot a fake), to see if they could pass.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWMn8065a2d7lblfpe_GKcWSyAiJBu8-yutE4yZKzXaZUtvJ8aIWTXlJWFScf0zWNJTVF7ybM0AgQSHqCm0zvIdWPp1D2Z-CP70_fp0h9HuUlXmhnbm6ol8CnOaMXbAH1MYfde1Ahb3ac/s1600/full-list-of-faking-it-episodes-u4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="167" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWMn8065a2d7lblfpe_GKcWSyAiJBu8-yutE4yZKzXaZUtvJ8aIWTXlJWFScf0zWNJTVF7ybM0AgQSHqCm0zvIdWPp1D2Z-CP70_fp0h9HuUlXmhnbm6ol8CnOaMXbAH1MYfde1Ahb3ac/s320/full-list-of-faking-it-episodes-u4.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Title card for the show</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
As one example, take the very first episode. Alex Geikie, a gentrified English youth from the Home Counties of England, who liked to ride horses, had to pass as a hard-man bouncer in an East London pub. He was coached by Tony Agastini, a kick-boxing champion. Alex shaved off his hair, gradually ditched his pukkah accent in favour of East-End hardman talk (think Guy Ritchie movies), learned to fight by getting beaten up by Tony's girlfriend (!) in the boxing ring, got fake tattoos, and finally worked as a bouncer for a night, among real, hard-bastard bouncers.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<strong>Guardian</strong>: At <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Royal_Academy_of_Dramatic_Art" target="_blank">RADA</a>, Alex was coached in talking common: "The word <em>fuck</em> is desperately important to all Londoners. Fuck you, fuck me, fuck off! Lengthen the vowel. Let the breath be the impetus. Farkin' 'ell! Don't smile! Mean it." In grammar: "I was, you was, she was, they was."<br />
<br />
After a month's training, Alex was one of several bouncers at the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippodrome,_London" target="_blank">Hippodrome</a> on the night of the England v Germany match and the head of security failed to spot the imposter ("Nah! Honestly?") Tony was much moved. "It's like seeing your kid walk and talk for the first time, innit? Very proud. Very proud. But he should be proud of himself too." </blockquote>
The show drew very positive reviews (such as <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/media/2000/sep/19/tvandradio.television1" target="_blank">this one</a> from the <em>Guardian</em>, which is where the quote above comes from, written by Nancy Banks-Smith). Subsequent episodes featured burger flipper Ed Devlin who was trained to be a chef (by <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gordon_Ramsay" target="_blank">Gordon Ramsay</a>, no less); classical cellist Sian Evans who was trained to be a nightclub DJ; and cleaner Sharon Pallister who was trained to become Scarlet Fever, a burlesque performer, by <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immodesty_Blaize" target="_blank">Immodesty Blaize</a> with input from <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dita_Von_Teese" target="_blank">Dita von Teese</a>. You can see this last one <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLLz5xVIJ4M" target="_blank">starting here on YouTube</a>.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxTZ4Ni9vnx2RLJPdNSLrsC9eQSyDI5sky9ydBnJR5tPX7AtlQ2ZF-VKliVfZmNej_Gkqq59pF2AslLzvLFsyfLnt09MvNmuBzDskiPPZ-vZQ8ZVlzGBp3n5k41-8hswh0ogr6T6NC8-w/s1600/faking-it-s5e6-20090611130602.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxTZ4Ni9vnx2RLJPdNSLrsC9eQSyDI5sky9ydBnJR5tPX7AtlQ2ZF-VKliVfZmNej_Gkqq59pF2AslLzvLFsyfLnt09MvNmuBzDskiPPZ-vZQ8ZVlzGBp3n5k41-8hswh0ogr6T6NC8-w/s320/faking-it-s5e6-20090611130602.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not yet faking it: Spence Bowdler</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I've already <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2012/04/lyn-tornabene-and-red-queen.html" target="_blank">mentioned on this blog</a> how I believe that there is something liberating about stepping outside your normal life, and being someone else for a while, and how I wonder if some actors and other performers enjoy this aspect of their work. It's this, I think, which the show attempts to recreate.<br />
<br />
The show has several brilliant features. First the "fakers" are deliberately selected to be <em>hopelessly</em> inappropriate for their adopted roles. Almost all are quiet, soft-spoken, lacking in self-confidence, set in their ways. They all have a metaphorical mountain to climb to pull off their new roles. Second, the mentors, often in initial despair or exasperation, become fond, and eventually proud of the fakers. Third, the fakers almost always manage it: to pass unnoticed by judges and onlookers. Finally, it's clear that the experience of the training--and the faking--opens up new and undiscovered vistas for most of them; they discover qualities in themselves that they never knew they possessed. In short, it is visibly life-changing, and often this is very emotional for them. It all makes for extremely compelling television.<br />
<br />
The producers made at least one follow-up episode, where they revisited the fakers a couple of years later. Almost without exception, they had reacted positively to the experience. I notice, for example, that the Scarlet Fever episode was uploaded by Scarlet Fever herself <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPBCyxHYlvZ52yX62YK5axg" target="_blank">on her own YouTube channel</a>.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV68s9A4sEhqnOqtn7Az4SrjwHAJqpXT5UoWnecBugjuAb3Jln6BZ7ysqgCnZuFBG7gQt5q5pqZlcvrBPQ6_EBuSpb8JFY_lLfs264vk4xt02kBnGmJnoH-r1AbbZujoXbo-6BreywNtI/s1600/Dave_Lynn_Drag_Queen_of_Drag_Queens.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV68s9A4sEhqnOqtn7Az4SrjwHAJqpXT5UoWnecBugjuAb3Jln6BZ7ysqgCnZuFBG7gQt5q5pqZlcvrBPQ6_EBuSpb8JFY_lLfs264vk4xt02kBnGmJnoH-r1AbbZujoXbo-6BreywNtI/s320/Dave_Lynn_Drag_Queen_of_Drag_Queens.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Drag: Dave Lynn</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
And that brings me on to Spence Bowdler. If you live in the UK, this episode (in fact, the whole series) is available to watch, free, <a href="http://www.channel4.com/programmes/faking-it/on-demand/34510-006" target="_blank">on the Channel 4 website</a>. If you live outside the UK, you may as well forget it: I've been trying for days. There are only a few episodes of <em>Faking It</em> available on YouTube, and this is not one of them. However, the <em>Guardian</em> reviews are very helpful and give a real flavour of the episodes.<br />
<br />
Bowdler, a 30-yr old ex naval officer, and self-confessed macho man, was to fake it as a drag queen. His mentor for the show was veteran British drag queen <a href="https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=dave+lynn" target="_blank">Dave Lynn</a>. This episode was one of the most popular episodes of <em>Faking It</em> ever produced. The normal hour-long episode was stretched out to 76 minutes, because there was so much good material to include.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<strong>Guardian</strong>: There's an ancient affinity between drag queens and sailors - where you find one, you will usually find the other at no great distance.</blockquote>
Lynn and Bowdler strike up an unlikely friendship, helped perhaps by Lynn's straightforward, matter-of-fact approach to a man shaving his legs, wearing stilettos and false eyelashes, tucking ("you sort of shove them back in their sockets"), and all the other activities required to become a drag queen.<br />
<br />
We follow Bowdler through a series of increasingly uncomfortable experiences. The most powerful is when Lynn shows him a rack of frocks to try on, and it dawns on Bowdler that he is going to be expected to wear a dress for the first time ever in his life. He has a visible meltdown, retreats from the camera, and won't come back into the room. The producers may have thought that was the end of their show.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhw1_kgiVF_0Cy72qvnJpLiiQWF-AA90YIvysJgEpl4zus53xjaVJd64URB_g8PtyiApsPVnoqlq4dQmFiXHdmfCw1nBZmu60zYwETZLSFsYBHLHXTa8E2TMej4WjWvtiF7ZGdswqXZb0/s1600/faking-it-2000.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="166" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhw1_kgiVF_0Cy72qvnJpLiiQWF-AA90YIvysJgEpl4zus53xjaVJd64URB_g8PtyiApsPVnoqlq4dQmFiXHdmfCw1nBZmu60zYwETZLSFsYBHLHXTa8E2TMej4WjWvtiF7ZGdswqXZb0/s320/faking-it-2000.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Getting the lippy on: Spence</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
But come back he does, and carries on. Later, he struts his stuff on the stage, in full drag, under the drag queen name Britney Ferry. And the judges don't spot him as the fake. At the end of the show, Bowdler muses about his initial prejudices; how he felt he had overcome them, and how shallow and misplaced he now felt they were. It's a powerful moment.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<strong>Guardian</strong>: But what made <em>Faking It</em> so gratifying were the clear, measurable results of the experience for both student and mentor. Spence was euphoric in his realisation that life is a great big fruit salad, and that "prejudice is just balls" (and therefore best tucked out of sight). Dave Lynn, the hardened old pro, softened up and admitted that he'd learned even more about his place in the world. The two bosom buddies closed with a duet of <em>Stand By Your Man</em>; seldom have the words "sometimes it's hard to be a woman" rung so true. </blockquote>
The episode resulted in Dave Lynn getting a considerable boost in popularity, and he made several subsequent appearances on TV. There is a great interview with him <a href="http://gscene.com/news/dave-lynn-no-door-mat-life-inside-the-dragons-den/" target="_blank">here</a>. And the <em>Guardian</em> review of this episode, written by Rupert Smith, is <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/media/2002/oct/03/broadcasting.tvandradio" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
<br />
So what relevance does this show have for me? I don't especially have any affinity for drag as an art form. I've never been to a drag show. I think drag is a form of performance art, whereas Vivienne feels very much part of my <em>identity</em>; an inextricable part of me, not some persona that I adopt when I get dressed.<br />
<br />
I suppose the first part of it is that I am envious. Bowdler gets four weeks of intensive tuition in performing as a woman: make-up, clothes, hair, shoes, gait, the works. Perhaps four weeks would be too much, but I certainly feel I could use a few tips from the experts about how to improve my overall look as a woman. (Clue: I'm trying <em>not</em> to look like Bowdler in the picture!)<br />
<br />
Second, there is <em>permission</em>. All of the fakers in the show get encouragement, verging on a requirement, to step outside their ordinary world and embrace something entirely new: a new way of doing just about everything. Some of the rest of us (i.e. me) hesitate at every tiny step outside the comfortable boundaries of what others expect of us. The fakers blasted those boundaries wide open, and did it with the support of those around them. And for each of them, that must have been a very powerful and long-lasting experience. Faced with <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.uk/2016/09/the-end-of-days.html" target="_blank">the end of my marriage</a>, I am contemplating what the new me will be like. Some of those boundaries will need to be redrawn: but which? And I will need to make my own permission to make it happen.<br />
<br />
Finally, though, the people in the show are faking it. After the credits roll, they can, if they choose, return to their previous lives and pick up where they left off, as if nothing had happened. This is not true of me: Vivienne remains an awkward, uncomfortable part of my life, and my future life will need to include her, one way or the other. The faking it, for me, was pretending Vivienne didn't exist.Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-67559491688264590362016-08-27T18:05:00.003+12:002023-04-09T13:50:08.680+12:00Sex and Gender in Sports - Part TwoIn <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2016/08/sex-and-gender-in-sports-part-1.html" target="_blank">my previous article</a> I considered the distinction between male and female athletes competing in top competitions such as the Olympic games. Right at the nub of the issue is whether women with naturally high levels of testosterone have an unfair advantage against women with lower, or "normal" levels of testosterone.<br />
<br />
But what about transgender or transsexual athletes? Those born in an apparently ordinary male body, who legitimately transition to the female sex? What happens to them?<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJPce8llWvFk9UvBF0b1CpVrpSkZv2FWsgYmfo6QWv93A5JKe_FA04pTw7vQw_N9rTs0rDpuuaK864DCFj8yq180gqZGwGtymlnvIprobozrO4QCpdAgY220nCrvznF-6aEEE5iNvedMY/s1600/Renee+Richards.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJPce8llWvFk9UvBF0b1CpVrpSkZv2FWsgYmfo6QWv93A5JKe_FA04pTw7vQw_N9rTs0rDpuuaK864DCFj8yq180gqZGwGtymlnvIprobozrO4QCpdAgY220nCrvznF-6aEEE5iNvedMY/s320/Renee+Richards.jpg" width="254" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Renee Richards</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ren%C3%A9e_Richards" target="_blank">Renee Richards</a> is the first example I have to offer. Born Richard Raskind, the child of two doctors, Richards was a successful male athlete, and also obtained a medical degree. In 1975 (which puts her age at 41), she pursued a career as a professional woman tennis player. However, in 1976 the US Tennis Association had introduced <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barr_body" target="_blank">Barr body testing</a> (a type of genetic testing) that year. Richards refused to take the test, and was therefore banned from top tennis tournaments, the US Open, Wimbledon and the Italian Open that year.<br />
<br />
Richards took the US Tennis Association to court, alleging discrimination by gender in violation of her human rights. She won her case, and was allowed to play in the 1977 US Open tournament.<br />
<br />
Richards' tennis career was quite short-lived, and she retired from professional tennis in 1981, just 4 years later, and returned to medical practice in ophthalmology.<br />
<br />
Richards' case provoked considerable discussion. Official sports governing bodies were very uncomfortable. According to Wikipedia, the US Olympic Committee stated:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<strong>IOC:</strong> There is competitive advantage for a male who has undergone a sex change surgery as a result of physical training and development as a male.</blockquote>
And indeed, it's hard to argue with that viewpoint. But in addition to official perplexity, Richards faced consternation from the general public too. My correspondent Rhonda wrote "I recall it being said that Renee had an advantage because she competed in a new category, unique to her: 'Mixed Singles'." And even her own fellow athletes were unhappy: when Richards was allowed to play as a woman, 25 of 32 competitors promptly withdrew in protest from the Tennis Week Open.<br />
<br />
In <a href="http://www.slate.com/articles/sports/sports_nut/2012/10/jewish_jocks_and_ren_e_richards_the_life_of_the_transsexual_tennis_legend.html" target="_blank">this article describing her life and career</a>, written by Emily Bazelon, Richards herself comments on her status as a transsexual athlete. I quote the final paragraph in its entirety:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<strong>Bazelon: </strong>The science of distinguishing men from women in sports remains unsettled. And Richards has come to believe that her past as a man did provide her advantages over competitors. “Having lived for the past 30 years, I know if I’d had surgery at the age of 22, and then at 24 went on the tour, no genetic woman in the world would have been able to come close to me. And so I’ve reconsidered my opinion.” She adds, “There is one thing that a transsexual woman unfortunately cannot expect to be allowed to do, and that is to play professional sports in her chosen field. She can get married, live as woman, do all of those other things, and no one should ever be allowed to take them away from her. But this limitation—that’s just life. I know because I lived it.”</blockquote>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKNYBUt4cmMA2cYRcjAPeZ9QLC2YCbAORNEfvxi4DUd0etXqUsRRspiqW5ETf4PFZCtfYIu875fBwwSXOQW89KkhuqHHBp9548dPYfNdkucchzSEdht_bjV72e3lr-jYzhRbA-53fd3sI/s1600/michelle+dumaresq.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKNYBUt4cmMA2cYRcjAPeZ9QLC2YCbAORNEfvxi4DUd0etXqUsRRspiqW5ETf4PFZCtfYIu875fBwwSXOQW89KkhuqHHBp9548dPYfNdkucchzSEdht_bjV72e3lr-jYzhRbA-53fd3sI/s320/michelle+dumaresq.jpg" width="248" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Michelle Dumaresq</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Wikipedia has a list of transgender athletes, both female-to-male and male-to-female. There are, unsurprisingly, few Olympic type events, though there are cyclists, such as Canadian mountain biker <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michelle_Dumaresq" target="_blank">Michelle Dumaresq</a>, and fighters, such as American mixed martial artist <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fallon_Fox" target="_blank">Fallon Fox</a>. <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2015/07/caitlyn-jenner.html" target="_blank">Caitlyn Jenner</a> is of course mentioned.<br />
<br />
In 2003, the International Olympic Committee drew up regulations to cover transsexual athletes. To me, at first glance, they seem pretty reasonable:<br />
<ol>
<li>The athlete must have undergone sexual reassignment surgery, including changes to the external genitalia and gonads.</li>
<li>The athlete must be legally recognised in their desired sex.</li>
<li>The athlete must undergo hormone therapy for at least two years.</li>
</ol>
These guidelines were modified in 2015, due to recognition that it might not be acceptable to require surgery in otherwise healthy people, and that some countries refuse to grant legal recognition to people who change sex. Therefore, the regulations were changed. The requirement for surgery was dropped, and the only stipulation now requires that the athlete's testosterone level be under 10 nmol/l. (See <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2016/08/sex-and-gender-in-sports-part-1.html" target="_blank">my previous article</a> for why this might be problematic).<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqQrKrGXkm3cfkIFnrgykFl3ugnrW9sTXO1aJ-2KF9iaBsnnfcaUCtVO9NSGVs1r1_mmttx-4CZ6iJCd4tHJErGj2xU2TMOCoYif2bSdYXnLwnljTQqYMJRob0iqeU-S0qf1fO-iZjFLM/s1600/Chris_Mosier.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="309" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqQrKrGXkm3cfkIFnrgykFl3ugnrW9sTXO1aJ-2KF9iaBsnnfcaUCtVO9NSGVs1r1_mmttx-4CZ6iJCd4tHJErGj2xU2TMOCoYif2bSdYXnLwnljTQqYMJRob0iqeU-S0qf1fO-iZjFLM/s320/Chris_Mosier.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chris Mosier</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
As for these games, the UK <em>Daily Mail</em> <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3671937/Transgender-British-athletes-born-men-set-make-Olympic-history-competing-games-women.html" target="_blank">reported</a> that two unnamed male-to-female athletes were considered for inclusion in Team GB to compete in Rio, but the Internet has been silent about whether they managed it. Meanwhile, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris_Mosier" target="_blank">Chris Mosier</a> competed as a triathlete for team USA. As a female-to-male, Mosier needs to take testosterone, though a <a href="http://www.rollingstone.com/sports/features/chris-mosier-first-trans-team-usa-member-w432272" target="_blank">Therapeutic Use Exemption</a> means it's acceptable. The <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender_people_in_sports#Olympics" target="_blank">Wikipedia article</a> states that "two closeted transgender athletes competed" at Rio.<br />
<br />
The first transgendered sportsperson I recall ever hearing about was <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mianne_Bagger" target="_blank">Mianne Bagger</a>, a professional golfer from Denmark. According to Wikipedia, Bagger was only the second high-profile transgendered athlete who won recognition from sports' governing bodies to compete in their desired sex, after Renee Richards. A 2004 article from the <em>Guardian</em> newspaper reports that Bagger <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2004/nov/03/gender.sport" target="_blank">experienced a slightly warmer welcome</a> from her fellow professionals than Richards did. Subsequently, <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/13/sports/golf/13lawsuit.html" target="_blank">Lana Lawless</a> sued the Ladies' Professional Golf Association in 2010, which at that time was clinging to a rule that women golfers were required to have been born female. In 2014 another doctor, Bobbi Lancaster, was permitted to play in an LPGA tournament, and <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2532179/Drive-succeed-Bobbi-Lancaster-transgender-golfer-play-ladies-professional-tournament.html" target="_blank">this article</a> describes her as the first transgender woman golfer to compete in such a tournament.<br />
<br />
So much for the professional athletes. What about those lower down? Una over at <a href="http://transascity.org/" target="_blank">TransasCity</a> has produced a couple of relevant articles, and you can read them <a href="http://transascity.org/transgender-student-athlete-takes-the-field-in-california/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="http://transascity.org/transgender-athlete-sues-crossfit-for-banning-her-from-female-contest/" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkn1djKKloObjadXucA0kKOuJHare2LVsl8emSdhh1qQSn_UlZd2YmHvhR1_P1pucrGheQFEozWeyWo2DVUgwamMwFrEFzLRYuSai1QNNVrDdf0wCWGdSMMSRnGiYRVfyhVv9CG-JttI4/s1600/Judit+Polgar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkn1djKKloObjadXucA0kKOuJHare2LVsl8emSdhh1qQSn_UlZd2YmHvhR1_P1pucrGheQFEozWeyWo2DVUgwamMwFrEFzLRYuSai1QNNVrDdf0wCWGdSMMSRnGiYRVfyhVv9CG-JttI4/s320/Judit+Polgar.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Judit Polgar</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I want to close this double article with a shout out to one of my heroes, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judit_Polg%C3%A1r" target="_blank">Judit Polgar</a>. Polgar, 40, is the strongest female chess player in history. The youngest of three sisters, the Polgar girls were intensively coached in chess by their polymath father, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%C3%A1szl%C3%B3_Polg%C3%A1r" target="_blank">Laszlo Polgar</a>, who believed that "geniuses are made, not born".<br />
<br />
Everybody "knows" girls aren't as good at chess as boys. Even FIDE, the world chess governing body, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FIDE_titles#Women.27s_titles" target="_blank">awards separate women's titles</a>. The Woman Grandmaster (WGM) title is easier to attain than the Grandmaster (GM) title. But try telling that to the Polgar sisters. They refused to compete in woman-only tournaments, from the beginning, bringing them into some conflict with the Hungarian Chess Federation. However, the Polgars persisted. Laszlo wrote:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<strong>Laszlo Polgar: </strong>Women are able to achieve results similar, in fields of intellectual activities, to that of men. Chess is a form of intellectual activity, so this applies to chess. Accordingly, we reject any kind of discrimination in this respect.</blockquote>
And his daughters went on to prove him right. Judit achieved an astonishing series of accomplishments: she achieved the rank of full Grandmaster (not WGM) at the age of 15, then the youngest person ever to have done so. She was ranked 55th best player in the world at age 12. She is the first ever (and so far, only) woman to achieve an Elo rating of greater than 2700, and she peaked at number 8 in the world in 2005. Now, of course, FIDE allows players of both sexes to compete in tournaments, but of 1441 GMs in the world, only 31 are currently women, so the women do have some catching up to do. And I bet nobody even bothers about their testosterone levels.<br />
<br />
I wonder how much chess is like golf. In most Olympic sports, muscle mass, lung capacity and other physical measures of fitness really matter. In that circumstance, one could say that the extra physical size of someone born male could offer an advantage if they transitioned. However, in golf, this is less obvious, and Mianne Bagger has insisted that she has no physical advantage from being born male.<br />
<br />
In chess, of course, physical fitness is irrelevant, provided you can deal with the stress of the games and tournaments. I believe that the low number of female grandmasters is not a reflection of women's ability to <em>play</em> chess, but a reflection of how few women take up chess seriously. I did a quick Google search for transgender chess players, but didn't turn anything up. As always, comments are welcome. Meanwhile, whether it's golf, chess, cycling or whatever, keep doing your thing.Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-71798547686332080592016-08-27T15:12:00.001+12:002023-04-09T13:49:50.675+12:00Sex and Gender in Sports - Part OneIt's just been Olympic time again, and that means we are overdue for a topic which I have been considering for a long time: how do you separate male and female athletes? This article was prompted by the Olympics, but has relevance to sporting competition in all spheres.<br />
<br />
The <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olympic_Games#Modern_Games" target="_blank">modern Olympic games</a> has been going for more than a century. Revived by Baron <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pierre_de_Coubertin" target="_blank">Pierre de Coubertin</a> in 1896, the modern games started to allow women to compete in the 1900 games, held in Paris. But it took until 2012 (the London games) before <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women_at_the_Olympics" target="_blank">every competing nation</a> sent women athletes to the games, and the 2012 games were also the first to have women competing in every sport in the programme.<br />
<br />
It turns out that men do better, in general, than women at sporting events. As just one example, the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four-minute_mile" target="_blank">four-minute mile</a> has been routinely broken by men, since it was first achieved by Roger Bannister in 1956, but <em>no woman has ever achieved it</em>; the fastest woman is still 12 seconds away. So it makes sense to segregate male and female athletes, so that the competition is fair.<br />
<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlICbSq0b6iXkgbFHhXpkreNSf88pgb5plz09v90za-oS9y9RDKG7h5FEU9VOteaLCPYdyMgpOjWNW7-nGL-PyOqvwK_nxdsi_r2KbHB9Uwl30rDf1V6_CQ2dNTQThL-t4MD7aP8yhuuE/s1600/Bundesarchiv_Bild_183-C10379%252C_Hermann_Ratjen_alias__Dora_Ratjen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlICbSq0b6iXkgbFHhXpkreNSf88pgb5plz09v90za-oS9y9RDKG7h5FEU9VOteaLCPYdyMgpOjWNW7-nGL-PyOqvwK_nxdsi_r2KbHB9Uwl30rDf1V6_CQ2dNTQThL-t4MD7aP8yhuuE/s320/Bundesarchiv_Bild_183-C10379%252C_Hermann_Ratjen_alias__Dora_Ratjen.jpg" width="236" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dora Ratjen</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
This throws up some problems. First, how do we actually decide who is a man and who is a woman? It hasn't ever been easy. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dora_Ratjen" target="_blank">Dora Ratjen</a> was an intersex individual, born with ambiguous genitalia, assigned female at birth and raised as a girl. Ratjen competed for Germany in the women's High Jump in the 1936 Summer Olympic games, and finished fourth. In 1938, Ratjen competed in the European Athletics Championship, and won a gold medal in the high jump. The following year, Ratjen broke the World Record for the High Jump. After an official investigation (following a complaint from another athlete), Ratjen was, at that time, discovered to be working as a male waiter under the name Hermann. He was stripped of his title. Ultimately Ratjen chose the name Heinrich, and lived out the rest of his life as a man.<br />
<br />
Wikipedia mentions two other athletes from this period, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zden%C4%9Bk_Koubek" target="_blank">Zdenek Koubek</a>, and <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Weston_(athlete)" target="_blank">Mary Weston</a>, with similar biographies. These were intersex people with ambiguous genitalia, raised as girls, who competed as women. In common with Ratjen, Koubek and Weston each later transitioned to male.<br />
<br />
US Olympic Committee president Avery Brundage called in 1936 for a system to be set up to examine female athletes to make sure they were actually female. Unfortunately, physical examination was the only way to do this. I do not doubt that those examinations were undignified, uncomfortable, and unreliable.<br />
<br />
It took another 30 years for chromosome testing to be adopted, in 1968. Surely this would sort everything out, using hard science. Everyone knows that human males have the chromosome pattern 46XY, and females have the chromosome pattern 46XX. So there's your answer.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0poq2UuWQ9XtuN8kp7e1xss6CoOsuKO2m-KQUOTbk_Txh7s0UI1oGIatEiFypZRiTrdNlPeB1XOk2b_5tcQWapZ5rek8_kDATdylMTyBSFjyj7l9K8DzOTTmLvYBSebjdb4f3H59AumY/s1600/Maria+Patino.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0poq2UuWQ9XtuN8kp7e1xss6CoOsuKO2m-KQUOTbk_Txh7s0UI1oGIatEiFypZRiTrdNlPeB1XOk2b_5tcQWapZ5rek8_kDATdylMTyBSFjyj7l9K8DzOTTmLvYBSebjdb4f3H59AumY/s320/Maria+Patino.jpg" width="225" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Maria Jose Martinez-Patino</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Except that it isn't. Most individuals with <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Androgen_insensitivity_syndrome" target="_blank">androgen insensitivity syndrome</a> have the chromosome pattern of a male, 46XY, and produce testosterone. However, their bodies are not sensitive to the testosterone, which means they develop as women. Such women are infertile, and lack a uterus, but are externally indistinguishable from 46XX women. Spanish athlete <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maria_Jos%C3%A9_Mart%C3%ADnez-Pati%C3%B1o" target="_blank">Maria Jose Martinez-Patino</a> was disqualified from competition in the 1988 Summer Olympic games because she failed such a chromosome test, though she was reinstated for competition in the 1992 games. She has since become an academic, and has written about her experience <a href="http://www.aissg.org/PDFs/Patino-Tried-Tested-Lancet-2005.pdf" target="_blank">here in the <em>Lancet</em></a>.<br />
<br />
Likewise, some people have the chromosome pattern 47XXY (<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Klinefelter_syndrome" target="_blank">Klinefelter syndrome</a>), or are <em><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mosaic_(genetics)" target="_blank">mosaics</a></em> (in other words, not all their cells have the same chromosome pattern).<br />
<br />
So, once again, the testing lets us down. The problem is that, even at the chromosome level, the actual level of the DNA itself, humans don't fall neatly into male and female categories.<br />
<br />
In 2011, the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Association_of_Athletics_Federations" target="_blank">IAAF</a> came up with yet another idea: that athletes should be separated according to how much <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Testosterone" target="_blank">testosterone</a> they have. There is a good discussion of this ruling <a href="http://blogs.bmj.com/bjsm/2011/04/18/androgen-levels-to-override-gender-categories-in-athletic-competition-new-iaaf-regulations/" target="_blank">here</a>. The focus on testosterone is because it's considered that a high level of testosterone is what provides men with their athletic advantage. The IAAF ruled (among other things):<br />
<li><strong>Athletic competition will continue to be divided into men’s and women’s categories</strong></li>
<li><strong>A female with hyperandrogenism who is recognised as a female in law shall be eligible to compete in women’s competition in athletics provided that she has androgen levels <em>below the male range</em> </strong>(my italics)</li>
<br />
The new testosterone limit was set at 10 nanomoles per litre of blood. This level was chosen because it's three times higher than the upper limit of normal for women, and it was reasoned that very few women would naturally have a testosterone level this high. It's at the very bottom of the normal range of testosterone for men under 50.<br />
<br />
This does solve some problems. It does away with examining physical characteristics and chromosomes (though not the indignity of subjecting someone's identity to detailed scrutiny). It even allows for athletes to potentially change sex and still compete as their new sex, provided their hormonal profile fits.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivtUyraNGoQXrsIqbGto333FR9NL5ld2-04jeWQpHTLnL9eCVjtVZnZ8kq5vouf7TKfO6IRTQjDJWK-de971M50pK3wJy6ypMxB-OImKwZFg-Npd_fLNsCx4Hp9LBzedZS5QvNRNPrGJM/s1600/Caster+Semenya.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivtUyraNGoQXrsIqbGto333FR9NL5ld2-04jeWQpHTLnL9eCVjtVZnZ8kq5vouf7TKfO6IRTQjDJWK-de971M50pK3wJy6ypMxB-OImKwZFg-Npd_fLNsCx4Hp9LBzedZS5QvNRNPrGJM/s320/Caster+Semenya.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Caster Semenya</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
But once again, there are different problems. Enter <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caster_Semenya" target="_blank">Caster Semenya</a>. This South African athlete became the centre of another <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/athletics/8210471.stm" target="_blank">humiliating sex-testing furore</a> in 2009 aged 18, when she won the 800m gold medal. She was <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/athletics/8793668.stm" target="_blank">cleared by the IAAF</a> to compete as a woman in 2010, and has, most recently, <a href="http://www.bbc.com/sport/olympics/36691465" target="_blank">won Olympic gold in Rio</a> in the 800m event.<br />
<br />
Details of Semenya's medical profile are somewhat sketchy, because she her test results have (rightly) been ruled confidential. The <a href="http://www.bbc.com/sport/olympics/36691465" target="_blank">BBC reports</a> that she has <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperandrogenism" target="_blank">hyperandrogenism</a>, which means her testosterone level is much higher than an ordinary woman, and even higher than many ordinary men. Indian athlete <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dutee_Chand" target="_blank">Dutee Chand</a> has hyperandrogenism too.<br />
<br />
The pressure on athletes to succeed at the top level, where the difference between success and failure can be measured in milliseconds or millimetres, is enormous. Therefore, it's understandable that athletes want to take every possible step to maximise their performance (and understandable--but not forgivable--when <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lance_Armstrong_doping_case" target="_blank">some resort to cheating</a> to make this happen). And it's understandable that their opponents may be angered by what they perceive as an athlete with an unfair advantage being allowed to compete against them.<br />
<br />
Because of the 2011 ruling, female athletes with hyperandrogenism were <a href="http://fittish.deadspin.com/should-there-be-testosterone-limits-for-women-in-athlet-1778330172" target="_blank">sometimes required to take medication</a> to lower their testosterone to the "normal" female range. But it gets worse still. In 2016, the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_Nations_Special_Rapporteur" target="_blank">United Nations Special Rapporteur</a> on health <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_verification_in_sports#Hormone_testing" target="_blank">reported</a> that "a number of athletes have undergone gonadectomy (removal of reproductive organs) and partial clitoridectomy (a form of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_genital_mutilation" title="Female genital mutilation">female genital mutilation</a>) in the absence of symptoms or health issues warranting those procedures". In other words, some athletes have been <em>having surgery they don't need</em> in order to ensure they don't fail a sex test. The UN is outspoken in its condemnation of this, and there are some <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/28/sports/international/dutee-chand-female-sprinter-with-high-male-hormone-level-wins-right-to-compete.html?_r=0" target="_blank">more details here</a>.<br />
<br />
The testosterone restriction was removed for the 2016 Rio Olympics, allowing Semenya (and other hyperandrogenic women) to compete, free of testosterone suppression, because the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) ruled that the <a href="http://fittish.deadspin.com/should-there-be-testosterone-limits-for-women-in-athlet-1778330172" target="_blank">limit should be abandoned for two years</a> to study whether testosterone provides an unfair advantage to athletes. But the debate continues, and there is a powerful article <a href="http://sportsscientists.com/2016/05/hyperandrogenism-women-vs-women-vs-men-sport-qa-joanna-harper/" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
<br />
All of the athletes we have discussed have been competing as women. There seems to be no restriction on anyone who wants to compete as a man. The IOC <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_verification_in_sports#Hormone_testing" target="_blank">released a statement in 2012</a> which said this:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<strong>IOC: </strong>In the event that the athlete has been declared ineligible to compete in the female category, the athlete may be eligible to compete as a male athlete, if the athlete qualifies for the male event of the sport.</blockquote>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxzWs2SOiJa6MHaWgbXQvSJ3rSfq8VedMvyIJhIUWqNSFN5H_HjUwO9AkjQ8kPBEeWQ_WPT4p8LPzD72DnOUF_Dnykk9qhw65G5uGluzP25RXeGvUhv1U9joqTU-GPL_GYivJjzz9eZwU/s1600/usain-bolt-running-running-1148892320.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxzWs2SOiJa6MHaWgbXQvSJ3rSfq8VedMvyIJhIUWqNSFN5H_HjUwO9AkjQ8kPBEeWQ_WPT4p8LPzD72DnOUF_Dnykk9qhw65G5uGluzP25RXeGvUhv1U9joqTU-GPL_GYivJjzz9eZwU/s320/usain-bolt-running-running-1148892320.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Faster than Caster: Usain Bolt</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The next point I want to make is that nobody here is <em>cheating</em>. Dora Ratjen was raised a girl through no fault of her own, and competed as a woman at a time when intersex conditions were poorly recognised or understood. Maria Jose Martinez-Patino has androgen-insensitivity syndrome. And Caster Semenya has hyperandrogenism. None of those people has <em>deliberately</em> done anything to improve their performance other than training. The notion that Semenya and other hyperandrogenic women should have their testosterone levels deliberately suppressed seems no more "fair" to me than the notion that Usain Bolt should have some of his thigh muscles removed, or his legs shortened, to make his performance "fairer". Intersex people have <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2015/10/galileos-middle-finger-part-one.html" target="_blank">a long history</a> of being "normalised" by medical treatments.<br />
<br />
But Joanna Harper, herself a transgender athlete and medical physicist, argues differently. My quotes come <a href="http://fittish.deadspin.com/should-there-be-testosterone-limits-for-women-in-athlet-1778330172" target="_blank">from Sarah Barker's excellent article here</a>:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<strong>Barker: </strong>...success in sports is one of the greatest advancements in women’s lives. If we value women’s equality, it is imperative that we protect the ability of all women to succeed in sports. I believe that billions of potential female athletes deserve the right to compete with some semblance of a level playing field, and that requiring all women to compete within a given testosterone range is the best way we currently have to create such a playing field.</blockquote>
Is testosterone everything? Surely not; otherwise Caster Semenya would surely be able to run a four-minute mile. The exact role of testosterone remains unclear; there is even <a href="http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/cen.12445/abstract" target="_blank">a 2014 paper</a> which analyses testosterone levels in 693 elite athletes. It discovered that 16.5% of men (and remember, we are talking about elite athletes) had <em>low</em> testosterone levels, while 13.7% of women had high levels, overlapping with the men. The papers authors concluded:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<strong>Healy, <em>et al</em>: </strong>Hormone profiles from elite athletes differ from usual reference ranges. Individual results are dependent on a number of factors including age, gender and physique. Differences in profiles between sports suggest that an individual's profile may contribute to his/her proficiency in a particular sport. The IOC definition of a woman as one who has a ‘normal’ testosterone level is untenable.</blockquote>
So the debate clearly has a way to go. I think my bottom line is this. If you are going to separate men and women in athletic competition, you need to draw the line somewhere. This will--inevitably--provide advantage to some people and disadvantage to others. If you draw that line as the body you were born with, then hyperandrogenic women like Caster Semenya will surely come to dominate women's sports. If you draw it at an arbitrary level of testosterone, then you will force some athletes to take medications (and in extreme cases, to have surgery) in order to compete.<br />
<br />
No easy answer. I had planned to include transgender athletes in this article, but, as usual, I have found too much material, so I will split this article into chapters. In the next section, I shall consider transgender (rather than intersex) athletes.<br />
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If you enjoyed this article, you might be interested in my article about <a href="http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2013/10/female-bodybuilding.html" target="_blank">Female Bodybuilding</a>.<br />
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<br />Viviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.com2