tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post2064611342960877289..comments2024-03-24T13:12:39.210+13:00Comments on Bluestocking <i>Blue</i>: The End of DaysViviennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comBlogger55125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-8240067936184670752019-10-09T11:08:40.902+13:002019-10-09T11:08:40.902+13:00Thank you very much Steve.Thank you very much Steve.Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-54361916285281406942019-10-01T22:50:53.875+13:002019-10-01T22:50:53.875+13:00Vivienne, you are so brave and honest!
Steve Vivienne, you are so brave and honest!<br /><br />Steve Dr Steve Blackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14878447192434962227noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-27506724322390926642018-12-07T20:58:09.113+13:002018-12-07T20:58:09.113+13:00Hi Sang,
Thanks for your honest and painful post.
...Hi Sang,<br />Thanks for your honest and painful post.<br /><br />I think most crossdressing men would be delighted to have a wife who is willing to accept crossdressing in some form.<br /><br />A healthy relationship requires compromise, which means that your needs must also be met. It seems reasonable (more than reasonable!) for you to point out where your boundaries are, and for you to work together to find a place where you both feel comfortable, or at least acceptable. A healthy relationship doesn't work in terms of "yes or no; nothing in between".<br /><br />The fact that this approach didn't work with him is alarming. My new partner has met Vivienne several times. At first, I didn't quite <i>believe</i> that she was OK with it. Having been so long with my ex-wife's disapproval, I couldn't quite accept that <i>anyone</i> would accept me for who I am. Perhaps your husband is still working through that guilt and shame, and this may take a little time.<br /><br />He may have already decided that his own objectives lie so far beyond your boundaries that he cannot cope, and to dress within your boundaries feels like being tantalised. For you to express any boundary at all may have felt like a "no" to him-- even though it clearly wasn't one.<br /><br />Or it may possibly be that he has already violated those boundaries in some way. That anger and guilt within himself might be what made him shake, and it might also prompt him to try to purge from dressing. That "shell" might indicate that he knows he has done something terrible and is trying to hide it from you--and maybe even himself. (I do hope this isn't the case, but it's definitely a theory which fits the facts).<br /><br />I'm very happy to talk further if you like.<br /><br />Vivienne.Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-24073603345325921012018-12-04T14:47:23.334+13:002018-12-04T14:47:23.334+13:00I came across your blog. My husband is a cross dre...I came across your blog. My husband is a cross dresser and came out recently. I read up about it and realised it was not his fault or in his control. So I told him I support him and for a few evenings he dressed up and it was interesting. Last week I thought about my needs and said for our sexual relationship to remain intact can we have balance? He can cross dress till we make love. At that point I need my man back as I am heterosexual.. I also asked for some evenings when we could not dress up.... That I need balance. He was really hurt, began to shake and then he shut me out. Then said he can't continue cross dressing. I said please don't stop it's not healthy for us. But he said he does not want to cd. I suggested counseling but he said he can't talk to a stranger. I really want him to continue to cd but with my boundaries in place. He does not want to talk about this and he is really miserable without being able to be himself. Please advise. I love him and want to learn how to tell him I am fine but also need my space in this. He did say that he felt my response was a no, that it was either a yes or a no. Nothing in between... I repeated what I was okay with and what I needed in turn but he started to shake every time I spoke. Not sure how this was painful and what to do. There was no telling our shooting but only a simple conversation which really seems to have put him into a shell... Which I don't want. He won't talk. What to do?<br /><br />A cd wife who wants to be supportive but it's not succeedingSangnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-13610591835962475142018-10-21T12:24:59.947+13:002018-10-21T12:24:59.947+13:00Dear anonymous poster,
I am so sorry to hear this...Dear anonymous poster,<br /><br />I am so sorry to hear this. Your pain and heartbreak come through very clearly.<br /><br />Clearly in both our cases there was no room for compromise; we both had a spouse who would rather throw away a loving husband, a nice standard of living, and a harmonious family than tolerate life with a crossdresser. Also in both our cases, our exes are telling the tale that somehow it's all <i>our</i> fault.<br /><br />In my case, I don't love my ex-wife at all. I regret very much that things turned out the way they did, and I still wish it hadn't gone this way. But my love for her has gone; ground down slowly, one little bit at a time, over many years.<br /><br />On the other hand, there is some freedom to be had after divorce. You can now find your own way in life. It's not easy to pick up the pieces, and it's not easy to choose a path to walk. I am still trying to figure it all out myself. But I remain optimistic that it can be done.<br /><br />And I am sending you my very best wishes.Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-75146425171715580152018-10-16T03:30:35.202+13:002018-10-16T03:30:35.202+13:00I stumbled along to your site, and eventually this...I stumbled along to your site, and eventually this page. Your story mirror's mine. I loved my (ex) wife dearly (I still do) but my confession of cross dressing was the death of our marriage We were divorced in 2014 after 23 years of marriage. She instigated it, listing my crossdressing as 'unreasonable behavior'. Some of the things she said to me were so hurtful, so cutting That our marriage had been a waste of time. That she wasted her life. She took to alcohol and it was apparently my fault. We have 2 beautiful children. Now young adults. They chose to stay with me. We had a nice house, plenty of money etc etc. I have not spoken yo my ex wife for 2 years now, but I think of her everyday I can't help but think, what is it about crossdressing that would drive someone to literally throw all that we had built together away. Is there absolutely no room for compromise or understanding to salvage everything else including the love that we clearly had. Divorce is like an earthquake in the lives of everyone even remotely near the epicentre. It effects the children, and ultimately any grandchildren. My ex wives relationship with our children is strained. And foelr what? An inability to even make any effort to understand, accept and compromise upon what is actually a wholly unharmful activity ?crossdressing actually hurts nobody. Yest my wife would often use the phrase "look what you have done to me" as if it's a choice. She even said she would have preferred it if I had an affair!!lets think about both those statements. She never saw me dressed, so I had done nothing to her. This had been a "condition" I have had since as far as I can remember certainly 4 or 5 years old.. Secondly people who have affairs have a vhoiv. They choose to do so. Crossdressing is an impulse and a need that's a bit like air, water or food for those of us that are unfortunate enough to have been burdened with the need. I still find it painful (4 years later) that my crossdressing is the "reason" my marriage broke down. Or was it my secrecy or my ex wife's attitude or interlorance? At the end of the day I wish I had never confessed. I wish I had told her before we got married (and then probably wouldn't have) I live every day with the guilt that there is a person whom I love dearly, but hates me, and genuinely believes I have "wasted her life" , out there. I feel sorry for the fact that her relationship with her own children is Strained. Since the divorce I have lost both my parents. I went to both funerals with my children, but my ex wife should have been there. I now wonder about future fam8events, weddings, christenings, birth of grandchildren etc. My ex hatred for me is so strong we can not exist in the same space. All over some clothes and a compulsion I have no control over. Sad. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-43923853304198301062018-07-29T09:48:30.865+12:002018-07-29T09:48:30.865+12:00Thank you Rachel!Thank you Rachel!Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-61519542286653207942018-07-29T09:48:07.543+12:002018-07-29T09:48:07.543+12:00Thank you.Thank you.Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-39581680682752362142018-07-05T05:49:45.177+12:002018-07-05T05:49:45.177+12:00Vivienne I just read this thread. It was years ag...Vivienne I just read this thread. It was years ago but only what seems like moments ago for me. My marriage did not break up but it has been so rocky. God bless you and give you strength. You are an amazing person!Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15364330720228585441noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-78745526341806954782018-07-03T09:35:50.378+12:002018-07-03T09:35:50.378+12:00God bless you with discernment.
I'll pray for ...God bless you with discernment.<br />I'll pray for you.-blessed b9, Catalyst4Christhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13650964620664544661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-50078145751522277232018-05-21T20:27:37.522+12:002018-05-21T20:27:37.522+12:00"I know that in Italy there are men who disgu..."I know that in Italy there are men who disguise themselves. Unfortunately I married one. If I could go back, I would never do it again. I feel I have wasted my life with a person who did not deserve me. His thought is always there, in disguise, everything else does not have the same importance. I do not understand why he threatens suicide if I talk about leaving him, maybe it's just another lie or a form of manipulation. I see that selfishness, lies and manipulation are common behaviors of many crossdressers. Before we are men or women we are all people, even we wives, we all need respect."<br /><br />I am sorry that things are so painful. I can hear the anger in your words. I wish things had turned out differently for you and your husband. You are right that we are all people, and we all need respect.Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-91003362007717289252018-05-21T18:37:03.098+12:002018-05-21T18:37:03.098+12:00Lo so che in Italia ci sono uomini che si travesto...Lo so che in Italia ci sono uomini che si travestono. Purtroppo ne ho sposato uno . Se potessi tornare indietro non lo rifarei mai . Sento di aver sprecato la mia vita con una persona che non meritava.il suo pensiero è sempre lì, al travestimento, tutto il resto non ha la stessa importanza. Non capisco perché minacci il suicidio se dico di lasciarlo, forse è solo l ennesima bugia è una forma di manipolazione. Vedo che l egoismo, le bugie e la manipolazione sono comportamenti comuni a molti crossdresser. Prima di essere uomini o donne siamo tutti persone, anche noi mogli, è abbiamo bisogno tutti di rispettoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-18670295986086036672018-05-21T09:49:39.402+12:002018-05-21T09:49:39.402+12:00Thank you for your comment.
Google gives this tra...Thank you for your comment.<br /><br />Google gives this translation of your words: “We heterosexual women are looking for a sane partner who can complement us emotionally and sexually. This simple concept seems that you crossdressers do not understand it or you do not want to understand it. The truth is that you are liars and scammers.”<br /><br />I think this comment is unfair. There are many reasons why people hide parts of their true selves. These reasons are not always malicious.<br /><br />You may believe that Italy doesn’t have men who crossdress. You are wrong. There is a discussion of gay and cross dressing Italian men here: http://bluestockingblue.blogspot.co.nz/2014/01/homosexuality-and-crossdressing.html. Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-76826339381460308192018-05-20T12:43:09.844+12:002018-05-20T12:43:09.844+12:00Noi donne eterosessuali ricerchiamo un partner san...Noi donne eterosessuali ricerchiamo un partner sano di mente che ci completi dal punto di vista emotivo e sessuale. Questo concetto semplice pare che voi crossdresser non lo capiate o non lo volete capire. La verità è che siete dei bugiardi e dei truffatori.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-15015346567711444462018-05-19T11:04:18.059+12:002018-05-19T11:04:18.059+12:00Thanks so much for dropping by to post your lovely...Thanks so much for dropping by to post your lovely comments. I am always pleased when Quorans read my work here in my blog.<br /><br />You touch on several themes. An ex-partner who wanted things all their own way. I know that feeling!<br /><br />Also a trans person who served in the military. I talk about this in my post entitled “Big Brave Soldier”.<br /><br />But it seems as if the relationship could have survived if your ex-partner has been prepared to meet your own needs as well as their own. A common narrative is “as soon as I found out my husband was trans, I couldn’t continue the relationship”. But other women seem to be able to cope with the transition provided their own needs are also met: this is where your stumbling block was.<br /><br />From my perspective, if my ex had been able to compromise, our marriage could have survived. In the end, it was this which broke us. It sounds as if it could be the same for you.<br /><br />Vivienne.Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-28182830513511535362018-05-18T03:38:16.930+12:002018-05-18T03:38:16.930+12:00Hello, I stumbled upon this after you linked it in...Hello, I stumbled upon this after you linked it in a quora comment.<br /><br />I am really sorry that you were mistreated. However, your post has given me a lot of insight. <br /><br />My last relationship, one that I still hold dear to my heart, was somewhat similar. When I met my partner, I fell for their charm and loved their masculine traits. A few months into our relationship, they came out to me as a trans woman. At the time, I was very shocked because I did not know what that meant for our relationship. They begged me to stay and so I did. They insisted that they would not transition because they feared societal ridicule.<br /><br />They returned to their military responsibilities the next week. Fortunately, I sought counseling to help me digest the news. Previously, I accepted trans identities in my friends, classmates, etc. But this was different. After much consideration, I knew I needed to confront my transphobia and prioritize this relationship. <br /><br />My partner and I communicated about it decently well. However, I would communicate about the lack of effort on their part and my need for more affection. They would listen, but not work on that aspect. <br /><br />Towards the end of our relationship, they opened about finally wanting to transition and I accepted it. I told them I would help them pick out makeup.<br /><br />Unfortunately, they were unable to compromise for me... I was applying to out of state graduate programs and they would not even entertain the idea of moving closer to me. They also refused to show me affection through my preferred love languages. They always made it seem like it was my fault that I felt unloved. Consistently, I felt that the only way to stay in their life was for me to compromise and never them.<br /><br />We broke up because I knew they wanted to end things but lacked the courage to just do it. So I pushed them to break up with me. Since then, they have found a trans partner that most likely understands them far better than I ever could. We do not talk to each other, they immediately cut me out of their life. And almost a year later, I still think of them everyday and love them dearly.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-23607388813211113022018-01-21T21:16:33.038+13:002018-01-21T21:16:33.038+13:00Hi Rake.
Thanks for your post. "What is it t...Hi Rake.<br /><br />Thanks for your post. "What is it that drives us to suddenly set all that aside and risk everything? What kind of love is that?"<br /><br />I think the answer is that we are told a lie when we get married; I certainly was. The lie is: this spouse of yours will be able to fulfil your every need and requirement in a partner until one of you dies. Not only that, but if you feel a need that lies outwith the marriage, you are a bad person for feeling it.<br /><br />We tell ourselves (and each other) this lie all the time, and it reinforces itself over and over. The truth is completely different. First, everyone has needs which cannot be met (even partially) by their spouse. This doesn't make us bad people, only people. Second, people's needs (and their abilities to provide the needs of others) change with time, sometimes unpredictably.<br /><br />My ex-wife had a need to be married to a rock-solid strong man, who was always in charge, always in control, and never uncertain, weak or vulnerable, and definitely never wanting to be pretty. I couldn't meet this need, but the more I tried to tell her, the more she insisted that it was my role, my job, to be that person for her. And she thought that I was that man when we married.<br /><br />I would say that the fact that you want to dress once in a while doesn't mean you don't love your wife, and it doesn't mean that your feelings are wrong. Instead it means you have suppressed this need all your life.<br /><br />On the other hand, I can understand how threatening this could appear from your wife's point of view. "Walling you off" is exactly what my wife did to me, very deliberately, over many years, until we had no meaningful contact left.<br /><br />There is only one solution, which is communication, boundaries and mutual compromise. Unfortunately the solution doesn't work for everyone. But perhaps it can work for you.<br /><br />I hope you will let me know how things unfold.Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-69904701015517594812018-01-20T20:16:03.569+13:002018-01-20T20:16:03.569+13:00I really appreciate your kind and thoughtful reply...I really appreciate your kind and thoughtful reply. This is a very hard place to be, and I constantly beat myself over the head now, with thoughts of Why did I risk all that I love? What is it that drives us to suddenly set all that aside and risk everything? What kind of 'love' is that? I know these are thoughts in my wife's mind every day too, why would he risk all that he says he 'loves'? She is so hurt, just wants to wall me off and move into a space she can control and feel secure in. I do not blame her. God willing a crack might open and we can begin to explore a possible future together, to restore our once wonderful and solid family life. Go well Vivienne, talking is good, sharing is too. Thanks for your blog. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-44402597989712047432018-01-20T09:39:42.829+13:002018-01-20T09:39:42.829+13:00Thank you for your long and heartfelt post.
I am ...Thank you for your long and heartfelt post.<br /><br />I am so sorry that you find yourself here in this situation. The stress of having to force crossdressing aside is enormous, and the daily burden of shame and guilt it provokes is extremely wearying. For some people, it is definitely a curse, and for some, it is definitely an addiction (see my post "The Story So Far" for more of my thoughts on this).<br /><br />I don't know you, of course, but having admitted your dressing to your wife, and her realising it doesn't mean you were having an affair or otherwise harming your marriage, might mean there is still a chance for rebuilding. Especially if you explain that it was shame and guilt which made you hide it from her, not malice or manipulation. Good counselling could possibly help.<br /><br />In any case, I wish you the very best. I am always happy to talk further about things like this. Please feel free to continue the dialogue, but please choose a name (doesn't need to be real) so that you can distinguish yourself among other anonymous commenters.Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-75327197939029988892018-01-20T04:48:57.460+13:002018-01-20T04:48:57.460+13:00I have just read your moving story. CDing has been...I have just read your moving story. CDing has been a 'part of me', though never wanting to be female, dress openly, etc. It HAS been a response to emotional pain and loneliness for a long time, and for me always had a fetishistic side (which created even deeper shame over why I did it). I first dabbled, just a bit, in late teens. Then for nearly 20 years it just wasn't there, I never gave it a thought, even in dress stores with girlfriends, or seeing them dress in the morning, nothing... Then in my mid 30s, wham. Serious emotional turbulence and a chance access to some lingerie triggered it. It went away again, but I guess the 'once you start you cannot stop' thing had me. Convinced it was temporary and would go away, I did not tell my wife before we married. In fact it did not reappear for several years. But faced with emotional issues all of my making, I used another response, looking for comfort outside my marriage. I was found out, and hated the pain and hurt caused. CDing emerged as a kind of 'safe' response to emotional strife, seeking solace, a kind of ready, non-questioning companionship. It came and went, but I was always ashamed of it, and was convinced I would beat it one day, soon... I kept it totally hidden, no-one knew. I only admitted it recently, after 28 years married, when finally I was caught out. Shame and guilt caused me to hide it, and pushed me to finally beat, but not in time to fully repair myself and put a tight seal around this 'other me'. I was almost two people, one who does not CD, husband, father; the other who does CD, on occasion, always alone. It was a relief to tell her in the end. Her response was, 'CDing is not an issue, the fact you never told me is'. The body blow to her already shaky trust, overladen with me concealing this all the way through, is destroying our marriage. My fear of losing the one I love drove me to hide it, and the hiding of it is causing me to lose her, my family life, my home and community. 'The end of days' is right, and I can feel your pain. It is almost impossible to bear. Looking back, CDing has been a curse, and yes, an addiction. It has affected everything, even though I thought it was safely boxed away. Facing this truth, the 'end of days' caused entirely by your own acts, is awful. I really feel your pain and can only offer empathetic support, if that is any comfort at all. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-9533092287806713342017-08-02T22:12:31.959+12:002017-08-02T22:12:31.959+12:00Hi Sally. Thanks for your comments.
I think it...Hi Sally. Thanks for your comments.<br /><br />I think it's difficult for both partners in a marriage of this kind. When I told my ex-wife for the first time, I also broke down in tears. That point marked the beginning of the end of our marriage-- it was all downhill from there. I am pleased that you have managed to hold it together and to find some compromise together. I can also see how it would be an easy button to push whenever there is some other conflict. But a girls' night out for dinner and a show seems like it's completely worth it!<br /><br />Vivienne.Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-75796265932274782662017-08-02T22:04:18.260+12:002017-08-02T22:04:18.260+12:00Hi Chatty Wife.
I can't help feeling that if ...Hi Chatty Wife.<br /><br />I can't help feeling that if I had been allowed to grow up as a sensitive boy who was allowed to express vulnerability and the desire to be pretty from time to time, none of this would have happened. Instead (and it's no fault of theirs) my family tried to raise me to be the "big brave soldier", which was their effort to try to force me into the "male" role which I found so uncomfortable.<br /><br />Had they been able to accept me, to recognise that although I wasn't very boyish, that didn't matter to my worth as a human, then I would perhaps have grown up proud of myself rather than ashamed. I would perhaps have been happy to be true to myself from the get-go, and my ex-wife would have had the chance to decide whether to accept the true me, or not.<br /><br />As with my well-intentioned family, my wife was raised to believe that men behave a certain way, while women behave another way. Never the twain shall meet. Unfortunately, this was a lie she was told, and also believed, just as my family believed the lie they were also told.<br /><br />If somehow we could all have been told the truth (and some versions of that truth are beginning to be told), then we would all have been free to make the right choices from the outset, instead of all of us pretending. From my perspective, that is the root cause of the problem.<br /><br />I have resolved not to hide this aspect of myself from any future partner. Thankfully I am now seeing someone who is accepting of Vivienne. I told her on the second date, and she was surprised but unfazed. And she has met Vivienne several times since. I think there are some women who can appreciate a man who isn't traditionally masculine.<br /><br />I think my ex-wife is still struggling to deal with some things. I think, although I had tried to signal how near the end I was, she didn't get it, and I was some distance ahead of her psychologically when it came to ending the relationship. But I think we have both come away having discovered things about ourselves-- and one another. I wish we didn't have to discover these things the hard way! I am pleased at least you are both communicating: I think communication is the key to working through these sorts of problems.<br /><br />Vivienne.Viviennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06137595207723645418noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-22134968125606540412017-08-02T16:24:32.720+12:002017-08-02T16:24:32.720+12:00Dear Chatty, I'm so sorry to read your post as...Dear Chatty, I'm so sorry to read your post as it echoes what my wife feels too. I'm very much like Vivienne, I tried so hard all my life to deny my feelings out of shame, embarrassment, and as she said, a naivety. <br /><br />My wife (now she is ex although we talk often and still miss and love each other) accused me of deception. I guess there is some truth to that although I did confess before we married, she completely rejected this part of me and had me promise that I'd dispose of all clothes, we would never talk about it again, and I would never crossdress again. My promise was sincere but I failed, multiple times.<br /><br />I've conducted a lot of research, met therapists, and so forth over the past 3 years. If it's any consolation (and understandably it may not be) the science is concluding that we are born transgender. And with that we are simply examples of normal human diversity. It's not a fetish or a disease, it's just the way we are. I wish I'd known that 20+ years ago when my wife and I were dating but I could not have: the knowledge is developing rapidly now and was very poor even ten years ago.<br /><br />Regardless of all that I really am sorry to hear what you and your husband have gone through, and will be going through. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-33011184452847225632017-08-02T06:03:50.608+12:002017-08-02T06:03:50.608+12:00I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, hon...I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, hon, and hope that time will help you to find happiness, even if it cannot heal all wounds.<br /><br />Unless someone has been in our heels, they cannot begin to imagine how hard it can be mentally. Like yourself, I thought marriage would cure me, I purged, and I tried to be a good husband. I fought it every day for years. The night I finally told my wife was the most emotionally tragic of my life. I remember sobbing uncontrollably, sure that our marriage was over. As it turned out, she was more upset about me keeping such a big secret than she was about dressing, but she freely admitted she likely wouldn't have been able to deal with it before we got married.<br /><br />In our case, we have been able to find a happy compromise and keep things compartmentalized - although I am guilty of pushing things and letting 'Sally' bleed through too often. It is still a source of tension at times, kind of like it's an easy button for her to push when she's struggling with something of her own, but there are also nights where she is willing to entertain a girls' night out for dinner and a show. Like any other aspect of our marriage, it's a give-and-take, and I am thankful every day that I found somebody who could learn to understand and accept me.Sally Bendhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01299308673624597518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4642548439896244587.post-58209204850253855142017-08-01T20:54:45.499+12:002017-08-01T20:54:45.499+12:00Actually, that was my first post!
And I do under...Actually, that was my first post! <br /><br />And I do understand where you're coming from and that this isn't a choice etc. I see that with my husband. At least, it wasn't a conscious choice as he was too young for that. It just happened to him for whatever reason and now we're both living with the fall out. <br /><br />Thing is, we communicate better than how you've described you and your wife. I don't hold it in, at all lol. So at least there's that. I'm not sure it helps a whole lot as we like what we like and if that compatibility dynamic is altered as it was with us, then what can you do? I can't change being a masculine-man attracted woman any more than my husband can change being a femininely driven crossdresser. We're a bad match and would have been better with other people. I know you know that now and rightly want someone who loves all of you. That will be possible if she only ever knows ALL of you from day one and not just parts revealed over time. <br /><br />Best case - you might want to meet women dressed as Vivienne - but that will ironically take some balls given that rejection will be common. But in there somewhere will be a woman who won't think twice about any of this and I know you, and all of us here, deserve that kind of respect and love.<br /><br />Oh well, it's not all bad. One thing I've learned in all this is how damn strong I can be and how I won't allow my own sense of self and needs to be compromised any more. Perhaps your wife will also come away with the same? <br /><br />Here's hoping. And thanks for listening again. <br /><br />Chatty Wife xAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com