tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post4657485740467604996..comments2024-03-24T13:12:39.210+13:00Comments on Bluestocking <i>Blue</i>: Frightening the HorsesViviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-57367566579169317882018-04-26T13:18:35.048+12:002018-04-26T13:18:35.048+12:00Speaking of horses, I believe starting the discuss...Speaking of horses, I believe starting the discussion at "cross-dressers" is like changing horses in mid-gallop. In my mind, first a satisfactory answer has to be found for the more fundamental questions: why do females (gender) need to wear "female" clothing? Why is gender and/or sexuality even extended to clothing? Why isn't ALL clothing asexual or at least unisexual? Why is it "natural" for females to wear "male" clothing - pants, suits, ties, flat shoes, short hair to shaved head, even "jockey" underwear; but men are ridiculed and eviscerated at such cross-dressing? And I do NOT find the standard, knee-jerk responses such as "women dress to look pretty and attract a male partner" satisfying in any way - that is simply vacuous glibness - mere noise, and just plain annoying. Historical examples are glaringly contradictory - for example, men were the first to wear a higher heeled shoe or boot (it made for greater stirrup stability for horse-riding - there's the damn horse again!). Similarly, it cannot be denied historically men have worn the likes of dresses and skirts - Roman togas (gown-like) and Scottish kilts (even to this day). It would appear at least that "clothing" is not so much the issue as sexually-fetishised clothing (by BOTH genders) and appurtenances - definitely stiletto heels, long hair and more compellingly make-up (face, hands, feet) and styled hair. It seems the "line" of no transgression is when a dressed male begins to take on the appearance of the opposite gender (which does not enter into play with respect to females' appearance).<br /><br />Add to that the underlying physical reality that we ALL start out life as female - for the first 3(?) months after impregnation - before the genetic signal for increased testosterone in the uterus converts the fetus to a sexual male. That has to have a significant impact on every male's own identity and feelings of sexuality!! Yet, this is an an obscure and virtually unknown and unrecognized genetic and gender circumstance that has to be acknowledged and included in any research and discussion on identity, gender and sexual issues!<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-84143379111309298852017-08-01T20:27:58.912+12:002017-08-01T20:27:58.912+12:00Thanks for dropping by to post your heartfelt comm...Thanks for dropping by to post your heartfelt comments.<br /><br />I can understand your feelings of discomfort, even revulsion, about men who crossdress in public. I think you are right that the sexual frisson is present for many of us, even if we would prefer, or pretend, it isn't. You might be interested in this post, where I sum up my points of view about who I am and why I do what I do: http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2013/01/the-story-so-far.html <br /><br />For that "straight married man who dares to walk the streets in a wig and dress", what is the harm in what he is doing? Is the moral fabric of society going to come apart at the seams? I accept your viewpoint that there is "desperation", and I recognise your description that "it controls him and goads him and pushes him on to do more and more". But apart from looking a bit out of place, and maybe being the subject of ridicule, what harm does it actually do?<br /><br />For me, crossdressing is like eating. If I go without eating, I begin to feel hungry. After a while, food is all I can think about. But no matter how long I go without eating, I don't stop being hungry. Then if I have access to food, then I gorge.<br /><br />I have discovered there seems to be a sweet spot, where I can dress sometimes, and that seems enough to keep me happy and functioning. It isn't often enough that it impinges on other aspects of my life. While I was married, I was prevented from finding that spot, and its position may change with time and with my mood.<br /><br />But I would say that someone with all the food they can eat, but who still gorges, has a problem.<br /><br />"Integrating crossdressing into society". For me, I would like the societal disapproval and stigma to be lessened. I would like to be able to be accepted for who I am; for it to be acknowledged that actually I am a good and decent person with a strong moral sense, who wishes no ill will on anyone, but who happens to like wearing fluffy sweaters and jeggings and wedge heels.<br /><br />The alternative to "integration" is "segregation", which has never worked out well, especially for the minority groups segregated away. As for your statement "society can only bend so far", is that true? People probably said "society can only bend so far" when they were talking about abolishing slavery; about giving women the vote; about equal rights for gay people. Society has managed all these things, and to my mind, it is very much the better for it. I think society can certainly accommodate those of us who don't fit neatly into the two gender categories society imposes upon us. It can accept us, and it can profit by our contributions.<br /><br />I hope that you can find some clarity around your situation, and I wish you well.<br /><br />Vivienne.Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-88995853723687901272017-07-24T16:35:16.436+12:002017-07-24T16:35:16.436+12:00Stumbled on this late in the game (wife of crossdr...Stumbled on this late in the game (wife of crossdresser trying to make sense of it all) and I really liked the Bloom article as it fits my own observations of my husband.<br /><br />I feel pity, too, if I'm honest. It might be hurtful to say, but I find his crossdressing need sort of pathetic. He reminds me of a confused child rifling through his mother's closet because she's left for the day and he's in need of comfort. I can almost taste this desperation in him, and the sexual side...that is always lingering even though he, and it seems many others, deny that is what it is about. <br /><br />I don't know how I feel about public crossdressing, if I'm honest. If it were something my husband desired I guess I would need to consider leaving him. I'm really not interested in continuing marriage with a person so clearly conflicted as to who he is. Other men dressing probably wouldn't draw my eye too much, but they would bother me a little, as Bloom mentions. Mostly it's like feeling witness to another persons pain. Their thoughts and fantasies. The straight married man who dares to walk the streets in a wig and dress is sadly going to appear quite odd and even damaged to most everyone who sees him. He is literally wearing a compulsion in public, as though he is so controlled by it, he can't even keep it contained. I think most people will find such a thing a little frightening. <br /><br />It is great that everyone here wants to find acceptance for this behavior. I hope, for your personal sanity, you do. As a wife, I doubt I will ever find such happiness by accepting it in my own husband. I don't want to spend a life wondering why he has such an incongruence of identity, and why he feels this need to emulate my gender as though I am an outfit to put on and off. The entire thing makes me a little sick, and I can't see my marriage lasting. Sad, but true. But Bloom really noticed how resentful and trapped this entire thing can make a wife feel. It was nice to feel understood for a change. <br /><br />And for the record, I'm on Thorin's side, in that I don't think the way forward is integrating crossdressing into society. Society can only bend so far and I suspect crossdressing is just that bit too much. I think there needs very real science involved to figure out why on earth this happens to men in the first place, and find a way to prevent it. Crossdressing doesn't make my husband happy. It controls him and goads him and pushes him on to do more and more. But at the heart of it, even if he crossdressed every minute of his life he would still feel envy and loathing and he would still want more, and he will never be truly content. Thus, neither will I. <br /><br />Thanks for listening. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-19331612324078338882015-03-23T21:28:09.978+13:002015-03-23T21:28:09.978+13:00Hi Tasi,
It's quite possible that things have...Hi Tasi,<br /><br />It's quite possible that things have changed since Bloom wrote her article, but my impression is that it is still the norm for untold thousands of us.<br /><br />I think it's also very reasonable to point out (as Carole does above) that Bloom's article doesn't cover all male crossdressing behaviour (not then and certainly not now), although she may purport that it does.<br /><br />I have no experience whatever of Tri-Ess, but I was a member of the Beaumont Society while I lived in the UK. I am delighted that Beaumont seems to be rebranding itself to be a bit younger and cooler and sassier than its previous "twinset and pearls" reputation.<br /><br />I really wish Amy Bloom would engage in a little debate with us about the topic. On the other hand, maybe the reason she doesn't is that she has become fed up with people ranting on about their inner woman without actually stopping to listen to other views.<br /><br />Vivienne.Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-71398838641885217872015-03-23T21:21:44.011+13:002015-03-23T21:21:44.011+13:00Carole, I am sorry I didn't reply sooner, but ...Carole, I am sorry I didn't reply sooner, but this is a truly spectacular comment.<br /><br />Vivienne.Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-60681021471961315332015-03-22T10:02:55.319+13:002015-03-22T10:02:55.319+13:00After reading Carole's commentary, I had to go...After reading Carole's commentary, I had to go back and reread the Bloom article again. Bloom's view is a bit skewed by her exposure to Tri-Ess who size has been diminishing in the years since the article. There is much that I would now challenge in the Bloom article, not that her observations were untrue, but that they don't represent the greater truth that I see in the TG community now. <br /><br />I would caution all readers to investigate these observations further and a good place to start is the Library section of Sister House (www.sisterhouse.net/library/) and specifically transgender resources on The Wives Speak Out and all about crossdressing and all about transvestism<br /><br />I have a problem with words like compulsion, and hobby, and I can hardly fault men whose own understanding of who they are didn't come until later life. More than half of our population is now men over 50. And there is an erotic component in all crossdressing although somewhat minimal in those that have come to acceptance and understanding of our gift. And the practice is not necessarily harmless when it leads to a marriage breakup either through a narcissistic husband, an unaccepting wife, or a counselor who can't tell the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexualTasihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13797289815005636371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-71937954083846232642014-11-12T18:04:10.164+13:002014-11-12T18:04:10.164+13:00The book is on Amazon and since I'm familiar w...The book is on Amazon and since I'm familiar with the Bloom article, I ordered the book. And incidently, you might want to check out the survey by Yvonne's Place done in the late 90s about crossdressers here http://www.sisterhouse.net/library/category/transgender-resources/all-about-crossdressing/?numtoshow=3&archive=yes. It would be interesting to compare the results with Mollay' s survey although I suspect the differences would be in part due to the difference in time periods. yvonne's survey had 1300 respondents.Tasihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13797289815005636371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-83695940879793659142014-09-13T03:31:16.264+12:002014-09-13T03:31:16.264+12:00Carole Fraser....all I can say is wow....nice anal...Carole Fraser....all I can say is wow....nice analysis!!joanna Santoshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16722222181799879120noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-4766239315919094112014-09-06T23:26:05.980+12:002014-09-06T23:26:05.980+12:00Amy Bloom’s The Atlantic article is published in h...Amy Bloom’s The Atlantic article is published in her 2003 book Normal, which looks at various manifestations of gender non-conformity.<br />She is uncomfortable with the contradiction she finds in a club of Tri-Ess crossdressers. They are from the southern Bible belt of the United States, conservative Republicans in outlook and married. “Family Values” form their unstated ethos: patriarchal power, sentimentality and nostalgia for America’s 1950s family life which never existed beyond televised sitcoms. The contradiction lies in Tri-Ess’s attempt to squeeze gender nonconformity into this very conformist culture. Those with whom the attempt works the least are the crossdressers’ wives.<br />Bloom has no axe to grind with drag queens, transsexuals, the intersexed, gays, or women who crossdress to gain the wider choices of male life. What she does not like is the husband whose closet crossdressing is sprung on an unwitting wife who has been made hostage to the marriage and the secret. Patriarchy ensures that the husband’s opinion will prevail, even when he’s dressed in crinoline. Conservative “family values” insist on the wife remaining supportive. The husband will dress as a woman occasionally, but never clean the toilet. The wife will not be allowed to dress as a man, which would tip the power hierarchy away from natal males. Bloom believes the dishonesty of living in this closet permeates the whole of the closet dweller’s life.<br />While there may be as many gender nonconformists among women as among men, the dilemma is more acute for males. Men who abandon male privilege to present as female are stigmatized for moral failing, sin, effete weakness, betrayal. One initial reaction to stigma is defensive secrecy. What society deems unacceptable is consigned to the closet. In the case of Tri-Ess, the bigger closet of monthly dress-up meetings is available.<br />Membership seems to be mainly middle class, white and of course male. Tri-Ess wives also inhabit the closet by sharing the secret. In exchange for closet complicity, the wives receive social status, relative wealth and the moral power to enforce conventional norms. They are the wives of CEOs, military colonels, civil engineers, lawyers, Baptist ministers. But behind this conventional conformity lies the spectre of the husband in a dress. There is a price to pay for duplicity. Amy Bloom sees this in the wives’ faces. Their pursed lips hold something back. They lack the sparkling eyes of the husbands living out a fantasy. They are suppressing anger which has turned to bitterness and resentment. Their support is reluctant. They are hostages to the social compensations of the family values they and their husbands espouse.<br />In Bloom’s view, Tri-Ess requires the indulgence of three lies: crossdressing is a hobby, not a compulsion; there is no erotic component to crossdressing at any point; the crossdressing closet is harmless. <br />If we can tell ourselves these lies we can also uphold the conventional wisdom which informs society. So compulsions are bad. Yet if we are prevented from breathing or from being ourselves, the desire to do so becomes strongly compulsive. So eroticism is bad. Yet we inhabit highly sensual bodies. So secrets are harmless. Yet they throw a widening gap between our sense of self and our relationship to others. <br />The gender nonconformists that Bloom likes are open and honest. Their partners, if they have them, have chosen to stay after free consideration, without co-dependent moral and social trade-offs that lock them into a compromise toxic to integrity. Their life is congruent. They are living fully, not pretending to live one way and reaping its privileges while secretly living another.<br />Bloom’s challenge is for us to be both free and honest. Where stigma stands in the way of honesty and openness, our task is to fight it. We can’t fight from the closet.<br />Carole Fraser <br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16514261572735477892noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-52772065402421847572014-08-30T19:45:01.651+12:002014-08-30T19:45:01.651+12:00Hello and welcome! (Would you mind signing your po...Hello and welcome! (Would you mind signing your posts with some sort of name just to differentiate yourself from others who prefer to post anonymously?)<br /><br />Yours is a very interesting viewpoint, and I am sure that you will find many here who agree with it. Many crossdressers would say exactly the same: "When I dress, I enjoy the way it makes me feel beautiful and sexy. Why is that different from how a woman feels when she dresses the same way?" You will also hear them protest that women are allowed to wear jeans, shirts or suits, (in other words, crossdressing) whenever they choose, and nobody bats an eye. Where a man in a frock provokes discomfort and sometimes outrage.<br /><br />It's also very interesting to hear you describe the things that attract so many of us ("makeup and perfumes, the swishy skirts and pretty underthings, primping and pampering") in such glowing terms. In my limited experience women don't usually describe their relationship with cosmetics and clothing in the same way.<br /><br />I am firmly of the opinion that gender and sexuality are quite distinct, though (as you say) they usually coincide reasonably well in most people. And you also touch on the unforgiving and somewhat immature attitude which is quite prevalent in some places. Someone who is different isn't just unusual, they are "weird", or "sick".<br /><br />Your glittery pink cents are welcome any time. Feel free to have a browse around. The previous post on Bathrooms might be a good place to start.<br /><br />Vivienne.Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-59887398923500274922014-08-30T19:33:07.879+12:002014-08-30T19:33:07.879+12:00Hi Peter. Thanks for dropping by.
I think most cr...Hi Peter. Thanks for dropping by.<br /><br />I think most crossdressers (myself included) are so drawn to women that they seek the sympathy and acceptance of women, so that they can belong. I think you are right that it's not only women who can provide that acceptance, but I don't feel that I really want to be accepted as a woman by my male friends-- not half as much as my female friends anyway.<br /><br />There certainly is considerable hostility-- and I've seen some of it-- to MtF trans people from some radical feminists. While I don't have time for their scorn or their hostility, I do have some sympathy with their insistence that transwomen are not the same as genetic women.<br /><br />I haven't come across this quote before, but I think it does point out that women and men crossdress (in the main) for wholly different reasons. I have written an entire blog post about Women who Crossdress which considers some of their motives. There is power involved, but that's not the whole of it: http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2012/10/women-who-crossdress.html <br /><br />I think men who crossdress are not searching for God, but they are searching for resolution to a powerful inner conflict; the assuaging of yearnings, and the deep psychological peace which results from that.<br /><br />Vivienne.<br />Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-16005681123482909122014-08-30T19:24:03.846+12:002014-08-30T19:24:03.846+12:00I am way ahead of you both! I have tried to get in...I am way ahead of you both! I have tried to get in touch, but her PA says she is in Europe on a book tour.<br /><br />As for an interview... I will ask her!<br /><br />Vivienne.Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-36199298751538716772014-08-30T08:47:22.179+12:002014-08-30T08:47:22.179+12:00I happened across this blog in a very random way a...I happened across this blog in a very random way and found myself sincerely enjoying reading this post and following comments. I am a femme queer girl but interested in the broad spectrum of genders/sexuality. I guess in a way I can understand you. I also enjoy very much the feminine ritual. The makeup and perfumes, the swishy skirts and pretty underthings, primping and pampering. And I am also exclusively attracted to females. The obvious is that while I often become invisible in public because of the way I present, you as a cross dresser might stand out. But I certainly do not see myself nor any cross dressing male as somehow bringing a unwholesome fetish to the public eye. Do I sometimes go out showing a little cleavage and rock some killer shoes? Yes. Does it touch on as being sexually exciting when I do? Yes. Couldn't this be considered as a fetish as well? Most people would say no because I happen to be displaying and expressing a "normal" stereotype for my gender. Deviance from any "normal" society expectations is often immediately labeled as a sexual disfunction and the judgements come down harder always on males. A straight woman can wear a suit and tie, cut her hair short and wear cologne in public and, while a few may say a couple of unsavory things, I don't believe anyone would accuse her of inappropriate public display of a fetish. Maybe she feels powerful in that suit. Maybe she likes the way people interact with her differently than if she wears a skirt. <br /><br />I really believe gender and/or gender expression are independent of sex and sexuality. Of course there is influence of one on the other but to reduce it to such simple terms as "all men must love dressing manly and acting manly and love coupling with only very feminine acting women at all times everyday. If they stray from this is any little way, they are SICK" is just ridiculous. <br /><br />I don't know if my comments add to the discussion but I thought I would add my two glittery pink cents. Lovely blog you have here!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-28123358158133296672014-08-30T04:59:24.860+12:002014-08-30T04:59:24.860+12:00Hi Vivienne,
Frighten the horses? Unlikely.
I re...Hi Vivienne,<br /><br />Frighten the horses? Unlikely.<br /><br />I read Bloom's article quite carefully. <br /><br />The assertion "The only people on whose kindness and sympathy crossdressers can rely are women" is fundamentally wrong. For one thing, there is a history of outright hostility towards transgendered women, male crossdressers (use your own words) etc from certain feminists, some very influential. Perhaps those attitudes are less common in feminist circles these days but they still exist. Transfeminism is an anathema to some even now. <br /><br />Bloom's point about female to male cross dressing as about women doing what they need to get by puts me in mind of a Camille Paglia quote -<br /><br />"A woman putting on men's clothes is merely stealing power, but a man putting on women's clothes is searching for God."<br /><br />Peter<br />CrossdressingPhilosopherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09235768462748322620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-41380262277492430442014-08-29T11:19:33.697+12:002014-08-29T11:19:33.697+12:00Oh, yes! Make it so... I would dearly love to see...Oh, yes! Make it so... I would dearly love to see one of your terrific interviews with this lady.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-76564082137256653932014-08-29T05:59:45.705+12:002014-08-29T05:59:45.705+12:00Hi Vivienne
It's not a reluctance to be compa...Hi Vivienne<br /><br />It's not a reluctance to be compartmentalized as such, or "labelled" if you like. It's more that other people's understandings of what they're doing don't necessarily match mine, nor vice versa. So to say "this is what it is" or "this is what we are" erases both individual experience and understanding, and the assumptions made are (in my experience) usually false. Yes, we can look at each other's lives and rationalizations, and relate to them to some (often considerable) degree, but whether they actually fit each of us as individuals is only for us to say. (On my own blog, I mostly write about "I", but when I use "we" it's an opt-in "we"; i.e. it only includes the individual reader if they say it does.)<br /><br />As for Blanchard: his "understanding" (as an outsider) doesn't come anywhere near close, in my opinion. Yes, he can describe what he observes, and there's something for us to relate to there to some extent, but I think his interpretation of it all is completely erroneous. Basically, his theory (AGP) just reflects his own primary interest: sexology (and especially non-normative sexuality, which he continually pathologizes). In our case he's seen some sex-related behaviour, assumed (because this is his focus) that it must be the root cause of everything, developed a silly theory about it, and given it a silly name. Whereas the sexual aspect of cross-dressing (where there even is one) is not so easily isolated, either as cause or effect. Bloom, on the other hand, is <em>only</em> describing what she sees; that's fair enough. And yes, I recognize some behaviour patterns there too.<br /><br />On "fetish": I don't resist this word because I regard it as pejorative. There are aspects of my sexuality which could well be described that way. But fetish is not what my cross-dressing is about, so to call that fetishistic is just wrong. Whereas "femme" <em>is</em> correct for me. Yes, that's using the term as part of a butch/femme binary, but it has more resonance than just a sort of masculinity/femininity; it's also an erotic identity. The combination of gender and sexuality in this particular way only made sense to me after reading a whole load about lesbian butch/femme and then extrapolating from there. But my adoption of "femme" isn't about rejecting other identities, to say "that is not me" as it were. I accept numerous other labels anyway, such as trans, transvestite, cross-dresser, genderqueer. But those are approximations, indicating a group affiliation (and recognizing things we have in common); it's only femme that really fits.<br /><br />As for telling society to "sod off": no indeed, that wouldn't be a very acceptable viewpoint on stealing cars. But society has no business policing people's gender. So yes, society can sod off with that, I think.<br /><br />Jonathan xJonathanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17147186679298442560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-14401366370138401252014-08-29T04:20:23.007+12:002014-08-29T04:20:23.007+12:00Hi Vivienne,
This is my first public post. I hope ...Hi Vivienne,<br />This is my first public post. I hope to e-mail you a longer reply to yet another brilliant insightful blog. I have read Amy Bloom's article and I am with you in that it makes me feel uncomfortable in that it contains many truths, particularly about the feelings of the wives of cross dressers. <br />I checked out her website and wonder whether she would be open to one of your thought provoking interviews and whether her views have moved on in the last 12 years.<br />Sam Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-72414146731771334642014-08-28T21:04:19.848+12:002014-08-28T21:04:19.848+12:00Hi Joanna. So many websites, so little time! I hav...Hi Joanna. So many websites, so little time! I have been to Jack Molay's website a few times, and found much there which is of interest.<br /><br />Vivienne.Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-46822850955317345432014-08-28T21:03:03.893+12:002014-08-28T21:03:03.893+12:00Having grown up in central Scotland, where footbal...Having grown up in central Scotland, where football is a religion, there were plenty of people who defined themselves by what team they supported. Not content to wear the scarf or the jersey, they get the tattoos, they buy a licence plate for the car with their team name, and they even name their children after adored players.<br /><br />To meet such a person (and here in NZ I came across a car with a licence plate naming a Scottish team) makes me instantly uncomfortable. I associate this behaviour with violence, with religious sectarianism, and with all kinds of unpleasantness. It might be that the owner of that car is a knuckle-dragging lout far from home, but it might equally be that they are a perfectly balanced person whose sole gesture of homesickness is that plate.<br /><br />Is that person "wanking in public"? I am not sure. They are certainly broadcasting a message very clearly, and they must be aware that message will attract a certain type of person, and repel a certain type of person (while others will be completely oblivious).<br /><br />In the same way, I think a man who wears women's clothing in public is broadcasting a message. Some people will think it's cool; others weird, and still others will be oblivious. I am sure you are right in what "most people" think of us, and, as Thorin said, it's not OK for us to "cry foul" if it makes some people uncomfortable.<br /><br />Vivienne.Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-83546867831374156222014-08-28T20:53:15.151+12:002014-08-28T20:53:15.151+12:00Hi Ralph. Thanks for your input as always.
You ar...Hi Ralph. Thanks for your input as always.<br /><br />You are right that there are many situations in which the wives are basically passengers or onlookers. Provided this is balanced by situations in which the husband is the onlooker (or designated driver or whatever), I don't really see a problem.<br /><br />I sense that Bloom was suggesting that it seemed as if, among the crossdressers she met, the direction was all one-way. This may or may not be true depending on the individual couple.<br /><br />Onto Part 2!Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-16205139399226574142014-08-28T20:49:39.919+12:002014-08-28T20:49:39.919+12:00According to Wikipedia, the journal started off as...According to Wikipedia, the journal started off as <i>The Atlantic Monthly</i> but was rebranded as <i>The Atlantic</i> at some point.Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-28875632956378064212014-08-28T20:48:36.981+12:002014-08-28T20:48:36.981+12:00Hi John.
That makes sense. I have heard of the bo...Hi John.<br /><br />That makes sense. I have heard of the book, but I don't own it. I suspect I would find it quite upsetting if I did read it!<br /><br />Vivienne.Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-38256684174755277552014-08-28T20:47:52.267+12:002014-08-28T20:47:52.267+12:00Hi John. I wholly agree! Vivienne.Hi John. I wholly agree! Vivienne.Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-38008350298436392842014-08-28T20:47:20.160+12:002014-08-28T20:47:20.160+12:00Hi Jonathan,
I understand your reluctance to be c...Hi Jonathan,<br /><br />I understand your reluctance to be compartmentalised, but the truth (at least as I see it) is that there <i>are</i> broad and reproducible patterns of behaviour among people born male who wear female clothing. Of course everyone is different, but I am generally in support of the patterns described by Blanchard (and Bloom). They certainly seem to fit what I see going on out there.<br /><br />I understand your resistance to the term <i>fetish</i>. I can't say I am thrilled about it either. If by <i>femme</i> you mean the opposite of <i>butch</i> then I think I do know what you mean (although if not, you might enlighten me). One of the themes of this blog is the needless (IMO) proliferation of terms for us each to describe ourselves in very specific terms, so that we can at once insist we are like <i>this</i> but not like <i>that</i>. I see this as a way of us all pretending how different we all are while simultaneously ignoring the many things we have in common.<br /><br />And it's all very well to tell society to "sod off". I think a reasonable measure of that is helpful from time to time. But some of society's rules and standards are acceptable. For example, society thinks it isn't OK for me to steal your car. I expect you wouldn't tell society to sod off with that viewpoint!<br /><br />Vivienne.<br />Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-69005078187670574462014-08-27T19:20:26.083+12:002014-08-27T19:20:26.083+12:00Vivienne, please correct my references to the Atla...Vivienne, please correct my references to the Atlantic Monthly as The Atlantic. I believe they are two different journals. Sorry and thanks.<br /><br />John Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com